Very embarrassed. Valedictorian rejected from top schools.

Applying to College
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Okay, so I’m in my car on the way to Austin, and I’m thanking the universe for such wonderful people on this planet. Thank you to all of you for being so understanding!! I know my post sounded really ridiculous, especially the title. But like a few people above said, I meant “everywhere” as in the places that Valedictorians are expected to get into. Plus, I had built-up feelings/pressure about these admissions letters. This was an impulsive thread, in which my feelings had blurred my rational thinking. Also, this is why I WAS embarrassed (not anymore because you amazing people have opened my eyes, or rather, you have cleared me of negative feelings):
I WAS embarrassed because… Since the moment I found I was Valedictorian my sophomore year, I , first, was totally shocked , and second, I immediately started comparing myself to previous Valedictorians ( especially last year’s who was varsity football, president of student council, friends with everyone, and just an overall perfectly well-rounded student-- everyone knew his name & he did get accepted “everywhere,” he’s at Stanford now). I also felt embarrassed because it had been two years of people commenting to my parents or to me how I was definitely going to “go places” and how I was going to get into any school, including the Ivies. People were setting standards /expectations for me when I didn’t even want to be Valedictorian in the first place! I remember actually getting mad at my mom when she would mention how much I studied to her friends!! I was ashamed of being a “study nerd” and nothing else, so I felt I didn’t deserve that Valedictorian title. I wanted it to go to someone like last year’s Valedictorian. BUT, as many of you have made me realize, a Valedictorian title doesn’t mean I’m a well-rounded student or did something amazing in my life… All it means is I did very well in my classes (which I did through studying). It also DEFINITLEY does not mean that I’m the smartest kid in the school. It might mean that for some Valedictorians, but not for me. In my case, this title just means that I very, very hard… I studied my butt off. Lastly, it’s so cliche, but my school has this thing where they hang up banners of the schools that previous students have attended. I remember always being in awe of the “prestigious” banners hung at the school entrance… Thinking that one day I might bring my school a banner like that, that other students would look at my banner in awe as I had once done.
Anyway, those were some of the main reasons why I was initially embarrassed. But NOT anymore thanks to all of you.

This is what happened in school today (I wrote this before seeing all these new responses)
Update: i went to school today until 11:30 am. First, a close friend of mine asked me if I checked yet, and I said no- that I was too scared to check if I got rejected & that either way, I’m going going to UT so why make myself feel bad if I did get rejected? He also asked me about Duke, and I said I didn’t check either.
Then, in my second class… Everyone was huddled around these two girls who got into big schools (Princeton and an Ivy think). Of course, one of them came up to us ( my best friend is the salutatorian) as the others were watching and asked her (my best friend) about Columbia and Yale. My friend said she got waitlisted at both (true about Columbia but not Yale… We were both in the same position & feeling embarrassed). It wasn’t until the third class where the students brought it up again and asked us in front of everyone. My friend said the same thing as before, and I lied and said that I hadn’t checked yet… Again, that I was too scared of the rejection. They all seemed surprised and said that I should check right there and then, that I probably got accepted. “You’re the Valedictorian, you’re super smart! For sure you got into Harvard!” I told them the same thing I told my other friend … Why check and possibly set myself up for rejection if I’m going to UT. Also, I said I wouldn’t be surprised by a rejection because I’m not a well-rounded student (like former Vals/Sals or just top 10 kids)
So, for now, everyone thinks I haven’t checked … Eventually I’ll just say I was waitlisted. I should’ve just not applied to Harvard or any of those schools in the first place or at least not told anyone about it. I don’t know what I was thinking wasting $400 on applying if I deep down inside knew that I wasn’t a good applicant for those schools ( only because there are other kids out there 100x smarter/talented)

Anyway…hopefully they just stop asking about it. It was just a bit awkward with some of my friends celebrating how they got into Princeton and Columbia and who knows what else, right next to me& my best friend… there was sort of an elephant in the room as they all talked about their acceptances. My best friend and I just wanted to leave the classroom before anyone else brought it up again.

