Walked out of my job last friday, should I go back this Monday?

Parent Cafe
1

Hello, please help me…

I wasn’t sleeping for several weeks, and last Friday - I wasn’t thinking clearly, I felt so anxious. Without even asking for permission, I just went home.

All my life, I have been bullied. It’s embarrassing, at this age to continue to experience it, and to even complain about it. It’s even harder when I feel like they have a reason to bully me - maybe coz I am not doing well at work, and my mere presence frustrates people around me. Maybe I am not good with relationships - and work is really about that-- and I am horrible at forming relationships. In fact, I never experience any form of intimacy outside my family.

Everyday, I come in, with the mindset that I will work hard, and one day, I will prove them wrong. Yet, I hear so many negative noises that I felt drained halfway.

I am on bed for many hours… I don’t want to wake up. I fear about my own future. Even if I go back to work Monday, what if they escort me out? Should I just go, and pretend nothing happened? Continue working till they fire me? I’ve only been here for less than 2 months…

My dad told me to just move on, and keep trying to find something that I can be good at. My mom thinks I should just go back, and try one more time.

My manager called me yesterday asking for my whereabouts… but I felt like so many thing happened since I started working… and I honestly feel so embarrassed everyday.

I felt ASHAMED. I felt that I don’t really fit in. I felt that it is all my fault. This happened to me before. It’s not them, it is me.

However, I also want to fight because if I don’t , my own survival is in question.

2

Go back. It might be the catalyst for people around you to see your insecurities and it might help. Don’t burn bridges. If you go back and it’s not working out, quit professionally and give a notice.

3

Their is so much going on in your post. To start you need to separate your emotional life from your work life. Call your boss and get back to work. And more importantly you need to have a session with a professional therapist and have them suggest a good doctor who can help you with all of this anxiety, inability to sleep, and (what sounds like to me) racing thoughts. Just “finding something you are good at” will not help. I suspect that there is more going on here than your inability to do the job.

4

woops “there not their” :-w

5

It’s not always your fault just because you don’t fit in…we can’t fit in everywhere…what we need to do is find the people/company where we do fit. Go back to work, do your best, find a therapist that you can speak to, who you feel understands you. He/she can help. When you feel more confident, you can move on…till you find your people…and they are out there. Don’t give up.

6

Thank you, ahsmouh and musica… hurtful words were said to me by the other manager (open office, I seat in his team). I don’t even know why I can’t bring myself to complain about it when my boss asked me if I have problems in the office… I don’t like conflict, and I thought if I ignore him, he will change…but I think that is what’s causing the conflict is that I don’t say “hi” or “good morning” to him, and we almost reconciled when I told the other guy he is close with that I am sorry that we have problems with our interaction. So, the other manager did try to talk to me, and I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about… because he phrased it as if he doesn’t know what the problem was, and he was surprised by it, and I am supposed to elaborate why I said what I said… I think, one time, he also said “hi” to me, but I didn’t realize he said it to me coz I was staring at my screen, and wasn’t aware of him around me…

He also said “strike 2” when he passed by, and once again, I didn’t say anything… and how am I even supposed to be friendly around him, when he is constantly saying negative things about me? He sits at the back, and I can hear him talk about me constantly. At times, I also felt like he is encouraging his team to dislike me.

When I wake up, I try to talk myself into “smiling at him” - maybe that will change something… but I ended up staring at my screen, not looking up…

Seems so childish… I don’t understand what is going on. My original team don’t even interact much, and I didn’t even realize, I am supposed to - that’s just being polite, I supposed. I thought it wasn’t a big deal to not talk to people around me.

Awful things were said by this other manager… and I just broke down last friday because I felt that this guy is trying to get me fired by breaking my spirit…

7

I’m so sorry you’re going through this; a good therapist could really help you!

If your best friend told you this story, you would have compassion for him or her, wouldn’t you? Have compassion for yourself.

Please find a qualified person to talk to - it could make a huge difference in your life. You sound intelligent and capable.

8

I have lots of experience with toxic employment so take a breath, and know this happens to everyone. It is not you, it is everyone dealing with difficult people. We had a mandatory class at my last job called “dealing with difficult people” - Fortune100 “best places to work” kind of place and IT HAPPENS THERE! It happens everywhere. You need to learn how to deal with it - but noone really has the skills to deal with this stuff until you learn them. You are not alone in this. We all have been bullied at some pt by someone at a job. This is not you, this is the work place. You can form relationships - the ones in your family are proof of that. But you don’t want to have relationships with people you don’t like and this person, honestly, seems like a jerk.

