@happy1 Actually, some people in my school call UT and A&M “basic” since most of the kids from my high school end up going to those two school. One of my friend’s father (she’s top 10 and is an all state swimmer) actually discouraged her from applying to those schools because he didn’t want her to “settle.” But I love both. My brother was 6 of his class and went to A&M. I don’t think they are bad schools at all. UT has an awesome engineering program, actually ranked higher than Rice’s.
@CaliCash Not surprised. I wasn’t too surprised as I mentioned in the thread (which I understand was very long and bitter, so you probably didn’t read it all). I’m just humiliated. That’s all.
You said you werent going to go to these schools anyway. So why so you care, and why didnt you apply for scholarships?
When I was in OP’s shoes (which was until just this year, actually, and I’m still dealing with this as a college junior, lol), my dreams were to fulfill others’ expectations. I rationally knew that other people’s opinions didn’t matter and that people still appreciated me, and even that people were impressed by my achievements, but that knowledge didn’t make the hurt and feelings of inferiority go away. And then I would beat myself up for being so shallow. Feelings aren’t always tied to reason.
So I do think it’s important to validate OP’s being hurt AND at the same time remind her of her accomplishments. It can be AND vs. INSTEAD OF.
this is a time of year when lots of students are tasting some bitter rejection. for many who have only experienced a sense of approval and acceptance regarding their academics, this may be the first time they have been denied that, and it might shake them up quite a bit. they will be fine. i think it’s OK to cut them some slack and let them vent and let off some steam on these forums without scolding them.
sometimes it feels good to piss and moan for a bit without someone scolding you for it.
@j417872 Because UT was the last place I thought I’d go to (since my brother was an aggie, so I figured well if I choose one of them, it’ll be in A&M with my brother). I changed my mind just recently actually. So, my UT application was not very good, to say the least & I didn’t care to apply for UT scholarships.
But I’m trying my best to apply to as many online scholarships as I can now.
@rasofia , Why do you want to be a valedictorian? Were you not one, things might have turned out a little differently. The sad thing is when you are outstanding so much, people start to scrutinize you for imperfections (and enjoy finding one!). When you are mediocre, people pity you and try to find the sparkle in you. This probably explains why so many top students got rejected while the average got in.
@OnMyWay2013 Good to know I’m not the only one that feels that way. It’s a hard feeling to control because I KNOW that I don’t have to impress anyone at all…that I shouldn’t care for anyone’s thoughts…but at the same time there’s that subconscious desire of wanting to be the “best” or at least really amazing & impressing others.
So which is more important- going to a school where you will be happy and comfortable and thrive, or turning down one that you applied to a week before the deadline that you didn’t want to attend? Please, don’t let others encourage you to throw a pity party. It’s time for a huge celebration!
@TimeUpJunior I didn’t want to be Valedictorian. I explained it a bit in an earlier response on this thread. But yeah, exactly…I feel more pressure being Valedictorian because there are higher expectations, ESPECIALLY compared with last year’s Valedictorian who got into the Ivies and others and is now at Stanford. I remember everyone criticizing the Salutatorian (including a bunch of parents) because she decided to stay at a local university. They were being pretty harsh and saying that she basically wasted her achievements.
I think some people are more sensitive to that dynamic of accomplish-something, receive-praise and internalize it a lot more than is healthy. I got that at school, at church, at home, and now at college. I’ve never seen The Matrix, so I don’t know if the phrase “breaking free of the matrix” applies to this, lol, but it’s really weird being aware of something that’s subconsciously driven the way you’ve lived your whole life.
@OnMyWay2013 It is VERY weird. It’s been like this for me since Freshman year! It’s something I just couldn’t control…After I found out I was Valedictorian (and everybody else found out after), I felt like I can’t have ANY room for slacking. I needed to up my game, so I wouldn’t go through the embarrassment of falling in rank. So, I studied even more, and I didn’t even WANT to be Valedictorian because I KNEW it wouldn’t make a difference in the end if I was number 20 or number 1. I just…couldn’t help it. But hopefully I will take these four years as a lesson learned and try to live differently these next four years at UT. I need to enjoy life before the time flies by again.
Things finally started turning around for me when my GPA first became “imperfect,” lol. It was hard to accept at first, but then the pressure to do perfectly pretty much vanished.
