Transferring from Grinnell for social reasons

Transfer Students
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I suppose this is the difficulty of attempting to communicate online, is that people only grasp exactly what I put forth and their own interpretations based on their previous experiences with people in similar situations. That is to say, I think you are reading too much into why my high school experience is so vital to my understanding of college. It’s not because I’m fixated on rectifying some sort of failed high school experience. The reality is that the environment of a rigorous liberal arts college is not dissimilar to a prestigious boarding school in the slightest. Similar population sizes (1,000 at Exeter vs. 1,800 at Grinnell), similar workloads (college level work in high school and then grad school level work in college), VERY similar student cultures (young folks who have never lived on their own before who are burnt out and stressed constantly) etc, etc. In my experiences at my time at Grinnell, I’ve been able to connect the thoughts as to why these institutions weren’t great environments for me to socialize, despite being surrounded by similarly like minded individuals.

I never tried to say at any point in time that this was a universal experience to Grinnell. If you are an individual who is comfortable focusing almost entirely on school work, are someone who is very committed to a specific hobby or sport on campus, or if you’re an aids needed international student, Grinnell is a great institution for you! The problem lies in the fact that Grinnell does not give you enough free time in order to really be anything outside of your pre-existing hobbies, and as someone who just enjoys discussion and talking as opposed to always doing something and focusing on the next task, Grinnell was an environment that wasn’t suitable for me. There are plenty of students that love and adore Grinnell exactly for what it is. But there are also a considerable number of students who slip between the cracks and fail to matriculate due to a lack of support systems in terms of temporal and emotional availability & vulnerability, and those students matter too. I’ve literally talked with the President of the college herself and she even said it’s important to recognize my story not as a one off thing, but as a systemic issue that is often under-recognized due to the small and seemingly friendly nature of the college.

This part of my life should be a new phase. But it isn’t. And hasn’t been. Everytime I try to grow and make new connections I’ve been stifled by people who don’t have the emotional culpability to express their boundaries and have ongoing conversations about how to make one another comfortable. People just expect people to know how they should be treated, and there are enough people on campus who don’t like my vibe that I’ve been like, psuedo-locked out of a ton of friend groups and places I would otherwise be interested in because I can’t integrate into a friend group if certain people are purposely trying to keep me out. I’m not looking for some idealized dream of a college experience where everything goes great and life is perfect. But I’d at least like a damn friend or two so I have some semblance of a social life, and trying to get those friends has been like pulling teeth out.

And if people could stop recommending I see mental health professionals, that would be great. I’ve been seeing therapists consistently since the age of 14, and I’m sure that they would have brought up some repressed urge to relive a high school fantasy or something if they thought it was poignant enough to be recognized. Once again, I’m not trying to ask for the world. But I know from my own experiences that I need a fresh start somewhere where the constant toll of a full schedule doesn’t loom over every single interaction I have with a person there.

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OP- I don’t mean this to be critical. But you are seriously idolizing the college experience.

Big institutions are great– I am a fan. But there is no such thing as a dorm which holds 20,000 students. So big schools are divided into micro-cultures. And a big dorm is divided into smaller units- your floor, your hall. And if you don’t think that petty gossip and rivalry and other stuff happens at a big college you are mistaken. Or a big department (bio) is divided into smaller sub-disciplines. So the kids who have all taken the same genetics sequence form a micro-culture, as do the kids who have taken the same zoology courses, etc.

I encourage you to take a more transactional approach to picking your next college. Don’t go into the process assuming that you’ll find community at a big rah rah school with sports teams and frats and mascots and t-shirts. Just go into the process looking for an affordable way to finish your degree, hopefully with less social isolation even if you aren’t waving a pennant at the football tailgates every weekend with your 30 BFF’s. Your expectations of college seem straight from the movies, not reality for thousands and thousands of college students.

And guess what- even a %^&* college experience ends eventually- in four or possibly five years. And then real life begins. You can get a job with intensity and 14 hour days where nobody has time to chitchat or have outside interests, or you can get a job teaching HS history where you and your colleagues regularly attend museum and gallery openings in the evening or take classes cultivating Bonsai or go to Sea Chanty concerts performed on a Tall Ship. Really. Adult life is fantastic. So don’t idealize college, or universities with lots of sports teams and your perception of rah rah. I attended half of a football game during my entire college and grad school career (I showed up on time but left at half time, couldn’t take it anymore).

