I would like to address my last thread (Unplanned pregnancy?). In it I asked for advice regarding my daughter’s unplanned pregnancy. Thank you all for the massive response.
Before I update on the situation, I would like to address those users who alleged that I was “pulling their chain.” My daughter’s pregnancy is very real. I have to live with that. She has to live with that. To address specifics: I did not know that Princeton’s early application was called a “Single Choice Early Action” – I figured it was early decision. Also: I wrongly thought my daughter had been admitted to VA Tech – she had simply told me that she liked her chances and I, being the busy mother I am, figured she had been accepted. This pregnancy is very real and a very tense subject.
My daughter has come to the decision (without my influence, per much of the advice of this thread, thank you all), to take a year to have the baby and have sufficient time to adjust to life as a mother (she is KEEPING it!). She plans on reapplying for the 2019-2020 academic year to local colleges (WashU is very close!). The father will be in the picture, but they will not be married or continue any romantic relationship. When my daughter goes to college, she will be close to home, but I will help a great deal with the baby.
I’d like to thank everyone again. I know my previous thread was a little wild and freaked out, but my daughter had just told me she was pregnant. Wouldn’t you freak out a little bit too?? Now we have worked it out and are all so excited for this experience. It is a blessing.
Having a child may affect her financial aid status as to whether she will be treated as a dependent or independent student for financial aid purposes. Rules may differ for federal aid, state aid, and each college’s own aid, so investigate carefully.
I have 2 close friends from college who were young mothers when they came to college, 1 close college friend who was a young dad, and my college roommate had a baby her senior year of college. They all had lots of support (as it sounds like you’re planning to provide), and they graduated and are doing well. All of the kids (babies and toddlers at the time) are young adults and doing just fine. I’m sure it did come as quite a shock, but glad your dd is now feeling supported. Congrats and best wishes!
Good luck to you and your daughter and future grandchild!
We know an amazing young woman who was born to teen parents. The teen father’s parents stepped up in a big way. They provided a home for the baby, while helping their son continue with his education – first college then professional school. (The teen mother slipped away and although there is some contact, not much).
How that family managed such a loving, collaborative child-raising project, I’ll never know. An inspiring story, for sure.
Thank you for updating. Sounds like a very thoughtful plan. So glad she will have the support of the dad (hopefully!!) and of you and his family. All the best and let us know when the baby arrives!
Your daughter should look into childcare options at schools she’s looking into. Many campuses have wonderful facilities. Wishing you all the best – and know that many women who have a child unexpectedly early go on to good jobs and good lives. Your daughter can certainly be one of them, especially if she has family support.
Wow, what a challenging situation. I missed the earlier thread, but I am so glad she has made a decision she is comfortable with. I know this seems cataclysmic right now, but she is still very young and will have time to get her degree, even though it will be harder than it would be for someone without a child to care for.
One other option would be to defer admission to Princeton, and then start next year, assuming she could get appropriate housing and child care. But it sounds like letting this go is a more manageable option for her.
I was a teen mom. I lived at home and went to college. My S and I have had a good life. Not always easy for sure, but with family and friends we succeeded! That same S is currently on the Dean’s List at his college, and also served in the Navy for 4 years. I couldn’t be more proud of him, and MY mother says the same about me :x
I love when OP’s come back and share “the rest of the story”. Your D sounds like she did some deep thinking and I think she made a very good decision. Best to you all - and let us know when the baby is born too! We LOVE babies!!
Please understand that most of the people who frequent College Confidential are teenagers and that “pulling people’s chains” is an Olympic-level sport to quite a few of them.
It sounds like your daughter has a plan now, and that it seems to work for you, too. Best wishes to your whole family, and I hope you love being a grandmother.
I’m glad that she made a decision that makes her happy. Wash U is a great school with an excellent reputation. I do have one suggestion that she/you should do now. Research the schools for single parent/married student housing and is it difficult to get into. Also check if they have a daycare on campus and is there a wait list. If so, if what kind of wait list is there for the daycare and cost if any. If there is a wait list, she might want to apply early to the schools she is most interested in and get on the daycare wait list. She can always remove herself from the wait list as she crosses the schools off her list. If she waits until she decides to go to a certain school she is probably too late to get into the daycare. On campus daycare’s are often used by the early childhood classes as hands on experience for them. If your across the river from St. Louis, FYI, fathers are not automatically named on the birth certificate by state law. He has to give permission and sign the birth certificate too.
Yes good point on the birth certificate and not to be a downer but there are pros and cons to having the father’s name on a birth certificate if there is not going to be an ongoing relationship and in many states these days as the previous poster stated he must willingly sign off to be added to the birth certificate. It is perfectly legal not to have a baby daddy on the birth certificate and her right to go it alone especially if OP is planning on financially supporting. The Op and the D might want to look into those pros and cons and how things can play out over time before the end of the pregnancy.