At least in some states, there’s a loophole with birth certificates. If he refuses to put his name on it, he’s not legally recognized as the baby’s father for financial or custody purposes, but can come back later and seek legal standing. In order to seek recognition for financial support/visitation, the mother would have to try to get a court order for a paternity test. The only way a father has zero rights ever is if his parental rights are formally severed. Some states will allow rights to be severed in a relatively straightforward way, others will only sever rights with another adult (read step-parent) simultaneously being added as adoptive parent. Basically, no matter what, visitation/custody and child support are connected. The father gets both or neither unless the mother obliges otherwise.
Wonderful outcome @pattiMother23! Congratulations to your daughter and to you as you welcome your first grandchild.
A baby is a blessing. Glad your DD values life and has a supportive family. Life is filled with challenges, and she is now moving forward. Gap year is a wonderful option to give a breather with her pregnancy and status as a young mother.
Best wishes for a healthy baby and mom and that her educational access is not impeded down the road. Take care.
OP, congratulations, Grandma! So glad that your daughter’s CHOICE works out for her and you. The very best to you all, and thank you so much for coming back and letting us know about the plan.
Yes, that would be wonderful if she can get to college and graduate someday. But there are more important hurdles to clear before that day and that is fine. Deciding to have a baby is a game changer at her age and an 18 year minimum commitment. But a college degree if it can be managed in my opinion would be one of most important foundations for the baby in terms of future financial security.
It is great that the OP is willing to step in. I have one acquaintance who quit her job to take care of a baby while her young adult finished a degree at a local college. That seems on surface to be the best of both worlds if grandma (and grandpa) are willing and financially able and the teen parent can come home and takeover night duty. Hopefully the OP is a young grandma…in my 60s I don’t know if I would have enough energy left even if I knew someone was coming home to takeover!
I wonder if there are sleepaway colleges that have enough mass of single parents to support that attempt because it would be a very different world to do a sleep away college with a baby. That would be valuable information for this forum as I would guess this isn’t the first teen or the last whose college plans are upended by their decision to keep a baby and go it along.
Probably those colleges with a larger number of non-traditional students would be more likely to know about such things and have accommodations (e.g. on-campus housing for students with children or spouses).
Having special accommodations to support students with children and/or spouses is common, particularly at colleges with a good number of graduate students living on campus. I lived in this housing one year. Each unit was essentially a small 3-bedroom townhouse. My next door neighbors were a couple with a toddler, who’d regularly ride her tricycle around the neighborhood and such. I can’t recall any parties or other loud events in the housing area. It was quite different from how most picture a college dorm. Undergraduate students were eligible to apply for this housing during 2nd trimester of pregnancy or later.
St Kate’s in Minnesota has family housing. It is a reputable women’s college.
https://www.stkate.edu/students/housing-and-dining/student-family-housing
Good to know. There was no married students or housing at my LAC a million years ago. But I knew then that unis had married student housing so could presumably house a parent + kid situation. Some kind of kid care or other single mothers to help would be good…there are always group projects these days in colleges and all sorts of time things that might not jive with a toddler schedule let along a baby schedule. It is all something I have never thought about. Seems like you would want to get the college thing done before the kiddo is in school because then you’d have that schedule to try and mesh with your own schedule. It is certainly a lot to think about.
Best wishes and prayers to your D and her child. A child is a blessing and I hope that this one brings Mom, Grandma and the rest of her family lots of joy. One of my sib’s kids was in a somewhat similar situation–though he was the dad, not mom. My mom was really upset initially, but in the last years of her life that child was her greatest joy.
I posted a link to Catholic colleges that have supportive arrangements for pregnant and single moms in the other thread. Notre Dame is the best known among them. Here’s a list of colleges that are fairly low cost–at least for instate students–and have good amenities for students with children. http://www.bestcolleges.com/features/students-with-children/
Most women’s colleges have accommodations for young (or not so young) mothers. Look into it in addition to your commutable colleges.
My friend’s D and BF just had an “oops” baby. The friend decided to retire and watch baby while her D was working. Friend and her retired H are enjoying being grandparents.
Wishing OP and her D the best in this new and exciting chapter of their lives.
As they say, “Man plans and God laughs.”
Smith College has the Ada Comstock scholars - as transfers only. These women are expected to bring in 2 years worth of credits. There are apartments available.
I can’t quite figure out if you have to be 24 or if you have a dependent the mother’s age is not relevant. https://www.smith.edu/admission-aid/how-apply/ada-comstock-scholars
It looks like you need to be 24. The programs are all interesting although for this specific OP just a few weeks ago there was concern about the teen being able to handle college on her own and now she will have to learn how to parent as a teen so will need her own parents for a while. Hopefully someone will benefit from the information.
I’m sure I’ll be yelled at for saying what I’m sure at least a few CC’ers are thinking–it’s very sad that this baby won’t be adopted into in a loving home with two mature, financially stable parents who are deeply desirous of having a child. Adoption would also allow the daughter to carry on with her life as planned. I doubt the sperm donor, just a kid himself, will be on the scene for long, much less find himself capable of supporting a child. The baby will be shuffled among mom, grandma, and babysitters as mom, also still a kid, struggles to get her education and pay bills. I certainly hope it all works out well, but it could be handled so much better.
It’s not like it’s the first time a child will be raised with the love and support, both emotional and financial, of extended family. That’s the way most of the world still does it and the way it was done historically. In many ways, I’d argue it is better to have grandparents actively involved in raising a child.
I don’t think “historically” children were raised out of wedlock without a father in the home by choice. I also wonder how this grandma will feel a few years from now when the excitement over a new baby has worn off and she’s chasing a toddler instead of enjoying the freedom of having her kids up and out. As I said, I hope it all works out well. I just think there was a better path. It doesn’t make sense to me for an unwed teenager (one who desires a college education) to keep a baby. I’m sure she likes the idea, babies being cute and all, but I suspect there’s a lot of magical thinking going on here about how nifty it will all be.
A couple of years ago, I had a student in the fall of her first year, and she started college with a 6 week old baby. Luckily she had applied to the college before she found out about the pregnancy (and the college is in her hometown). While she wanted to go away for school, she decided to stay in town, have the baby, and live at home with her parents (BF not in the picture). She was an amazing young woman and somehow managed to get a solid A in a very difficult course. I offered to let her bring the baby to class if she was ever in a pinch (she never was). But wow was I impressed with her.
I worry for the OP. If I remember the original post there are one or two younger teens at home too so adding a baby to the family and raising a baby is not ideal and they can’t be excluded from the massive changes that will occur in their family. But if the OP is willing and the D steps up I would give them the benefit of the doubt.