Just graduate. Figure that out. You really have the rest of your life to choose your own path, and find interests and activities and hobbies you love, and to take plein air painting classes and discover you are terrible at it, but you keep doing it because the other terrible artists in the class are so much fun.

College social life works for some people and doesn’t work for others and that’s OK. You aren’t doomed to be an outcast for the rest of your life because prep school and college didn’t treat you like a debutante in a 19th century novel. You will seriously be OK in the outside world.

And NY, Baltimore, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston- big cities where there are needy people who need you for advocacy or for running mobile dental clinics or supplying winter coats for the unhoused- this seems like an easier route to college friendships for you than showing up at a hockey game with 12 friends, no???

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Reminder that CC is supposed to be a warm and welcoming community where everyone is free to share their opinion/advice.

Post violating forum rules and subsequent responses hidden/deleted.

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Yes, this paragraph echoes the experience of hundreds of thousands of students at commuter colleges around the country. I commuted myself. I didn’t have fun at college, though it would have been nice. For many students, it’s about getting the degree and even enjoyment from learning, as bonus.

OP, transferring into a residential college with only a year and a half left of your degree is going to be really difficult socially, not to mention expensive. This is why a number of people are suggesting SUNY and CUNY.

It seems you have study abroad lined up for Fall of 26. Has the cost of the program already been accounted for? I’m guessing that the costs are covered by whatever scholarship you have? CUNY also has lots of study abroad options. You could consider starting the fall at CUNY, then studying abroad in early 2027. Programs – Global CUNY

You would be able to get a fresh start for the upcoming college year, study abroad, and only have a year left to complete. If needed, you might even get a jump start on knowing which, if any, additional classes you might need to meet degree requirements. Maybe even this summer, you could take some low-cost community college classes to meet requirements if needed. (My own son did this in NY state. He attended a SUNY school and the university accepted community college credits for a course requirement he needed. It was also much less expensive than SUNY fees.)

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Would you prefer a smaller school although larger than Grinnell (say, 2,500-5,000) or a larger school (? Syracuse is about 22,000+ESF about 2,000; Bing is about 18,000; New Paltz is about 7,000.)

Would you rather live on campus if there’s a transfer dorm or would it be better you lived in the university’s nearby community in student residences rather than on campus?

At larger universities it’ll be easier to disappear into the crowd if you say/do something that irks people but you’ll have to work hard to create friendships then sustain them because these people will also disappear quickly if you don’t have their name/phone/dorm or address.
At smaller universities that welcome transfers they will offer a ready-made transfer community (at colleges that build “close knit” it’s through activities etc) but would you be comfortable joining those activities and obviously gossip runs faster if you’re known.

How important is the big spectator sports/ football or basketball scene to you - keeping in mind you probably couldn’t afford the tickets, how important to you is tailgating in the parking lot (lots of people like that but it’s a a particular subculture)? Is it something along the lines “want to try that at least once” or more a “wish I could do that every weekend regardless of sport”? Or would you just support any winning team (like Swimming at Denison)? Or would you want to participate in a sport (which one, how competitive)? Did you try broomball at Grinnell (assuming there were games like at most northern/Midwestern colleges) and is this kind of “get together and play” loosely organized activity something you’d like?

What’s your college budget (outside of loans)?

How important to you is it to graduate in 18 months vs. 2 years/3 vs 4 semesters?

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As part of this research, the OP should determine if attending two years at any transfer school’s main campus is required.

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Good point. The OP can contact a counselor at CUNY and book an advising session. https://explorer.cuny.edu/

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I’m participating in DIS - Copenhagen, which is a program that’s open to a bunch of other LACs and bigger state schools. I’ll definitely look through what other schools people come from and see if there’s anything there that may be viable, thanks!

You’re free to your opinion, but your comments aren’t accurate representations of what I’ve been trying to say nor what I want from my college experiences. I am not looking for some ‘rah rah 30 BFFs’ party, I’m merely looking for an institutions where individuals have to the time to sit down, talk to someone, and get to know them for who they are without being pressured about when their next assignment is going to be due. People do not like giving up their free time talking to someone 1on1 that they don’t know well. Bigger group events don’t usually lend well to intricate or intimate conversation. And people hate being approached virtually in any manner in my experience, whether it be instagram, discord, text messages, what have you.

