<p>WOMEN—always wanting to measure things!!!</p>
<p>All kidding aside, it is great to hear from now grown and life-experienced women who got past the “crud” that was or could have been dumped on them by their moms and who now have daughters who seem to be struggling along (as we all do) without that garbage.</p>
<p>I guess I’m the only conservative person on CC here then, because the “crud” of our parents’ generation sounded terrific to me. Wanting to get to know someone REALLY well before hopping in the sack to me is normal. I’d never teach my daughter to just bop around with any old joe to explore her sexuality. What’s wrong with going out for dinner and TALKING to someone and getting to know them as people, not just as someone to sexually satisfy myself. I’m not super religious but it also sounds like none of you are familiar with those out there who believe that sex should only be practiced within the sanctity of a marital covenant. Your ideas aren’t the only way.</p>
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<p>Did someone here propose that?</p>
<p>My sister-in-law is divorced and using a dating service. When she first started dating, she was pretty appauled by the expectations that people had. She found that many of the men were thinking that because they had exchanged a few emails that sex on the first date was not unreasonable to expect! After about five dates, she made it clear in her profile that she was not interested in sex without a loving, and committed relationship. She claims that stating her intentions has cut through a lot of the bull that often goes with early dates and made the whole experience of dating much nicer.</p>
<p>I believe that sex before marriage is not right and is not benneficial. There is something about fully commiting yourself in marriage tto one person for all you time and life that adds something to the equation that I don’t know if I can put to words.</p>
<p>yes, basically they did. What I’m getting from this thread is that “if it feels good, (and you’re practicing safe sex) do it” and aren’t we happy that we’re not like our parents…so liberated and free! I think our generation (baby boomers) have experienced significant damages from the whole free love ,movement that wasn’t so great for everyone in the first place. Alot of people got used and hurt by it. My friends are trying to teach their kids NOT to make the same mistakes that they did.</p>
<p>Oh, my SIL did a great impression the the “feather preening” that she has seen. It was absolutely hysterical!
dke, I don’t subscribe to the whole free love thing either, but you’ll never convince the folks here that do!</p>
<p>Feather preening? PLEASE elaborate on that one! My roommate from high school does match.com and said the same thing about “expectations”. ugh. While we’re on the subject, will someone please tell me the definition of a "committed relationship? My sister’s son has been living with a woman for eight years and though someone may see that as committed, I see it as “one foot out the door” without a proposal. No flames, yikes!</p>
<p>What’s wrong with going out for dinner and TALKING to someone and getting to know them as people,</p>
<p>Ill just speak for myself- but the men I had casual sex with I already “knew” as people. We were already friends- but not “romantically” intwined.</p>
<p>That level of relationship worked fine for me in those instances- if I hadn’t been comfortable with it- I wouldn’t have done it.I wouldn’t advise anyone who isn’t comfortable with a sexual ( or heavy emotional) relationship to do anything they aren’t prepared for or feel good about.
I wouldn’t presume to know what someone else is ready for, but I don’t regret those relationships and they didn’t have a negative effect on future more serious relationships with other people.</p>
<p>What I do like is that when women ( and men) are comfortable with their own sexuality, they can take matters into their own hands ( so to speak) and resist pressure from others who are wanting to move things along faster than they are ready for. Another plus is you don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted disease!</p>
<p>I am not encouraging my daughter to do anything. It’s obvious that sex brings many of emotions along with it, more for some than others. One’s emotional well-being should drive the decision making process.</p>
<p>If a sense of well-being comes from not having sex until marriage or until a relationship is a close, committed one that is the course that should be followed.</p>
<p>If that feels confining or inappropriate that is not the right course for the individual. </p>
<p>Of course, looking out for the well being of others is always part of the recipe as well. </p>
<p>I can’t prescribe to either of my kids (why just talk about the young women)? because I don’t know what their emotional needs are and I don’t know the people they will encounter.</p>
<p>BTW: Neither of them chose the college I would have. I wouldn’t dictate that part of their lives either.</p>
<p>Cross-posted with emeraldkity4.</p>
<p>Women are the gatekeepers,so to speak, and they’re the ones who risk getting pregnant so I used them as an example, but I’m actually giving my teenage son the same advice that I give to my daughter about the seriousness of sexual involvement.</p>
<p>Please identify the specific posts in which someone advocated teaching their daughter “to just bop around with any old joe to explore her sexuality.”</p>
<p>My girls were much more vocal and open when talking about sex and asking questions than my son is. I’m having a much more difficult time talking to him about it. I express my views and feelings about sex and how people treat each other when I see examples on tv, in movies and in real life, but we haven’t really sat down and had “the talk” or anything. (He’s 15) I had a very formal chat with the girls when they were about eight or so. I guess I was forced to discuss the whole menstruation process, so it was a natural segue.</p>
<p>dke, I believe that sex is best kept within the sanctity of a marriage for various reasons; however, it seems to be that it has been practised outside of a matrimonial relationship since the beginning of time. I don’t think it’s more rampant now than it was before, nor do I believe that someone is ‘better’ than another because they do or don’t. People basically have not changed. There are those who are comfortable in a monogamous relationship, some polygamous, and in the same light, some have no qualms about having a sexual relationship with someone they are close to, whereas some will cringe at the thought. When it comes to cases concerning sex, I think time merely moves chronologically.</p>
<p>Adad, the posts about casual sexual relationships are,in my mind, bopping around with any old joe! Sounds like that “friends with benefits” business.</p>
<p>dke, “Feather Preening” examples would include the guy who wore VERY tight sweat pants and no underware to their first date, and another who “biked” to their date and therefore was wearing “bike shorts.”</p>
<p>eek! My pal was telling me about the new lingo that she’s had to get used to since she started dating again. She said that the guys use the term " on many levels" all the time and she can’t figure out what they’re talking about. She feels a bit out of it.</p>
<p>I’ve probably told this story on CC before, but this thread reminds me of when over the years my niece would bring her “dates” home to my mother’s for Christmas, starting in college and on for years. There was a different “relationship” every Christmas, and at one point my 86 yr old mother turned to me and said, "Is she sleeping with every one of these fellows?"and I told her that yes, this is what dating was now. She just looked skyward.</p>
<p>We are fortunate, to have so many ways to live, in a place and time where tolerance for many lifestyles is part of what is available to us. Yes, I think that some were hurt by the freedoms of the 60s and 70s. Some of us also had a blast at that time, and don’t regret anything. The dialogue in this culture is continuing, and much has been learned about marriage, divorce, remarriage, commitment or the lack of it in the intervening years. If life brought you monogamy and satisfying commitment at an early age, more power to you. Life brought others of us an interesting wild ride, and many experiences. I’m glad early pregnancies don’t mean shame and banishment these days. I want my kids to be able to engage in dialogue with future partners, understand the multitude of options, and make educated choices. Many people with advanced degrees don’t ‘settle down’ early with one partner. Recognizing this does not seem wrong.</p>