<p>Momsdream - I was pretty much aware of the type of school your son attends from your previous posts, and I agree with you about the urban influence. I guess I think some of my kids’ friends are pretty grown up (in a different way) when they have to budget their own money and decide whether or not a given event or purchase is worth it to them in terms of time spent to earn the money at a pretty young age. (I do not put my kids in this category, as neither worked at a regular job (aside from tutoring) until the summer after high school.)</p>
<p>jerzgrlmom (re post #26)</p>
<p>You are a very wise mom, giving your daughter a very wonderful gift of showing her the way to try out her wings. Just my humble opinion.</p>
<p>I agree. When kids have to learn to budget and make decisions about what to give up, it’s another way of maturing…which is why I don’t think anyone can judge these situations from the outside…there are hundreds of variables and our kids are all over the map in terms of maturity and experience levels.</p>
<p>Only ‘rule’ here is - have to stay in the good ole’ US of A - no passport - no leaving terra firma (unless it is a school/college tye of thing) - and when they do/did take a road trip - just let us know - just in case!!!</p>
<p>Once they leave the nest - they can fly on their own - we really can’t stop them - cuz they will find a way no matter.</p>
<p>Gotta say tho - our kiddos have always been great at at least letting us know about things and discussing it - what more can we ask??? Just one - be safe!!!</p>
<p>In response to traveling before accepted - My DS had a trip planed to his 1st choice school - with a pal - we had no problem with the discussed plans at all.</p>
<p>But… the night before they were to leave - my DS was in an accident -down the street from our house - shaken up pretty badly - but no real physical injuries - total’d his car. Well…to say the least - he was very upset - as were mom & dad also - just thankful he was alive and well. The next morning - we got him up - handed him the keys to my car and sent him off with his pal - with our blessings.</p>
<p>They had a great trip - he actually told us he drove most carefully the whole way - 800 miles each way - the car ran great mom - OOHhhh and BTW we had a blast - even tho the car was towed at the school - that was an adventure - tho we didn’t find out about that til weeks later lol. </p>
<p>From that time on - I knew he would/could manage the travel issues that he would face - on his own terms - he would let us know what the scoop was - but was not open to suggestions anymore - he was on his own. We just asked for destination and phone number - just in case.</p>
<p>Our DD has to travel up and down the east coast on her own - back and forth to school - believe me - I DO NOT sleep when she is on the road - but knowing that she has cell/AAA/phone numbers, etc… that is the best we can do - we ask that she checks in with us to let us know all is well - or if a problem comes up - she is a pretty independant and creative gal. If she can manage the trip thru NY City - then she can probably manage most places - has learned to read a map real well. Road trips at school are pretty common - and there are times we don’t/won’t know much about them - but we again only ask that one thing - be smart and be safe - then wait for the t/c from her that all is well.</p>
<p>jmmom,
Thanks. I thought I’d get beaten up on this thread - imagine, teaching my kid how to take a train by herself at 18. Meanwhile, my 16yo son and his friend were on a train coming into the city to meet me (I had the Yankees tickets). He’s a different kid, though - much more independent than his older sister. He’ll be off for 3 weeks at Brown this summer, just like he did last summer. Although you might think these summer programs are supervised, they aren’t; they allow kids to come and go as freely as college age kids. He’s dealt with life-threatening medical issues since birth, so it was hard to let him out of our sight last summer but he insisted he could handle it (and his neurosurgeon agreed with him). But it worked out fine, and so he’s heading back again this yr.</p>
<p>I was pleasantly surprised that my D called me numerous times throughout her weekend away, just to check in (letting me know when she arrived down the shore, letting me know they were hanging out on the beach, letting me know she decided not to drive to Southampton, Long Island coz those friends would just be drinking and there wouldn’t be anything to do there, etc). She even called to say they were stuck in traffic coming home so we wouldn’t worry.</p>