I think a SUNY will most likely be the way to go then, I think. As of now, my current thought process that I’ve gathered from this thread (once again, thanks guys :)) is that I’ll take a voluntary leave in the spring, and then consider what my options are in the SUNY system and what colleges support the most credits and especially aid for transfer students. My study abroad experience as is is fully paid for and I already have my ticket bought, so I’ll definitely be participating in it for the fall. If that means those credits don’t count and I need to do an additional semester at a different school, then so be it to be honest.

I’m open to anything but I theorize from my and others personal experiences that the small, intimate culture of Grinnell probably contributed to some of the social issues I experienced there (though as people have pointed out, humans are also just cliquey by nature and any college may have a very similar social environment). My personal preference heavily leans towards living on campus, both because it can be supplemented with financial aid at many instituions, and because I don’t have reliable forms of transport for commuting outside of like, I guess public transport.

Oooo, thanks for the edit, that clarifies things! I think I would be open to a place with a ‘ready-made’ transfer community (I’ve also grown a lot as a person and while I understand many of my traits that people don’t like are core to me, there’s also a lot of stuff I’ve been able to change and grow about myself so I’m sure I can manage to make a good first impression this time. It’s all about experience :D). I think the best thing for me is a place where I have something I can lean into immediately, whether that be a non-trad/transfer student center, some sort of transfer student programming, or a place with high-concentration of associate’s degree students.

In terms of sports, I literally don’t care about any of that stuff haha. I have NO idea what the heck a broomball is though, the only sort of unorganized sport on campus at Grinnell was spikeball. And even compared to Exeter (where people would just play spikeball out on the lawns to chill), the only time people played spikeball at Grinnell was during club organized events. I pointed out the homecoming and social stuff less as something I REALLY want to do, and more as a symptom of a bigger problem (that Grinnell students don’t have a shared sense of identity or school spirit of any kind. Heck, most of us hate the fact that our team is called the ‘Pioneers.’) Otherwise I’m really open to any environment (as long as it has decent worklife balance! I’m not opposed to rigor at all, I just hate when rigor is modus operandi of the college), but I lean into supporting any team, especially if they win. It’s so funny you mention swimming at Denison, as Denison seemed (from what I can glean from their common data set) to not have a maximum amount of accepted transfer credits, and I’ve managed swimming during my high school and college years (and both teams were conference champions, another highschool/college similarity lol), so I gravitate heavily towards that kind of thing (and will definitely be looking more into Denison now, cheers!)

My college budge is like. Non-existent LOL. My SAI is like -1500 or something :skull:. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to realizing that I transfer, I will have to take out loans, but I really think my mental-well being is worth that, if not to get away from the trauma that has happened at Grinnell. Bad for need-aware schools of course, but…it is what it is. Sometimes you gotta make sacrifices for the sake of your sanity.

It’s not important at all for me to graduate in 18 months vs 2 years. While I’d prefer to graduate in 18 months (primarily because I’m already a year behind technically when it comes to standard graduation ages, and also because less school), I also recongize that a lot of schools require a full two-years at the institution or only accept a maximum of 16 classes/64 credits. This is especially true if a school won’t accept my international credits for whatever reason, since then I’ll only be transferring with 64.5 credits (none of them come from APs or any of the other stuff, all from college) Because of this, I’m more then open to just doing a full two-years somewhere else, with the only caveat being the extra expenses of an addition semester.

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You’re a native New Yorker; you’ve tried two different parts of the country. Time to come back. There are tons of people here who are looking for someone with your approach to relationships (nothing held back; everything on the table.) Heck, you sound like my dental hygienist! CUNY says, “I’ve gotchyou!”

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Time is getting short to do anything for spring.

I think you should go on your study abroad and have a wonderful time. Don’t worry about the spring. If you come back and just can’t stand not being in college, take a few classes at a local college or even adult extension programs (not for college credit). Then spend the spring really getting to know the colleges you are interested in. If it is a state school you might be able to start in the summer and make up some of the credits from the spring, or plan a 2 year program starting in the fall. If you have plenty of credits to graduate but don’t have the 60ish credits at that college which may be required, it might be possible to start graduate level classes that would count toward your 60 and also count toward a masters.

