To Rush a Sorority or not to Rush

Parent Cafe
1

<p>D is thinking about going through formal sorority rush next semester. She’s a freshman at a large state U - very happy where she is, and is sort of curious about Greek Life. </p>

<p>I was an “independent” in college and have a slightly negative view of sororities. I think things have changed since I graduated from college, but I wonder if some of the old stereotypes still hold true.</p>

<p>My concerns are: the drinking, how much time will it take from other extra curriculars (she’s in a comedy group that meets 3 nights a week) . How true is that book by the woman who went undercover and posed as a sorority girl? etc.</p>

<p>On the other hand - I work with lots of young people right out of college who really enjoyed the Greek experience. They seem to really have enjoyed the “sisterhood” aspect of sorority life. The people I work with all maintained good grades in college and have good jobs now.</p>

<p>So, while the final decision is my daughter’s I would love to have some parental input for those of you who were either in the Greek system when you were in college, have kids in Greek Life now, or just want to share your thoughts.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>While Greek life can vary widely depending on the school, I can say that I had a very positive experience as a student and continue to enjoy the benefits as a member of my local alum association. Like your daughter, I joined a sorority as a freshman at a large state U (University of Michigan–Ann Arbor) and decided to rush out of sheer curiosity since I knew nothing about it. The young women I lived with were bright, accomplished, and well-rounded on all levels, academics, EC’s, etc. Being a member of a sorority is just another thing you do in college–it doesn’t rule out other activities or interests. The level of involvement within the sorority house, and Greek system in general, is totally up to the individual. Some become very involved by taking on leadership roles while others simply fulfill the minimum chapter requirements and are there for the social and housing perks. The rules of our house were fairly strict, enforced by a live-in house mother and an alum board, and were generally respected by all members (no drinking/drugs, no boys beyond main level, locked entry doors at all times). It was an excellent set-up for a college student…great place to live, built-in companionship, secure environment, no shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, or anything else that goes with off-campus living. All of that left more time for studying and EC’s rather than playing house. Some of my closest friends to this day are my sorority sisters from U of M and women from other university chapters I’ve met through our very active alum group. BTW, my husband had an equally positive experience as a fraternity member. It’s a lifetime bond and something we’re hoping both our son and daughter will be interested in pursuing as well.</p>

3

<p>I had the same wonderful experience as GoBlue at a large state university. Lots of opportunity for leadership, community service, IM sports, and built-in friends. Living with 120 girls was quite an experience. Thirty years later we’re scattered all over the world but thanks to email we still keep in touch. My husband too had a great experience.</p>

<p>Our college son had absolutely no interest in pledging. At our suggestion he did look into the fraternities but decided not to pursue it.</p>

4

<p>Binge drinking in the prior two weeks:</p>

<p>National average: 44%
Sorority/frat members: 64.2%
Sorority/frat residence: 75.4%</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/cas/Documents/trends/Trends.pdf[/url]”>http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/cas/Documents/trends/Trends.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>And this from a college rape survey:</p>

<p>“Women who reside in sorority houses or belong to sororities are at higher risk (Copenhaver and Grauerholz, 1991; Norris et al., 1996). Previous research on sorority women found almost half the women had experienced some form of sexual coercion; 24% experienced attempted rape, and 17% were victims of completed rape (Copenhaver and Grauerholz, 1991). Almost half of the
rapes occurred in a fraternity house, and over 50% occurred either during a fraternity function or were perpetrated by a fraternity member.”</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/cas/Documents/rapeintox/037-Mohler-Kuo.sep1.pdf[/url]”>http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/cas/Documents/rapeintox/037-Mohler-Kuo.sep1.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

5

<p>I won’t recap my D’s own experience all over again (just search CC for “sorority rush” and the original thread should pop up) but despite her negative experience, I still think it can be a positive thing. </p>

<p>I think a lot depends on the nature of Greek life on a campus. At my D’s school, 70% of the school is Greek. That means a very, very open Greek society - friends in many houses, all the houses are open to other members, all fraternity parties are open to anyone on campus. It makes no difference which house you belong to at all as everyone has pretty equal access.</p>

<p>At other schools, it’s a very closed society. Frat parties are only for invited guests - maybe that’s a mixer (do they still call them that?) with just one sorority, or there’s a “guest” list (usually girls names), no other outside frat members can get in. Sorority houses may be off limits to outsiders - an insulated society. </p>

<p>I think there are benefits and disadvantages. I really only keep in touch with two friends from college - both sorority sisters. I think it helps shrink a big school down to a nice, smaller community. It can be expensive (especially if you wind up in one of those "keeping up with the Jones’ sororities - those pearls and Coach bags don’t come cheap!!!). It gives you an instant group of friends. You may be required to live with 100 of those friends for a whole year (and that is an awful lot of estrogen to be around, lol!). It really can be argued either way.</p>

