<p>Just dropped off #3; having been through it before, I think the worst time of all was spring of senior year for #2- all the lasts and knowing what was to come in the fall. It was actually easier doing it IRL than surviving the anticipation. I really missed going to all the sporting events that we had attended, the action, the games, the other girls, the other parents, the whole experience.</p>
<p>Now with #3 we began long ago getting ready mentally, yet I still keep trying to recall who I used to be before the kids- what was I interested in, what did I do, what did I wish I had time for when they were in diapers!?</p>
<p>It is weird for me as I live in a new town, not the one where they all grew up with all those long time friends. It is odd to find new friends when you are not meeting at PTA, or a swim meet! In the last 6 months I have volunteered time in two charitable organizations to give me some where to direct my energy and thoughts and hopefully meet some like-minded new fiends.</p>
<p>It is also a time to re-evaluate careers, my job has been the one that worked best with being flexable to be there for the kids0 time for something new? Can I be 8-5 if I’ve always been flexible? What do I what to be when I grow up?</p>
<p>somemom, this is the perfect time for you to get involved in a political campaign. Whenever I have moved I’ve made it a point to live in a community that has a nearby League of Women Voters and also an AAUW–American Association of University Women (but membership requires one to hold at least a 2 year diploma). I have ALWAYS found good friends in these 2 organizations. A Women’s Club is also an means of entree into a new town. They offer charitable work but social occasions, too.</p>
<p>I hope you have good job opportunities there as well. I have made some very good friends who were originally courtroom adversaries. The friendships just develop naturally in professional associations.</p>
<p>I am saying good-bye to my recently college-graduated DD who will be heading off to Turkey for 10 months. I had both kids at home this summer on and off; one working fulltime and the other overseas for some of the summer so we were one big happy family for quite a lot of the time. As of tomorrow it will just be me and hubby and Dd will be SO far away! I’m going to miss her so much, and it seems harder since she will be so far away. It doesn’t get easier…</p>
<p>anxiousmom, I feel your pain. After saying goodbye to my younger daughter on August 25th at a college 7 hours away, I have been miserable. I was dreading it for weeks and then the day arrived. Yesterday is the first day I have gotten through without crying. I knew it would be hard, just not THIS hard.</p>
<p>To the OP–maybe make a list of things you want to do, and get busy checking them off. Always wanted to play an instrument or sing in a barbershop quartet? Want to take up a new sport? Haven’t yet been to that new one-of-a-kind store that opened on the other side of town? Do whatever your heart desires, and you will have a fuller life and more to talk to your S about when he calls.</p>
<p>I am a musician, and my days are sometimes busy, sometimes not. On days when the nest is empty (3 kids gone, one in HS still), I try to remember what it is I wanted to do when I finally had some free time, and DO it. The vacuuming can wait!</p>
<p>I’m not sure what is up with me, but I just can’t get motivated to come up with any new activities now that the nest is empty. Nothing seems like much fun, including activities I used to like. I know that is one sign of depression, but I don’t really feel sad, just kind of bored with everything (except snacking too much). I, too, don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and I am working a full time job in a career I switched to about 15 years ago. I’m seeing my G.P. for a physical Friday, so perhaps he’ll have some suggestions. Any advise?</p>
<p>2sons- physical is a good next step. I’d also suggest racheting down your expectations a little- you don’t need to come up with a long list of “fun activities” right now; just get involved with something that’s neither work or home related.</p>
<p>I joined a non-profit board for an organization I volunteered for on a “when I had time” basis when my kids lived at home… which of course wasn’t much time! The board has been great- people I’d have never met, issues I’ve never really had to think about; something very different from the kind of volunteering you do when your kids are young which always seemed to involve car pooling or baking. </p>
<p>You don’t need to feel sad to be depressed; OTOH, you don’t need to “fix” your life with a host of classes, sports, activities, travel, etc. Decide to change one thing every day- take a walk at lunch instead of sitting at your desk; buy the ingredients for dinner at a farmer’s market instead of the grocery store; eat vegan for a whole day; see if you can get through an entire day without using a credit card, etc. Sometimes having the freedom just to mess with your daily existence is so liberating.</p>
<p>2sonmama - Blossom is correct, you don’t need to be “sad” to be depressed. Have a frank talk with your GP about this.</p>
<p>I know exactly how you feel, believe me. I’ve struggled with major clinical depression for years now. My DS leaving last August triggered a bad episode from which I have not really recovered. In fact, the last two weeks for me have been about as bad as I’ve ever been. Some of it is coming to grips with him being gone, some of it is due to some drama in his life that is spilling over into ours (long story).</p>
<p>A big thing for me is that my son is a very private person and I feel like if I ask how things are going with school or the GF I only get one word answers like “fine” over the phone. In person I can draw him out. I just have to keep telling myself “let go, let go” with more success sometimes than others I’m afraid.</p>
