You’re right. You’re going to be yelled at, because suggesting that someone who is pregnant and not planning to place their child for adoption should relinquish their baby is deeply offensive.
Going around saying there are lots of people wanting babies so a pregnant woman or girl should give them hers is horrible. Really. It’s horrible. Some women and girls choose to place their babies for adoption. It’s a difficult choice, and for most women it’s one that stays with them lifelong. Good for them; they’re doing what they think is right for their babies. But for you to look at a girl who wants to keep her baby and has a solid plan to raise it, and tell her it’s sad she’s not giving it to someone else-- no. It is not sad.
Thank you, @“Cardinal Fang”. I am a mother by adoption and I agree 100 percent. Furthermore I am a single adoptive mother and my daughter was raised in my home without a father. She’s 21 and graduating from college in May, debt-free, in her 8th semester. She’s my heart. I am so, so lucky.
Raising the child, terminating the pregnancy, relinquishing the child for adoption are all choices that the mom has. I am so glad that this pregnant young lady has a mother willing and able to help.
In other words, many residential schools could be possible. However, it is true that grandparent day care of the child while the student is in class is more available if the student parent attends a school near where the grandparents live.
I think the disconnect comes when comparing the situation in the original thread with the current situation. In the original thread the mom said this:
So it’s a big jump from worrying about her D waking herself up in the morning and doing her own laundry to being a single mother while going to college. Not saying her decision is wrong, it’s just that the whiplash is real.
I made my thoughts about this situation clear on the last thread, but I vehemently disagree with Momma J- even as one of those people who will likely adopt one day.
Yes, I deeply want a child but one that does not have the option of a loving home.
As a single parent of a student now in her final semester of college I can’t even imagine what your daughter and your family must be going through. Babies are the greatest joy but they change your life and your priorities completely. Your daughter is very fortunate to have the support of her family. I hope she appreciates that. It is a reminder how sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way we planned. When that happens, we experience challenges but we also learn a lot of lessons which makes us stronger and wiser. As teenagers we are only responsible to some extent for ourselves but when we become mothers we are forced to grow up quickly because we now have the responsibility of another life in our hands. Now that a decision has been made I hope she has a safe pregnancy and utilizes that time to work on self care and prepare for the future. She is blessed with family support and believe me it will make all the difference in the world in her life. You have given her the priceless gift that one day she will truly learn to appreciate. Some choices we make in our life have the capacity to change our lives completely. When that happens it can feel like a very difficult situation but you just have to have faith that everything will work out for the best at the end.
I have a friend that had a child at age 19. She left college to have the baby. She later got divorced when the baby was 1 1/2. The child was raised by the grandparents so that the young mom could finish her degree. She ended up later going to medical school and becoming a doctor. All of this couldn’t have been possible without her parents support as she was an only child. Take it one day or one week at a time to get used to this new life and move forward with no regrets. Stay positive and look forward to what the future holds.
Many children placed for adoption do come from a loving home. The placing parents make choice to have the child be raise by other people, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t have raised the child.
Should every unmarried woman who is pregnant always choose adoption? Of course not, and that’s not what I said. I suggested that a teenage girl (one who was not responsible enough to use birth control and who, according to her own mother, can’t even manage her own laundry) who gets pregnant by a teenage boy who is unable to support a family would do better by her baby by placing it in a stable, financially solid environment with two mature parents. The child’s best interests should come first. How is that “deeply offensive”?
If you were a newborn who could choose, would you prefer a mom and dad who had desired and planned for a child and had the time and wherewithal to devote to you, or a cobbled together arrangement with a single teen mom trying to get a degree (one who never had any intention of becoming a mother), a teen bio dad who may or may not be around, a grandmother with other kids to raise, and babysitters to fill in the gaps? Easy call for me.
This can apply to tons of 17/18 year olds, not because they aren’t up to the task but because they’ve never had to do it. The girl in question got into Princeton according to the mom. If that is the case, she’s obviously bright ad must have a lot going for her. I bet laundry won’t be a challenge.
Additionally, there are no guarantees that an adoptive family will remain married, financially stable, etc. I think you are glorifying adoptive parents. I’m sure most are suitable to great but they aren’t saints. If extended family is willing to help out with the future care and financial needs of this unborn child, it’s not a scenario that should be scorned. Many, many people are raised successfully in families that don’t fit the heteronormative and societally blessed Leave It Beaver/Father Knows Best mold and turn out to be productive and happy members of society - even president of the USA.
Children benefit from a loving, caring environment and one in which they are provided with food, shelter, safety, good medical care, clean clothing, and the ability to receive a good education. There is no reason to suggest this child won’t be raised with all of that. Quite the opposite in fact.
@MommaJ I said I wouldn’t post on this thread, but I find your post deeply, deeply offensive. I was a single teen mom. My D went to college and grad school with me, so I guess you would say the first few years of her life she lived in a “cobbled together arrangement.” She may not have been planned, but she was wanted. Being with me was what was in my D’s best interest. As a student, I actually had much more time to devote to her than a full-time working adult or couple would have had. She always had a stable loving home with lots of family members and friends pitching in. Even though my family wasn’t wealthy, struggling actually until I started my career, my D has never known a financial struggle in her life. Quite the contrary, she has lived a life of privilege, one that many kids from a “stable, financially solid environment with two mature adults” have not known. She’s now a bright, mature, accomplished, and confident college freshman with a very bright future. I do not think for a moment she would have been better off adopted.
And I have friends with similar stories.
The OP’s D has the support of her family, which is what’s important. I’m sure they’ll be just fine. For you to sit in judgment and say that her unborn child would be better off adopted is deeply offense and just wrong.
Having said that, I thank the OP for providing an update, but the conversation has turned into a different direction, one that I doubt the OP is seeking, so I am closing this thread.