<p>If you reread some of the posts, you will realize that she doesn’t. She is no longer interested in attempting to get along with the roomate. From what I have read, she is intending upon leaving and having no further contact, which is certainly her perogative.</p>
<p>Well, Elsie isn’t interested either, so there you have it. I think your own experience is causing you to be unsympathetic to the D. It seems that all your compassion is for Elsie and none for D. It’s just as legit for the D to be depressed and anxious as it is for Elsie to be withdrawn.</p>
<p>Maybe parents should be in charge of filling out housing forms, or at least have input, with a kid with social disabilities.</p>
<p>Question for the Aspie parents. </p>
<p>I am introverted ( not shy-- there’s a big difference) and I need alone time to myself to recharge. However, I was fine living with roommates, in a sorority, etc. I could get my alone time in many settings – walking around campus, studying in the library, etc. Do the Aspie kids have to be at “home” for their me time? Can they find it elsewhere?</p>
<p>^ ^</p>
<p>What? Pizzagirl, introverted??!! 
Where did you get that idea?</p>
<p>(j/k, come on, I’m just funnin’ with you)</p>
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And some do open up. I don’t think my son has Asperger’s but he has many of the same quirks, including talking to the computer with his headphones on, sitting in the dark (who needs lights when you are on the computer?), and retreating to his room if he’s had too much time with crowds. That said, he really has blossomed in college. We feared he might retreat to the room, but instead he’s found friends in the Linux cluster, found people who like to play the same games he does. He’s still quirky, and he’ll never be Mr. Social, but he does seem to have friends.</p>
<p>OTOH I know what it’s like to have roommates who ignore you - I had two my entire sophomore year and it was pretty brutal. I think the roommate should try some of the suggestions here to reach out to the roommate, but I do feel it’s okay for her to move out.</p>
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<p>I used to get my alone time in the subway, no matter how crowded.</p>
<p>^that’s what I prefer </p>
<p>Anyway idk why OP was really complaining…she seemed to have found friends outside of her room and to be honest, me and my roomie were best buds and we spent way too much time in there together 
Probably would have been POSITIVE if we were forced to branch out ahah. It is always better to have friendly faces that are MADE than friendly faces that are those of convenience. </p>
<p>At least Elsie is not smelly, messy, staying up at all hours/etc. </p>
<p>I think people have sympathy for Elsie because 1. she’s not the one on here complaining/trying to switch rooms/etc. 2. she’s the one who doesn’t have any friends. </p>
<p>Why have sympathy for the OP? I just don’t really see this as a problem. And to even SUGGEST giving /Elsie/ the boot?? If OP has a problem, OP can move into new room…why should Elsie be the one forced to move if she is not the one asking for a switch!? That is mean on top of everything else…</p>
<p>And then as an aside OP is embarrassed to bring friends to the room? Very high school. As if OP and roomie are somehow connected/the same person/anyone would think less of OP because roomie is weird? Stupid >< </p>
<p>Anyway I think everyone has said this but just to chime in. Some of these threads…hopefully OP and parent chillax once sophomore year comes around.</p>
<p>Apologies in advance for the following mix of pop psychology and gross over generalizations:</p>
<p>The ‘I’m normal, you’re not,’ ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ crowd lay blame externally whenever they have a problem. The rest of us lay blame internally.</p>
<p>Instead of living my life feeling apologetic because I am not ‘normal’ or ‘right’ I just think, ‘oh that person is frustrated, worried, sad, angry, etc.’ just like I can be only they place blame outside themselves, which really isn’t very productive but neither is taking the blame myself. </p>
<p>Both external and internal ‘blamers’ can do this instead - Identify the problem - can it be fixed? - yes - find an ethical, compassionate solution. No? - accept with grace and humor.</p>
<p>OP appears to be an external blamer - does this invalidate her worry, fear, concern, and desire to help her daughter who is validly suffering - no. Those who feel Elsie (I prefer to call her Isabella) represents their children with Aspergers and feel sadness, fear, and anxiety at an obvious criticism of the ‘type’ of person Isabella is - are internal blamers.</p>
