<p>That’s such a subjective reason to deny him scout spirit. The SM was not accessible to help him correct the problem, knowing that his 18th b/d was looming. Also, your son had to been signed off for scout spirit for his other rank advancements, and <em>now</em> the SM is saying the loner issue is a character flaw large enough to take away all the work your son has done to earn the rank of Eagle? There’s something very fishy with this whole scenario. If he had more time, it would be perfectly reasonable for your son to handle this alone, but there’s too much at stake to potentially let more time slip by without you fully understanding what’s really going on. The SM has shown that he will string your son along, with no regard to the urgency in this situation. Given these circumstances, a parent or a family representative should be there. Your son has already shown maturity in trying to work with this adult and others in the troop. My husband has many people who work for him, and he has gone to the mat for them when necessary. Even as adults, we don’t always go it alone. If your son is adamant that he doesn’t want you or a family rep along, I would, at least, want the details of the meeting in writing. </p>
<p>I think your son’s idea of using the Scout Law to list his positive characteristics is a great idea. It’s something tangible for the committee to see, and will help him present his case.</p>
<p>mdsummer45 - I really do feel your son needs an adult rep at this meeting with him (in addition to you if he decides it is ok for you to be there.) I suggested a trusted clergyman or teacher in my previous post. Another possibility would be a family friend active in scouting in another troop or council. Any trusted adult would be better than none, IMO.</p>
<p>Good luck to your son. He has certainly shown a great deal of maturity in continuing to pursue this despite being confronted with the brick wall of a scoutmaster, as others have more eloquently stated.</p>
<p>Is there another adult leader in the troop with whom your son has a good relationship? I would suggest having that person at the meeting. I think the meeting is a good idea–your son should be prepared to insist that the SM state his objections explicitly, and what your son can do about them. If your son is turning 18 in May, he doesn’t have much time. You will almost certainly have to get the Council involved. While it is true they may not want to cross somebody who they know (the SM), it also looks very bad to deny a boy his Eagle, and they will try to work it out if you make a stink about it. I think, unfortunately, that given the short time, you will have to make a stink.</p>
<p>Well, I just left a message for the local district chairman to call me so I can ask for guidance. Should I also call the next level (my understanding is that it is troop level , district level then council level) and speak with the Council Scout Executive and CEO and let them know what the situation is? I don’t want any of this getting back to the troop especially before the special troop committee meeting. Also is the BOR that is listed in the Scout handbook for eagle done by the troop or is that the one that is held outside of the troop level. Thanks to all</p>
<p>Talk to the district guy first. As for Boards of Review, Eagle Boards are usually not held by the troop, but by the District, but it’s done different ways in different places. Be nice to the district chairman, and ask him for help working out this “misunderstanding.”</p>
<p>In our area, a district rep leads the BofR.Also present are the advancement chair and one other person whose position I can’t remember. And you get to pick a couple of people, so you would definitely find someone in your ds’s corner.</p>
<p>mdsummer45, thanks for checking in. I missed your post yesterday. The Board of Review for Eagle is done at the Council level but it is preceded by the scoutmaster conference/signoff at the troop level. Good luck and we hope to hear good news from you soon.</p>
<p>Well it’s been almost a year since I started this thread. My son gave BS one more year and he still wants to quit. I’m okay with it but as I mentioned a year ago, it’s my H who is having a hard time with this decision. I’m really afraid that my son will see his dad’s big disappointment and this will grow into a big wedge between them. I have argued with my H countless of times about not trying to fit a square peg in a circle. When I mention that we can find other activities to get him involved with, he says…why bother he’ll just quit those too. I am at my wits end here. My H is a wonderful, loving father and will cut off his arm for his kids…but how do I get him to see beyond boy scouts!!</p>
<p>Does your H do the Boy Scout activities with your son? Could he be concerned that he will miss that father/son time?<br>
Our D is in Girl Scouts, I’d hate to see her quit now (it would also shock me to death, she loves it), but she’s been a Girl Scout for nearly 10 years, did 50 of Girl Scout community service so far this summer and just wrote up some paperwork towards her Leadership award. It sounds like your son has given it a two year trial and it’s just not making him happy. I’d try to see why your H is so set against this…is it the father/son time, does your son have a pattern of quitting (although 2 years seems fair to me), is there something else he’s worried about?</p>
<p>Good luck. It’s no fun being caught in the middle.</p>
<p>Aww, I feel for you Ginger! Does your son have a history of quitting other things? Only a very small percentage of kids actually make it to Eagle and I don’t consider the ones that don’t get their Eagle “quitters”. I think it’s cruel and unusual punishment to keep a child in an activity they don’t enjoy, especially if he gave it his best shot. My youngest had to follow in his older brothers footsteps and it was not easy letting him drop out when our older son had gotten his Eagle. </p>
<p>Before we let our son drop Scouts we talked to him about what he would do in it’s place. At first it was just more music and then later it was Robotics. I’m so glad we didn’t keep him in longer because he did find other interests that suited him better. Glad we trusted him. It will work out Ginger, just talk it out.</p>
<p>Oh, Ginger, I’m sorry this is causing such strife. Ya know, it’s not like he started Scouts in first grade and he’s always dreamed of being an Eagle. He did it for a couple of years and has decided it’s not for them. Of course, I’m preaching to the choir. Unless your ds has a habit of quitting things, I don’t see what your dh’s big issue is. Does he lack a social circle of his own and relies on Scouts for his interaction? It’s unfair for him to use your son this way, if that’s the case. Have you shown him this thread?</p>
<p>Ginger, perhaps you have already considered this, but have your son and husband considered looking at a different troop? Perhaps a better fit is available? In our area there are troops that lean toward less camping, one that has a musical group, another one that camps at the lake all the time. One with 70 boys. Many with less than 20. We’ve known several families to shop around for the best match.
