My older daughter is going with several friends on a short trip out of the country next week. The person with whom she was going to share a room started making noises a few weeks ago about not going (first excuse: “I’m too fat to be in a bathing suit”; second excuse: “It costs too much”). The supposed-to-be roommate pulled the plug today. My daughter is talking to other friends about being a third in one of their rooms but if that isn’t allowed, she’ll be on the hook for the total cost of the room. She’s upset with her friend, and I’m feeling bad for my daughter. It seems too early for me to say what I feel, “It’s only money; I’m glad every day you’re alive and healthy.” I welcome commiseration from anyone who has also been stood up in an expensive way. Thanks!
Wow! If it were me, I would say, “I’m sorry you can’t make it, Suzy, but we agreed we would share a room. I’ll need you to pay me back for your part. If it takes you a couple of months, that’s OK.” If the friend is nasty about it, she’s not much of a friend.
+1 to MLH. It’s one thing to cancel early. It’s another when reservations and whatnot are already made.
I think if there are multiple people going on the trip, and one pulls out, the cost associated with that person should be split among the rest of the group. Or maybe someone else would like to have a single room, and pay the full cost of the room?
Wow, that stinks. I’d say there is very little chance that the girl will pay her share. If I were your daughter, I’d be focused on trying to get another person to join the group as a last-minute addition. Or maybe some of the other girls will welcome the chance to reduce their expenses by having three in a room. Or, who knows, maybe one of the other girls would be willing to spring for a single room. It’s annoying but I’m sure it will all work out.
I absolutely disagree. No one should be screwed over because someone pulls out at the last minute. The trip was made on the assumption of 4 people so the costs should be split 4 ways.
@rosered55, That is terrible! If the girl won’t pay her share, maybe the other girls would share the burden?
H and I were stood up by a friend with a theatre ticket. She asked us to buy her a ticket when I told her we were going. We paid for the tickets with our credit card. When she had a lame excuse and couldn’t go one day before the performance, I was disappointed. She said we could sell her ticket?! Well, H stood out in front of the venue for about 30 minutes and finally sold a single ticket for half of what we paid.
Edit: I should go back to read before posting. Great idea, @QuantMech! I think @rosered55 said several friends were going, so maybe the burden wouldn’t be too great?
Didn’t they already have to pay some of these costs?
The room was reserved but probably not paid for yet; the person who backed out was going to fly for free because a family member works for the airline.
I absolutely hate when people flake out like that. Don’t commit to plans (especially expensive, set-in-stone ones) and then drop out!
My boyfriend left me for an older woman 4 days before my flight to visit him for my birthday. It was a $520 flight, of which he’d covered $250. There was a $200 change fee to use the ticket for something else.
@Knittergirrl , OUCH!
That friend is no friend. Looks like she used her free plane ticket to leave someone else holding the bag. Of course, if she says, “I can’t afford it”, how can your daughter expect that she’ll ever get paid back?
If she can’t bunk with the other two just swallow the money and ditch the friend. The best revenge will be copious social media posts of all the fun they’re having, starting in the airport.
Oof. That’s unfortunate, but compared to paying for a flight, flying there, and then being dumped ON your birthday, I imagine it still feels like a bargain.
On the original topic, I’m with @MaineLonghorn. At this late stage, the withdrawing party should be paying for her slot whether she goes or not. It’s not a bereavement or a sudden illness, it’s a personal whim. That’s not a justifiable reason for leaving others in the lurch. Especially when those others have made plans and financial commitments based on her expressed intent to travel with them.
If she does refuse to pay, perhaps your D can invite a different friend along to be her roommate?
If no one is willing to say yes at full cost, you could sweeten the pot for the new person by offering to pay either for their airfare or their share of the hotel room, whichever is cheaper. That way you’re still out less money than you would have paid if D didn’t have a roommate. I’d rather pay $2k extra and know an extra person is getting to enjoy the journey than pay $3k extra and know there was a wasted empty bed.
Hope it works out, one way or another!
One thing that you learn later in life is that there are some people who are reliably unreliable with regard to plans that you make with them. You are able to adjust your interaction with them to take advantage of this knowledge.
Regrettable, when you’re young, its all chalked up to experience.
Good luck. I think a rollaway in another room could work, or just upgrade to a suite for three might work too.
I’m assuming these aren’t full-fledged adult women, so consider whether this girl can’t go anymore, because her parents have interceded, or some other major problem/conflict arose. Don’t know whether it’s justified to ditch friendship altogether.
They are full-fledged adult women, all at least 25 years old.
Wow, that is pretty old to be doing this.
She is no friend. I’d ask for the $$$. If she does not respond, end of friendship. I’d be assertive in my response. Of course, this is my 60+ response. At your DD’s age, I’d be freaked. Now, I’d get on the phone with this girl’s parents and I’d be upfronT about the extra expense to my young daughter, and want their credit card information
Many years ago, my sister in law and I were going to meet in Paris for a girls’ weekend. One week before the trip she decided that she couldn’t go because she needed to be home for a very good reason. I was disappointed, but I understood. At the same time, I told her she should reimburse me for my flight or at least for the change fee. She didn’t quite agree with me, and it was unpleasant for a while.
D2 decided not to go on a spring break trip with her friends because some of them sounded flaky, and she didn’t want to get stuck with the hotel fees.
Agree - this is no friend. Your D should NOT be shy about demanding (not merely “suggesting”) that she pay her share of the room.
@DreamSchlDropout - I had a friend, a fellow lawyer, whose husband told her he was leaving her for his secretary and wanted a divorce (completely out of the blue) on her 30th birthday. What an a^YU^&)(hole!