Very upset that my parents are victims of racism.

Parent Cafe
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<p>My parents manage a medium sized indoor self-serve carwash in a small rural town that is home to barely any minorities. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said that my family is probably the only established asian family in the area. </p>

<p>Like most immigrant parents, mine are hard-working, diligent, polite, and unfortunately horrible at english (it’s the bleak truth). For the most part, they are very accomodating to the customers and allow them to stay in the carwash for as long as they like if they are just drying their cars and don’t overuse the pump or cause traffic. </p>

<p>In the past, there have been incidents in which my parents were out and out rudely treated, but these incidents weren’t severe enough to warrant a call to the police, etc. </p>

<p>Well, today, this chump decided that he wanted to take advantage of my parents’ language barrier and started to use the hose and the pump for over an hour (which by itself isn’t an issue if he was willing to pay for it, but he was an hour OVER his time limit and ticket stamp). At first, my dad, in his broken english, tried to explain to him that it’s .85 cents/minute and that any overuse of the pump would be charged in addition. I wasn’t there, but according to my dad he thinks the guy said that .85 is too expensive (it’s written outside before you can choose to come in or not) and that he deserved to stay more. My dad tried to explain to him that it’s not fair to everyone else who’s coming in and out according to their time limit and then all of a sudden this guy burst out cussing, dropping the f-bomb and calling my dad by all these racist names. I know my dad, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if his fist went flying then and there, but he knows better and it’s a small town and he’s learned to tolerate this kind of stupidity better over time. Well, he called the police, and obviously, he had a hard time trying to communicate the situation so they just hung up and the police arrived without a full understanding of what was going on. Obviously, this dimwit had a leg up on the situation because he could communicate with the officer better than my dad, so he manipulated the story to make it seem like my dad was trying to rip him off. Eventually, the guy left without having to pay for all of it and the police left probably thinking ill of my parents. My dad, like I said, has grown numb to his inabilities as an immigrant, and tried to think not much of it again.</p>

<p>Well, when he told me this story, I was outrageous and I called the police office and explained to him the situation all over again. The officer said that if this sort of stuff happens again next time my dad should have me call them - and he can bet his arm that I will. </p>

<p>Anyways, like I said this isn’t the first time (though it probably is the worst case) that my parents have been looked down upon, ignored, snickered at, etc. The town as a whole is a pretty nice and friendly place, but there are the occasional fools that decide to believe that they are better than anyone who doesn’t look like them. </p>

<p>I don’t know how many immigrant parents are on this forum, but what would you have done? What are some pre-emptive measures that my parents can take to avoid this sort of humiliation? </p>

<p>I think I’m more concerned than my parents are, but nonetheless, I’ve been once again reminded that racism is still alive and well.</p>

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<p>PB, I am not an immigrant parent nor the child of immigrants but I wanted to say how sorry I am that this incident and past episodes like this have happened to your parents. I’m glad you called the police and have a plan for the next time some ignorant person treats your parents so badly.</p>

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<p>Could your Dad simply cut the water supply off?
Have people prepay?
Copy down the license numbers when drivers commit theft of services?</p>

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<p>I know you’re angry. I know you’re hurting. But have you considered that your parents weren’t the victims of racism… rather than the victims of a language barrier? True, the customer was outrageous and likely a bigot. But it wasn;t racism that prevented your parents from getting proper help from the police - it was their difficulties with English. I think having someone on hand whose language skills are stronger is probably the best, and most effective way for your parents to ensure help from authorities. Unfortunately, dealing with jerks won’t be as easy.</p>

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<p>Perhaps you and your parents can find someone at the police station who can be their advocate or contact. In larger more diverse cities, they pay translators and advocates who help immigrants communicate.<br>
As a former English as a Second Language teacher, I also recommend that your parents learn basic English specific to their business. What wasn’t communicated to the police? The fact that this man overstayed and wouldn’t pay extra? Or that he was threatening them?</p>

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<p>katliamom - In this case, I don’t think the language barrier and racism are two separate, exclusive issues. Sure, the police could have sided with my dad had he spoken english better, but then the whole incident wouldn’t have happened either. I might be wrong, but I’m disinclined to believe that this guy would have gone as far to drop the f-bomb had my dad appeared as if he was well-spoken and fluent. On top of that, the guy made racist remarks and though my dad can’t carry on a conversation, he has lived here long enough to know what language and gestures constitute racism. </p>

<p>Sure, it wasn’t racism that prevented them from getting help but it was racism that triggered the incident which then prevented my dad from getting help because of the ADDITIONAL language barrier issue.</p>

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<p>I’m sorry power bomb, I posted before finishing. What you can do is help your parents develop a positive relationship with the police. Find out who the cops are in your area and ask them if they’ll meet with your parents to teach them how to report issues to the police. In class, my adult students role played in different scenarios - mostly work situations and it really helped them to develop their communication skills.</p>

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<p>lilmom…thanks for the suggestion. That’s a good idea, and I’ll talk to them about that, but like I said, my parents seem so passive and numb to this sort of stuff…It’s as if they’ve come to accept this as a lifestyle being immigrant parents. I try to tell them that they can do something about it, but even today, my parents were pretty reluctant to tell me that this happened (they said something interesting and I kept asking them until they told me the entire story).</p>

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<p>This must be incredibly frustrating. And I am not excusing bigots and racists, but I would not be so sure your parents would be immune to bullies and idiots in the general public even if they were white and fluent. </p>