<p>I highly encourage people to try rush. There’s no obligation. The big advantage at a big school is that there’s plenty of people who aren’t Greek - so if that’s the path your daughter chooses, it won’t matter that much because there’ll be plenty of other kids just like her. But she may find that sorority life is something she’d really enjoy.</p>

<p>Oh, and a p.s. for those who remember my daughter’s story: she’s planning on re-rushing next January. I’m planning on mainlining vodka.</p>

6

<p>I believe the OP was asking for people’s direct experience. Again, no two Greek systems are alike. They vary widely from campus to campus. I wonder how much binge drinking or sexual assault goes on in those off-campus apartment buildings or slum-lord houses that are packed with students? Plenty. Do you think anyone bothers to run studies on what goes on in those living environments? Rape is a serious societal problem afflicted on women of all ages everywhere, not just those socializing in fraternity houses. I suppose there’s a negative side to everything in life, but the positives far outweighed the negative in my four years on campus.</p>

7

<p>Yes. That data is available in the first link I provided.</p>

<p>The national binge drinking rate for students living off-campus was 54.5%. Living on-campus in a substance-free dorm was 35.3%. On campus in a non-substance-free dorm was 45.3%.
The following data is provided in the second link. These are percentages off all survey respondents who were raped (basically, the “odds” if you will).</p>

<p>Rape while intoxicated (72% of all college rapes):</p>

<p>Living on-campus: 2.7%
Living off-campus (w/o parents): 3.8%
Living in sorority house: 8.0%</p>

<p>Any rape:</p>

<p>Living on-campus: 3.6%
Living off-campus (w/o parents): 5.1%
Living in sorority house: 9.3%</p>

8

<p>fredo–It sounds like your DD is at DePauw with that 3/4 Greek rate. We did the Indiana college tours earlier this year and were amazed at the popularity of the Greek system there. Hope your DD’s upcoming rush experience goes well. Now that she’s a seasoned veteran, I’m sure the process will be a much smoother one the 2nd time around.</p>

9

<p>I rushed for a sorority in 1975 (gasp) at large state U. It was interesting & I was frequently scolded by the “sisters” because I didn’t drink (never did & still don’t) & didn’t drop everything for my sorority sisters to give them emotional support when I was in the midst of studying for finals. They wanted to blackball me during finals & I decided enough was enough & I quit. The next year, the sorority disbanded because all their members were on academic probation. By then, I had transferred to OOS public U, where I was very happy & did not get involved in frats or sororities again (though my roommate pledged & moved out to live in the sorority).
Two of my brothers & two of my sisters pledged for frats & sororities & had more positive experiences. My youngest brother joined a business society in college & had a wonderful time with them.
SO much varies by the campus, individuals involved, etc. I’m sure your child will make good choices.</p>

10

<p>Heavy Greek life was a negative on D’s list of criteria.</p>

<p>She wound up at a women’s college, which one might think means “no Greek life.” But with a “house” residential system, every house is very much like a sorority except that there’s no odious “rush” system.</p>

<p>Just mulling aloud. I’m pretty much in the anti-Greek camp myself.
GDI and proud of it. I hear all the tap dancing and still say B.S. that a lot of Greek life isn’t overly centered on alcohol. The alcohol feel like more of a problem with the frats; however, I’ve heard way too many snobbery/cattiness stories about sororities.</p>

11

<p>Though I have always been rather vehemently anti-Greek (and my kids know it), my 18 y/o is strongly considering rush for next semester at her uni, where half the female undergrads are in sororities. I have very complicated feelings about it, and really wish she wouldn’t, but she tells me she’ll cover all the costs from her own earnings if she decides to go ahead. This must be one of those “accept their right to make their own decisions” potholes of mothering that I’m not so fond of.</p>

<p>Still, I’ll admit I was proud of her open mind when she told me that, of all the kids in her honors seminar (and that’s a pretty select group), the most insightful, possibly even brilliant, one is a sorority officer.</p>

<p>I even sent her the Alexandra Robbins book (“Pledged”). Her response: “Nice try, Mom.”</p>

12

<p>frazzled,</p>

<p>Sounds as if you were in my house. I did pledge as an undergrad, had a wonderful time was a non-drinker( I’m still a non drinker with the exception of the cyberdrinks on SA). Now as a parent yes it is a double standard but I did have a few issues with my daughter pledging. I agree that the process does vary from school to school.</p>

<p>The good thing about the greek system at her school is that no one is allowed to rush/pledge freshman year. I think the year long wait does give them time to know other people and gives them more insight as to whether or not they want to go through the rush process.</p>

