Twins

Parent Cafe
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<p>Any twins or parents of twins going through the college process?
How hard was it to be separated?</p>

<p>I’m both scared and excited for college because my brother and me are really close so its going to be hard not having him there with me. We only applied to two of the same schools but I am almost 90% sure that we aren’t going to the same college, or even near each other. I am also very concerned about my parents, since we are their only two children. The house is going to be empty after we leave, they are losing two at once. The significance of going off to college is starting to hit me and I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to handle it.</p>

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<p>Two twins (user Shrivats) and myself reporting :D. We’re in the midst of the long wait right now. The troublesome part for us is that our college choices have been the same (we’re looking for pretty much the same thing when it comes to college), and as our applications are very similar (ECs and scores etc.), we’re slightly concerned.</p>

<p>As regards going to the same college, we’ll discuss that after we get accepted anywhere! :smiley: (we did apply rolling and both got into Michigan, so we have somewhere to go :))</p>

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<p>k_twin’s twin here. (I rather like saying that :p)</p>

<p>I suppose it’s a moot point really. We’ll each make our own choices regarding the colleges we go to, if they’re the same, well, then, they’re the same. :D</p>

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<p>Twinmom has two kids at separate colleges. Don’t know if they’re her only two, or not. Perhaps she’ll reply.</p>

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<p>Pyar~</p>

<p>No twins in our family but I just wanted to let you know that I think it is <em>so</em> sweet of you to be concerned about your parents in this way! There aren’t too many college kids who are able to (or who bother to) try to see the whole process (with its concommitant emotional issues) from a parent’s perspective. Best wishes for a fabulous college future! I can only imagine how very difficult it will be to be apart from your twin, but nothing can EVER break that very unique and special bond! </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Not a twin, but had several twin cousins. The ones I know best did go to the same college, but separated really substantially there. One was in a sorority, very social, also a pre-med, the other was much more of a loner and majored in economics. They had very few friends in common, and only saw each other maybe once a week, although they stayed on good terms. When I read your question, I forgot for a minute that they even HAD gone to the same college, since their college experiences were so different. (They both loved their school equally, though.)</p>

<p>My other twin cousins all chose to go in very different directions when it came time to go to college.</p>

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<p>Twin here who went to a different college than my sister. It was hard at first but also liberating. It means being around a whole group of people who have no idea that you are a twin unless you tell them. The whole thing of people knowing you are a twin, asking you what it’s like, etc. goes away. You are just you all by yourself.
I found that by the time I graduated from high school I was ready for that next step.<br>
Funny but I went to college with a set of twins. They roomed together, had the same friends, etc. I thought it was weird. They never established their own separate identities.<br>
It is a big step, but I’m sure you will do fine and this is the time to take that step.</p>

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<p>It is sweet of you to worry about your parents - but put it out of your mind for now!!! They will adjust, and growing up and moving out is the natural progression of things. Yes, they will miss you a lot, but don’t let it influence your college choice. Here’s how you CAN help them through this time; make time to call or email them from college, share your excitement and new (but sanitized) adventures with them, and make the most of your college education. :)</p>

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<p>My D’s best friends are twins (a male and female). They’re all 3 at different schools, but they’re all 3 meeting up in NYC for a 4 day theater jaunt. The twins are doing well at different schools, and talk often (at least 4x a week, and IM more often than that). They’re very close emotionally. Spending spring break together was their idea, not their parents.</p>

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<p>Maybe I overstated my concern for my parents a bit too much :stuck_out_tongue: but both of them are very attached to my brother and me. ebeeeeeeeee, yes i think it will be very liberating to be away from all that nonsense about being twins and people getting us confused. But I am sure that we are going to keep in touch and talk to each other all the time.</p>

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<p>Our twins (boys) will be attending the same university in the fall. Initially, they said that they didn’t care if they went to the same school. Then they decided that they had the same first choice. They applied ED and when they had to decide on their back-up schools, they realized that they actually wanted to go together.</p>

<p>Luckily, they were both admitted ED. The only caveat is that they will not room together for the first year. It is important that they experience that aspect of college life. They are fine with that.</p>

