Turkey Drop - Furious at DS

Parent Cafe
161

<p>I find it more than a little amusing that someone claiming to know the specifics of their individual child’s sex life and the sex life of the individuals in their workplace is trying to use research on general populations to “prove” their point. </p>

<p>You are working really hard to not deal with the fact that you have absolutely no way of knowing what your child’s sex life involves and does not involve. I find your investment in defending the idea that you do increasingly disturbing because in a healthy parent-adult child life it should be none of your concern. Not to mention your statements about your co-workers.</p>

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<p>I concur 100% with Pugmadkate. I am finding BCEagle’s repeated and defensive assurance of his omniscience about other people’s sex lives to be pretty creepy.</p>

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<p>^^ Never mind that he only answers/addresses the questions/topics he likes!</p>

<p>Iconsult - take whatever advice feels right for you - mine would be to keep your distance unless specifically asked.</p>

<p>I’m done here.</p>

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<p>

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<p>It does not help to have an ex-president(Clinton) in the white house that was cheating on his wife while she is in the same household.</p>

165

<p>Although it was useful to use him as a teachable moment. Both from the side of the man cheating on his wife, and from the side of the woman having sex with a married man.</p>

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<p>heh, some of these posts kind of remind me of a conversation that i had with my very socially conservative catholic roommate. she was telling me that homosexuality was a sin and wasn’t real, and i said ‘just wait until you have a homosexual kid.’ she said, ‘i won’t,’ and i said ‘why not?’ she said, ‘because if a child is raised in an environment with catholicism and family values, then the child won’t be homosexual’…</p>

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<p>^Spoken like someone who hasn’t had kids! Parents and environment only count for so much. Adam and Eve had good boy Abel, but also were parents of bad boy Cain. Both raised in the same environment…</p>

<p>And when it comes to homosexuality, how much is environmentally “caused”?</p>

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<p>“I find it more than a little amusing that someone claiming to know the
specifics of their individual child’s sex life and the sex life of the
individuals in their workplace is trying to use research on general
populations to “prove” their point.”</p>

<p>Well, I think that you miss the point of the back and forth. There was
anecdotal evidence presented on both sides with no progress. This is
understandable as different people have different experiences. So I
hoppped over to a research library to look for peer-reviewed research
articles in journals in the subject domains. This is the correct
academic approach, no?</p>

<p>“You are working really hard to not deal with the fact that you have
absolutely no way of knowing what your child’s sex life involves and
does not involve. I find your investment in defending the idea that
you do increasingly disturbing.”</p>

<p>I’m a scientist (when I’m not an engineer) and build models of people
over time. In general, when someone tells me that their kid has a 2300
SAT or black hair or they’re a great swimmer, I take them at their
word. It makes life far simpler and promotes a conversation.</p>

<p>The reaction that most have here is very similar to the city of Durham
and the Group of 88 using a particular metanarrative that was laughable.
Many of you presented scenarios that you made up in your minds because
of the particular network of information that I released. Of course it
is incomplete but scientists and engineers frequently have to deal with
incomplete information. Sometimes in abstract form. And that’s all I’ve
left you with. I haven’t said whether some of the things that you’ve
hypothesized are true or false and perhaps some of you assume it is true
because I didn’t specifically say that it’s false. Well, most of the
stuff that you’ve said and assumed is false.</p>

<p>I know my son better than you do having several orders of magnitude
more information available. If you don’t have that kind of relationship
with your kids or you’ve never seen it before, then it is up to you to
make a perceptive change in the variety of relationships that you’re
so far closed to.</p>

<p>“Not to mention your statements about your co-workers.”</p>

<p>Same thing. Scientific method.</p>

<p>“Never mind that he only answers/addresses the questions/topics he
likes!”</p>

<p>1) What is your social security number?
2) What is your real name?
3) Have you ever been arrested?
4) Have you ever been convicted of a felony?
5) What are your credit card numbers?
6) What is your physical address?
7) Where do you work?</p>

<p>[heh, some of these posts kind of remind me of a conversation that i
had with my very socially conservative catholic roommate. she was
telling me that homosexuality was a sin and wasn’t real, and i said
‘just wait until you have a homosexual kid.’ she said, ‘i won’t,’ and
i said ‘why not?’ she said, ‘because if a child is raised in an
environment with catholicism and family values, then the child won’t
be homosexual’…]</p>

<p>Perhaps brain research wasn’t at it’s current level back then. But
it would make for an interesting study to find if religious families
produce lower percentages of self-identified homesexuals.</p>

<p>I spent a little time looking through my sociology databases and
came up with zilch on studies.</p>

<p>Sexual Behavior and Selected Health Measures: Men and Women 15–44
Years of Age, United States, 2002 by William D. Mosher, Ph.D.; Anjani
Chandra, Ph.D.; and Jo Jones, Ph.D., Division of Vital Statistics</p>

<p>(Advance Data From Vital and Health Statistics, Number 362, September
15, 2005.</p>

