<p>It seems like the D does communicate but that Elsie doesn’t communicate back. </p>
<p>I am introverted, I like my private time, I don’t like to be interrupted, and I can lose myself in a book or a task for hours on end, but still, a roommate who didn’t acknowledge my presence at all? Who didn’t even engage in the social pleasantries of hello, how was your day, gee it’s cold out, boy I’m so stressed about my math exam, I’m going to get some Coke do you want some? Yes, that would creep me out.</p>
<p>I´m still not sure how that qualifies as a severe disability though. Are the parents supposed to warn the school that their child doesn´t like to discuss the weather or say Hi to strangers? That in itself would an odd thing to do.</p>
<p>My roommate and I never developed a social relationship last year, we rarely even went through the hi and how was your day formalities, and it never really bothered me since I had friends I could visit in rooms or other hangouts. I’ve also had friends who would literally spend half the time I was with them surfing the internet and giving one word responses, and yes it’s not always great but like I said before there are other places to go on campus and other friends to talk to if it really bothers one that much.</p>
<p>However, I agree that switching rooms for the OP’s D is fine as long as SHE is the one that does the switching; I don’t think she is “thrusting” Elsie on anyone, given that there are far worse roommates out there and chances are someone wanting to exchange rooms already has them.</p>
<p>"From reading this thread, I am getting the impression that the people arguing “for Elsie” are NOT actually arguing against OP’s D wanting to move or much of anything about OP’s D, but the attitudes expressed here toward people with autism. This thread is going around in circles defensive of something that at this point isn’t being attacked, and many arguments against those being defensive of aspies are being misconstrued and then the entire point is missed. "</p>
<p>So right, TwistedxKiss! Feels like Groundhog Day!!</p>
<p>And there are some parents that don’t care or understand that their kids have problems. Or who are so wrapped up in their own issues that they can’t even bother with their children’s issues. Of course, those of us on CC are far more skewed in the other direction. The OP’s D is lucky to have at least one parent who is concerned and involved, watching out for her kid.</p>
<p>Oh my god! I once had this ditsy roommate (not to suggest for a second that the OP’s daughter is like that), and I just had nothing to talk about with her, and so I spent most of my time… with headphones at the computer! I also didn’t go out, and appeared perfectly antisocial to her and her circle of acquaintances. And boy did she have many! Unlike the OP’s daughter, my roommate had no problem with my being Leslie and would invite a couple of loud friends at once, or boyfriend(s!!!)…</p>
<p>I wonder if people label me as autistic as well, simply because I don’t force myself to talk to people I have nothing to talk about…</p>
<p>Well, lostanddelirious, there is a world of difference between not wanting to talk to people you have nothing in common with, and not being able to engage in normal, typical social pleasantries. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.</p>
<p>Anyone else find it odd that Elsie is not going home for a 5 day break when she lives just a few hours from home. Maybe her own family is just as happy to have Elsie away from home. It might just be the case that there is nothing wrong with Elsie beside being an odd duck.</p>
<p>Yes, I find it odd. And very sad. Especially if her own family is happy to have her gone. If your family doesn’t adore and appreciate you…no matter your idiosyncrasies, who else will?</p>
<p>I’m so glad that my quiet and somewhat unresponsive kid flew all the way across the country to see us. We have learned to appreciate the positive things instead of the negative ones, though it took us way too long.</p>
<p>I was so sad to hear that Elsies’ parents were not preparing Elsies favorite foods waiting for their baby to come home. This whole story just keeps getting sadder and sadder.</p>
<p>If by social pleasantries you mean those pointless conversations that people call small talk, then sign me out. I assume a simple greeting accompanied by a smile to be a sufficient sign of friendliness. It so happened that during high school and at my first college, that was my response to about 95% of my classmates. I learned quickly that instead of making remarks that made me seem weird because they deviated from the average content of their small talk, it was far better to be quiet and do my own things.</p>