<p>If you are diagnosed with depression don’t listen to people that tell you to talk yourself out of it. It is a medical disorder. Follow the instructions of your GP for either counseling or meds or both.</p>
<p>Hopefully you are just a little “blue” and won’t need any of this. I would not wish major clinical depression on my worst enemy.</p>
<p>Great advice, Blossom. Icon and 2son, I was sitting here before I logged on thinking about how I was a little blue since my S went off to college leaving a mostly empty nest. I thought I was handling this well, until a couple of days ago. My usual zest just isn’t evident.</p>
<p>Maybe it is partly that it is now cold, and we even had a bit of snow yesterday. The days are dark so early, and I just don’t have to do as much as I did when S was here. So I feel a little down in the dumps. Structuring a day without kids’ needs is a challenge when it first happens. (I say this after just spending 2 hours helping my “independent” D with a task.)</p>
<p>I am giving myself permission not to have to be zesty or to immediately start new activities. In the past, when I have given myself time, the urge to “get on with it” always surfaces eventually. Of course, if it didn’t, I’d have no problem getting a bit of professional help to get back on track.</p>
<p>Haven’t read the whole thread - but just want to give a heads up. Thanksgiving recess is probably the first time your kids AND their friends will be back in the neighborhood. As eager as you are to see each other it’s weird for them and will be for you too. I found that my last one’s going back to school after Thanksgiving was the hardest for me. I didn’t expect that at all - however, recovery was quicker than in August.</p>
<p>The fact that they’re happy and that I can see real growth in all of mine makes it easier - but it sure is different and I really do appreciate it when they are around. We try hard to get them ALL together. I love those dynamics - they interact with each other in a way they don’t with the 'rents. Thanksgiving is a command performance and they sometime take us up on the offer of a family vacation (expenses paid by us - even for the married ones!)</p>
<p>2Sonmama; I feel exactly the same as you and I still have one at home…counting the days until Christmas and summer just about sums up my existence.</p>
<p>ON depression, if you are feeling a little blue vs clinically depressed, be careful how your physician notes that on your records. If you are not actually depressed and needing medication you don’t really want that diagnosis in your records. I work in insurance and I read medical records and I am ssooooooo careful how I phrase things with doctors. It is not that they are trying to cause you a problem, but you can make a flip remark whilst their attitude is CYA and they notate everything. It is very tough to prove a negative to get that off of your record!!</p>
<p>I have also found satisfaction in my work with a foundation board and it is not even in my area, but is a subject near & dear to me- some commitments can be done online and on the phone.</p>
<p>Can we post links to good charities to get involved with or does that violate forum terms?</p>
<p>We have two S’s and are very close to both. It has been tough for us to get used to having a quiet home. I take some solace with friends whose children who were not competitive in school and never went on to higher education. The concept of having a child at home who could never afford to leave and have the ability of making a life for themselves, raising a family and giving their children hopefully what we have been fortunate enough to do for ours was far more troubling. The internet and cell phones are great as we keep in touch daily. Funny but some of our friends can’t wait to get their kids out of the house and we are so sad but at the same time proud of their accomplishments.</p>
<p>Have you thought about all those things you used to think about - like remodeling your house for a workable home office or media room. Are there places in the US that you always wanted to visit - a road trip through the midwest - visit national parks, etc.</p>
<p>For years you have focused on your son - and he is moving on to a life without you. He will still need support once he moves away. Learn how to text if you do not know how already.</p>
<p>Start thinking about all those things you have wanted to do for yourself - or look into volunteering. If you have been through the college process and live in a metropolitan area - in some schools there is only one college counselor to work with 500+ seniors. You could volunteer your time.</p>
<p>I met a wonderful man at a Children’s Hospital when my D was smaller and in for ear tube surgery (many of us remember doing that!). He volunteered in the recovery room and was great with the kids. </p>
<p>Another option - Small Business consulting - many community colleges need volunteers to work with students who own their own businesses and take night classes about accounting, business plans, etc.</p>
<p>Step back and think about your dreams - what you wanted to do years and years ago before your son was born - now may be the time to revive your own dreams and bring them to reality.</p>
<p>Or get in your pajamas at 6:30 p.m. and read a book until you fall asleep. When I get home from work I am all talked out and all tired out, and pajamas and book is about all I’m up for!</p>
<p>My one and only son is away at college for the second year. When I call him he is short with his answers and really does not share with me. I am so sad. I really only care about this relationship in my life. I am feeling we are not very close. Does anyone else feel like I do?
I have tried so many things. I have tried to be happy when we talk and not to ask too many questions. I have tried to keep myself busy with other family members. Nothing works. I am so sad.</p>
It doesn’t get easier…</p>
When I get home from work I am all talked out and all tired out, and pajamas and book is about all I’m up for!</p>