very sad...any suggestions on what to do to feel better?

College Life
21

<p>I don’t know what your parents are like. Because of the situation you described, we can only infer that your parents are jerks, but that may not be fair or true all the time. You know them alot better than us. If they’re somewhat decent people you should be able to talk to them and tell them that you don’t agree with them and can’t accept everything they tell you just because you are dependent on them. If you don’t confront them, it probably won’t end with them not letting you see your boyfriend; they might threaten to withhold your tuition if you don’t choose the career path or make any other important decision the way they want you to. Just tell them that they can’t adandon you just because you don’t agree with them on something cuz you’re old enough to make your own decisions. Dare them to stop supporting you and see how they react. </p>

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<p>Sure life may be hard but that doesn’t mean we gotta just take it and lie face-down in the dirt.</p>

22

<p>U can still get a loan no matter how much ur parents make (not federal loans, but u can get other loans)…u do have to pay back with interest though :(</p>

<p>sorry to hear about this, but if u were really in “love” then u shouldnt break up with him.</p>

23

<p>I would advise you to keep your parents money. Its just not worth it. As terrible as your story is, debt from 40k a year for 4 years would surely last longer than your current emotional pain. (As bad as your pain may be, that’s honestly what I think.)</p>

<p>Really, a relationship in college is 99.99% of the time not worth six figures. (Outside of college that figure may go down to 80% of the time…)</p>

<p>One option is to stay “friends” with the intention to get back together after graduation?</p>

24

<p>300 posts! Do I get a cookie now or something?</p>

<p>Wow even better! It says “member” under my name."</p>

25

<p>Vinny, the internet tough guy, I’ve been providing for myself and Im the sole reason im in college, and trust me im from a tougher place than the Bronx, and I dont feel anything but sadness for this girl. </p>

<p>I feel for you, but your going to have to make major decisions in your life and this is one. Its a simple decision to make but a hard one at that, and if it keeps eating at you your gonna have to give it to your parents straight and hopefully they back down but good luck anyways.</p>

26

<p>Frankly, your parents are living in another world. We’re different people, but if my parents didn’t have a good reason for saying something like that (shes an ex-con…he in your case), I would truly be tempted to dismiss them entirely. The reason you go to college is to envelope yourself in learning;to be in a world free of the ignorance your parents obviously show. I would rather take out a loan and spend a couple years afterward paying it off or go to the state school than accepting money from outward racists.</p>

<p>Because you are even considering the third option (dump him and take the money), I wonder if you are way too focused on the future and totally neglecting the present. Taking the future into account is fine, but it should not come at the expense of your own happiness.</p>

<p>I presume your 18 and an adult now. If your willing to swallow your pride, dignity, and morality for money, will you continue to do so? You sound like a good person and like you really want to break from your parent’s prejudices but in order to do so you have to take a stand against them.</p>

<p>Pardon the harshness, only trying to help</p>

<p>Chris</p>

27

<p>“I presume your 18 and an adult now. If your willing to swallow your pride, dignity, and morality for money, will you continue to do so? You sound like a good person and like you really want to break from your parent’s prejudices but in order to do so you have to take a stand against them.”</p>

<p>Yep.</p>

28

<p>grow up. </p>

<p>being an adult you should make adult choices and stand up for what you belive in… even if your feelings have the potential to change one day, atleast you will always know that you chose to follow what you belived in and not what your parents decided for you. </p>

<p>At your age many people meet the person they spend the rest of their lives with, they also have amazing relationships, your personal life is a hefty thing to give up for the 160k tuition bill. </p>

<p>Also, your parents can be just giving you empty threats. What kind of parents do you have where they would say that kind of crap to you for loving someone of a different race? is their money or anything they offer you worth your happiness? </p>

<p>If my parents ever said anything like that to me i would never speak to them again. Being in college its your choice who you date, and where your life goes, your parents can help you but not force their choices on you . This is going to be a long road for you if your going to choose to obide by your parents rules now , be ready to abide by them for the next lifetime then, they will always know that for the rest of yoru college career they will have the abillity to sway your choices with dollar signs.</p>

<p>How important is this man to your life? is it real love or just a relationship, one of many that you plan on having? what price are you willing to pay for your freedom, for the ability to make your own decisions? is your education worth your happiness?</p>

<p>Keep in mind, that if you love him now, no degree, no matter how prestigious is ever going to keep you from wondering if you made the right choice to leave him. … that will have a lasting impact on you, wondering if you gave up the love of your life for the degree your parents paid for.</p>

<p>My perspectrive is very ideallistic, i belive in true love, and i think that being in love and finding the right person in life is something greater than any education can provide, there are plenty of guys, but the one that is your soulmate, the one person you spend years upon years with, thats rare, money, education, prestige, … etc, it can never compare to the memories, to the life you create with the one you love.</p>

