<p>
so if we wait to hear more before we “judge” the parents (others words, not mine) we should extend the same courtesy to the administration and the law enforcement, who were trying to deal with an acute situation at the time. I was glad to see the student body give a standing ovation for the school president. They supported him- they didin’t villify him. I wish the media would be as reasonable.</p>
<p>JYM - I added a quote from you - and a short comment - that is all.</p>
<p>And your above point?!? - The family is living in shame right now - I would not expect them to comment at this time.</p>
<p>Spikemom- thats not entirely true-
In most states a person can be held for 3 business days, and then a doctor has to decide if the person poses an imminent danger to himself or others. If the person doesnt agree to stay voluntarily, but the doctor feels he poses an imminent threat (and that can be based on several different factors), the doctor can involuntarily commit him. Then, if the person still wants to be discharged, they fill out another form and ultimately a judge may have to decide. Not every involuntary evaluation/admission is automatically discharged after 3 business days.</p>
<p>Just to change it up here a bit, I read the two plays that the killer wrote and honestly they were pretty sophmoric, moreso on a 5th grade level than someone who was about to graduate college this year. I guess creative writing wasn’t his forte.</p>
<p>The family is living in shame, and the country is living in grief.</p>
<p>I will respect that the shooters family is in shame - and grieving - as well as the rest of the nation and not pass any judgement on them - nor on the school administration or the police investigators - there is too much still unknown.</p>
<p>I am not walking in their shoes - but there but the grace of God go I…</p>
<p>good-- the right thing to do is to keep an open mind-- so much finger-pointing around here.</p>
<p>It is hard to be so sad and stay reasonable but as parents we need to try.</p>
<p>" I read the two plays that the killer wrote and honestly they were pretty sophmoric, moreso on a 5th grade level than someone who was about to graduate college this year. I guess creative writing wasn’t his forte."</p>
<p>I wonder whether that’s why he was so angry at the college. He was, after all, an English major and his writing was singularly lacking in talent. I also wonder if his parents were like many immigrants who try to get their kids to major in in the sciences (This is true of nonAsian immigrants as well as Asian ones). He was, after all, at Virginia Tech.</p>
<p>“I am not walking in their shoes - but there but the grace of God go I…”</p>
<p>Yes, I feel for the shooters’ family, too, and have a lot of empathy for them because I know what it’s like to worry about an adult offspring who appears to be troubled, yet to not be able to help him (I’m referring here to my older S, not my younger S who’s headed off to college soon). </p>
<p>Horrible as it is to lose a child as the shooters’ victims parents did, it is even worse to lose a child in the way the shooter’s family did because they won’t get the public sympathy and compassion that the victims’ families are getting. </p>
<p>I hope that posters on cc will keep those parents in their prayers and hearts, too.</p>
<p>I agree with jym626. The killers parents are not recent immigrants, they have been in this country for at least 15 years, they have a daughter attending/attended Princeton and they own a business in Virginia. Surely, they have the wherewithal to at least issue a statement expressing their sorrow and condolences to the families of people their son murdered and to the students and families of the ones he injured.</p>
<p>Goes to show how anything can happen at anytime. On that same note, in light of this, people on campus have started actually paying attention to the public safety logs… and discovered the following from that:</p>
<p>On March 8 at 11:05am officers executed a search warrant on a car which was towed from campus based on information gathered in a previous investigation. Seized from the vehicle were the following items: a handgun, shotgun, rifle, magazines, over 2,000 rounds of various types of ammunition, a knife and a Samurai sword. Based on the recovery of these items, an arrest warrant was obtained. A warrant was issued, and the suspect was arrested by Hadley Police Department (Incident #07-77-OF). Case Open.</p>
<p>Scary, case is still open and no information is being released. And to think that I came to South Hadley because I wanted to be safe! </p>
<p>All of the affected are in my prayers…</p>
<p>“You’d be surprised what parents can do. Just look at the parents here on CC. Many many many are trying to help their kids with problems, decisions, financial support, you name it. I have been in the mental health field for 26 years, and I have to respectfully disagree that parents just cant do anything to help a troubled kid. There is a big difference between what they can legally do (and oftentimes that is up to the mental health providers and/or the law to decide, but the parents can get the adult to an emergency evaluation even if the adult isn’t volunteering to go) and what they can encourage their jid to do, jsut by being a supportive, concerned parent. And you seem to imply that this kid has had not contact with his parents in 3 1/2 yrs. Where are you getting that?? Sorry-- the parents total absence thus far is discraceful.”</p>
<p>As a parent concerned about an adult son’s apparent mental health problems, I disagree with what you’ve stated. One can’t drag an adult offspring into treatment. I also know other very caring parents with serious concerns about their adult offspring whom the parents have been unable to assist. One cannot force an adult into mental health treatment unless the adult is obviously threatening themselves or others.</p>
<p>Also, given the fact that the shooter did not have eye contact or talk to professors or even his roommate, what makes anyone think that he treated his family any differently? Indeed, given the enormous amount of rage toward adults and parental figures that was exhibited in his playwriting, I iimagine that if he communicated with his parents at all, his communication was very hostile and angry. It very well may be possible that he literally hasn’t talked with or even looked at his parents in a long time even if he has been in physical proximity with them.</p>
<p>I doubt that he would have ended up at Virginia Tech if his behavior had always been so withdrawn, isolated and weird. His writing is weak, so I doubt that he would have had high verbal scores to get into Virginia Tech. I also doubt if he would have gotten along with teachers well enough to have done what it took to get good grades. High school teachers wouldn’t have given him a one on one if he refused to speak in class. A student who couldn’t do oral reports, etc., would have gotten grades too low to go to many colleges.</p>
<p>As for the parents’ absence, it’s understandable to me. They are grief stricken, ashamed, and probably being deluged with calls and other communication from the media and others who are offering blame. The parents are under no obligation to be visible or to make any statements to anyone. They also may fear that any statement of condolence from them to the myriad of victims would be adding hurt to the victims and their families. I can imagine that the shooter’s parents are blaming themselves as many parents might do even if that blame was not warrented.</p>
<p>Interestingly enough guys, the killer’s sister graduated from Princeton in 2004.</p>
<p>Northstarmom - I have not read his plays - but the statement of his prof who worked one on one with him was interesting - she said he was a very bright student. In his downward spiral - over a period of time - he may have lost that talent/spark that originally may have gotten him there in the beginning. Hearing how he was so dis-associated from the world - and not engaged with it as well. Just a thought.</p>
<p>I have seen very talented and bright young people - who in the depths of mental illness - loose what originally ignited their souls in a sense. One particular young lady comes to my mind. Very good student - very bright and engaging - very involved - and then she became very mentally ill - she really did seem to loose it all. The spart went out and she was only a shell of her previous self. Again - just a thought.</p>
<p>Northstarmom: CNN reported that shooter’s dad “worked” in a dry clearners and mom worked in a school cafeteria. I dont think they own a dry clearners.</p>
<p>Also, heard an interview with past roommate who said shooter did not speak to them, answer questions or anything the entire time they lived together.<br>
This young man’s mental illness goes back a few years at least.</p>
<p>nsm-
I am sorry that you are having troubles with your son, and it sounds like you, as a concerned parent, have tried to offer him help.
