<p>What happened Thanksgiving, if you don’t mind my asking?</p>
<p>How are you doing IConsult?? I hope you have had success in job hunting - I think that will remove some major stressors in your life.</p>
<p>I dropped my only child (son) off at his campus last Monday, a week ago yesterday. Lucky for me he is only an hour or so away but like mommy4life mentioned, it still seemed like a million miles at the time.
Because my son had been dropped off 4 days early because of sports, I returned to his campus on Friday for a parent orientation meeting and was able to eat lunch and spend a little time with him. Mommy, if you can take a run to campus to see her I will ensure you that it will make you feel so much better. I saw a difference in my son that day, whether he had actually changed in 4 days or I was just seeing something I didn’t see when he was at home IDK. But it was awesome!! I saw him as a young adult, making his way, fixing his room, interacting with his roomates, figuring things out. We had a great time and he was open and fun to talk to and filled me in on his almost 1st week on campus. I did tear up a bit when I left him and have a little sometimes since that but I have felt so much better since that time.
Being close by allows us that benefit–take it if you can. I don’t know how I would do it if he was 2000 miles away–</p>
<p>Dropped off youngest D this past week (at a school half way across the country from us). Had a great time move-in day and several days of parents’ orientation, etc. But, on Sunday, when we said our goodbyes, the HARDEST thing I think I’ve ever done was to get in the car and drive off while she was standing and waving with tears running down her cheeks (not to mention mine). Sigh… I know I’ll see her parents’ weekend, thanksgiving, Xmas break, etc., but still…</p>
<p>Dropped D2 (youngest) off Friday, D1 Saturday and S left on Sunday. I feel so sad and all I see are empty bedrooms and all I hear is quiet. All the advise given on this thread is good, but I think only time will help.</p>
<p>Ironically, I am a college professor. Thank goodness our classes start tomorrow. I just have to stop crying before walking in the classroom.</p>
<p>So maybe your S or D is sitting in a class and the professor is feeling as sad as mom and dad.</p>
<p>How are yoy doing iconsult?</p>
<p>flvadad—thought of your family at the mini parent orientation–wasn’t sure if your daughter was doing a pre-orientation program. (my son is on the DC trip) I too found it very odd, having 12 minutes to say goodbye after the speakers, (and in a public outdoor setting too). Found myself searching for what to say to make it a meaningful goodbye like that…glad I had handed my son a card an hour earlier…which he could read privately.</p>
<p>the system they set up for helping students unload the cars was amazing, so helpful and fast. thought the dorms were nicely arranged too. heard from my son and sounds like a nice group of students, making friends etc. have you heard from your daughter?</p>
<p>It’s funny that several people have asked how I am doing. I was thinking of posting an update. People here are so nice to ask - what a great community!</p>
<p>I was doing somewhat better after my last post. I kept busy this summer and just tried to enjoy my S. The last few days have been tough - today especially. We take to school on Friday and my wife is home helping him start to pack. I had to take him to school last week for an ROTC indoctrination class and thought I would have a problem with that, but I was fine and he did very well.</p>
<p>It’s really hitting me today because last night his GF came over for me to install a webcam on her laptop to help them stay in touch (we have one too). My S really loves her and they are going to try the LD relationship thing, but she is a Jr in HS and you all know the odds there. She is very sweet girl and they are good for each other so we are pulling for them. She has been at our house several nights a week this summer so in a way we feel like we are losing two kids!</p>
<p>Still no luck on the job front, but I’m consulting still so $ is coming in. I am totally unproductive today so I may just take the afternoon off and go help with the packing. S and I did play golf last night which was alot of fun.</p>
<p>I’m going to miss him more than I ever thought.</p>
<p>I’m glad to hear things seem to be going well. Thank you for updating. Sometimes I feel like a sap for feeling so concerned for a name on a msg board, but I really did want to know that things are working out. Good luck on Friday!</p>
<p>In my experience, the days before my son left were harder than the ones following his departure. Very emotional. For the first one, it was opposite. In any case, you will adjust. Good luck.</p>
<p>I have a daughter that just left for college 6 days ago, 1st child that has done that, my oldest son comuted. My heart feels truly broken. The most random things make me miss her so much. She is having a hard time. Last night I brought her a few things that we had forgotten to pack and driving away again was a killer!.. She texts me and IM’s me often with all her concerns and I am not sure whether this is good. She did IM me today saying
