<p>I heard on XM this a.m. that colleges are checking Facebook now to review their applicants and that they take seriously what they see on there.</p>
<p>It’s possible that alcohol abuse is a symptom and what we’ve got wrong in adults society is at a core level that the kids perceive and act out, when they have the chance.</p>
<p>Core issue: it’s not only about what we teach our kids specifically about drinking, but how we handle ourselves as adults. I don’t just mean whether or not to drink upon entering the home from work to unwind. I’m including how we deal with problems and insecurities, what value we place on the favor of others versus our own ideas (non-conformity under peer pressure), and other life patterns. </p>
<p>Some kids seem to arrive on campus with a sense of themselves, an inner core that isn’t rigid but has some intelligence and integrity to make decisions. Others show up like blank slates, looking for experiences but with no way to process or evaluate the meaning of new experiences.</p>
<p>As well, how parents treat their own bodies is evident to kids. From an early age, dinner can be eaten with a sense of connection that what we put into our bodies results in health or is just recreational. The early substance abuse education (I taught First and Second Grades) is all about teaching kids to connect that whatever goes into their bodies has a physical effect. This cause-and-effect is important core understanding, not to abuse one’s body in many ways in the future (eating disorder conduct, self-wounding, or ingesting drugs including alcohol). This isn’t alcohol abstinence education (home or school) but a sense of responsibiility about one’s bodily health. </p>
<p>Oddly, the same organized sports that tout health seem to run into some culture/peer/alcohol issues later on. I think it’s off-base to push only team sports as the route to a healthy body and popularity. </p>
<p>As well, there are all kinds of popularity on a campus, and many groups to engage. If kids arrive on campus with the idea that their self-worth is measured by who befriends them, rather than whom they choose to befriend, then they’re up for grabs, socially.</p>
<p>These are just personal reflections. I realize the pressures are many on adults but we have a great l7 years to inculcate values, and I’m NOT even speaking about what we say directly or do about alcohol! I think the home education runs even deeper than the topic of alcohol.</p>
<p>dke,
I did drink at that age. I was much wilder than my kids are. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not. On the one hand, I see myself and my childhood friends as being lucky. Lucky that we didn’t get wrapped around a tree, arrested or that our parents got a knock on the door from police with devastating news…</p>
<p>I am grateful that when this issue has come up ( and it has ) that my daughter was honest enough to let me know what happened and that she had the sense to call us to pick her up rather than fear being caught and get into a car with someone who had been drinking.</p>
<p>We could’ve grounded her, taken away all her priveledges and keep her in the house for the rest of her teen years, but instead, she had to do some in house community service of sorts.
Maybe our approach at this would not be the same as many posters here or other parents. We do not condone underage drinking, but we have always told them that if they were ever in a situation that put them at risk of any kind to call us and we will come and get them.
It has happened once. two years ago.
Did she learn her lesson ? we think so.
Will it keep her away from alcohol when she is at college ? I doubt it, but we do feel that she is at least more likely to control her actions than someone whose parents hid their heads in the sand or pat themselves on the back for what they perceive to be success in keeping their kids lives free from alcohol use.
Sometimes the forbidden fruit is not so appealing when it isn’t completely off limits. For instance, we have let our daughters have a glass of wine at home on a special occasion. it did not turn them into closet drinkers that waited until Mom and Dad left the house to raid the wine rack.</p>
<p>Would I host an underage drinking party ? Hell no.</p>
<p>I also have not shared info I know on other people’s kids who I know have been whooping it up. I have a dear friend who has a daughter the same age as on of mine…she had some issues with drugs and her mother sent her to rehab. She is convinced that her daughter does not do drugs anymore.</p>
<p>Her daughter helped me out with work and went out of her way to let me know how badly she wants to go to Amsterdam ( I am sure to see all of the museums 
)
Not only that, but she gave us a little life lesson about what she called
" Robo-tripping " apparently, drinking a bottle of Robitussin is a great way to get high…I gag if I have to swallow a teaspoon of that stuff, so I find it hard to imagine wanting to gulp down a bottle.