My daughter needed 131 credits to graduate, and her scholarships were for 8 semesters only so she had to plan well. By spring of senior year she just needed credits, not in anything in particular. She took Spanish, tennis and some engineering classes. You might be in that position too, and just trying to get credits at the new school to graduate. It is possible to overload a semester if the classes are just for fun, but don’t worry about that now. When you come back, start making charts for the schools you are interested in, how many credits you’d need as a junior, how you can get them (summer, overloading, or just taking them in an extra semester).

It will work out. Enjoy your semester abroad. Maybe you’ll meet kids from other schools and they’ll have some suggestions for you. My daughter met one of her best friends on her semester abroad (same school but they didn’t know each other before they went).

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Don’t use the CDS for transfer info, you have to go to the websites, and then ultimately meet with a transfer AO.

Denison will accept a max of 62 credits from transfers. 126 credits are required for graduation, so you are looking at two years (at least) at Denison.

Transfer students may transfer a maximum of 62 credits at the time of admission. Upon matriculation to Denison, the following transfer credit limits apply: (a) Transfer students who transfer in 40 or more credits upon admission must complete the remainder of their credits at Denison. (Credits earned via Denison’s Off-Campus Study programs qualify as credits earned at Denison.) (b) Transfer students who transfer in fewer than 40 credits upon admission may not exceed a combined total of 40 transfer credits awarded at the time of admission and post-matriculation at Denison. For example, a transfer student who brings in 16 credits at the time of application may transfer in a maximum of 24 credits thereafter. (Credits earned via Denison’s Off-Campus Study programs qualify as credits earned at Denison.)

https://catalog.denison.edu/catalog/academic-program/academic-policies/#text

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I don’t want to derail the thread, but your program is supposed to be FANTASTIC. Students rave about their time in Copenhagen. I agree with twoinanddone’s advice. For now, focus on having a great time abroad, and then take the spring to investigate. Maybe some time in Europe will feed the soul. :smile:

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Hard agree. As stated above, I think this thread has made me realize the best course of action right now is to take a voluntary leave in the spring and reconfigure from there. Especially regarding the non-major courses, it’d be nice to just take some things just cause after taking bio every semester since I’ve started college, haha. And you’re right! I’m sure my new perspectives as well as the perspectives of other students will also aid me in my considerations.

Lesson learned and I will keep that in mind when doing further research, cheers!

No worries at all, you’re not derailing anything c:. As other people in this thread have eluded too, my study abroad experience is also an important consideration in terms of what schools I would like to be in moving forward, as well as a good litmus test to see how my mannerisms of social interaction survive first contact with another culture. I’m sure there will be plenty to learn and I’m very excited to experience another countries culture for the first time!! :slight_smile:

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This is the list of colleges that work with DIS Copenhagen

Trying to think of a college that’s friendly, not listed on this thread yet, meets need (mostly), and with relatively good work/life balance AFAIK.

So, here are more possibilities to explore
Brandeis
Case Western
Dickinson
Lafayette
Skidmore

Some of these are small and may be too small but all are located either in a walkable town or in/near a cool neighborhood of a city. Reaching out this summer about how transfers are helped join the college community could give you ideas about what matters to you and you’ll have all these students in your DIS classes so you can get a better sense of who you vibe with.

Note they say SUNY Albany is a DIS partner so it could be worth looking into in addition to Bing, Geneseo, New Paltz, etc. Same with City College (CUNY).

I see you speak about on campus room&board being covered or cheaper than off campus thanks to financial aid this can be true, and typically is at meet need colleges, but, even if considered student residences, for SUNY/CUNY it is not covered even if you get a NYS tuition scholarship -& so reach out to know costs, whether any FA applies, etc.
Wrt SUNY/CUNY I would also apply to their Honors programs since it’d create a smaller universe for you, making it easier for you to meet people while you’d also have larger classes anonymity (you’d have 1-2 smaller classes and 3-4 larger classes. At public universities, small may be 25-30 and large 75-100, although as you advance in your major some Bio classes would be smaller, and labs are always small.)
If you’re in NYC this summer, go visit City College and anywhere you can get to?