“thank you for not crying last night, it made seeing you leave easier.” WOW! I guess that says quite a bit about how our reactions do impact them. I am just ot sure how to reassure her without sounding too cliche that she will be ok. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>OP- you will do great at drop off. Remind yourself that you’ve been such a good parent all these years- giving him what HE needs and not what you need. And you’re about to do it again. He wants to see that you’ll be ok without him. He wants to feel your excitement for his big new adventure. He only has a vague idea of what your home life will be like when he’s not around- so he just needs to know that you’ll be busy and occupied and doing interesting things even if he’s not there to enjoy them with you.</p>
<p>And you will communicate all of that to him on Friday. You can come back here and be sad and mourn and be a basket case and wonder if anything will ever be fun again, and we will all help you get through it- but it’s not his job to help you separate. As emotional as I am (who cries at GE commercials? I do! who cries at credit card commercials? I do!) My kids were very grateful that I was not one of the parents losing it at drop off. Years later they can confess to you how scared they were; at the very moment when you drive off they need to feel confident and loved and supported, and not guilty that they’ve ruined your life by moving onto the next stage. </p>
<p>YOU CAN DO IT! and Visa can help…</p>
<p>iconsult - I have no wise words of advice, but I sympathize completely with you. With a few minor modifications, your story is my story. On Sunday, my H and I take our only child to college and I have been so sad for weeks. (Hey, last Friday I burst into tears in the soda aisle in Kroger - no need to buy Jones’ soda for a while. How embarrassing is that?!)</p>
<p>D and I had our years of conflict in middle school, but in the past few years we’ve grown closer (maybe not Gilmore Girls close, but what passes for close in real life.) This summer was wonderful (family trips, deep conversations, no arguing) - which makes the upcoming separation even worse. She’s excited and nervous, thrilled and anxious, and I’ve done my best to hide the depth of my sadness from her (and when I can’t hide it, we laugh about it instead.) I don’t want to rain on her parade, but this is really hard.</p>
<p>I know what I’m supposed to do. Stay busy? (Check - fulltime job and volunteer work.) New hobby? (Check - hey, maybe it’s time to write that novel.) Don’t listen to her music? (Check - no Jack’s Mannequin or Metro Station.) Hey, none of it is working yet. Every time I try to be rational my irrational side breaks through.</p>
<p>Like your son, my D has a younger boyfriend with whom she will try the long distance relationship thing. We’re going to miss him, too. </p>
<p>Okay, I’ve worked myself up into yet ANOTHER crying jag. This is going to be brutal. I’ll be thinking of you on Friday, iconsult! Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>I logged on to CC for the first time in months because I’m so down after taking our younger D to college (7 hours away). We are very close and enjoy being together, so we knew this would be a difficult time. I was embarrassed thinking about all the crying/sobbing the two of of did before she left, while saying goodbye last week, and I continue to cry. Reading this post made me realize I am not the only one feeling so sad.</p>
<p>Little things set me off, like taking care of her cat, like I promised to do. Walking the dog, which we took turns doing, and just being alone. I work fairly long days and am very busy, but when I get home, my husband, who has had health problems and isn’t working, stays up for awhile, but is in bed by 8 pm. I’m a night person and that’s when I miss my D the most.</p>
<p>She had a few rough days at the beginning, but she volunteered for a 3 day community service project, which kept her busy. She is, or thinks she is shy. After a week, she has just started to meet some people she likes and wants to hang out with. One thing that helped her was to befriend a girl who is REALLY shy and terribly homesick. Classes start on Tuesday and I think that will help her tremendously. I know she will be OK. We were planning on her coming home for Thanksgiving, but as we left, she tearfully asked if she could come home for fall break. I told her yes, of course she can, if she still wants to when October rolls around. I know she is going to love her school and thrive there.</p>
<p>I just have to figure out how I am going to cope. We both have video cams, which are great when the three of us can coordinate a call, and when it works (problems with audio). She has been calling via cell phone daily and it helps me a lot to talk to her, but I don’t want her to know how sad I am. </p>
<p>For me, this is like going through a grieving period. I don’t know how long it will last, but it is so hard.</p>
<p>Lordy! One box of kleenex is not enough for this thread! We have three children close in age–so our lives have been devoted to our children for the last 21 years. Son left last week, we dropped our “baby” off 2 days ago, and today is move-in day for child number 2. It was especially hard to leave my youngest because we became very close this past year as she was the only one home. I lavished all the attention on her that she did not receive as a baby, LOL. I’ve had tearful moments all summer in anticipation of this day.