<p>Just yesterday a bozo gets out of his truck and aggressively approached me, swearing up and down, claiming I took his parking spot. I had not. I believe he said, as his opening line, “what the F do you think you are doing, you Fing B”. Then he threatened to back into my car when I left. So I made sure he saw me take a picture of his license, and him next to his truck. Unbelievable.</p>

<p>My parents ran a business when I was a kid. They ran into more than a handful of jerks and bullies. The same bully that hurled racist comments at your folks would probably be the same jackass that would try to take advantage of others who may appear vulnerable (older people, younger clerks, women), and probably runs into conflict with neighbors, coworkers, and when he can not find a racial slur, he probably resorts to other insults about someone’s weight, religion or visible differences. </p>

<p>Don’t get me wrong- this doesn’t make racism okay nor reduce your rightful anger. It is totally unfair that in this day and age its still there. But my small point being that one’s English or skin color doesn’t make one immune to f-bombs and asses.</p>

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<p>Agreed. I think what I’m really angry at is not necessarily the situation itself (there are going to be jackasses everywhere regardless of who you are, like you said) but my parents’ attitude towards it.</p>

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<p>I’d guess the best general pre-emptive approach would be for your parents to learn to speak English better. Are they taking any courses? Many CCs have inexpensive English courses for ESL people (at least they do around here). It seems that it’d help them in many ways. It wouldn’t have stopped this idiot form behaving the way he did (who would have acted that way against anyone regardless of race) but it’d help your parents communicate better with police, customers, and others when needed and improve their confidence all around.</p>

<p>I’m glad your dad didn’t resort to using his fists since that could have gotten him seriously injured, arrested, and fired from the job.</p>

<p>Hopefully for every idiot like this one there are a hundred (or more) people there who are decent. </p>

<p>What is it about your parents’ attitude that’s bothering you so much?</p>

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<p>Hah…my dad wouldn’t actually ever use his fist. That was me hoping that he did…</p>

<p>I guess what bothers me most is their diffidence. Or that’s what it seems like to me.</p>

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<p>Having a videocamera on hand could also be very useful. They have many that are under $200 these days. Your folks could videotape people who are behaving outrageously and have that as evidence to show to the police officers and replay to you so you can help them think of other ways to handle difficult situations.</p>

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<p>^ I love this idea. </p>

<p>I think your parents have the right approach. I know it’s frustrating for you to see them as victims, but actions that would escalate the situation won’t help them, and likely would have made it worse. It’s not a movie: they can’t get even in some kind of cool way, and bring justice and make everyone in the audience feel better. Its real life and they have to keep living it. </p>

<p>I think with age, we know how to pick our battles, how to reign in our emotional reaction and think with our heads, and think beyond the situation to the bigger picture. Know when to assert oneself, when to back off, and especially, when to let go emotionally. I think they did all anyone could do in this situation: They did assert themselves and argue with him, they did call the police. Good on them!</p>

<p>I’m not sure what else they could have done in the situation (although I really like the video camera idea and also them calling you to call the police). </p>

<p>Or are you just frustrated that they aren’t more outraged, and feeling like you feel? If they have to deal with this more often, they have the healthier approach. Holding onto the rage isn’t going to help them nor change anything.</p>

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<p>I like the suggestions above and videocamera idea. If it is not financially feasible at this point, consider getting a cheap fake one, to discourage bad behavior. </p>

<p>There are a lot of inconsiderate people out there. Sometimes their motives are based on racial bias, and sometimes they are just jerks to everybody. I’m sorry this guy caused your parents grief.</p>

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<p>I think this is what I wanted to hear…thanks, starbright.</p>

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<p>Video camera and remote water/pump shutoff will document and prevent some problems. Police benevolent association carwash fundraisers might build goodwill.</p>

<p>When I lived in Nevada, a wacko tried a “swoop and squat” maneuver in front of me to precipitate a fender bender. After minor contact (without damage) occurred, we exchanged insurance information without me saying much.</p>

<p>When the State Farm claims investigator interviewed me three weeks later, she was surprised that I was not, in fact, an asian FOB who couldn’t speak English. That surprise was surpassed a year later when the wacko showed up on the operating room schedule in my line up of anesthesia cases.</p>

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<p>I think my$.02 has a great idea, with the carwash!</p>

<p>Ditto the camera – even a fake one. Plus a sign in plain sight that tells people they are being filmed.</p>

<p>I wd also like to add—this guy may have said racist things, but he sounds like he pulls this kind of stuff on anyone he finds smaller, weaker, probably females, etc. The racist terms came out but when he loses his temper (easily) he is a bully.</p>

<p>My suggestion is, if they can at all afford it, to hire a large, imposing young fellow to assist in the shop at the days/hours when the abusers of the pump appear. Is there a karate school in the area where long time students might be recruitable for part time work (karate students have been trained to hold their tempers and respect Asian cultures. And they carry themselves in a way that shows they do not intimidate easily.)? Just having a young man the size of a tank standing around might discourage this kind of customer from abusing your parents.</p>

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<p>if they can at all afford it, to hire a large, imposing young fellow to assist in the shop at the days/hours when the abusers of the pump appear.</p>

<p>Good idea/
I also the the camera is necessary- nowdays it seems you can’t be too careful.</p>

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<p>And I would also go to the police with your parents the next time you are home, and ask for their suggestions on how to avoid the kinds of things that happen to small shop-owners. Police everywhere, even small towns, are well aware of robbers and other risks that small businesses face. If your parents sit face to face with one or more officers and get tips on how to avert trouble, the police will remember them as the couple who came to them for help & advice. Next time there is a call from their place, the cop who arrives will already be assuming your Dad is the one who was wronged.</p>