I did not tell my friend because for all I know, she was blowing hot air. Had I seen her doing drugs, I probably would’ve told her mother.</p>
<p>To those who think that allowing kids to drink in high school means they will be less out-of-control when they get to college - you are WRONG.</p>
<p>1) There was another thread recently which linked to a recent scientific study that showed that kids who were not allowed to drink in high school actually drank LESS in college than kids who did drink in high school. </p>
<p>2) Anyone remember “Lucifer”? The poster from Cornell who was adamant that kids should be able to drink in hs to prepare them for college? The one who was sure that he was safer drinking with experienced drinkers rather than inexperienced ones, because they knew how to stay “safe”? The same kid who was found dead of alcohol poisoning, 2 weeks after his last posting? (If you’re searching, I don’t know if his posts were deleted. He had 5 numbers after “Lucifer” in his screen name. He died about a year ago.)</p>
<p>3) Read the “outraged” thread by ProudDadof2. Discusses a case where a high school boy was accused of date rape. Both the accused and his victim were drinking. So much for them not being able to get into any trouble as long as you take their keys away!</p>
<p>I’m not naive. But I do my best to see that my d does not have access to alcohol in our home, I try to know the parents of her friends, I check to see that parents are home when she goes to someone’s house, etc. I would never knowingly allow her to attend a party where the parents are allowing alcohol to be served. She knows that if she gets caught drinking the penalty will be severe. (Not only from us but from her coach and the school administration). She also knows that if she finds herself in a bad situation and needs a ride home, she can call us and we will come get her, any time, any where, no questions asked and no repurcussions. (But that’s not something she can do unlimited times! ha ha)</p>
<p>" She also knows that if she finds herself in a bad situation and needs a ride home, she can call us and we will come get her, any time, any where, no questions asked and no repurcussions. (But that’s not something she can do unlimited times! ha ha) "</p>
<p>That is how we feel too and what we stressed to our kids from preteen yrs on. Sadly, the problems mentioned here ( date rape , alcohol poisoning )occur in the general population too, though more prevalent in hs and college age group .
I am thankful that my kids have bigger goals than getting trashed and that keeps them on an even keel. Even my 20 year old college sophomore knows that if she chose to go out drinking with her friends on the weekend, she would have a hard time keeping up with her schoolwork. It has little to no appeal to her even if it is available to her.
It is appalling to hear about the 21 game that kids play when they turn 21.</p>
<p>
Yes - it’s a slippery slope. One can barf and pass out from drinking beer as well. In addition, they can get in drunk driving accidents, make poor judgments, and all of the other things that happens when one is drunk. It’s ludicrous for a parent to think it’s not okay for their 16 y/o to get drunk from Vodka but somehow okay if it’s beer. What are they going to do, break down all alcoholic beverage types into what’s acceptable for an underaged drinker to get drunk with and what isn’t? Crazy.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad - that’s exactly what they used to do in DC back when I was in college. It was legal for 18-year olds to drink beer and wine, but you had to be 21 to drink hard alcohol.</p>
<p>This thread sure was timely. I just reread the first couple of pages, and my post #15 was dead on. There was a party in the neighboring town attended by kids from my kids’ old school, and even though the parents were upstairs, a girl has claimed that she was raped by 5 boys at the party. Its been almost two weeks and the parents have all lawyered up with the top defense people, and people in town are claiming, “remember Duke! Maybe she’s lying!”. Slowly under pressure the kids are starting to come in. (almost all juveniles) I hope they get to the bottom of it. Tonight on Bill O’Reilly he’s addressing this very topic of parents being held liable for these parties. (or not)</p>
<p>Yesterday I was talking about this “incident” with someone and I said, “The cops better confiscate any passports these kids have. Remember Alex Kelly” and she looked at me like, “Who’s that?” but these are the kinds of parents who would do the same thing to protect their boys.</p>
<p>That makes me vomit.
Adults who are responsible for raising children cannot see the difference between a school girl who was gang raped in their home & an adult sexworker who had mental illness/drug addiction?
these people get their ethics out of a cracker jack box?</p>
<p>I know how hard it is to say you were sexually assaulted. The victims credibility and morals are attacked. You would have to be pretty confident and angry to be able to try and get justice.
Why would a school kid lie?
It’s hard enough to tell the truth.</p>
<p>She was found lying face down in the sand, and when she was revived (she had been drinking too,) the first thing she said was that the boys had held her down and raped her. First thing. It wasn’t some “Oops!” the next a.m. type of accusation. I’m with you, Emerald, outraged, and feel that her not being from that fancy school only makes it all even worse. She wasn’t one of them so why not?</p>
<p>There is such a thing as not drinking. My fraternal grandparents, my parents, myself and my son do not drink. </p>
<p>No one is telling anyone not to drink, it is by example and by explanation
when the subject comes up. Not for religious reasons either.</p>
<p>My grandmother wanted to marry a guy that didn’t drink. Her friends told
her she’d never get married. They were wrong.</p>
<p>Neither set of my grandparents drank.