DH is having just as hard a time with this as I am. Looking at those empty bedrooms is a killer :(</p>
<p>I’m thinking of getting a dog, which I have always wanted, although DH is not yet on board with me. I’ve got lots of time to win him over 
</p>
<p>I don’t remember if you mentioned how far your son is–one thing that will get me through this is an occasional Saturday or Sunday brunch. My kids are not terribly far–1 1/2 , 2, or 3 hours away. We will think nothing of hopping into the car just to spend two hours with them. Many of my wise friends with older kids have suggested this to me–they said it helps with the transition. And they have said it gets easier after the long winter break. One can only hope they are right!</p>
<p>My thoughts are with you and everyone else who feels so sad…it’s nice to know we are not alone.</p>
<p>We are just beginning our second “empty” year. Dropped D off yesterday. We thought we would stay overnight and have brunch with her today, and leave early afternoon today. But, after all her stuff (and I do mean “all!”) was up in her room, she said that she was fine and wanted to do it all with her roommate, who is her best friend. So we said, well it looks as though it’s all under control, and she said Yup. So we came home. We were all pretty fine with it. And you know what, doing it all in one day was a bit hard (3 1/2 hours in the car each way), but it does feel as though she is closer to home this way. I am a bit sad, but definitely not as much as last year. So it does get easier, folks. I know that there will be hard patches during the year, for all of us; that’s life. But it’s not as awful as I was fearing it would be. Maybe there’s solace in knowing that it will get easier. At least, so far, it is easier for me. Hang in there.</p>
<p>One thing I found helpful last fall was having a get-together with S’s friends’ parents a couple weeks after the boys left for college. We had dessert and wine, and talked about drop-off stories, and how different things were at home, and had some good laughs. The stories segued into stories about our own time in college, about when the boys were little, about work… and eventually into our own lives. By the end of the evening we all remembered that we were our own grown-up people with our own grown-up lives and friends, and we made plans to get together again. </p>
<p>I really think the challenge for me will be building/re-building social networks when my kids are no longer in activities (I still have one in hs). I’m trying to get a jump on that now, so I’m not so lost when the last one leaves. </p>
<p>It’s really hard when we spend 18+ years of our lives focused on this little person, who becomes a bigger person, and just when they have become our friend (or are at least approaching becoming a reasonable adult) they leave us! But it does get easier, especially if your kid is really happy at college.
S is a sophomore and tells us that while he doesn’t dislike being home, it’s just more fun at college where he can wander down the hall in his sock feet to hang out with his friends. And we remember how that was, so we’re not offended.</p>
<p>D (1st year) has been gone 10 days now; she wants her space and got rid of me as fast as she could when I dropped her off. (I should have timed it; I don’t think I got to see her dorm room for more than 90 seconds.) Although she’s in-state, S went 1,000 miles away to college, and she’s so determined that we don’t get any more involved in her life at school than we’ve been at his, that she’s going even further in avoiding communication. Other than calls related to an incident 24-hours in that she should have handled on her own and a promised check-in after she’d been to all her classes, she had been totally incommunicado until yesterday. I had grown increasingly obsessed with curiosity but was fine otherwise until yesterday, when I was hit with the “away sickness.” Phone rang mid-afternoon–she wanted help with a printer problem. Got it resolved and hung up. Did call back in the evening, saying, “You sounded really happy to hear from me, but I was busy and just needed help getting my document printed. I have time now.” I was emotional on the phone, and she was baffled because she’d been away longer before without calling, and I was fine with that. Then she got a call coming in, and hung up to take it. I told her later in an e-mail that I think it’s because college is so clearly a bridge to her adult life, and I want to feel that we remain somehow connected as a family. No response yet, but I think she will understand (even if we still don’t hear from her any more frequently.) </p>
<p>Talking to other parents IRL whose children just left hasn’t been working for me yet because they all seem to be hearing regularly from their children. Getting together with people in other phases of their lives has been more helpful in distracting me–we actually talk about other things!</p>
<p>Chocolate: get the dog. But borrow one from a friend for a week or two (maybe while they’re on vacation, they’ll love you for it) first to make sure you really understand what you’re getting into… My kids complain I spend more time with the dogs than with them when they’re home.</p>
<p>mystery2me and other parents with the “miss my freshman” blues, I am with you! </p>
<p>I actually appreciate little calls on incidents she handled on her own but just wants to tell us about for reassurance. I will be happy when we fall into some sort of a routine. I am sad because her cell phone is broken and we can’t text. I’m really looking forward to her getting a new cell phone, hopefully tomorrow afternoon - hers should still be under warrantee.</p>
<p>I have my ups and downs. It’s been six days. I know I am being a bit ridiculous, and I have a friend whose son will be off on his second tour to Iraq soon, this time in the worst war zone - and here I am in distress when my daughter is in the U.S. in a dorm room! </p>
<p>She’s doing well. But I miss her a lot.</p>