<p>Personally I believe the planet needs more Isabellas. I would take someone who has a rich interior world/intense interaction with their computer over a ‘normal’ person who uses their time to plot to develop yet another unspoiled piece of land, destroy the natural landscape, short the market, or in any other way take advantage of others for personal gain in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>Aspie parents take heart - continue to do the great parenting you have done that have gotten your kids to the college setting - the world needs them and they are appreciated by many!</p>
<p>Parents of ‘normal’ kids - your kids are great too, just make sure you instill ethics, kindness, and compassion in with all the other abilities they have!!!</p>
<p>All this criticism of the OP is unjustified and off base. She is concerned about her D.</p>
<p>I am sorry, but when you are a freshman away at college and your new roommate, who you had no choice in picking, does not respond to you, its rude. When you are completly ignored, in becomes unteneable. </p>
<p>Many of you for whatever reason seemingly only have sympathy for Elsie. yet you have the Op’s D who is being constantly snubbed and ignored by dear old Elsie - why no sympathy for the OP’s D. Deos she not deserve normal social interaction with someone she is forced to live with? And if she is not getting it, what makes it so bad for her to look to change roommates?</p>
<p>I find this thread fascinating because it is a cauldron of so many parental anxieties about letting go- regardless of what our kids issues are.</p>
<p>Your child could be a baton-twirling Homecoming queen and you will still worry about whether she will make friends at college. Your kid could be a quiet, introverted loner and you will worry that she’ll end up partying all night and ignoring her classes and will major in “beer pong”.</p>
<p>I think we can all sympathize with the OP-- even if the situation strikes very close to home-- and recognize that having your child move in with a stranger can be a stressful experience. Even if the roommate is quiet and not vomiting on the floor every Friday night (and for all you folks who say that having an alcoholic party girl or sexaholic is better, you are WRONG) it can still be stressful and require a lot of adjustment. And sending a child off to college with a history of depression is a scary thing.</p>
<p>But then again being the parent of a child who does not interact with others in a typical fashion is also scary and stressful. And being that kid is stressful- it’s hard enough adjusting to a new routine and a “new normal” which does not include the copying strategies which got this kid through HS and into college… and now there’s a stranger living in close quarters. Even more stress.</p>
<p>So a little more compassion may be in order from everyone. No, OP’s D is not qualified to be a psychiatric social worker. Op’s D is there to get an education, not to teach the rest of the dorm how to interact with people who are different. Yes, it is stressful to live with someone who does not respond to typical social cues. Yes, it is hard enough to be on your own and adjust to college if your roommate is always in the room and never gives you an hour to flop on your bed alone with the music blaring.</p>
<p>But to answer the OP’s question- your D should go through appropriate “channels” at her college for switching rooms, whatever that might be. And recognize that in most colleges, that means that she moves out, not the roommate, if she is the one initiating the switch. And that the next roommate will bring her own set of issues which may or may not be easier to tolerate.</p>
<p>My roommate Freshman year was a suicidal and depressed alcoholic. Her parents seemed happy to foist her on me- a pretty naive 17 year old (and in those days, college’s support in the mental health arena was very bare-bones). We both survived but it was very, very stressful.</p>
<p>Hugs to everyone who tries to do their best for their children.</p>
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<p>That’s one of the big issues with people on the austism spectrum…they don’t know the social rules. Or better, they don’t absorb the social rules naturally. They can learn the rules if taught. In elem school, many sit is sessions with the school psychologist, role playing what they should say and do at the lunch table, how they should approach other kids on the playground. It’s always been funny and heartbreaking at the same time to hear some of Son’s conversations - he makes it through pretty well, but we all know it’s a script that he was taught, instead of something that came naturally. I wonder if any professionals ever do “how to be a roommate” role playing.</p>
<p>I do feel obligated to make one additional comment about my own son’s social situation. He’s at a small LAC that is a good fit for him academically. However, the “thing” to do - pretty much the only game in town on the weekends - is to go to the frat parties and get drunk. At the moment, his sitting alone in his room on Saturday nights has less to do with Asperger’s and more to do with not wanting to go to the drunken parties. I’ve told him that there are others who feel the same way he does - he just needs time to find them. Other moms of very different (neurotypical) kids at other schools have reported having virtually identical conversations with their freshmen.</p>