<p>Most parties on campus are open to all so there is really no big change in your social life should you decide to be an independent. I was a bit nervous about fact that over 250 young women, most from the class of 08 (so a large part of the female population from this class) did go through fall rush. </p>

<p>I think the down side is that when you attend a small school, a lot of things become an open book.</p>

<p>My daughter called me and told me that she was going to rush. In the end what could I do about it; drive 300 miles and drag her home? Not. I did repect her decision as for the most part she is a very level headed person and I did have to have confidence in the kid that I raised. </p>

<p>She did explain how the rush process works at her school.</p>

<p>Their rush process is 2 rounds of visits, pref night and bid night. the grils are broken down into groups and are assigned a Rho Chi, their Rush counselor and go to person for any questions or concerns that they have. This person does not take part in any of the deliberations, or events from her house (as a matter of fact, she is supposed to be neutral and cannot even tell the rushees which house she belongs to).
D said that they could not wear jeans or flats to any of the rush events, and many of the girls were scrambling over the “what am I going to wear” thing.</p>

<p>Round 1
Each young lady is required to attend the parties with their Rho Chi at all six sororities, regardless of her own personal leanings or athletic affiliations. The parties are about 45 minutes where they make rounds in the house and try to connect with as many of the sisters as possible. Daughter told me at schoolshuge schools where there are a lot of houses, the parties are only about 15 minutes.
At the end of the evening the sisters vote on who to invite back everty thing is computerized so the next day they see their Rho Chi and find out where they have been invited back. It can get sketchy as some young women were only invited back to 1 or 2 houses. Some committed “suicide” by focusing all of their efforts into 1/2 houses and when those did not come through, the ended up not getting called back to anything. </p>

<p>Out of the 6 houses, D was invited back to 5 (one house she said she really did not like and made no effort, so it did not bother her not to be invited back). Of the 5 houses she has to choose 4 (Max) to visit for round 2 (she then felt hurt of the concept of “rejecting” someone who had accepted her). In a real classy act she told be the the rush chair of the house she did not selct for round 2 sent her a really nice e-mail telling her how much they liked her and was sorry that she had not chosen them but they still wished her all of the best in the rush process.</p>

<p>(I was able to correlate it to the college process where some people are focused on the HYP and don’t put the time and effort into showing love for the match and safety schools.)</p>

<p>Round 2</p>

<p>D said that some of her friends also got round 2 invitations to some of the same 5 sororities, so she feels a little less stressed because she is going through the process with her friends. There are some parts of the process that she does feel is a little shallow; you get evaluated on how you dress because each night you should be stepping it up a little more (this may be the longest period of time that they have gone without wearing flip flops). Rush activities took place in the afternoon and the forecast was for rainy/misty (joy -joy traisping around in heels).</p>

<p>The girls go to all of the houses which they have been invited back to (up to 4) selected to and the process starts all over again. End of round 2 , the rushees, select their 4 preferences of houses , the sisters vote, everything goes in to a computer and the results come out. Out of 4 houses she requested, she got “prefed” for 3. She call home in tears as even though the house was not her first choice, it was hard for her to think that someone was “rejecting” her. </p>

<p>We had a long talk, I asked her what was it about that particular house that she liked and she could not want to come up with any concrete answers. MY second question was did she get called back to the ouse which was firs choice in her mind? She said yes.I asked her if she wanted to continue on and she said she would go through the entire process and then decide as to whether or not she wanted to pledge.</p>

<p>Pref night
She goes to visit the 3 houses (it happens over 2 days) and they spend an hour at each house. At the end of the second day they list their top 2 preferences. The sisters vote, everything is computerized.</p>

<p>I think they now have to wait until 5 pm the next day to get their bids. She goes to pick up her bid and got bids from both choices. In the end she went to her firs choice. She ended up with 5 other RA’s and many of her friends so it did all work out for her. </p>

<p>Their pledge process just ended a week ago (said she got a lot of baked goods from her big sister) so she is a full fledged sister. The pledges had a bake off as a fundraiser. She and one of her friends decided to make peach cobbler and they one a prize. Their pledge class seems to have really bonded and for the most part very happy.</p>

<p>At some level it is just like going throught he college process. In the greek system just like on campus overall, they do tend to find a group of like minded friends. Daughter is not much of a drinker and has found a core group that isn’t really interested in getting drunk.</p>

<p>We did talk about the correlations to the book pledge, and she said her experience was nothing like that.</p>

13

<p>One thing I don’t see mentioned here is the possible correlation between sororities and eating disorders. My best friend’s daughter had recovered from an eating disorder when she was a very young teen. Held on fine – until she joined a sorority where “everybody was binging/purging.” The story did not have a good ending. Also I understand this correlation is acknowledged among professionals dealing with eating dosprders and college health clinics - but I have no idea if it is quantified anywhere. Just a heads up.</p>

