<p>Interesting example which I will run with. I think the story, albeit an interesting one, isn’t sufficiently parallel with the news story. Indeed, humiliation has to be interpreted in context, and I’ll give you that much. There is a big difference in development between a child and an adult military recruit. Big difference between the contexts- family context vs. bootcamp context. Big difference in that child doesn’t choose family but the new recruit freely chose the context he entered (and the ‘abuse’ is well expected, if anyone believes the movies they’ve seen). Thus I think the potential for harm to a child by parental humiliation is not comparable to the impact of drill sergeant actions on the newly enlisted in bootcamp. </p>
<p>Will the child be harmed? Who knows. Kids are resilient indeed and besides, how would we know if a child is harmed from a particular parental act? Hard to assess. But I contend that the measure of good parenting shouldn’t be on just whether parenting acts cause harm, but whether they have the potential for harm. Why would a parent want to take that risk when its not necessary? </p>
<p>Moreover, public humiliation just seems wrong. It seems that people in a family who care about one another should just not treat each other that way, harm or no harm. It seems degrading and disrespectful. Just like it would be fundamentally wrong in my family for any of us to hurl insults or call each other names, fail to show basic courtesies of respect, or openly criticize one another in front of others. Even if these actions have no discernible harm on the target, they just seem wrong; they seem like behaviors that loving people do not do to one another. I realize that such a viewpoint is not defensible, as it just comes down to a a very basic value or set of fundamental beliefs (and we know it’s hard, if not impossible, to debate values).</p>
<p>I respect the value of giving people the benefit of the doubt. And assuming the best in others. I admire those that do that, and I wish I did it more often. But in the context of children with parents, I err on the side of worrying more about the children’s wellbeing than worrying about judging the parents. I’m the kind of person who has walked up to a parent yelling in the face of her cowering child to ask her to stop (even though I don’t know the context or history). One may argue its none of my business but I’d rather be wrong and out of place than not give the child’s wellbeing the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p>Personally, I do not like being publicly humiliated and have tried not to inflict that on anyone I love or care about. What goes around comes around has quite a bit of truth to it. Some of our actions have very far-reaching consequences indeed and of course none of us know the “full story,” even if all the parties involved were to report it because we all have our own filters. Personally would NOT do this to any person.</p>
<p>Excellent points and observations star. But did you notice in your last paragraph how many times you used the word “SEEMS”. Now you’re understanding more of the problem with where this thread has gone. I have lived in 14 countries. I’ve seen many situations with what “SEEMS” to be outrageous. Middle eastern cultures are notorious for debating such things. What “SEEMS” to be something to one person; especially in a time and place; may not seem that way to another. We’ve all heard the stories like; “When I was younger, my dad caught me smoking. He made me sit there and smoke an entire pack of cigarettes one right after the other. I puked my guts out. And I’ve never smoked a cigarette sense”. Now, whether you know someone who this actually happened to, and whether or not they smoke later, is not important. But does it “SEEM” to be a form of child abuse? Does it “SEEM” to be excessive. What about 30 years ago?</p>
<p>The problem is; we don’t have enough information about this situation to form an educated opinion from. It can “SEEM” on the surface to be child abuse and emotionally scarring. On the other hand, what if this was a “Standing” punishment that the teen knew about for say 2 years??? What if he knew, because of past report cards, doing well when he tried; being disciplined when he didn’t try; etc… that the parents told him that if he “Failed a class again because he wasn’t trying, that he would have to stand on the street corner and display his grades to the public”? Would that be different? I believe it definitely would have a different impact on the teen being it was something he “KNEW” was going to happen if he got lazy. Again, this is all hypothetical. The problem is, people personalize everything. They care “TOO MUCH” about feelings. Sometimes tough love is the answer. Unfortunately tough love can mean different things to different people. We do have certain laws to cover most physical abuse. But when it comes to the non-physical, there are too many variables involved with the individuals. </p>
<p>Oh well; there will still be some people that see that as the extreme. That it’s the most horrendous thing you can do to a child. But I would like to thank you starbright for being able to debate/discuss such a topic with an open mind. I definitely appreciate it. Need to crash tonight, but maybe during a break at work tomorrow I can check out some more comments. night…</p>