<p>Yes, they are our only children. My H and I recognize that this is a new chapter in our lives. So, in preparation, I bought a Bernese Mountain Dog who is now 2 years old. Our friends have told me I am crazy, but I don’t think I am ready to handle the silence of an empty house. Well, with a 125 lb. dog, that’s no longer an issue.</p>

<p>It is very touching that you are concerned about your parents. Our sons kid me all the time. It will be strange at first, I’m sure. But, my husband is an avid golfer and I plan get serious about the sport and now I’ll no longer have ready-made excuses. </p>

<p>H and I know what an exciting time this is for for our sons. Our hope is that at this time next year, they are as happy as they are now.</p>

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<p>My kids are 14 months apart (a situation I’ve noticed some people call “Irish twins” (if they’re Italian) and “Italian twins” (if they’re Irish), and just sneer slightly if they’re WASPs, because obviously we had no self-control), and my son chose to skip his senior year of high school, so they both went to college at the same time, 3000 miles apart. </p>

<p>I’ve found it actually eases things nicely that they’re doing the same kind of things at the same time. As for loneliness: I got a dog (standard poodle) shortly after they left. Worked very nicely. In fact, now I have two, and I’m almost never alone, even in the bathroom.</p>

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<p>That’s a good one. I never heard of Irish twins…I do know two Irish boys who have the exact same birthday two years apart…you can imagine the jokes about that one.</p>

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<p>You’ve never heard of Irish twins? I’ve never heard the Italian version, but I’ve heard of Irish twins all my life. One of my old neighbors was an Irish family with eight kids (including one set of actual twins), and the kids talked about themselves that way all the time. I have never had the sense it was derogatory at all.</p>

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<p>You’re smart to go to different colleges then. If you both went to the same one, they’d probably just pick up stakes and follow you, like I threatened to do to my kid. </p>

<p>My daughter worried about me too, since we did the only mom/only child thing. It is sweet, but don’t let it worry you too much: your parents won’t really become your responsibility for at least another couple of decades (I hope). In the meantime, they want you to worry about you, not them.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and your twin. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Every big change I ever made, good or bad, was scary. I have a sign over my desk now that says, “It is better to travel hopefully than to arrive.”</p>

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<p>The term “Irish twins” can be tossed out in a derogatory manner, but we Irish just laughed off any intended insult. After all, what other ethnic group went forth and multiplied quite so eagerly? It was a stereotype based firmly on facts. My aunt had 6 kids in four years, including two sets of identical twins. Even in their predominantly Irish town, that turned some heads.</p>

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<p>Aw, but you are playing fast and loose with the definition. When I was growing up, the Irish used the term “Irish twins,” but to qualify you HAD to be born within the same year. 14 months does not an Irish twin make!</p>

<p>And Irish triplets were twins with a sibling born within one year. Lots of those too!</p>

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<p>Another mother of twins here … no other kids. Yes, Pyar, it was hard sending both off at once. I cried after we dropped off the second one because it seemed so final (the second one to leave helped us move the first one in.) Of course when I mentioned that to the first one, I heard, “Ohhh… i see how it is. You didn’t cry for me.” Oops. If that one had left second, my crying would have been reversed!</p>

<p>Seriously, I think they were both a bit worried about me when they left. However, they’ve been good about keeping in touch. One IMs more and the other calls more. And because they go to different schools, their vacations are generally not the same, so we often have one or the other home for weeks in a row!</p>

<p>They had no problem separating and actually were intent on going to different schools. They had two safety schools in common that they were both accepted to. One wound up in a university and one in a LAC so they are having very different experiences. Due to the different vacations, one will often visit the other for a few days to get a taste of the other school’s environment and meet the other’s friends.</p>

<p>The funny thing is that when my husband and I visit one, we leave thinking to ourselves, “How can anything be better than this campus and the life for students here?” Then we visit the other and say the same exact thing. I guess that means that they both made good choices.</p>

<p>We are just delighted by the way that they have formed their own lives, but continue to have a special bond with one another. </p>