( well my grandpa occasionally had apricot brandy in his eggnog at Christmas)
My parents drank rarely , beer maybe at a 4th of July barbecue.</p>
<p>However, what that meant was that I was totally inexperienced with alcohol & alcoholism. I married an alcoholic ( I was very young & at the time he didn’t seem that much different than others that I knew in my early 20’s) & didn’t really realize the implications even when he stopped drinking.</p>
<p>I drink now- perhaps once a week, I think it is good to discuss alcohol use with your kids. It *is *part of our culture, but not nearly to the extent that some think it is.</p>
<p>Emeraldkity, it sounds like you are one of my cousins or my sister.</p>
<p>My grandparents would serve alcohol if they were entertaining. My parents</p>
<p>would drink maybe three times a year…a champagne toast New Year’s Eve or</p>
<p>at a wedding, beer with pizza somewhere, maybe some red wine with a </p>
<p>steak dinner out. Twice a year for me maybe, but no beer. </p>
<p>When I was old enough to drink, I just thought, "It doesn’t taste good.</p>
<p>So why learn to like the taste when it’s bad for you?". Also, aside from my</p>
<p>family’s example…I was influenced by Ann Landers thoughts on the</p>
<p>subject. She decided not to smoke or drink when she was very young,</p>
<p>too.</p>
<p>I agree with some of the previous posters. I am 21 year old male and my mom never once hesitated to pick up a phone and confirm adult supervision. It was the right thing to do. Well I do believe that an 18 year old should be able to drink the penalties for getting caught by the law are too severe to risk it. I will tell this to my children. Neither of my parents drink alcohol. I was not raised around any type of alcohol. Even though I ultimately decided to drink alcohol in college my parents were still able to guide me in the right direction in high school and thus set me on the right path for college.</p>
<p>Interesting thread.</p>
<p>I went to an affluent suburban high school; there was plenty of booze on the weekends for all interested. From my personal experience/group of friends, people drank whether or not their parents were strict. Your parents going to call ahead and check to see parents are there and alcohol banned?
- First go to someone else’s house, then migrate
- Say you’re going to a movie
In short, lying is surprisingly useful. Especially when your friends want you to.
Furthermore, I’m Russian, as are about half my friends, so whatever chances existed of alcohol being kept out just went out the window (from Boston; many people also go to college around here, since we have so many of them, so there were usually friends or siblings to ask for booze. Usually it wasn’t the parents buying it)</p>
<p>That being said, I was/am fairly nerdy and didn’t drink much (mostly e.g. drinking champagne with friends for New Years. Illegal? OK. Dangerous? Hardly. Never got drunk, certainly never drove while drunk). Only time we really had people vomiting was after prom (Honestly, what do you expect on that one? )</p>
<p>My three kids navigated through hs without attending parties where alcohol played a role. In general, the group of kids that they hung with had the same values so it just never was an issue. My hs senior (D) is attending a party tomorrow night - and no worries, I know the girls and the families and alcohol won’t play a part in the festivities. Son attended a two day party as a junior and I did call to see if parents would be present. Son laughed, but had no objection to the phone call. (Yes parents were present, as was younger sister and grandmother. :))</p>
<p>Also called when d’s first bf (both juniors) invited her to spend the afternoon and evening at his house. Again parents were present, as was a younger sister and grandmother dropped over to check out my d. </p>
<p>I’ve found that mostly the families of my childrens’ friends tend to have the same values we do. Maybe it has just been luck, but really had no hs drinking issues.</p>
<p>^^ Yes, it’s luck. It has little to do with values in the home and more to do with peers.</p>
<p>There are still lots of countries where there is one drinking age for beer and/or wine and another for hard liquor. [Legal</a> drinking age - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_drinking_age]Legal”>Legal drinking age - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>My kids were not allowed to drink while they were in high school. They still are not allowed to drink until they are age 21, however, I cannot patrol them anymore. Even after age 21, I don’t want them drinking irresponsibly. No room for that at our home. The rules were firmly in place, and it did not cost any of my kids any popularity that caused anyone any pause. If my second one were more popular, we’d have been running a club out of our house; we nearly were as it was. I cannot swear that not a swig of contraband of any form passed through any of their lips, or their friends, but I was vigilant about it, and they really would have had to sneak it. Son2 was grounded a lot for being at get togethers where there was drinking. </p>
<p>With 5 boys, I felt that I had to be clear about the rules. I know that we can’t enforce them 100%, but we did the best we could. Didn’t mean our kids did not imbibe, either, but I shudder think how much more than would have done, had we not had the rules in place.</p>