<p>I recently had to break up w/ my bf because he was black and my parents are so racist that if i continued dating him they would refuse to pay for my college education. I never wanted to break up w/ him and i even thought of getting a scholarhip/grant or a loan but i realized that it wouldnt be possible bc i am not qualified to do so (i am a good student but not good enough to get a merit based scholarship lol and i come from a well off family so a loan wouldnt be possible either). Anyways…i broke up w/ him and so now everything is okay between me and my parents and theyre gonna pay for my tuition and all except the only problem is that im just really sad cuz well, we were very much in love with each other
I have tried and been successfully able to go on with my daily activities like i normally do but im still very depressed and i dont find happiness and pleasure in anything anymore. Any suggestions on what i can do to feel better?
I know that I amd still very young and have a long life ahead of me and this won’t be the first time i ever fall in love and that maybe it just “wasnt meant to be” but I cant seem to get over it and it makes me feel so depressed that ive lost someone i love over something as ridiculous as racism…I actually manage to get along fine by the end of the day but i always wake up thinking about him, its like a cycle that never stops and i dont know wat to do so…please help!</p>
<p>P.S: professional help isnt an option…my parents dont believe it works and thus will not finance it</p>
<p>How about ya grow up and stop living off mommy and daddy.</p>
<p>I’m 21 now and have been paying my own way since ive been 12. My mother doesn’t give me a cent and has not in 8+ years. I pay for everything myself. My brother does the same.</p>
<p>When you are spending somebody else’s money its their rules, and your parents clearly set them so follow them. If they don’t like blacks then don’t date a black. its that simple. Its there money, they can hate anybody they choose. because its there money.</p>
<p>pink_martini, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. You could get a loan through a bank or something where they don’t consider your wealth. People get student loans all the time. If you really love your boyfriend, you shouldn’t give him up because of some backwards views of your parents (trust me, I know how that is, my dad is the same way and my mom is too but not as bad). Or, you could just still see him anyway and tell your parents you aren’t. Every teenager ever has done that at some point or the other.</p>
<p>ty AUlostchick for your reply…i wanted to see him anyway and tell my parents that I am not but I know that that would be extremely unfair to him…he tells his whole family and all of his friends about me…lol…plus he wouldn’t like to be kept a “secret”…hes a really great guy and doesn’t deserve that…
I already have a job and maybe in the future I can get a loan if we ever get back together…I’m gonna go to an extremely expensive college though in nyc (more than 40 k a year lol)…about how long do you think it would take to pay that off?</p>
<p>Some people are always going to respond like vinny…</p>
<p>A shame.</p>
<p>I’d suggest confronting your parents. If they give you one rational reason why interracial dating is wrong (they won’t be able to) then give up. If not, keep baggering them.</p>
<p>Sorry you have parents who, at least in this regard, are setting a really terrible example.</p>
<p>I know this doesn’t matter but I just have to ask. What’s your ethnic background?</p>
<p>I think that’s really terrible that your parents think like that and that it’s affecting you in a relationship. As far as happiness goes I would do whatever you feel is in you. IF it means you’re going to have to take out big loans so be it. It’s not fair to you to deprive yourself of something that you want simply because money. There is no need to rely on your parents. You go to college, you’ll get a good job once you graduate, and you’ll live. Unless taking out a loan will be the end of you then I suggest to take out the loan and stay with your boyfriend. Financially it doesn’t make sense in the long run, but you should be happy and I would put that first. That’s just me tho.</p>
<p>wow that is a difficult situation…i would alos vote for keeing him a secret, because honestly, yes, you love each other, but, i hate to break it to you, the fact that it is the first time you’ve fallen in love means you PROBABLY will break up, and not get married. My point is you should only be seriously concerned if you are planning on marrying each other. Otherwise, I don’t think it is worth (at least at this point) ruining your relationship with your parents. imagne the strain you’re gonna put on your parents when you basically shun them and cut yourself off. how heartbreaking would that be? even though, yes the are the cause of this, but still. trust me, i bet that vinny guy has the crappiest relationship with his mom. or he was a foster kid or something. no offense to him, i realizeshe may have died or something sad like that, but if you are supporting yourself at age 12, your mother didn’t do a good job of being a mother.</p>
<p>I’m sure he’s also offended and hurt by the fact that you broke up with him because of his race.</p>
<p>This happened to my S when he was in 8th grade, and it hurt him a great deal. It is far more understandable, however, that an 8th grader had to do what her parents told her than it is understandable to think that a college student has to.</p>
<p>You have a lot of choices here:
Continue to see your boyfriend and keep it a secret.