<p>Objective-This report presents national estimates of several measures
of sexual behavior among males and females 15-44 years of age in the
United States in 2002, as collected in the 2002 National Survey of
Family Growth (NSFG). These data are relevant to demographic and
public health concerns, including fertility and sexually transmitted
diseases among teenagers and adults. Data from the 2002 NSFG are
compared with previous national surveys.</p>

<p>Methods-The 2002 NSFG was conducted by the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention’s (CDC) National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS)
and is based on in-person, face-to-face interviews with a national
sample of 12,571 males and females in the household population of the
United States. The measures of sexual behavior presented in this
report were collected using Audio Computer-Assisted Self-Interviewing
(ACASI), in which the respondent enters his or her own</p>

<ul>
<li>For all males 15-44, 10 percent had never had sex, (page 10)</li>
<li>Table 3 shows that … and 46 percent of 15-17-year-old males had
had no sexual contact with another person. (page 11)</li>
<li>About 22 percent of 18-19-year-old males had not had sexual contact
with another person.</li>
<li>Nearly one-half (49 percent) of 15-17-year-old females had not had
any sexual contact with another person.</li>
<li>At age 18-19, 17 percent of females had not had any sexual contact
with another person, compared with about 22 percent of
18-19-year-old males.</li>
</ul>

<p>There is a huge amount of data and slicing and dicing in this study.</p>

<p>Regarding cheating: I ran across an interesting study at a large
Southeastern University on college student attitudes on cheating.
What surprised me was that the definitions of cheating varied widely
to the point of being a useless definition at the extreme. The article
mentioned the health implications.</p>

<p>That’s enough research for one night.</p>

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<p>RE: #62 keeping a close relationship with a child’s ex</p>

<p>My in laws have made my DHs ex HS/College GF their “daughter” Yes, they dated for many years, yes she is a person they expected him to marry, but he did not. I was many GFs later, so no jealousy, but he despises that his ex is considered part of the family. </p>

<p>He broke it off because he did not want to share his life with her, only to share ski trips and lake trips, destination vacations, anywhere the ‘whole family’ goes, she goes too, and her kids are also considered grand kids and she is in their will :eek:</p>

<p>It is the most destructive thing they could have done, exGF did not grow up in their home and has only a good history, so she is not only the “DD” she is the favourite kid :(</p>

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<p>Our older daughter is bringing a boy home for the first time next weekend (no experience in this at all). After reading all this, I am going to make sure we don’t get too friendly or attached to the boyfriend.</p>

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<p>BCEAGLE, YOU WROTE:

</p>

<p>I view an internet discussion forum, such as this one, and even more so in the Cafe, as sharing of personal experiences and not scientific studies or “academic approach” to prove one’s opinion. This isn’t a classroom, even if we do discuss college a lot. </p>

<p>Somemom,
Just wow on your story. I can’t imagine the whole thing…not so much that they stayed on friendly terms but the level of closeness to your hubby’s parents and being in their will and part of family trips and as if she is one of their kids. What does your husband think of all that? Anyway, it seems on the unusual side in terms of the depth of it.</p>

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<p>Wow. Now I think you’re all Drama Queens.</p>

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<p>somemom, sorry your H had a bad experience with his family keeping a relationship with his ex GF. I did indicate in post #62 that this only works out if the D or S in your family is comfortable, and it sounds like that was not the case for your H. In our situation, my brother was fine with it, and dividends have been rich for my family over the years. I will not make an assumption either way if one of my D’s breaks up with someone that I really like, it will depend on the circumstances.</p>

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<p>IP, your ex being involved sounded fine, in my DH’'s case, he was away at university, she was back home and basically moved into the house, his room became known as her room.</p>

<p>Apparently she had a lousy home life, so I can kind of see her not realising how hurtful her behaviour was, though she was a 22, a sorority officer/junior league type of person, since manners and etiquette are meaningful to her, I am surprised she did not read the chapter of the book that says not to do that ;)</p>

<p>The in laws don’t have a clue, they just don’t get it. We did take about a decade and go on no trips if she was invited, all that happened is that every one went without us :eek: </p>

<p>I suppose it is a large part of the reason we live 1500 miles from them, the distance helps. I only mention it here, not to complain, but to allow others to be aware that a situation of being or remaining in touch could get out of hand and to be aware, making sure it never does. It was very selfish of his parents to keep her in the family and very unthinking of her to remain, to this very day, their ‘daughter’ Is there an emoticon that shows gagging?</p>

<p>My family is normal, so if I had not seen it to believe it, I would have thought it was a soap opera story! Some people are just bizarre.</p>

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<p>Wow, somemom, if I were in your husband’s position I would have at some point said to that ex-gf : you have your own parents and these are my parents and stay out of my family life. Maybe you should do that for him at some point. :)</p>

<p>I can relate a little as I am the least favorite of my parent’s children. I think my dad treated my college roommate better than me.</p>

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<p>“Perhaps brain research wasn’t at it’s current level back then.”</p>

<p>this happened a month or two ago and at harvard to boot…</p>