Best wishes with whatever you decide.</p>
<p>Thanks for the quick posts!
No, I wouldn’t say my S has a habit of quitting. He is just your typical 13 yr old who has no interest in leadership skills and lacks initiative. He is not quite the goal go-getter type. But he is a great kid, made honor roll this past year (a huge accomplishment for him) and plays lots of sports. He just has no interest in identifying 10 different types of rocks or learning about amphibians.</p>
<p>I do believe that part of my H’s concern is the large social network he has established with the other fathers. I’m afraid he will also be seen as a disappointment to those fathers. It sounds silly but I know that’s part of it. But truly, want he really wants is for his son to learn all the wonderful skills and experience all that BS has to offer. He’s afraid that if he doesn’t continue on with BS, that our S will waste his time on video games, chatting etc.</p>
<p>My own motivation for him to join BS was to make new friends. He was starting middle school and his best friend pretty much “dumped” him to be with the “popular” kids. Well, two years into middle school, my S has adjusted very well and has very nice non-BS friends he likes to hang out with.</p>
<p>Eggmom - that is another factor to our problem. We didn’t shop around. We had him join because one of his buddies was in that troop. I don’t know if looking for another troop will help. My S seems to have made up his mind.</p>
<p>I just wish H can see it my way. I’m afraid the way he is taking this so hard will cause a rift between them two. Maybe I just need to be patient, pray and let things take it’s course. AUGH!!</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like troop-shopping will help because dh seems to like this one!</p>
<p>I would be blunt with him and ask dh what’s more important – Scouts or your relationship with your son? Because he might win the battle (by making ds stay in) but he’ll lose the war (close relationship with ds).</p>
<p>ETA: Also, no one wants a Scout around who doesn’t want to be there. Those kids are a drag on the whole troop with their bad attitude (not saying your ds has a bad attitude, just trying to figure out what will connect with dh). If you say something like that, that will appeal to dh’s pride; he won’t want to feel like ds is a pariah.</p>
<p>I like the idea of asking him what he might like to do instead (although if he plays sports, isn’t that enough?). As your son ages, it’s even more important that he gain a little control over his life, like being allowed to choose to participate in things he actually enjoys.</p>
<p>this could be a great time for your son to evaluate what he likes about scouts and what he doesn’t. your husband can do the same. then they can choose to do the fun things scouts do (say canoeing or camping) together. maybe your son hates the structure and just wants to enjoy an activity with dad and/or a few friends.
that is what my older son loves to do …pursue an activity deeply and at his own pace with kids he really likes while the younger son likes the structure and checking off hoops to earn badges and climbing the scout ladder.</p>
In general, I agree that if he’s given it a fair shot, then he should be allowed to quit. The quote above, though, does make me wonder whether he ought to look at another troop. If that truly typifies what this troop is about, it’s more like a Cub Scout pack (and that’s not unusual). Another troop might be a lot more fun and a better fit. Perhaps he and his dad could at least make a deal to visit some other troops.</p>
I’m sorry but this still sounds baskwards to me … this is the son’s EC and he doesn’t like it; time to move on … and the Dad has to deal with it. There is NO reason the Dad can not continue on with scouts … maybe this is his true passion … great … pursue it and share it with tons of kids … but please let your son pursue ECs he loves. As a parent I hope to role model curiosity, passion, and commitment to family, friends, job, and ECs … and hopefully my kids adopt those traits. I would LOVE for them to share my passions … but they may not … what is important to me is that they find THEIR passions and go after them. To me this whole situation seems to be about pleasing the Dad much more than the son pursuing his passion … to me it’s time for the Dad to focus on his son and not himself.</p>
<p>3togo brings up a good suggestion. My neighbor was the BS troop leader for my son’s troop (they actually revived a defunct troop) but his own son did not like scouts and dropped out after a year or two. The Father stayed with the troop until the last boy from his son’s grade graduated High School. It was very satisfying for him to see 6 boys from the original group make Eagle. There was a real camaraderie among the leaders and he was not the only father who stayed after their son left.</p>