I’m not really interested in getting into the whole hospital vs home/whatever fight here, but it’s true that often, home births with trained practioners are as safe or safer than hospital births. Yes, hospitals can be great when there is a need for NICU or other resources but those happen in a small minority of births… and our hospitals have some major shortcomings when it comes to how we treat childbirth.
With all that said, I’ll still be in a hospital when I give birth.
Oh Romani, don’t freak. I loved pregnancy, I felt like I had Valium pumping thru my body. I loved having a little gymnast inside of me. It is easy to complain of the side effects, but I was just so thankful for a healthy pregnancy, at last. Childbirth–one rough day for a lifetime of being a parent. :x
H was there for both of our kids when they were born. He held my hand and kept staff from touching me except as absolutely necessary. I was calm and did not shriek or scream and was able to detach so I felt like I was a fly on the wall. There was not much blood or gore and I only needed anesthesia because the OB/GYN insisted I have it when he sewed up the episiotomy. H was glad to be present for both births, I’m assuming because he didn’t utter any complaints after the first one and was there for the second one as well.
I’m glad neither H nor I are particularly squeamish.
@Pizzagirl I never said anything about contractions. Science says that gravity pulls everything downwards. Even a baby and I don’t need to go to a research university to know that. Am I supposed to also ignore the testimonials of the women in the documentary? The stats on birth in general in America are abysmal.
http://time.com/3847755/mothers-children-health-save-the-children-report/
BUT to each, her own.
I was calm too, no screaming type, at least not related to childbirth. My husband was there with my child.
My brother was a 9lb baby and my mom gave birth vaginally. But she was young. All babies done by 25.
As a woman who happens to be her son’s biological father, I do feel very wistful sometimes about never having had the chance to experience that aspect of being female – pregnancy, childbirth, being a mom in every sense, as well as other related physical attributes. But I do try to remind myself that it’s really what happens after a baby is born that’s most important, and that I’ve always loved my son and tried to be a good, loving parent (with my mother very much my role model) as much as any woman who gave birth to her child could be. The absence of oxytocin and all that chemical bonding notwithstanding, I think I bonded inextricably to my son the moment I first saw him, if not earlier (as when I used to spend long periods of time listening to his heartbeat with a fetal stethoscope I bought when my ex was pregnant). Unfortunately, I couldn’t be present the moment my son was born, even though I had every intention of being there throughout the process, because my ex had to have an emergency C-section because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck (I noticed a sudden drop in his heart rate on the fetal monitor and alerted the resident; it was so early in labor that they hadn’t even had a chance to give my ex an epidural yet). I wasn’t permitted in the operating room (although I’ve since heard of some fathers being present during a C-section).
But I was let in a few moments after he was born, and saw them do the Apgar score, and held him in my arms right after that, and it was wonderful.
Do I think that missing the actual moment when my son was born did any real harm to my relationship with him? Not one bit, and you shouldn’t regret it too much either. And I don’t think it would have been any different if I hadn’t seen him for a couple of hours or even longer. As I said, what happens afterwards is far more important.
That imagery is just terrifying lol.
Coincidentally, my first child was born exactly 27 years ago–to the hour! My H, who was a pre-med student at the time, was there with me. It was natural childbirth, not because I am a fan of pain, but because we had no insurance. It was pretty bad. One of the few times I’ve seen H cry. Not because it was such a moving experience, but just out of relief that it was finally over, and the baby was OK. And feeling unprepared for the responsibility of fatherhood. It is so stressful to watch your loved one in horrible pain and not be able to do anything about it. Once it was over, I thought to myself, " I’m glad I was the one giving birth–because it would be even WORSE to have to WATCH someone go through that." (I have no desire to see anyone give birth. Those who claim to have “painless childbirth”–I find it hard to believe. They must be wired differently.)
In our childbirth class we saw a video of several different kinds of births. One of the fathers in the video chose not to be in the delivery room. The message was that this is OK, not all fathers want to do this. In most cultures, it has not been common for fathers to attend births, as the mothers were always helped by their own mothers/experienced female relatives/neighbors/midwives, etc. OP–my father, and H’s father never attended any of their children’s births–dropped the wife off at the curb and said “call me when it’s over. . .” Usually dad was waiting at home with the other kids. It was fine.