Continue to see your boyfriend, tell your parents, and take the consequences. [Frankly, if your parents would stop funding your college education for such a reason, they sound to me like they are the controlling type who will continue to try to run your life through their finances. The issue isn’t just about your boyfriend: It’s about your parents trying to control you through their money.)
Break up with your boyfriend and do what your parents told you to do.</p>
<p>Since it looks like you’re considering #3, at least be honest with your boyfriend so he isn’t left even more hurt and confused. My S’s former girlfriend lied to him originally about the reason for the breakup , giving him a vague reason that didn’t add up, and all that did was add to his hurt and confusion because he kept trying to figure out what went wrong. At least, when she was finally honest with him, my S realized that the break-up wasn’t at all his fault, but was due to circumstances beyond his control.</p>
<p>I also agree with the person who suggested that you discuss this situation with a counselor, which more than likely your college offers, and offers the service with privacy guaranteed.</p>
<p>he IS offended and hurt but he understands that it is beyond anybodys control and so he is not mad at ME for it…and i WAS honest with him about it i told him the whole deal and even told him that we dont have to tell my parents but he didnt think that would be fair…</p>
<p>First of all, I’m sorry That really, really sucks.</p>
<p>It sounds like you were honest with your bf…if you two really love each other, you can continue seeing each other in secret…if either one of you doesn’t think the relationship is worth that secrecy, than you didn’t just lose him over your parents…one of you is to blame as well. In a relationship, tough things happen and either as a couple you pull through, or you decide that it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know which one of you is the one unwilling to go through some hardship and unfairness for the relationship, but in any case, your parents can’t stop you from loving somebody or from seeing someone you love, especially at college. </p>
<p>I think as far as feeling down, you should talk to your school counseler to make sure the incident didn’t trigger any clinical depression. </p>
<p>Again that sucks and I hope you two can work through this, but if you can’t then he wasn’t the one, and I hope you find somebody else, black, white, whatever who is willing to stick by you through this.</p>
<p>The situation is not beyond anyone’s control. You have several choices, and you’ve chosen the one that allows your parents’ racism to determine your behavior.</p>
<p>As for how can you feel better? You could feel great if you become as racist as your parents, and then decide that it’s a good decision to dump your boyfriend because of his race.</p>
<p>You also may feel better – despite the sacrifice – if you decide that following your own value system is better than caving into your parents’ warped values.</p>
<p>Otherwise, you’ll continue feeling pain. There’s no magic pill that can wipe clean the pain that comes of dumping a loved one and your values so that your parents will keep paying for your college education.</p>
<p>Is there a way you can stay with him and not have your parents know?</p>
<p>Unnecessary student loans aren’t worth the trouble, because later on you’ll be stuck having to pay for it. I say “follow” your parents’ bigoted rules so your tuition can get paid, but still see your boyfriend. They can’t watch you all the time when you’re away at school. Your boyfriend should be able to understand having to keep it a secret, because he definitely wouldn’t like it much if you’re always busy working so you can get work study money, and never get to see him at all, when you have to pay your own way because your parents financially cut you off.</p>
<p>Vinny, some people don’t want to be in debt for the rest of their lives. Grow up and realize that these days parents need to pay for atleast part of their children’s college.</p>
<p>As irritating as vinny is, there is some truth to what he says. If we rely on other’s money, we need to follow their rules. . .as awful as they may be.
Parents are NOT legally obligated to pay your way through college. If they elect to do so, they have the right to set rules – even awful rules.</p>
<p>That said, I would worry about the choices your parents are asking you to make. Your BF seems like a fine man and breaking up the relationship is sad. My sense is that you need to plot your path to financial independence. This will not be easy, but is the only way that you can free yourself from their rules. I wouldn’t be devious. I would plan to set yourself free, even if it means community college and a job and all the rest. And yes, it can be done. While it isn’t “fair” and certainly not easy, many of us (including this writer) put themselves through college and grad school.</p>
That really, really sucks.</p>