<p>Hello fellow parents! I’m hoping you can help. My 12 year old son has been in Boy Scouts for over a year. He did not have the opportunity to be in Cub Scouts b/c his dad travelled a lot and I had other smaller siblings to care for. </p>
<p>Anyway, when he started middle school, one of his friends convinced him to join Boy Scouts which he did. His dad does not travel anymore and has really enjoyed all the activities… and truly believes in the value of becoming an Eagle Scout.</p>
<p>Long story short, my son now wants to quit b/c he says it is too much work, none of his close friends are in it and his weeks/weekends are filled with Scouting activities leaving him no time for his friends.</p>
<p>My husband is so disheartened by this. And I’m torn b/c a part of me feels like this is one of those things we need to put our foot down and tell him to stick with it…and a part of me feels his need to be a kid and hang out and play like a kid.</p>
<p>If he is not dedicated and self motivated toward being a Boy Scout, he’s not going to become an Eagle Scout. </p>
<p>On the other hand there are plenty of Eagle Scouts who have plenty of time to spend with friends. You don’t have to choose one or the other, and it works out fine if you have some friends who are scouts and some who are not scouts.</p>
<p>If if were me I would push him a little bit to make sure he is giving it a fair chance, make sure he went to 3 or 4 meetings or functions this school year; if after that he really isn’t liking it, I wouldn’t push him to stay in. There are a lot of other worthwhile activities he can participate in.</p>
<p>I would let him quit, especially if he’s only been in a year. I have one who needs to start on an Eagle project. He’s dragging his feet, and I gave him the option of quitting, which he declined. It is hard if you have to keep pushing him when he doesn’t want to go, or if he’s going because his dad enjoys the activities.</p>
<p>Let him quit. If he doesn’t like it, what’s the point? It’s supposed to be fun and if it’s not fun, let him look for something else to do. Don’t make him do it just because his Dad enjoys the activity. Kids change as do their interests. Let your son choose his own activities.</p>
<p>Maybe you need to talk to the troop leadership about the mix of work and fun.
My 17 year old son was in a troop that was very strict about attendance, patrol structure, wearing the uniform… It was a little silly. When we moved he joined a troop with a wonderful sense of adventure and a looser structure. </p>
<p>My 12 year old son just informed me that he doesn’t want to have to do the “advancement stuff”, he just wants to have fun. That seems like an appropriate attitude for a 12 year old. Maybe as he matures a little he’ll get a fire for rank advancement. Maybe he’ll just be glad he did the camping, whitewater rafting, ski trips, biking, campfire programs, etc. He does have some friends in the troop, but not his closest friend.</p>
<p>The 17 year old will become an Eagle Scout this month. He’s had some great leadership training through scouts over the years. Doing the Eagle project was great, a real independent leadership experience. Writing it up has been a pain in the ***, as far as he’s concerned. Can’t say I blame him. </p>
<p>So it’s a mixed bag, but very valuable in some ways.</p>
<p>I’m wondering if he could stay in but skip some of the activities and campouts so he doesn’t feel like they are taking up all his time. My son is 15 and has stuck with his Boy Scout troop although during football season he misses a lot of activities. When he was 12 I think he mainly went to the meetings to partake in the break time activities, usually football outside. This last summer my son went to Philmont, the camp in New Mexico, for two weeks and had a wonderful time. Now he has gotten more excited about Boy Scouts and seems determined to do his advancements and get to Eagle.</p>
<p>My S started with Tiger cubs and went all the way through the Cub scout ranks with enthusiasm, worked hard on all the badges and was often the first in his pack to attain the next rank or badge or whatever. I was definitely seeing visions of Eagle Scout . When he reached 6th grade (first yr. of mid sch) his homework load increased significantly and he decided he wanted to drop scouts. I was surprised but let it be his decison. If he wasn’t having fun, what was the point? He never seemed to regret it and did plenty of other stuff in high sch. to make up for not being an Eagle Scout.</p>
<p>no reason to stay in if he is lukewarm…there are so many other things a boy can do to develop competencies and community service and to have fellowship with their fathers.