One friend just texted me and asked that I send her my ivy username and password because she, along with others, think I “totally” got accepted and I’m worrying over nothing (little did they know lol).

Anyway, I’m over it. I’m excited for the future and starting fresh ( except for the fact that I’ll be away from my family and dogs) .

Advice to high school kids: just enjoy your four years. Do things that make you happy. BE HAPPY. Don’t stress yourself out. Study, but not like me. Just study enough to be in the top 10% of your class or whatever you think is best. Be a leader in some way. Do something great. Be someone. OR just do whatever you want … Just BE HAPPY, that’s the most important lesson you should take away from this thread (if there are new hs kids reading this now). And spend most of your time with your family and friends before its all over and you have to leave them. I wish I would’ve spent my time that way.

Also, VERY important: don't apply to schools that you are most likely are not even going to attend, even if you want to receive an acceptance letter as some type of validation... Just don't (unless you are pretty positive you'll get accepted, which I wasn't). Instead, spend your time and energy on scholarships for the schools that you really think you will go to.

Anyway, I just want to say a HUGEEEEEEEEEE THANK YOU to all of you above (I will reply to you all as soon as I get to my hotel)… I’m happy about my future school, and thanks to all of you, I’ve been able to talk about my feelings ( which is how I usually get rid of them).

I’m happy now and I don’t care what others think from now on. I’ll be the happiest I can be at my future university, and THAT will be my biggest achievement.

I’ll overachieve in happiness. You can’t get enough of that.

Thank you again to all of you. I should really have my best friend read all your posts. You all will definitely make her feel 100x better just as I do now.

The universe has its reasons…and I trust them 100% now.

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*means that I worked very, very hard

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That’s great!

I wish it was so easy to just stop caring what others think, but it takes practice. I’d challenge you to be honest with your classmates. 1. They already think that you had what it took to get into these schools. If you tell them that you didn’t get in, they aren’t going to say, “Well, I used to think she was smart, but if she didn’t get into these schools, I guess she’s not.” 2. This won’t die down for a while, and it will be such a relief to tell the truth. 3. You have the chance to inspire your friend to be honest too, and it can help both of you.

I remember coming to the school I’m at, I used to be so afraid of telling people when I did badly on an assignment. I remember once I forgot to turn in an assignment before the deadline, and I cried for such a long time (it was a ten-point assignment, lol). I think I cried the first time I told my friends that I was struggling with classes, and even though it was awkward, they were really supportive and I’m glad I did it. Now I’m just like, yeah I bombed that test. I didn’t get into those summer programs. I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ll tell any and all of my classmates.

Just a thought. The message here is that you don’t have to be ashamed.

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Its really none of their business where she did/did not get in. And part of not caring so much about what they think is not giving them the information to form an opinion. She is choosing between two fine schools. That’s all they need to know. Personally, given the things that are important to her, I’d vote for the intimacy of Rice. But I am biased.

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@bodangles I’VE BEEN SAYING THE SAME THING ever since I started the college application process. When I later discovered CC and found people on here freaking out and proclaiming that [insert ivy league] was their dream school and that the only thing they wanted in life was to attend this school, I just sat in disbelief thinking “Wow, you actually want to go to school?” Tbh, if I could just skip the years that I would have to go to undergrad and grad (but still pay off the tuition for all the years) and just get my degrees and enter a practical career, I definitely would. College is, like you said, just places that we’ll spend four years with a LOT of annoying situations to face.

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@rasofia FWIW: “I haven’t checked yet” is code for “I didn’t get in.” Your classmates basically already have their answer and your friends still care for you and apparently have not ridiculed you for it.

I think you should be open and honest. You have nothing to lose other than possibly fake friends who you wouldn’t want in your life anyway.

Good luck at UT.