<p>It’s all good.</p>

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<p>I feel like a new chapter is beginning in my life, but I don’t want the old chapter to end. I don’t want the special connection and atmosphere between my family to change or disappear, but all I can imagine is coming home and everyone being totally changed and none of us acting the same around each other anymore. I really hope its not going to be like that, especially with my brother.</p>

<p>I have a pretty funny story too. The only time we were ever separated was when we both went to two different camps a couple summers ago. The camps were only a week and a half long. When I got there, I adjusted pretty easily and made friends, even though I felt like I was missing something (my brother). But I got through the initial weirdness and moved on. My brother, on the other hand, didn’t. Atleast that’s how it seemed to me. He was the one calling me everyday and talking to me about everything he was doing. I am so afraid for him and how he is goign to cope without me being there with him. Since I have always been the “older” one (lets face it, it must make an impact to get five minutes rubbed in your face all the time) and the one who has always been more smart, and more dominant, I think he has always seen me as someone to lean on. He tells me EVERYTHING. I share most stuff with him too, but I don’t tell him the useless nonsense, but he always finds it necessary to inform me of every little thing. He wants my insight and approval for everything he does. Up until 12th grade he would always ask ME for help with any work in school, I never asked him. Now, the only thing I ask him about is physics because partly I don’t understand and I don’t pay attention in class but also because I want to make him feel like he is superior to me in something atleast. It hurts me everytime my parents compare him to me (or me to him), or give one of us preferential treatment. I told my Mom the other day that my brother feels sad, jealous, upset, etc. because I have a TV in my room and he doesn’t. I can tell that he doesn’t like it. Plus it doesn’t help that even though I have it I NEVER use it. It just sits there. Its like my parents got me candy and not him, and then I don’t even eat the candy, I just leave it in front of his face. This blew my Mom’s mind. She didn’t even know that she was doing that, and she said that she wasn’t doing it on purpose. But I showed her several examples of it, I have a laptop and he doesn’t, I have a iRadio and he doesn’t, etc. I think my brother takes it in stride and unconciously ignores it but I know it bugs him.</p>

<p>My Mom told me something else though that really irked me. I had no idea, and couldn’t even believe that I couldn’t detect it from my brother. For several months, my parents had been telling both me and my brother to get jobs before we go off to college. Now at first both of us were very unmotivated about it, neither one of us felt like going out and looking for jobs. We applied to a couple but had no luck. Then all of a sudden my brother became very eager about getting a job. He kept pushing me everyday to go out and look for one. He kept telling me let’s go fill out an application here and an application there, but I kept shooting him down and making up excuses not to go. (It doesn’t help that I passed my road test and he still hasn’t, I think there are major ego issues here) Finally, one day he just convinced me to go. We got applications for a local grocery store and filled them out. After talking to the manager, we found out that family members can’t work at the same store, its some policy they have. Neither one of us were hopeful about the job, and I was hoping that this job application would turn out like the other ones. I didn’t give it another thought, but my brother couldn’t wait to find out if we got the job or not. Then we found out that they wanted to hire me. Me. I guess after I got hired I had no choice but to be motivated about getting the job. Everyone I talked to was like congratulations on getting the job, where are you working, etc. Meanwhile I wasn’t even aware of what was going through my brothers mind. My Mom had told me later that he was devastated. He was the one who wanted the job not me, I had not even cared. He was the one who forced me to go get the application. He was the one who was so eager. And then I end up getting the job. He asked my Mom, why does Pyar (aka my real name) always get things so easily, why do things always fall into his lap. When I heard that from my Mom I was speechless. How dare I do something like that. I don’t deserve the job, I don’t deserve the good grades. I don’t want things to fall in my lap when they have to come hard to my brother. Why does life have to be so cruel? I never mentioned how I felt to my brother and he never told me how he felt. Just yesterday my brother finally got a job after a month of me getting mine. Sometimes I feel like I should be rejected from my top schools, so no one holds it against him. I was almost in tears while writing that. I guess such is the bond between twins.</p>

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<p>Pyar, (1) you come across as a very loving (hee-hee), sensitive guy, and a wonderful brother, and (2) it sounds like it would be a really good idea for the two of you to go to different schools.</p>