To Quit or Not to Quit Boy Scouts

Parent Cafe
21

<p>With all of ours we gave them choices, if not scouts then another similar activity. Until HS we figured they did not really know what was out there so they needed something that required them to go beyond themselves. Scouts, church youth group or other organization. We also required some kind of sporting activity and some kind of musical activity. We required they do these through middle school in order to understand the working part and to get good enough to know if they liked it. They chose the specifics. When they reached HS they were good enough at various activities to make an intelligent decision about what to pursue. </p>

<p>The 3 S’s stayed in scouts for some of HS. None did the Eagle but that was their choice. They were in a troop that they could participate in the activities without the maniac focus on advancements. They had been in since Tiger Cubs however and I can see how trying to fit in at a later stage might be hard. Agree with others, maybe you should look at other troops or look at the pressure for advancements or if they are intolerant of those that had not been in and don’t know the “lore”. But if he quits you might want him to consider something else that takes its place to help him reach out to others and develop other skills. </p>

<p>DD stayed in Girls Scouts all through HS without advancements and with limited participation, but she was supporting her friends who were getting the Gold award.</p>

22

<p>My oldest son was an Eagle Scout and really liked boy scouts, especially the outdoor activities. My father and my husband were also both scouts so we assumed our youngest son would follow in the family footsteps. Youngest son loved cub scouts for the socialization but really didn’t like boy scouts. He not only didn’t like most of the kids in his troop but plain didn’t like the outdoor activities. I was also involved in the troop and it was painful to let him drop out in 8th grade but also a no brainer.</p>

<p>There are so many other choices out there for kids to do that there is absolutely no reason to do one that isn’t enjoyable. I also agree that getting an Eagle is nearly impossible without some self-motivation by the scout.</p>

23

<p>Parent of a 17 year old Scout, working on his Eagle. I echo some of hte other advice - I would push him, a little. For my son at that age Scouting was not cool, but it was fun. He had to be pushed a little to stay in, but lack of motivation is an issue for him, and in his life it was time to take the “you must finish what you start” - then when he completed that year, he was over the “not cool” and his own tendency to laziness and stayed in.
That’s a roundabout way of saying you must evaluate your own child and what he is really saying. Checking for other troops is a good idea, too. Different families respond to them differently.</p>

24

<p>What mamom said. See if there’s another troop for him to try. Have him visit and if he likes it, give it another year.</p>

25

<p>There is a huge difference between being in Boy Scouts for a year and achieving the rank of Eagle Scout. So much can happen in between, both in the troop and outside of the troop. The road to Eagle is littered with scouting drop outs, many of whom loved being a Boy Scout at age 12 but evolved in a different direction.</p>

<p>For younger scouts, having friends in the troop is very important. I can understand that your husband likes the scouting lifestyle and enjoys sharing the experiences with your son. It is a problem when the dad likes it more than the kid. Already within the first year, it sounds like your son has needed to be pressured to participate and stay in the program. That’s not a good sign. The coolness factor could be an issue, but look first at whether the core scouting activities are a good match with your son’s interests.</p>

<p>Some kids latch on to the merit badge work, the troop meetings, the outings, the service work, etc. They feel driven to complete the requirements, and this inner drive or enthusiasm propels them through the lower ranks. Other kids like to attend troop meetings and the occasional outing because they think it’s fun. When a younger scout is already balking, it’s not a good sign. More will be required of him as he rises in rank and holds leadership positions within the troop. In high school, in a boy-run troop, scouting is a big time commitment.</p>

<p>Take a look at the other activities your son and husband are involved in. Does your son love to camp and will only have that opportunity by being a member of a Boy Scout troop? Do your husband and son have other activities that they share? Does your husband have a group of guy friends? Does your son have a group of friends? You mentioned that your son’s close friends are not in the troop… how are these kids spending their time? Are they locked up in sports practices and matches on weekends, and would they be available to do things with your son? Do you like his close friends, or do you want him to develop friendships with some of the kids in the troop?</p>

<p>Also, in our area, Boy Scouts is one of the few activities that crosses age levels. (Most sports and etc. are organized by grade level.) In the troop, he will interact with boys up to age 18. That can be inspirational.</p>

