Very Conflicted About The Decision to Transfer

Hi,

I am a current sophomore at a large university about 3 hours from home. I did classes from home all of last year due to COVID, and this is my first time on campus. It has needed some getting used to, but I have found my routine and don’t hate it here. The campus is absolutely beautiful and my classes are tough but interesting. I am privileged enough to have my car on campus, so I have been going home on weekends, but will definitely stay up here for at least 3-4 weekends before I make my decision. My favorite parts of school so far have been walking home from the gym at 12am every night on an empty, peaceful campus and getting done my last Friday class and driving home. I have gotten involved with some clubs, have been able to get to the gym almost every night, and the large size isn’t as big of a problem to me as I thought it was. Still, I have this feeling I should transfer. If I was a freshman, I would for sure give it at least a year (2 semesters) before considering this. But as a sophomore, I feel as if I don’t have a whole lot of time left, and don’t know if I can wait until my junior year to make the move. A very attractive destination for me is a university closer to my hometown which is smaller, and I would have any opportunity to live with some of my closest friends who I stayed home with last year. I value my time with my family over anything else, and it would just be nice to be closer to them and to be able to drive 20 minutes to be home, not just on weekends. I just don’t know what to do and feel trapped and would really appreciate any advice.

Thank You!

Time left for what? You are 19 or 20. You have plenty of time.

This post is confusing. Half of it is all about the pros of being at your current school. It might be a good idea to not go home all the time and give yourself a chance to meet new people, make new friends, and still be able to get home quickly if you want to. I mean, what were you doing three hours ago? It’s no time at all.

Going home all the time is not a great way to start your college experience. That’s when people make friends and enjoy their time on campus. If you’re always leaving, you’re missing a critical part of college life. People on campus aren’t going to invest a lot of effort making friends with someone who is never around to socialize with. Why attend a college three hours away if you didn’t want to grow and challenge yourself in new ways.

People always think the grass will be greener elsewhere. You haven’t given this college much of a chance. Do you want to start this all over again? Maybe you’ll find yourself bored and unchallenged at the other school. Will your credits transfer? What exactly is going to be better at another college? I suggest you think about the sound reasons you chose this school, and create a list of pros and cons. If you really want to be close to your family, attend a CC and save your parents some money, then transfer.

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Yeah I see how it can be confusing that’s my mistake. Just wanted to show the fact that I enjoy some aspects of the school and that is what’s making it hard to decide. It has potential for me to really enjoy it, I just have to give it time. This other school just gives me a feeling a comfort and home, but maybe my time here will give me that feeling. I will definitely utilize your advice, thank you!

It sounds as though you really like your present university, and are simply a bit homesick. You really have never left your home, and it’s not always eastto adjust. It’s normal. The fact that you are enjoying your present college despite your homesickness tells me that you are in the right place, and my advice is that you not transfer.

It’s great to have close friends from high school, but those are your high school friends. I know that it can be very attractive to stay with the same exact group of people, not go through the trouble of making new friends, getting to know new people and places, and exploring the world. The problem with that is that it can also stunt your emotional and intellectual growth.

You have, on average, over 50 years to spend in your hometown after college. You already spent 18 years there. Plenty of time, by any measure.

Take care and hold on - as your homesickness recedes, you will enjoy your present college even more.

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You are the same age as my D, a sophomore at a school a bit less than 3 hours from home, and very close to her family and grandparents here. The difference is she went there last year, without a car, and because of Covid restrictions on guests and travel, she was “trapped” from when we dropped her off in August until the holiday break. We didn’t see her at all. She was immensely homesick! She was home for the holidays and then had to repeat the process again in the spring. It was much easier that time.

She had no choice but to stay on campus for months at a time and we couldn’t even take her to lunch. The only way to settle in, make friends, and feel a part of the community is to stay on campus, socialize, and become part of the school. Running home every weekend is keeping you from being able to adjust. You should get used to being your own person, away from your old environment, so you can grow and find out who you are. It will also make any study abroad, internship, or employment transitions easier.

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