14

<p>I rushed as a transfer student (1978) to a UC campus. I felt somewhat lonely at the time, and knew some girls in a particular house, which I did end up pledging. For me, it was a way to make girlfriends, since I already had a boyfriend, and wasn’t really interested in the fraternity guys. I really enjoyed the sense of community I experienced, and the philanthropy opportunities. I haven’t really done much as an alum, but I always feel I could contact an alum association if I felt I had the time. So, generally, I felt it was a good experience.</p>

<p>My younger sister rushed at a well-know private U in California, and her experience was more stereotypical, and not as pleasant in my mind. Although she was a legacy for my house, she was not invited for Preference, and was very disappointed. She did have a good experience in her house, but it was not as easy-going as my experience.</p>

<p>Now that S1 is in a college where freshman cannot rush, I am not as open to him joining a fraternity. No flames, please, but most of the fraternity guys I knew drank too much and studied too little. I think they were all econ/Business Admin majors – I didn’t know any who were focused on science or pre-med. But it’s really the drinking thing that concerns me. Of course, I know he doesn’t have to join a frat to drink, but the culture does lend itself to that behavior. Like most things these days, I’m pretty sure he’ll do what he wants though!</p>

15

<p>I was a very active member of a national Panhellenic sorority at a large state university in college. Although I know all schools are different, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I did not find the drinking stereotype to be true. I rarely drink and I rarely drank in college and was never encouraged to do so during pledging or any other time. My sorority did not haze. </p>

<p>There are so many stereotypes about sororities but I think most are developed by people who were never members. My chapter (which coincidentally was in the deep south) was diverse. We had girls of all shapes, sizes, religion, major, political views, etc. Although we did not have any African American members, I can also say that no African American girls went through rush while I was there. They wanted to join the traditional NPHC groups. We had girls who were engineering majors, pre-med, pre-law, business, education, biology, communications, etc. Some went out almost every night while others never went out. I lived in the sorority house for three years and served as president my senior year without ever being a binge drinker or having an eating disorder. </p>

<p>The biggest benefit I obtained from my experience was leadership opportunities. We had a large team of officers (20) who had to work together to plan and implement both the running of our chapter and the running of our actual physical facility included numerous employees. I learned how to work with other people, how to problem solve, how to speak in front of groups, etc. I had opportunities to attend national conferences both through my actual sorority and Panhellenic. My parents would agree with me that it was one of the most positive things I did while in college. My closest friends to this day are my sorority sisters who are now scattered all over the country. They are all intelligent women who now have successful careers and families. </p>

<p>ALL schools are different and not all Greek systems are good, but I would recommend looking into it. A good Greek system can offer great educational opportunities and a support system that is invaluable.</p>

16

<p>Fredo-best wishes to you and daughter with upcoming rush. Thanks for update.</p>

17

<p>sjmom232,</p>

<p>I wanted to send you a PM but you do not have yours enabled. Could you send me a PM and I will write you back.</p>

<p>thanks</p>

18

<p>Despite the alleged heavier drinking, frat and sorority memebers tend to have higher grades than the average student, graduate more and, I’d bet, do better economically later in life.</p>

19

<p>My daughter is a sorority member now at U Mich. She loves her sorority (probably more than anything else at the school). She was against joining before she went to the school, but gave it a shot.</p>

<p>Most of the sorority members are bright and do well in school. My daughter tells me the frat boys are respectful towards the girls. I forgot to ask if the reverse was true.</p>

<p>Socially, the sorority is a great thing for my daughter and she is having a blast. She is learning how to deal with people. But, there is a lot of drinking going on. I asked her how many girls in the sorority house drink? She said 100%. I asked how many get drunk? She said 100%. They drink vodka like it is water. I don’t believe the kids understand alcohol. They think they are immune to any side- effects. Luckily, you don’t need a car at Mich.</p>

<p>I do think most of these girls are going to do well in life. They just have to get out of the school alive first.</p>

20

<p>

OMG Fredo. I do remember – are you sure vodka will be strong enough? </p>

<p>I’m an old GDI and proud of it. I have a lot of issues with Greek life, and alcohol is only one part of it. But even I get a little tired of the “broad brush” tarring that often takes place on this board whenever the subject is brought up. IMHO, and as confirmed by many of the first-hand experiences mentioned here there is a huge difference between Greek life on various campuses, ranging from the DePauw and Washington & Lee’s of the world to the University of Mary Washington (yes, there’s one fraternity. It’s underground, not formally sanctioned, but widely known on campus).</p>