<p>My older son made it through Eagle, and my younger son quit Scouting at the end of 6th grade. He already wanted to quit in the middle of 6th grade, but I made him stay in because his brother was the SPL that year. Both boys were in the program since Tiger Cubs (first grade). I’d been a den leader for 7 years, pack committee chair, and was also very involved in the troop. I really wanted my younger son to stay in, for a million reasons, but his close friends were no longer involved in scouting, in fact, he was the only one in his grade level from his middle school in the troop. He didn’t enjoy earning badges, didn’t enjoy camping, wasn’t crazy about the Scoutmaster, etc. He was also heavily involved in another activity he really loved. It was better for everyone to let him follow his heart. He dropped out and never looked back. Four years later, I’m still on the troop’s Eagle Board of Review committee. And, I became very involved supporting my son in the activity he loved and is even more involved in now. </p>

<p>Moral of the story: Boy Scouting is a wonderful organization but every single kid is not going to love it. Help your kid find what he loves, and support that.</p>

26

<p>Does your troop have Venture Crew? My D is part of the Crew in our local troop (yes, it is co-ed). The group is half Eagles/those working on Eagle, and the other half is those who aren’t going for Eagle but still wanted to be involved in some scouting activities, plus the handful of five or so girls. The meetings in our crew are once a month, with one outdoor/wilderness activity a month (that the scouts themselves plan) and a larger week-long wilderness trip during the summer. EVERY admissions officer that interviewed my D during her summer college visits have asked about Venture Crew since it is on her resume, and all were impressed (and educated about the co-ed aspect). She has even gotten to assist on most of her friends’ Eagle projects, which helps with her community service requirements. Just a thought…</p>

27

<p>“I think it would be a good idea, though, for you to point out to your son that selective colleges expect applicants to be involved in extracurricular activities of some sort during high school and prefer to see some kind of serious commitment to at least one of them.”</p>

<p>While that’s useful information, I think it’s even more important to mandate that kids do ECs of their own choosing because the experiences in those ECs will help them meet like-minded friends, develop social skills, develop and discover their strengths and talents, develop lifelong hobbies and possible career interests, and learn about what they’re interested in and what doesn’t interest them. Involvement in ECs will help them lead balanced and fulfilled lives.</p>

28

<p>I went through the same with my son a few years back. My hubby was NOT interested in doing this with my son and it seemed all the men in the troop, while appearing to be supportive, really were in it more for their own son’s Eagle than anything else. I saw more Dads(and moms)earn the ES more than the sons did. After reaching ES, most of the boys and dads QUIT the troop! Having said that, I was quite disheartened when my son quit as a Freshman in High School. But he went on to find other activities which he enjoyed immensely and advanced in ON HIS OWN. He made a lot of new friends from different surrounding schools and I never had to push him to participate and jump into leadership. Perhaps you can let him find his niche on his own. He is still young.</p>

29

<p>I agree with others’ advice: try another troop, or let him quit. Surely there are other activities he would enjoy. In my opinion, Scouts should provide opportunities but not take up all your free time. If it consumes every weekend, and if there’s no room for kids who are not Eagle-oriented, no wonder he wants to quit.</p>

<p>Our story: My son valued Scouting for the outdoor activities, period. He had no interest in advancement, though he did hold troop leadership positions. (I probably contributed to his lack of interest, because I thought the complex and inflexible rules for getting badges in his troop were ridiculous.) But his weekend hiking and camping trips (about once a month) and especially his summer High Adventure trips–Philmont, Maine (twice), and the Bahamas–were highlights. I can’t begin to list all the life skills he learned: teamwork, project planning, personal organization, quick thinking in tight situations, packing, etc. He loves the outdoors, and he can canoe, hike, and climb under challenging conditions–all great activities into adulthood.</p>

30

<p>Rachacha, Isn’t venture crew for kids in High School? OP’s son is 12. I agree that it’s a great idea for the older kids. My daughter looked into joining when she was in HS.</p>