I personally have two sons completing Eagles…but this is very cultural where we live and has been a good vehicle for our sons to spend time with their father…and other people’s dads, too. </p>
<p>make sure that the years a boy needs to identify with his Dad are years where they have some things constructive to do together…hopefully where gaining skill is a factor…
don’t lay any guilt on him re scouts is my outlook…move on, but do dig in to something that builds good body image, outdoors time and time with father.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t like Boy Scouts, I don’t see any reason for him to continue. You could help him get involved in other organizations that have activities that your S likes.</p>
<p>Sounds like your H has been enjoying the Scouts. Perhaps there are other activities that your H and S can do together or your H could continue volunteering with the Scouts on his own. One doesn’t have to have a kid in a troop to volunteer with the scouts.</p>
<p>My only comment would be that scouting is often fun, but to advance does require some work, especially for those who want the eagle rank. Like many things in life, the rewards can only be attained with some commitment and effort. Maybe meeting with an older boy who has completed his eagle would help your son understand the work, and also the feeling of accomplishment that is possible if he stays.</p>
<p>Seems like most boys we know who complete their Eagle are forced to do it by their parents. I have only met one kid who seemed truly interested in doing so for the right reasons. Most boys (or girls seeking the Gold award) seem to have no choice and are just going through the motions. For instance, one boy wasn’t allowed to get his drivers license until he completed his project. Parents felt he’d never finish if he had “distractions.” Another wasn’t allowed out on weekends if he missed any meetings or assignments. A friend’s son has NO interest but his mother insists he continue. She currently is doing most of the work for him and has already set up his project (and is his troop leader). I see the same thing with the girls. Couldn’t go prom dress shopping, had to skip school dances/games, etc. Parents threaten/punish until it gets done. They insist it will look good on college apps and it “means something.”</p>
<p>Ask your S if he’d like to stick with it and enjoy it if he was able to things other than scouts every weekend. Maybe he just has a gung-ho troop leader whose life is currently revolvong around ‘the troop’. Maybe if he did scout activities every other or third weekend and did other things at other times he’d enjoy it more. If his troop has a problem with his partial participation then maybe he could join another troop.</p>
<p>I was Advancement Chair for my son’s troop for years. It was painful to watch the kids who didn’t want to be there being pushed by their parents. It reminded me of all the team sport parents who push their kids into athletics or any other activity. Why??
Also, a reluctant Scout brings down his patrol and his entire troop. And while many an Eagle Scout has his mom’s boot print on his butt, very few who make it that far needed to be prodded just to belong and participate in scouting itself. It is very common, however, for boys to really enjoy the fun and camaraderie, the camping, rockclimbing, merit badges, the summer camps, and even enjoy moving up the ranks, but stall out when it comes to doing the final project. But that’s ok as long as they’re having fun, enjoying their friends or enjoying learning new skills.</p>
<p>Most scouts don’t make Eagle rank, but if they don’t even like the meetings or activities, they’re in the wrong place altogether. He gave it a year. Find another father/son activity!</p>
<p>I have two sons. One quit after the Arrow of Light (finishing Cub Scouts) because being asthmatic, he didn’t like suffering the sickess when he went out camping and doing the harder physical stuff. My youngest is doing his Eagle project next week. He hasn’t liked it all that much recently because the guys he looked up to have all earned Eagles and flown the “nest” to college and such. Another reason he hasn’t liked it as much is because his Senior year work load is quite a bit, but he’s dealing with it. He will be glad to have the project over…and I think he’s looking forward to reaching the “pinnacle” in Scouts. He has pride in the thought of reaching Eagle. This has been a 13 year venture…and even Mom is growing a little weary of Scouting. With only a year vested in it, I’d say if he wants to quit, let him, as long as he still works on community service every now and then. My son has loved camping and outdoors stuff, but the community service and doing a “good turn” for others has bettered him as a person.</p>