My H was useless during that labor and we joked afterward that next time a cardboard cutout of him would actually do a better job. Whenever I had a contraction, I wanted to block everything out. If H tried to say anything nice, tried to rub my back or whatever, it was wrong. I just wanted to swear at him-- shut up/don’t touch me, etc.
Well, after that I gave birth 7 more times, 3 more natural, and 4 with epidurals. (Yes, I do believe epidurals are God’s gift to mothers!) I had one planned homebirth (my 3rd kid, with a Johns Hopkins-trained certified nurse-midwife). I planned another homebirth, but ended up way overdue, and had an induced labor. I gave birth 4 times in a kneeling position, and once in a sitting position. (MRI studies have shown that squatting/kneeling positions open the pelvic outlet and can facilitate childbirth. http://www.ajronline.org/doi/pdf/10.2214/ajr.179.4.1791063.) It has been natural throughout history for women to give birth in squatting or kneeling positions. I gave birth to my first two on my back and it just seemed wrong and so uncomfortable–like I was pushing uphill/against my body.
Fortunately I did not take a cardboard cutout of H to the rest of the deliveries as our OBs (3 different docs/different hospitals) missed the deliveries of 3 of our kids, and H was the only one in the room for those–which were all long induced labors, btw.
fwiw, I loved being pregnant except for the morning sickness. Especially the “little gymnast” part! I also know a lot of women who have had vaginal deliveries with 10-12lb babies–even some homebirths --Ugh. (My biggest was 8lb10oz,)
Being young has little to do with whether a baby can be born vaginally if the baby is just too large and the mother’s pelvic outlet is too small. If there is severe cephalopelvic disproportion, the baby is not going to be born vaginally no matter the age or health status of the mother.
Fortunately, it’s rather rare, and even if a mother has had to deliver by c-section with the first baby, she may still be able to deliver vaginally for the second. I tried very hard for 16 hours both times. Just wasn’t in the cards for me.
My first baby was 9lbs. 4 oz, the second one was 9 lbs. 14 oz. We tried all of the typical things you do to improve the odds, but it just wasn’t possible. Apparently I am the proud owner of a “non gynecoid pelvic malformation.”
Wow, I think I just gave TMI. This should have any other squeamish men running for the hills.
@CaliCash - I had emergency C section after 12 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. I was very happy to be in a hospital.
I notice in America female after age 30 has higher rate of C section.
@Nrdsb4, I don’t have child bearing hip either.
@oldfort, I too want to be in the hospital just in case there’s complication.
3 kids, no drugs during birthing process, in a hospital, husband slept through each until the very end when they woke him up because I happened to be someone who went into labor late at night or in the middle of the night… Doctor was on the phone (back in the day when they were connected to the wall with a long cord) for the first one, doctor was watching an outdoor sports show for the second along with my H after they woke him up, third was a substitute doctor and I don’t even remember his name…he was only there maybe 10 minutes. The no drugs thing never thrilled me, but apparently was made to have kids and "others’ made the decision…each time they told me it was “too late” for drugs when I arrived at the hospital. I also never once threw up when pregnant and had the energy of an army. My husband had it so easy…he has no idea what other guys go through.
There are all kinds of reasons for c-sections. As I said, CPD is relatively rare as one of the reasons.
Mine too had it easy. I’ve heard all these stories of wife screaming during childbirth in my younger days. That didn’t happened.
I screamed on the inside. On the outside, cool as a cucumber. Internally, “OMG I don’t think I can do this. I don’t want to do this. GET ME OFF THIS TRAIN! I WANT TO GET OFF NOW! STOP THE *&%^$ing TRAIN!”
I wasn’t a screamer either, but the woman next door sure was. I was so glad when her child was born!
Maybe that’s what I did and I now have hemorrhoids, the screaming inside. I knew the wave was coming and going and pace myself accordingly, screaming would waste my energy. My husband was taking care of my child near the bay window. My goal and hope was to give birth to a healthy kid.
I had epidural at 3 cm, never really felt much of pain. I had an old fashion doctor who stayed with me for most of 15 hours. He had 2 other women checked in after me, but they weren’t as far along as me.
I remember him telling kid’s dad that they should have breakfast first before I start pushing. I told him that no one was moving until the baby was out.
It varies.
My first one was so bad that I spent the last two hours screaming and swearing, to the point that when nurses and aides walked into my room after the birth, they would giggle to each other and say things like “She was the one.”
My second one was less uncomfortable than your average dental appointment.