31

<p>There are a couple of 8th graders in our crew I believe, so maybe they need to be 13? I did not know of any age/grade requirement, sorry about that!</p>

32

<p>My son made it to Eagle which we are very proud but he started out as a Tiger Cub in 2nd grade and left the troop after receiving his Eagle Scout in the eleventh grade. Five out of eight of the boys in his Weblos den became Eagle Scouts and all of them received allot from scouting. There were other boys who started later at age 11 or 12 who were great kids, but did not finish. One I remember in particular became a soccer and tennis player and is now attending Yale University and was probably the best natural leader in the
troop. He left after a year and a half. </p>

<p>If your son is a Star or Life Scout then a push to Eagle would seem appropriate but if scouting is not for him then try to get him excited about something else only 2 to 3% of the boys become Eagle Scouts.</p>

33

<p>Mom of an 18 year-old Eagle Scout here. My son started as a Tiger Cub, went on to Cub Scouts, and then Boy Scouts. He really liked the camping and other activities.</p>

<p>But, somewhere around 12 or 13, he started to complain about scouts–same complaints as the OP’s son. Because he really enjoyed many of the activities, my sense was that it was “not cool” anymore and that he was probably being teased about it. I decided to take a firm stand–told him I wouldn’t let him quit. A few months later, I overhead my son telling a friend that “my mom won’t let me quit boy scouts.” I felt that this gave him an excuse to stay in an activity that he really liked, but was afraid to admit.</p>

<p>So, I would echo much of the advice you have already received–try to figure out what he would like to quit. It may be peer pressure and it would be unfortunate if he quits an activity that he really likes. If he really doesn’t like the scouting activities, or really wants to do something else, there’s no reason to force him to stay in the troop.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

34

<p>My D stayed in girl scouts through high school, and with no pushing from me. Got her silver, not her gold. I can’t imagine having to push the whole way!</p>

35

<p>My Scout story:</p>

<p>S1 joined as a cub scout. At that age, the only real competing interest was baseball. But as the years progressed, especially eighth- and ninth-grade years, it was obvious to me that his interest was waning. If there was a conflict, Scouts always lost. I talked to him and his dad and asked, “Why don’t you just quit? It doesn’t seem that important to you.” I don’t know if it was the talk or what, but S1 seemed to recommit and began really participating again. It’s two years later, and tomorrow, he has his first Eagle workday. :)</p>

<p>I am really glad he’s decided to stick with it. He’s pretty reserved, and being an older Scout has done so much for him, like make him a comfortable public speaker and a good leader.</p>

<p>We asked S2 if he wanted to do Scouts, and he opted for soccer instead.</p>

<p>I agree with everyone else that you should troop shop. If we had been in a really rigid troop, we would have bailed a long time ago. </p>

<p>And wanted to add that it really bugs me to hear of parents doing their kids’ Eagle projects. One of my son’s friends also is pursuing Eagle (they’ve been in a troop together since second grade), and they both presented writeups to the troop committee on the same night. The friend’s writeup was rejected, and part of me isn’t surprised as the mom told me she had been doing the calling to the church to get the info about the project, talking to the priest, etc. I don’t think the kid is vested in the process as this point. It’s really a shame. My son’s project has been a real growth experience for him.</p>

<p>But, boy, will I be glad when he’s done with it!!! :D</p>

36

<p>

</p>

<p>Are you kidding?? Yes, you should let him quit.</p>

<p>Dad likes it, so the son has to do it?! Ugh. Poor kid.</p>

37

<p>Both my nephews are Boy Scouts, and both do other activities as well…I know in our area there are multiple troops, and each troop has it’s own personality. Perhaps this troop isn’t a good match for your son and another troop would be a better fit. But if he really doesn’t want to continue, insisting won’t help.</p>

<p>D is a Girl Scout, belongs to two troops (one is high adventure with the local Council). Loves it, earned her Bronze, Silver and is now working toward her Gold. I’ve been on the local committee that hosts the recognition event, and I’ve seen the difference in projects that were the girl’s idea and those pushed by the parents. I don’t mean encourage, everyone can use a nudge now and then, but those the parents pushed are really different from those the girl’s were/are passionate about…we have had everything from nationally recognized projects (Young Women of Distinction, trip to the Washington DC, meet the president, etc) to those that barely get passed by the Council. I imagine it’s much the same with Boy Scouts.</p>