<p>It seems that for parents of students with autism, this thread is a nudge to help your student develop a script for handling situations involving college roommates. No matter how kind and understanding a normal person is about their roommate’s difficulties, I don’t think there are many normal people who would be happy having a roommate who never spoke to them or acknowledged them in any way.</p>
<p>Missypie if your S’s college really is like that, he may be happier at a different LAC, perhaps one that had other activities nearby or on camus. My own S’s college has a party school rep – and there definitely are people who party a lot, something that was true for S’s freshman roommate, whom S had nothing in common with. However, there also are other activities going on for people like S who don’t party.</p>
<p>Has your S tried to connect with people involved in community service? That can be a good way of connecting with nice people who aren’t into big time partying. They also may have service activities on the weekend that your S could participate in, and where his social skills difficulties wouldn’t impede his being able to be helpful and appreciated.</p>
<p>If these students cannot interact “normally,” what happens when they are asked to do a group project with other students?</p>
<p>NSM is right, though of course it’s easier said than done. Neurotypical kids have to be taught to chew with their mouths closed and say “please” and “thank you,” among thousands of other etiquette lessons. Parents of spectrum kids have the same teaching challenge on a much grander scale. One thing that might help is if parents of all kids accepted that some students are ready for dorms at age 14, and some still aren’t ready in their 20s. There’s too much emphasis on students leaving the nest at the magic age of 18. Some of us still have work to do at that age.</p>
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<p>In my son’s case, doing most if not all of the work himself because the other kids don’t care and/or aren’t as bright. At least, that’s what happened in high school. </p>
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<p>This does not appear to be the case with the OP’s daughter’s roommate. As stated in the opening post, the roommate does respond to the OP’s daughter, but doesn’t initiate conversation.</p>
<p>“NSM is right, though of course it’s easier said than done”</p>
<p>Yes, I’m sure that’s true, and I can only imagine how much effort the parents already have expended helping their child do as well as s/he has. Are there counselors who could help neuroatypical kids prepare for dorm life? For most such students, would it be better if they lived at home and then commuted? </p>
<p>For almost all freshmen, college is the major challenge that they’ve faced, so it seems that for neuroatypical freshmen for whom adjusting to college will be even more difficult, taking the transition more slowly might be helpful.</p>
<p>Yes, we all look at threads like this one and hope to read something that will reassure us that we’ve been good parents. And we all see the issues through the lens of our own child’s problems and circumstances. Blossom is right (as usual) we should all be compassionate with one another–we just want the best for our kids and all kids.</p>
<p>On another note, one thing I think I did right was to expose my son to summer programs in middle and high school where he lived communally with other kids. He had to compromise and work out problems with a variety of different roomies over several years, so he already knows some of the pitfalls and how to deal with them.</p>
<p>Another thing this thread is bringing home to me is how different we all are with regard to how much social interaction we need to be happy, especially back at “home base” (the dorm room, for example). To me, home is where you go to get away from social interaction. My freshman college roommate drove me nuts by wanting to talk and be friends. I just wanted her to shut up and leave me alone, and I don’t consider myself anti-social. I got a single my sophomore year so I could have some privacy in the evenings.</p>
<p>The idea that the college experience must include living in a very small space with a perfect stranger is quite odd when you think about it. It seems odder and odder when so many of the students have always had their own room, and perhaps even their own bathroom, at home. (My mom didn’t go to college but until her wedding day she shared a double bed with her two sisters. When you come from that background, having a whole half a dorm room to yourself would be a delight, even if your roommate never said a word!)</p>