<p>First I lined up behind zoosermom. Then I lined up behind poetgrl. Agree wholeheartedly with both. No idea why you would even hestitate to drop this rude buffoon from your gift list. As to the kid… not sure. How close are you to the kid? Are you enjoying giving this child gifts or just doing so out of obligation? I’ve never understood the latter. I am lucky to be part of a family that has never been into the everyone-has-to-give-everyone a gift forever (ie, once out of the nuclear household, we don’t exchange gifts with siblings; never did exchange gifts with aunts/uncles/cousins due to huge extended family who all agreed not to do it, etc.).</p>
<p>Oh, Berenstein Bears! Sorry Engineer4life, I loath those books too. There is something about them that makes my skin crawl, and I would probably express my opinions out loud, or on Facebook (or here!, sorry ije62 and poetgirl), not considering that I was hurting someone’s feelings. I would cut your relative some slack on that. And the other comment about your gift not being expensive enough may have been made in confidence. I often say things to my husband or daughters that are not intended for anyone else to hear.</p>
<p>Sure, it might have been said in confidence. But it is still a more-than-ungracious and unacceptable comment. Maybe she should just send out notices, prior to all gift-giving occasions, of appropriate minimum gift price levels. Jeez!</p>
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<p>Could said relative have thought that the particular book was judging the child or parent’s behavior? DH and I were chuckling this morning about all the things our kids “learned” from the bears. Too much TV, etc. So many of them dealt with behavior that needed to be changed. Too close to home, perhaps.</p>
<p>I vote for buying a goat or something else that was suggested if any further gifts are sent.</p>
<p>this is the fourth thread I’ve read today in which goats have been referenced.</p>
<p>Popular subject on CC, the past week. :D</p>
<p>Well, on the one hand, your relative is a boor. It doesn’t sound like you have a close relationship with her, so I’m wondering why you buy gifts for her children. It doesn’t sound like the gift-giving is mutual, as you haven’t mentioned anything about the value/appropriateness/thoughtfulness (or lack thereof) of her gifts to you (or your children). Can’t really see why you would consider keeping them on your gift list.</p>
<p>On the other hand, those Berenstain Bear books are really cheap and pretty ubiquitously available - almost a commodity item. It’s just…not much of a gift. Don’t get too bent out of shape about her lack of gracious acknowledgement - no doubt she’s a boor, but she’s being boorish about, basically, something with the value/distinctiveness of a gallon of milk.</p>
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<p>The OP said that the relative specifically referenced his wife when she made those comments. Not acceptable.</p>
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<p>I understand that the family roles are dated and stereotypical, but these books were central to many childhoods (including mine). My mom and I still quote the books more than 20 years later, and if you read most of the comments under news articles about Jan Berenstain you’ll find similar reactions. I’m actually quite shocked to hear that a few posters feel this way about the books. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions and you do present valid reasons; I’m not attacking you, I’m just… shocked. </p>
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Well, we’ll know what not to get you! This statement reflects a sense of entitlement and a belief that a gift needs to have a minimum price attached to it. Sounds similar to the attitude of the relative posting on facebook.</p>
<p>The OP complains that the recepient “received no joy from the books”. I received the very same Berenstein Bear books from my MIL, and like many others I detested them. (but I thanked her none the less) Does this mean that I am locked into a good opinion on the books for years and cannot mention my opinion ever? Now if she complained that she did not like the books, that is perfectly fine. But in her post, if she felt some animosity towards you just giving a gift, that is something entirely different.