38

<p>Thank you everyone for your input. </p>

<p>The majority here seems to feel like we should let him quit and I can genuinely see their point of view. However, whatever happened to “parents know best”? I have two older daughters who now tell me how they wished I never let them quit dance or gymnastics…or how they wished we pushed them to run for that leadership position. And looking forward, if my son feels that college is just too much work and no fun, etc…Do we just let him quit? </p>

<p>Yes, my husband may be guilty of pushing him but he is not twisting his arm. Looking back at some of the boy scout activities, my son was reluctant to go but came home excited to show me what he learned and was glad he went. If we always let him have it his way, he would be at home in front of the TV and video games.</p>

<p>Anyway my husband and I had a heart to heart talk with our son. We explained to him that whether he makes Eagle Scouts or not, we will always support him will always love him no matter what. We told hime how proud we were of all his accomplishments thus far and also realize how his schedules/commitments can be overwhelming. We reassured him that Dad would back off on all the merit badge deadlines and that we would make sure his calendar was well balanced with friends, school etc. We asked him to stick with it for now and if he finds another activity, clubs etc to replace boy scouts then we would support him on that.</p>

<p>The conversation allowed him to open up and tell us his feelings, specifically, how he wanted his dad to play more ball with him and talk to him about other things besides boy scouts. His dad agreed and apologized for being overly consumed with scouts. His dad explained how his father never did anything with him and that he didn’t want that for his son. So kudos for my husband for wanting to spend time with his son and teaching him about character, service to his country and community, commitment etc…</p>

<p>As many of us parents know, it is a delicate balance of knowing when to be there for them and when to let them learn on their own. We have 6 more years of letting him go slowly until he goes off to college…but, for now, we are not ready to completely let him go and make these important decisions on his own.</p>

39

<p>Glad to hear your talking with your son turned out so well. Your son is very lucky to have 2 very involved supportive parents.</p>

40

<p>"
The majority here seems to feel like we should let him quit and I can genuinely see their point of view. However, whatever happened to “parents know best”? I have two older daughters who now tell me how they wished I never let them quit dance or gymnastics…or how they wished we pushed them to run for that leadership position. "</p>

<p>I, too, think it’s wonderful that your S has two caring, involved parents.</p>

<p>I think it’s important not to let your kids guilt trip you about their own decisions. As long as decisions aren’t about things that truly would be hard to recover from (such as a kid’s wanting to get married at 16 or to drop out of h.s.) or would cause financial strain on the family, I think it’s important to allow kids to make their own decisions. Certainly, give one’s thoughts about the decision, and help the kid see the pros and cons, but leave the decision up to the kid, and don’t let the kid blame you if their decision doesn’t work out.</p>

<p>Your Ds’ decisions about dance and gymnastics may inspire them to stick with other endeavors that they are finding tough, but rewarding. Your Ds also can choose to take dance and even possibly gymnastics later in their lives. They also can choose to have the guts to run for leadership positions.</p>

<p>Even though after about 6 years, I hated taking piano, my mom guilt tripped me into taking it through high school. Afterward, I didn’t touch a piano for close to 20 years. When I started playing again, I didn’t regret having stopped it. I’d gotten into many interesting activities during that interim. I also practiced more and more joyfully as an adult than I ever had as a kid. In fact, I think that if I had been allowed to quit piano earlier, I probably would have started playing again much sooner.</p>

<p>Younger S was very talented in music, but refused to practice the several instruments he started, so I stopped his lessons instead of trying to force him to practice. In college, he chose to take up instruments again, and this time, he knew the importance of practicing. </p>

<p>When it comes to “parents know best” about kids’ hobbies and ECs, I don’t think that’s necessarily true. You may be right that your S may end up loving the scouts and even may get his Eagle. However, if he had quit, he may have gotten deeply involved in some other activity and discovered some more talents and interests. So, either your way or your S’s way could be best.</p>