I agree you should enjoy Copenhagen :raising_hands:

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Do you think the private schools you mentioned are viable options for a student with a 3.21 GPA needing significant aid? (I don’t know the answer.)

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I think they’re not impossible and, most importantly, this student’s best chance at getting the aid they need.
Grinnell has exceptional FA packages for lower income students and the worst possible situation could be that OP gets admitted to colleges they can’t afford to attend.

Some will interpret Grinnell’s GPA as B+ (it’s slightly grade deflated), making the full need/need blind colleges impossible, but the full need colleges are not out of reach imho. A B+ in college is not bad and Adcoms will know it’s from a rigorous college+ some colleges are trying to diversify and this student seems to be a safe academic bet. (Recommendations will have to profile someone they want too, of course).
Of course we don’t know if the GPA is due to consistent B B+ A- grades or from C’s in a couple biology courses+As in other classes..

The SUNYs are far more likely but won’t cover room&board (AFAIK) and that cost will be very difficult for OP to cover sldue to the SAI-1,500 (which is why initially many poster were telling them to stick it out at Grinnell but the burn out&isolation are unbearable for OP who really needs to be somewhere else).
Wrt HEOP some private colleges seem to have a clause “unless you transfer from a college that didn’t have EOP/HEOP/Seek/Discovery” but it’s up to OP to look into which ones.
Wrt CUNY OP has been away from home for 6-7 years now, we don’t know whether it’s possible for them to just return to their childhood bedroom and commute, and OP sounded pretty sure it wasn’t a real possibility even as an “escape Grinnell” situation. If it is a real possibility, then it opens up more options. CUNYs do have dorms but it’s even more expensive than typical on campus housing due to NYC costs, so if OP can’t commute from a place (parents/relatives/Exeter friends) that wouldn’t charge rent, it’d be a problem too.

Since OP needs to find another college - and hopefully will feel less burnt out after the semester in Copenhagen - I’m trying to explore all possibilities.

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I agree, and would also not include the highly rejective. The high number of credits OP has earned may also be an issue.

I’ve thought about which schools OP might apply to and it’s tricky. Would small/medium be preferable or large? I’m not sure, so would probably lean to not recommend LACs.

With that said maybe friendly, less cliquey LACs could work like Denison and Dickinson.

I would strongly encourage OP to consider female identifying colleges especially Bryn Mawr and Mount Holyoke. Also Berea, a work college, which someone mentioned above.

Then, maybe Lafayette, BU, Northeastern, Rochester, and Tufts.

Rec letters are a good point too, and I would encourage OP to ask two profs for those now, rather than the fall or even next spring.

Sybbie719 did post above that OP will not be eligible for EOP/HEOP even at the SUNY/CUNY schools.

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While OP is smart to be exploring options now, it’d be smart to incorporate “learnings” from the Copenhagen semester into the choice. DIS has several housing options, and depending on which one is chosen and how it works out, that could influence preferences and direction for the final year. Making a student life in a city is different in that there are more optionsfor everything and less of a fishbowl.

OP has indicated that they have been working on social interactions, so this is an opportunity to use them and see how they work. A re-set of sorts. Getting away from a situation that has clearly been extremely difficult will be helpful and make it less about “getting away from” and more about “going to”.

And to the extent that problems arise that are familiar (as they do for all of us), that’s where the growth focus should be.

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Sorry if I wasn’t clear: as Sybbie stated EOP not possible at SUNY/CUNY since OP wasn’t enrolled in an EOP/HEOP/SEEK/Discovery program - which is why it may be a problem for a SAI-1500 student (no help for R&B may make SUNYs too expensive and we don’t know whether OP really has a place to commute from since they’ve been away from home for 6-7 years now.)
HOWEVER private universities in the State MAY consider HEOP for HEOP eligible students who attended an OOS university and were thus not enrolled in it because it wasn’t a possibility even if they would have qualified had they enrolled in a NYS private university.
To me the language read like “if you’re doing a lateral transfer from a peer institution in another State but would otherwise qualify, you’re not automatically disqualified”. I didn’t write down which universities had this language and OP needs to look into it themselves.

Strongly seconding this.

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