No one can be forced to “find joy” from a book that they do not like.</p>
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<p>That could be said of any gift. Doesn’t mean it is necessary to announce disdain for said gift while naming the gift giver in a public forum such as facebook. That’s just extremely rude. </p>
<p>I’ve gotten gifts before that I didn’t care too much for. But I guess being a sucker for “it’s the thought that counts,” it has never occurred to me to announce on my Facebook that I couldn’t stand that ugly sweater that Aunt Jenny gave me.</p>
<p>I would <em>totally</em> add a comment on Facebook along the lines of “Oh, well, I’m so sorry you didn’t enjoy the books that we got you. I’ll take this into consideration when getting future gifts. Have a great day!” And let all of her FB friends see what a boor she was for explicitly dissing a gift she received and naming the gift-giver.</p>
<p>^^^^^I try to take the high road when other people are ugly, but it did occur to me that I would be tempted to comment “Wow…just…wow” under her proclamation about my gift.</p>
<p>There’s no expectation in my book that the recipient of a gift needs to find joy. I include gift reciepts in all or nearly all (can’t remember for sure if one went out with these particular books), so the recipient can exchange it if they desire. Even if they don’t have a receipt, many bookstores (B&N included) allow exchanges without receipts, and anyone is welcome to exchange a gift for something they want. I wouldn’t be offended at all when someone does that. I’d rather that an unwanted item be exchanged than kept with disdain or thrown away unused.</p>
<p>But to read them and agree as a family that they are stupid books and post that on Facebook years later…no way!</p>
<p>Anyways, I’ll wrap it up by saying thank you for your thoughts and comments. I appreciated all of them.</p>
<p>Yes, they can express dislike for the books but should have kept your name out of it. Personally, I would not have that much emotion tied up in a couple of books given to someone years ago. Why she is making a point of saying you gave her the books seems a bit bizarre.</p>
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<p>I stopped sending birthday gifts to my brothers because neither of them ever thanked me or acknowledged receiving them. Now one brother has two young children and it’s the same story – no thanks or acknowledgment from my brother or his wife when I send gifts to the kids. It really irks me – how long does it take to send a quick email? Sometimes I will send the email: “just checking if the kiddo received the present” and then I’ll get a response like, “yes, thank you.” Otherwise, nothing. </p>
<p>But I’m not going to not send presents to my nephews just because my brother has no manners.</p>
<p>Wow…some people are just really rude. I would find it very difficult to buy gifts for this person again and I wouldn’t. But you mention that the gifts are for the child. When it comes time to buy a gift again I would only buy books and include a gift receipt for the bookstore. I would not do the donation to a charity thing for a child. The child would perceive that gesture as they did not receive a gift from you. These people sound awful and unfortunately the example they are giving their child is one that will continue on to the next generation. Parents don’t realize that children learn from what they see not what they are told.</p>
<p>When I see poor parenting I look at it as a situation where the child needs all the love and good role models as possible. Just keep doing what you perceive to be right for this little one.</p>
<p>Once I’d got the message care of MIL that my present was too cheap, that would have been it for gifts. Maybe a trip to the park with the child, or more frequent “thinking of you darling niece/nephew” postcards or the like, but no more stuff.</p>
<p>I like [Save</a> the Manatee Club](<a href=“http://savethemanatee.org/]Save”>http://savethemanatee.org/) for kiddie presents because the sponsorship level lets you choose an age appropriate knick-knack if the kid must have a physical object.</p>
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<p>Donate $100 in your relative’s name to “The Human Fund.”</p>
<p>Everyone is entitled to their opinion about whether or not they like/enjoy specific books or authors. Your relative crossed the line by going on Facebook and mocking your gift. Would I give this relative another gift? Probably not. But I agree that children should not be punished for their parents poor behavior. My suggestion: Next year scour the bookstore for one or more of these “Berenstain Bears” titles and present them to the child with a note advising that it might be enjoyable to read these with their ungrateful parents!</p>
<ol>
<li>The Berenstain Bears “Count Their Blessings”</li>
<li>The Berenstain Bears “And the Joy of Giving”</li>
<li>The Berenstain Bears “Forget Their Manners”</li>
</ol>
<p>FYI These are actual Berenstain Bears stories available in any bookstore! My kids loved reading these books as children.</p>
<p>I’d write on the FB comment, “please see my email” or "let’s talk about this, next time we see each other.’ Scary!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t comment in public, but I’d want it known in public that I had seen the insult and intended to deal with it as a private matter. YMMV.</p>