<p>If Elsie does not in fact have autism/Asperger’s, this will come across as the most condescending thing in the world. If Elsie is neurotypical (and she could well be, there are plenty of anti-social people who are), this is inviting sarcasm and hostility.</p>
<p>Not especially. Her family may not celebrate Thanksgiving, may need to visit with elderly parents in a distant city, may be working over the holiday so that people with small children at home can be with small children at home, or may not be able to afford it (physicians don’t necessarily have wads of money). She may have schoolwork she wants to do, or find transition and/or travel hard. She may have a new niece or nephew who lives far away who her parents are anxious to see for the first time. </p>
<p>There are lots of perfectly respectable reasons why Elsie might not be going home for Thanksgiving. </p>
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<p>I think it’s okay to say, “Elsie, it makes me feel bad when you don’t say hello to me when I come in the room. I would really appreciate it if you did.” The I-statements are a good way to phrase the request.</p>
<p>“I was so sad to hear that Elsies’ parents were not preparing Elsies favorite foods waiting for their baby to come home. This whole story just keeps getting sadder and sadder.”</p>
<p>It’s easy for all of us to imagine what Elsie’s reaction may be, but for all we know, Elsie may not have wanted to go home. In fact, Elsie may be perfectly happy living the way she is now.</p>
<p>I agree on the general usefulness of “I” statements . . . just not in this particular situation. I foresee a range of responses from “Maybe I don’t WANT to, ever think about that?” to a sarcastic “HELLOOOOOOO, D!” whenever D enters the room. If Elsie IS neurotypical and just doesn’t want to say hello because she’s antisocial to everyone or maybe dislikes OP’s D in particular, then bringing it out into the open is not going to change her and is going to cause more stress to OP’s D.</p>
<p>Small talk isn’t always pointless. In fact, it makes people feel better and is a useful social skill. I am introverted, I keep to myself for the most part, but I am certainly able to “turn it on” and lead large groups of people in my workplace, or schmooze people I don’t know at a party. It’s not my preferred thing to do, but I can do it and look comfortable doing so. I consider the ability to engage in small talk as meaningful of a life skill as any, and as my teens mature I expect them to know how to engage in small talk with adults.</p>
<p>I’m exactly the same way. But “turning it on” is a skill that I slowly acquired as an adult, over many years. It did not come naturally at all, and I learned it through trial and error, mostly error. I most certainly didn’t have it when I was a freshman in college.</p>
<p>Keep in mind while you’re reading this thread that you’re only getting one side of this story, from someone who 1) can apparently make a clinical diagnosis of autism from meeting this roommate for a few hours and 2) is trying to justify kicking the roommate out of her daughter’s room.</p>
<p>fudgemaster, I think you are wrongheaded on both counts. This is a blog, not a medical facility and any use of autism spectrum terms is very speculative here but a parent has a right to describe behaviors here if they have a concern. Many major psychiatric disorders manifest in the college years and it is not at all unusual for a roommate to have a student in their assigned room who has issues that are not explained at all to them.<br>
This OP discloses symptoms for which her own daughter is receiving treatment in this thread.<br>
and secondly, the OP was hoping that her own daughter could move to another room this coming year, and she expresses concern about the fact that another student could be then facing the same issues if put in this room with no coaching/warning about Elsie. </p>
<p>Elsie no doubt has her own outlook and point of view, and I hope someone equipped to explore her best interests at the college will engage her and find out what she wants and is experiencing.</p>
<p>I think it is equally fair to consider that another student could handle Elsie’s antisocial personality with more resilience…who knows. It is also fair to say that most freshmen would be discussing this issue at least with their parents by now, if only to vent. </p>
<p>I also find it to be quite unusual for Elsie to not go home for a four day weekend (or full week) on a major holiday when she lives within driving distance. Obviously not all families can spend the money or take off work to transport a student home, and some students live far away. I could take the time to retrieve our son. My son Elsie’s age is home and is busy looking up his high school friends, teachers and mentors and there are sponsored annual “reunions” at his high school for all grads he can’t wait to attend.</p>