<p>ANd just for the record, I would have put my foot down and said no to a wild, drinking party type of weekend/week. I didn’t have to do that because my kid said no herself. Her friends chose the quieter path. What she enjoyed so much about the weekend was just the freedom from family being around, freedom from her job, and freedom from schoolwork (she still has AP papers, pjts and final exams to do). When she returned home, she told my son that she finally understood why he enjoyed being away last summer so much - just being away, not having to be drunk or high, just being able to sleep late, eat crummy, etc. She’s looking forward to Project Graduation, the all-night, alcohol free graduation night function that others have written about.</p>
<p>Cur. If you’re allowed in the same county, I’d take that as a huge compliment and book the house, LOL.</p>
<p>Mine forgot to bring home the Study Abroad packet but he’s gotten an email telling him that no one will be at the Beijing airport to pick him up. He read through the options and decided to take the subway. (Beijing has a subway, asks Mom The Dunce?) I suggested he print out the subway directions but he says he wil be able to sort it out when he gets there. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, his buddies (hailing from your great state) have rented a penthouse apartment near Bei Da. Another alum from his high school owns one of the hot Beijing nightclubs (originally went over to teach skiing to the Chinese…)</p>
<p>He is well and truly out of the barn.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I think Cheers’ advice is simple and pragmatic. When they’re still in your nest, they follow your rules. After they’ve flown, you can make all the rules you want but good luck in enforcing them. </p>
<p>Where I think parents have the biggest problem is adjusting high school rules to post college visits. No way I was even going to think about imposing a curfew on a 20 year old boy, but since I want to get some sleep we came to an agreement that he would call if he wasn’t home by 2:00 a.m. and give me an update on his whereabouts.</p>
<p>I remember when I was The Graduate and spent a few months back in the nest before striking out on my own. Now this was back in Victorian days when good girls didn’t, so I adapted to my parents’ morality but I gotta tell you it was a strange adventure in hypocritical living.</p>
<p>I am amused by comments on the other thread on this topic that used Indonesia as an example of a really scary place. Actually and ironically, the fact that the kids don’t drive here (everyone has a driver) makes it one of the safest places for teens.</p>
<p>As a transition from in to out of the nest we sent our son to a supervised summer program in Bali. He’d been to Bali many times, but never alone. As it turned out we (or maybe the so-called adult organizer got the dates wrong and he showed up three days early. It turned out to be a good experience in dealing with the unexpected and unstructured on his own. As part of the program he and another student attended a late night dance performance in a neighboring village. They decided to walk home through the rice paddies under the full moon, managed to get completely lost and had a memorable and, I think, quite safe adventure. The next day their Balinese keepers soundly chastised them for taking chances with evil spirits that wait in ambush after the sun goes down. Everyone has his own level of acceptable risk.</p>
<p>My kids attended very different high schools- comparing the enviroments has been very interesting. Makes me think about each of the schools in ways I didn’t before.
The oldest has always attended private school- her high school was very small ( her class had 18 students) and it was in a neighborhood close to down town Seattle. At the time the school used 3 seperate buildings that were seperated by a block or so, I was a tad uneasy about the environment for a 11 yr old. ( same neighborhood that when I was living in the suburbs and planning to attend a community college in the city, both my mother and my boyfriend said that the neighborhood wasn’t “safe”.)
Now years later my younger daughter is attending a public high school about 1/2 mile away from that neighborhood even further into the urban area that some describe as “inner city” and where you don’t dare stay too late after school is dismissed.