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I have to agree, @rasofia. I’d go in on Monday and tell the first person who asks that you got rejected and/or waitlisted at the Ivies you applied to and accepted at UT and Rice. There are probably other kids who were also rejected, either from schools they really wanted to attend or that would be affordable for their families. You aren’t alone, and it would be nice for them not to be either.

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My S said it was a bloodbath at his school, so no one felt bad, just sympathy for each other! It was a tough year! Enjoy Austin;)

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Princeton and an Ivy?? Princeton IS an Ivy.

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A year ago at this time, my D got into WUSTL, Rice, Emory, Tulane, BU, William & Mary and several other excellent schools. Some of these schools even offered substantial scholarships. This month, she will be finishing her freshman year at UT-Austin, which she loves.

Understand that your friends are going to be your friends regardless of which school you end up. And others are going to try and tear you down, either out of jealousy or because of their own insecurities.

Also understand that, to a certain extent, everything starts anew in the fall. New choices to make. New friends to meet. It’s your life so make it your own. Learn what works for you and find a way to be happy with your choices.

Let me join the chorus of well wishers. While some may mock or belittle, know that many care about you and that the CC community will be rooting for you.

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I found this silly.

If you are really interested in going to Ivies, I can clearly understand the disappointment. But sounds like you don’t want to go anyway. So all you lost is just bragging right. Why is bragging right so important? You are the same person today and yesterday.

Regarding the “hindsight” of “should have slacked off in study”. Well in life, if you try, you may still fail a lot of times. But if you don’t, you will never succeed.

Finally, don’t try to be the person who has the lowest rank in your school that gets into UT. Yes, there will always be such a lucky person. But when you shoot to be that one, you may not get into UT all together.

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Just wanted to update…I visited UT, attended a bunch of Engineering sessions…and am REALLY excited. I’m already thinking of all the clubs and programs I can join/do. They offer so much!! There’s so many friendly people there, plus so many of my own friends. In fact, on the day I visited, I saw almost 10 people from back home!! Crazy! (And there’s going to be a LOT more from my high school that are going). It’s working out better than I ever expected it would.

Also, I agree with those that commented that this thread is pretty silly, but again…emotions, what can you do? I’m kind of an impulsive person when it comes to things like this. If something “negative” happens, I run straight to my journal to write it all out (in this case, the internet), so the end result comes out a bit over dramatic. Thank you all again so so so so so much. I still can’t believe how many generous/wonderful people there are on this website that actually tried giving me advice rather than totally dismissing this thread as ridiculous, which, in hindsight …it definitely is.

But again, thank you all so much.

I still want to respond to those of you who were very thorough in your advice and responses because it means a lot ,and that’s the least I can do. Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll accomplish that. Until then, thank you to all of you- every single person on this thread. Thank you.

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One of the great things about going off to college is that it’s a clean slate. No expectations from others – you can totally re-invent yourself. The Val title – it’ll be nice for your parents and gramma – but after June, no one will care and it’ll only be a trivia question at your 20th HS reunion. At college, no one is comparing HS GPA or SATs or Val/Sal status. People simply don’t care. I went to an Ivy and in four years, no one ever asked, I never asked anyone, nor did I ever know those details of a single one of my classmates. Ever. Ever. Even today. You’ve got a great experience ahead of you. Enjoy your remaining HS months – go out with a bang. Ask out the guys/girls you were afraid to before. Try new things. Kill your classes just because you can. Plan on having tons of fun this summer. And don’t forget to be kind to your parents (who’ll be having one bird leave the nest – it can be rough on them!). Congrats. You’ll do great.

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So no thought about going back to Rice to rethink your options?

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OP I will go through and read your whole threat but after reading just the first page I had to come on right away and tell you how impressive you are! You can rant here, it’s ok! But even after a couple of negative posts I already saw you bouncing back. Thanking us more than once for listening. You are impressive, val or not.