29

<p>It think dropping out/taking massive loans/transferring to community college
is very reckless and foolish.</p>

<p>Besides, taking your parents money isn’t doing them a favor.</p>

<p>If anything you can think of it in some twisted way as exacting a small token of justice against racists through a “penalty” of 40k a year?</p>

30

<p>Find a nice white boy. Interracial couples are wrong.</p>

31

<p>i agree with you foxdie…besides i will find a way to see him in college without my parents knowing…
its true that it wouldnt be fair to him…but like someone else on this thread said…if this relationship is gonna work there will be alot of unfairness and sacrifices…and so if he really loves me he would understand that i suppose…</p>

32

<p>Pink Martini,
Are you in high school or college? You say “I’m gonna go to an expensive college in NY.” If you’re in college, what year are you? I agree that what your parents have done is awful. You really need to consider as other posters have pointed out if this relationship is long term. Have you talked about marriage? Do you have a ring? Could the two of you put you through college if your parents cut you off? How would you feel if the relationship broke up and you had no college education? If you’re in high school, realize that the vast majority of high school relationships do not last through college. If you’re almost finished college, then realize that when you finish and get a job, you can date whoever you want.</p>

33

<p>I think some of you are focusing too much on whether the relationship is ‘worth’ it, and ignoring the prejudicial concept behind it all (what if she finds a nice white boy and he’s jewish and her parents hate that?). I honestly doubt a relationship at 18ish is going to last anyone’s life, but the type people who one rejects and the type of people with whom one allies will be an issue throughout their lifetime. (grmr?)</p>

34

<p>i met my fiance when i was 17, we didnt start dating until i was 21 though.</p>

<p>your relationships depend on what your looking for , a lot of people are looking for college as a time to “hook up” (whatever the f. that means), others only want serious relationships that will potentially lead to marriage… a relationship is what you make it. So, in all reality he could be the right guy … depending on ifyour both looking for something serious or something non serious.</p>

35

<p>um…are you "allowed’ to have any friends not of your race? what are you doing in your relationship that is beyond really good friends, if you had called him a friend and not a BF, would your parents have been okay with that? </p>

<p>Your parents are jerks, and you someday, when you can, you need to let them go…and see who you want so long as they are good people</p>

<p>This is a lifetime problem you will have,and now, it is becoming real…</p>

<p>About the friend thing, a couple of thngs- how long have you been going out, and how long were you friends before, and were your parents okay with the friendship? if so, there may be more than racism involved, if they weren’t okay, still just as horrid of them</p>

<p>are they bullies in other aspects of your life?</p>

36

<p>Just date a white guy.</p>

37

<p>launder money from ur parents bank accounts… when youve got enough, tell them to go **** themselves</p>

<p>but honestly… sorry to hear abut this. internet condolnces arent gonna do much good, so you need to a. try to get your parents to not be racist b. see your bf and just deal with the loans or c. see in secret. if c is not feasible then maybe just try to take as much money from your parents as you can… if hteyre giving you spending money take extra and say you had to buy furniture/repair stuff you broke/the floor broke and save it up</p>

38

<p>I disagree with the people saying that you should go along with your parents wishes because its not worth compromising your relationship with them. This is an issue that goes beyond just your parents trying to control your actions, this is your parents trying to keep you from believing in whats right. </p>

<p>That being said, brushing this under the rug isn’t going to work. You obviously aren’t racist, and are going to have interactions with other races throughout your life. This guy may not end up being the one, but chances are you’re eventually going to find yourself in another relationship or friendship with other people of different races/ethnicities, and the problem with your parents is just going to resurface. </p>

<p>So if you’re not going to continue to see this guy (in the open or behind your parents back), I say you should at least confront your parents and explain to them that although you love and respect them, you don’t believe in racism and you aren’t going to live your life that way. You mentioned how depressed you were feeling, and although part of that is because your heart is broken right now, I think the majority of it is because you know you aren’t being true to yourself and your beliefs, and you’re never going to be right with yourself unless you stand your ground to your parents. Don’t stress so much about paying for college… if it’s something you really want, then you’ll figure out how to make it work. You may be paying college loans off for a long time, but it’s a small price to pay to restore your self-respect.</p>

39

<p>You could grow up and live with it. Either deal with being sad and move on, or work to make money in order to pay for college. Or you could drop out. You shouldn’t need people to tell you this; it’s common sense.</p>

40

<p>Do you HAVE to go to that school in NY (and from where are you, btw) ? Why not look for some other school, where you’d live on campus? Maybe then your BF (but we dunno bout his education, financial ability, professional goals, etc) could also go to that school, and live on campus.
Maybe your parents will pay for that school, or maybe you could look for a cheaper one you could afford yourself (although i know that a good education doesn’t come cheap)</p>