<p>Just as a note to all the parents of scouts out there. My dad was a NYC kid that did Boy Scouts while growing up making it to Eagle Scout. After he had gone to college, his mom let someone borrow his uniform for Halloween and they never got it back. Over 40 years later and he still hasn’t forgiven her for that!</p>
<p>My son completed his Eagle Scout project and all the other prereqs by the end of 8th grade. My daughter did her Gold Award project by the end of 9th grade. She told her brother that school gets harder and harder as you go up in grade so the sooner you can get that project done, the better it will be. My daughter remained active in her troop until she graduated high school. Apparently he listened to her.</p>
<p>She became a Lifetime Girl Scout and would like to advise a older-girl troop when she graduates from college. My son is in 9th grade now but is planning to remain in the troop. He did the harder leadership positions in middle school (ASPL, SPL) so he will take easier jobs (Bugler, troop guide…) until he can become JASM at 16.</p>
<p>We do not have an Eagle-factory troop in terms of overbearing ASMs but there may be nagging parents every so often. We are very fortunate to live in an area with many troops of various strengths. LDS-based, REALLY into camping based, definitely at least one Eagle factory, and of course all-around good Scout values ones. When my son was a WebII, we visited several troops before he decided which one he wanted to join.</p>
<p>Both my kids thrived in Scouting and advanced quickly. I made sure that I am way in the background so there is no question of my Scouts’ achievements being their achievements.</p>
<p>When it comes to specific extracurriculars, I feel that the decision should be the young person’s. It should not be a matter of a parent “letting” or “not letting” the student quit.</p>
<p>I think it would be a good idea, though, for you to point out to your son that selective colleges expect applicants to be involved in extracurricular activities of some sort during high school and prefer to see some kind of serious commitment to at least one of them. So although there is no need for your son to stay in Scouting, he should be seeking out alternative activities (sports, clubs, music, a job, volunteer work, drama, whatever) and trying to get seriously involved in at least one of them during his high school years. He’s not in high school yet, but when he gets there, he’s going to need ECs.</p>
<p>to the OP … I can not see why there is any question … I did not read one reason, from your son’s perspective, why staying with the scouts is better than the alternatives … if I’m wrong I’ll take back my opinion but the initial posting appeared to be about parental desires and not the kid’s preference. (PS - I was looking for a scout specific reasons … spending time with Dad does not count … Dad can join activities your son picks instead your son joining activities his Dad would like him to join).</p>
<p>I am a committee member of my son’s troop. In my surrounding suburban area there are at least 4 boy scout troops, all run a little differently. It sounds like your son may be more interested in a less rigid troop. Please call your local council (you can probably find the number online) and ask them for a listing of other troops in your area. Then call and talk to the scoutmaster and attend a meeting. Find one your son likes.</p>
<p>As for becoming an Eagle, it really should come from the boy. Maybe his current troop is so focused on advancement and earning merit badges that it isn’t fun anymore. A change of troops may help on this front also. We have had numerous discussions at our committee meetings and have decided once our boys acheive the rank of 1st class we will no longer push them to advance. Advancement opportunites will be made available but it is up to the boys to take advantage of it. Some boys are not interested in becoming an Eagle and just enjoy scouting and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. </p>
<p>I have not read through all of these responses. Is the real reason for wanting to quit, that boyscouts is not considered to be cool? Have other boys made comments about his participating? In our neighborhood it is considered a sort of club for nerds. Many middle school boys do not join, or quickly quit for that reason. I really cannot understand why he thinks scouting is so much work. Perhaps he should try another troop. Does he feel that some of the parents in charge are giving him a hard time? Is he getting along with the other scouts? I would ask a lot of questions. If he really wants to quit because he does not enjoy scouting, I would let him quit. If he wants to quit for one of the reasons above, I would address those concerns.</p>