I am learning how to deal with myself in the neighborhood as well, certain behaviors I just hate to put up with, but it is a fine line between being assertive and putting yourself in danger. Things that I doubt my oldest had to learn ( although she did have a chance when she was in Cityyear- in a very eceletic neighborhood- ok it was rough )</p>
<p>Momrath,
The Balinese are right–there ARE evil spirits out after sunset. Nothing good happens in the wee hours of the morning. As my father used to say regarding curfews, if it hasn’t happened by midnight, you don’t want it to happen.</p>
<p>The summers are tough for me because I don’t sleep well until they are all home–and the 21 year old who has graduated college and the 19 who works as a waitress keep very late hours. That’s why menopause is so wonderful–when I wake up in the middle of the night, it’s very convenient to step to the bedroom window and check which cars are in the driveway.</p>
<p>
As the originator of the Susan and mini’s kids micro-thread (my clever way of saying “hi-jack”;)), I can assure you no slight was intended as I didn’t remember mini’s daughter’s exact destination (and haven’t checked to see if Indonesia is correct). Someone else added “Indonesia”. It would have worked for my purposes had it been Prague. I apologize for any confusion.</p>
<p>I think calling to let the other person living in the house with you know that you will be late, or not come home at all, is both a simple courtesy and a safety issue. But it is not particularly an independence issue. It really does not matter whether the person who will be late is an adult child, or parent of the adult child, or a spouse, or a roommate. It’s hard for the person at home to sleep with uncertainty about the person who is out. Bad things happen to people, and the person at home needs to know when/if to become concerned enough to take action.</p>
<p>I thought she was helping with the tsunami aftermath? I don’t think Indonesia was used as an example of someplace that was unsafe, but rather someplace that was outside our ken.( for most of us)
She might be in India.
I wouldn’t have a problem with my kids doing similar work. One of my daughters best friends is in Azerbaijan for a few years teaching in a one room school house. a relative is assigned to Kazakhstan for a few years with his young family, now that his wife is used to it, she doesn’t want to come back to US.
I have been trying to talk my husband into joining the peace corps with me after he retires, so far he says he is interested in working with habitat for humanity in the us- but not overseas- he is interested in retiring to Costa rica however, so I may be able to get him to come around yet.</p>
<p>curmudgeon:</p>
<p>I may have misinterpreted your questions on the other thread. I was under the impression you might have been incrementally trying to seek approval for allowing a student to attend a “beach party”. Perhaps I was wrong in my assumption, and if so, you have my apology.</p>
<p>No apology necessary, Gnu. I have forgotten what I had for breakfast today much less what my “master plan” may have been yesterday. Most of the time , just assume I’m acting without subterfuge. I’m not smart enough nor gifted enough as a writer to do much else.:D</p>
<p>Me too! :)</p>
<p>Cur, was so sorry to hear that your daughter’s summer (and your plans 
) are being disrupted and dismantled by her surgery. I’ll be thinking of her on Wednesday; my daughter is facing surgery on both knees this summer, so I may be coming back to you for suggestions on taming the wild, bedridden beast. (I mentioned that it would be a good opportunity to start working on drafts of college essays. From the resulting facial contortions, I think this may not be what she had in mind…)</p>
<p>Curm…I think I missed what it is your D needs surgery for but I just want to wish her well as she goes through it and to have a smooth recovery. Sorry her summer plans were disrupted and how she must be disappointed. Having recently had a teen go through a rough couple of months, I can say it is not easy but there is light at the end. </p>
<p>And Mezzomom, sorry to hear about knee surgery for your daughter. Luckily her health is not in danger but I realize that the recovery and physical therapy is not a piece of cake. My D is still in PT but these kids are young and seem to recover quickly. I have had a knee injury but never did surgery but it did take a while to recover. I hope it goes smoothly and that she is fully raring to go by the time school starts. </p>
<p>Best wishes,
Susan</p>
<p>both knees? ouch I hope she didn’t tear her ACL.
knitting?
I hope you already have a laptop.
computer games?
the sims would take up a lot of my daughters time if she had it to spare
A trick I used to do when I was frustrated- which your daughter might like to use to take her frustrations with you /her doctor/ her sibs… is to load up a wagon on Oregon trail with people I wanted to do away with and watch them die of cholera or a broken leg 
not so violent as some of the newer games but just as effective</p>
<p>Oh EK, what a sudden memory you brought back! My kids loved Oregon Trail, or as they played it - a thousand ways to meet your end in the Old West - with the primary one being starvation. Funny, they’ve never taken to Sims with the same passion, played it a little, but not the same. Do you know Rollercoaster Tycoon? They still get that one out occasionally, they like to make the people throw up and carry balloons.</p>