Congratulations @OnMyWay2013 , for making progress in disengaging from the need for external validation of your self worth and value. You will hopefully recognize that external acknowledgements are wonderful,and feel great, but are not necessary for your self worth. Getting an acceptance from an Ivy is yet another one of those external validations, so not getting that (even though 90+% of people also do not) is seen as a personal rejection and failure. Of course it hurts. No one likes to be rejected. So yes, acknowledging and supporting the OP’s sadness at feeling rejected is understandable, but not the embarrassment, as that just incorrectly validates these misplaced feelings. I hope that distinction is clear, as it is a subtle but important one.
My two cents is, you didn’t get accepted at these schools because they were just an afterthought and you didn’t really want to go, and applied almost late, which is very telling, ergo you wouldn’t have been happy at them. Don’t ruin your year at UT by a single thought about regrets. While you are there enjoy your stay and don’t just not study your first year to make up for lost time, or you’ll find you won’t be at UT your sophomore year. Try to excel. Aim for the stars and see where it takes you.
I am sorry. Nothing can make this feel less painful but it truly is not a reflection of you. The numbers are staggering. All of these schools have reported vast increases in applicants this year.40,000 applications for 4,000 spots. The people applying are nearly all top of their classes. Many are valedictorians. But you cant squeeze 40,000 into 4,000 (or whatever a particular school’s numbers are). Valedictorians, class presidents, varsity athletes, competitive award winners-all have been rejected. there just are not enough spots. The valedictorian and couple other of the very top students at my son’s school were all rejected by Ivies today. People are shocked…but it is just simple math. I’m sorry for your disappointment but it is not a reflection on you. You are clearly an outstanding student and will be successful at UT or wherever you go. Good luck!
@rasofia wow, lots of responses! It’s a tough situation, having such high expectations placed on you by your peers… and the shame is not something that will resolve itself overnight (no matter how many times someone tells you that you should be happy - I’ve been there). But you demonstrate an impressive level of self-awareness, which will help you learn from this experience, rather than dwell. I am confident that you will reach a point in the near future where you’ll have a difficult time trying empathize with how you feel now, b/c you’re enjoying your time in college and you’ll recognize how it all worked out in the end.
You’ll be okay. The rejections (especially when they come all at once like this) are very hard at first, but, take it from someone who along with many of his peers were rejected from their top schools but ended up very happy at other institutions: it’ll be okay. You’ll be happy.
If it turns out you really aren’t happy where you end up going (and UT is fantastic but it may happen) you can always consider transferring. Keep your head up and stay positive.
Hey I actually made an account specifically so I could reply to this post lol. I’m actually in the same situation as you… I’m valedictorian but got rejected from 7 out of 11 schools. These included northwestern, cornell, and Johns Hopkins. I only got into A&M, UT, BU, and Carnegie Mellon, which I applied to as safeties/targets. All along I’ve been wanting to leave Texas and never imagined myself being left with no options but my parents dont want to spend tons of money on a similar education at a place like CMU so I think i’ll be stuck at UT next fall. I feel the exact same way as you, regretting all of my life choices for the past 4 years and just wanting to give up on everything. I wanna cut school, sabotage my valedictorian speech, start doing dumb stuff bc clearly I’m dumb to all these colleges. This isn’t really a helpful comment I just wanted to say there are others like you out there who may end up in the same place as you. @rasofia
This thread is so heartwarming. Many of the responses brought me to tears. Just want to add that my son, two years ago, really REALLY wanted to go to UT Austin, but we would not let him apply there because it would have been too much money for us (out of state for us). He was one of the lucky few (and I know now more than ever before how randomly lucky he was) to be accepted into two of his reach schools. But you know what? I think if he had been allowed to apply to UT Austin, he would have chosen that over any Ivy. That was his dream school.
And this valedictorian thing. My kids’ high school does not do valedictorians, but instead has the student body vote on who should give the commencement speech. I even asked the principal why they had this policy and he told me “it causes too many hurt feelings” - when my kids were graduating I didn’t like this answer. But now I think maybe they are right - maybe it puts too much pressure on kids, especially in a situation like this. Although I do agree with many posters that this can actually be turned around into a great speech.
I feel so bad for you, and, as others have said, it could happen to anybody. The admissions process right now is so crazy. And how crazy is it that any ivy school, for us, is more affordable than a state college? By the way, my son was waitlisted at Rice, another of his favorites. Don’t let this get you down. As others have said, when you get to college, no one will ever ask you what your SAT score is or where else you got in. It will be as a whole new world. And I second the advise about reading “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be” - it’s also available on audible.com Download it and go for a long walk this weekend and I can guarantee you, you will feel much better.