No one said the shooters parents were under any obligation to do or say anything. But there is such a thing as common decency under such circumstances. No, I don’t expect them to hold a press conference. I am just a bit surprised that all the media has done is to show pictures of nice middle class townhouses and conduct interviews with neighbors and postal carrier who said they were nice friendly folks. Is their grief any more or less poignant than that of the victims? Yes, they are grieving the loss of a son too. I am just surprised that the media is jumping all over the staff at VT. They need to lighten up.</p>
<p>Anyoe who works in a dry cleaners would be affected by the fumes, however, so if there are chemicals in dry cleaning stores that can lead to schizophrenia in employees’ offspring, that theory could be still relevant.</p>
<p>What we know from stories thus far is that Cho’s apparent mental illness went back to last fall when presumably he got the roommates that he never spoke to. Yes, JeepMom is right that he could have suffered a rapid decompensation and may have been a far more talented writer before.</p>
<p>I also have read that medication normally prescribed for psychological disorders was found in his room. No word yet on what the medication was. Consequently, it’s possible that his parents had gotten him into treatment.</p>
<p>Couple of observations here before I do some chem. homework:
First and most definitely foremost, my deepest and most sincere thoughts and prayers are with the families, friends, and students affected directly or indirectly by this tradegy. Every time I think about this, I can feel me heart lurch in sadness and sympathy. There are no words to describe how terrible this is, and I wish them nothing but the best as they deal with this tradegy (Can you ever really “get through” something like this?)</p>
<p>That being said, I have to say I’m kind of off-put by the reaction of “send them home/commit them” to all students with psychological disorders. A VAST majority of people with psychological disorders aren’t dangerous at all, and those that are mostly just a danger to themselves (and not just suicide; anorexia, catatonic schizophrenia, bulimia, even OCD [washing hands until they bleed, for instance] could be classified as dangerous, even though none of those would foreseeably lead to anything like this horrible event). Additionally, students with some of the abovementioned disorderes aren’t how we would think of crazy person at all… They can be popular, successful, involved, pleasent, HAPPY students, not depressed, hallucinating, out-of-touch schizophrenics/depressives, I know of at least 2 CCers who are by all of accounts having a wonderful, successful, engaing time at their respective schools despite having a “dangerous disorder” (they have chosen not reveal this information on the “public” portion of CC, and I will respect their decision). In both cases, being sent home for a semester would cause said students to loose massive merit $ which is making it possible them to attend their schools at which they report truly having a wonderful time in all regard. Would you send these students home, too, and throw their educations into jeopardy? While I agree that some students may warrant such actions (and this shooter definitely put up some huge red flags that should have warranted such action), those cases, though tragic, are statistically uncommon.</p>
<p>Oh, this also is a reason why the family hasn’t made a statement.They may have a lot of difficulty communicating in English, and given these circumstnaces in which everything would be scrutinized by the world, they may not feel comfortable writing anything. They also may not have the support of friends to help them through this very difficult time. The below is from Newsweek.</p>
<p>" Neighbors there say the couple mostly kept to themselves, possibly because of their limited English. “We just got the occasional wave,” says neighbor Marshall Main, who saw the family leave on Monday night after a lengthy visit from police. Another neighbor, Adele Higgins, said that Cho’s parents “seemed friendly” and would sometimes nod hello, but “we never carried on a conversation.”</p>
<p>nsm-
It would probably take a prolonged exposure to toxic fumes to cause genetic changes that could lead to something such as schizophrenia. And for all we know, the parent (father) could have worked at the cleaners for only a brief time, and well after the birth of the child. that certainly wouldn’t affect the genetic makeup if this kid. I had also read somewhere (a long time ago) that an unusually large number of schizophrenics had summer birthdays, leading to some suspicion that a winter flu/influenza during the first trimester could lead to schizophrenia. Who knows. It is correlational, not causal, data.</p>
<p>As for the meds found in his room-- if the media is correct, preliminary reports said it was an antidepressant. One of his professors said she was very concerned about this kid and tried to get him directed to treatment. Maybe his parent, his professor and maybe he self initiated treatment, if he got any.</p>