I am taking your reflections to heart bc quite frankly, many of us (myself) forget to live in the moment. While your hard work is NOT wasted – you developed a work ethic that ensures you will succeed wherever you go! – I do hear that you have realized that you had lived a little. Now take that realization and live a little in undergrad! We already know you will hit it out of the park academically.

As for being waitlisted at Yale and Duke, those were not the replies you had hoped for, but they were not rejections, either.

Those replies mean “We know that you can do the work here, and that you would fit in here…but we don’t have the space.”

Lastly, others have said and I will echo, in a very very very short time it will not matter what others say, or think.

And congrats on becoming a val!

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@jym626 I’m kind of set on the UT engineering program. Overall, UT is more comforting and seems to offer more, although I can totally be misinformed about this. Why UT over Rice: closer to my family (4 hours away & 1 1/2 hours away from brother), will be accompanied by more of my friends (including most of my best friends), the Engineering program is ranked about 9 in the nation, lots of internship/research/study abroad opportunities available beginning my freshman year + various clubs (including the Women in Engineering & Hispanic Engineer Societies), & well…Austin!!

Why possibly Rice: beautiful campus, very big scholarship, Residential college system (although it’s random so I could easily end up at Lovett…which I did not like too much when I stayed there), and it’s small. The thing is…I’m not sure what I prefer: small or big ? I used to think I preferred small since I LOVED my middle school (very small & private)…but now that I’m in high school (much bigger, public)…I don’t really mind it. I know the faculty to student ratio at Rice is much better, but I’ll just have to tough that one out at UT.

Also why UT over Rice: there seems to be more diversity, and I don’t mean ethnic/racial diversity, but rather in the types of people. I’m not sure how to explain this, but at Rice it seems to be more “academically inclined” people where at UT there are those plus the jocks, hippies, party people, etc. For instance, when I was at Rice, many students told me that the University practically had to BEG the students to buy tickets & attend the games (even after almost fully reducing ticket prices) while at UT, all tickets are sold out in minutes. Do you get what I mean? It seems more well-rounded at UT.

Lastly: feelings. At Rice, I felt a bit sad (don’t really know why…maybe it was just bad timing or weather, or wrong group of people I went with or just the college I stayed at or my “host,” who wasn’t too talkative but very nice). However, I will say Rice is beautiful!!! You feel like you’re constantly walking under a tunnel of trees and there is green everywhere (& squirrels).

I’ve also always pictured myself living in a “busy” atmosphere, and I felt more that way at UT/ Austin.

Anyway, I should probably re-visit Rice. As ridiculous as this sounds, I was hoping I wouldn’t get too much financial aid because the merit scholarship already covers over half of the cost of attendance. So, if I got a lot of aid, I would feel like I would DEFINITELY have to re-think my decision of UT vs Rice (for the sake of my parents’ current financial situations + my future financial situation).

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@momcinco Thanks so much!! I wouldn’t have bounced back as quickly without all these wonderful people on here. Again, thank you for your comment & your congrats. I truly appreciate it!!!

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@jym626 Oh, and this is probably totally inappropriate but…I saw a couple of handsome guys at UT while I probably saw one at Rice, which again was probably terrible timing on my part (there are definitely many smart, handsome guys there too). By handsome I mean attractive to me, not in general. Anyway, I only mention this because it is something I was considering (just a bit) …I can’t stay single forever right?
^ This probably comes off very shallow, but when I envision my future, I see myself married (late 20s/30s). And, well, college is a common place where people find their life-long partners, right? (If I do find one, hopefully it’ll be my senior year…don’t want too many distractions my first years lol).

Anyway, this isn’t match.com, so I should probably stop typing.

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@T26E4 That’s very true!! & Thank you very much for the advice! Speaking of my parents…that will be very tough :frowning:

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OP by the way congrats on Rice – can’t remember if I mentioned that it is on S #2’s “long list” – we hope to visit next year. Maybe he will be one of those smart, handsome guys walking around on campus someday :slight_smile:

Assuming you are leaning to UT because of the scholarship but please do keep us posted!