So. Can you give some more details? Are you a recent grad? Is this a summer internship?

  1. You were hired to do a job. Getting your work done, whatever that is, meeting assignment deadlines. That is what matters most. You do not have to be popular or friendly or whatever. Do your work. If you do it well, then nothing much else matters. I work in an analytics group and all of us are introverts. Noone says good morning or good night. We like each other because we can depend on each other to get work done.
  2. You seem not to be in that bully's group? Correct? Then, why does his opinion matter at all? Does it affect your ability to do #1)? If not, well tough for him. He is allowed to hate you, bully you...blablabla....and it is not your problem. Accept that - it is not your problem. Screw him. Smile at him? Um, no. Pass on that. Unless you want to and it doesn't seem like you do.

My advice is to speak your mind about your work with your manager. Ask for his feedback on your performance. Explain that you are finding it difficult to do your work when you feel you are being judged by another team. Come clean with your discomfort that you are being made to feel at work - you just want to do your job. Ask to be moved if possible, and if not possible, then suck it up. Do your work.

If you cannot make this work, you can quit like a professional. Give notice. A toxic work environment is not worth your self esteem or feelings about your abilities. Other places or jobs might give you the autonomy to not interact with so many people like this one sounds like.

9

I really like what @amandakayak said. ^^

I do think some people need help getting to the point of being able to set reasonable and realistic boundaries so that others don’t/can’t hurt them quite so much.

JMO.

10

Well, I’m going back on Monday and hope for things to change.

It’s not black and white. I spoke with someone in another group about him, and she was surprised to hear this because she thought that he is really a nice, approachable person. I also think that his team seems really smart, cool, and they have awesome personality. They joke around a lot, and they all have fun.

It’s really hurtful to me that he seem so determine to get rid of me.

I don’t wish for him to get in trouble, but I do that hope he change his attitude.

I have long graduated, and I recently re-entered the workforce. That explains a lot of my quirks.

At this point, I just felt a liability to the company. How could I turn one of their best managers into this unforgiving, mean person? I think he is better than that.

His actions towards me is just not consistent with how he deals with other people.

I am not even religious, but I’ve been going to church lately… I am 27 years old, and I can’t keep hopping from one job to another.

11

Find a therapist.

Does your employer have an Employee Assistance Program – an EAP? Call them tonight and talk to someone. They will refer you to someone local whom you can talk to in person. You must do this. We want to help, but we are strangers on an internet board.

Please, call your EAP, now, and then come back and post to us that you have done so.

12

There are people out there who will seek out “easy victims” to bully and treat everyone else well. The fact that his team jokes around a lot is a bit telling - to this guy, the joke is on you.

13

Their best managers? Someone surprised to hear about him being difficult? Seriously the liability you think you are is not real - anyone who acts
like an ass maybe successful at their work but you are not “making” them into anything they are not. Really you are
half my age - take it from me - that group might seem “all-that” but the fact he takes it upon himself to say shit about someone who is 27 means he is not important enough for you to care. Seriously -
take the advice here. You are
not not not the problem.

14

^^^That.

15

“don’t like conflict, and I thought if I ignore him, he will change…”

This is the Einstein definition of insanity - doing the same thing, but expecting different results. You thought that if you ignored him, he would change. No. If you want change, either you need to do something about it or no change will happen. It sounded like you expected him to read your mind.

"but I think that is what’s causing the conflict is that I don’t say “hi” or “good morning” to him, and we almost reconciled when I told the other guy he is close with that I am sorry that we have problems with our interaction. "

What prevents you from simply saying hi or good morning? These are normal social graces. If you don’t have them, you can develop them. They are important in the workplace and in life

“So, the other manager did try to talk to me, and I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about”

See the pattern? You ignore something and expect it to change. Something is drawn to your attention, you pretend you don’t know what it is. This is a pattern of being passive and just expecting others to make changes, not you. You may want to reflect on why that is how you approach issues.

16

“You do not have to be popular or friendly or whatever. Do your work. If you do it well, then nothing much else matters. I work in an analytics group and all of us are introverts. Noone says good morning or good night. We like each other because we can depend on each other to get work done.”

Saying hi, good morning or good night won’t negatively impact your ability to get work done. Sorry, I’m a super introvert but there’s no excuse for ignoring basic niceties.

17

If it turns out that you do have a psychological problem like anxiety or something, look into getting disability accommodations that could make your work life easier and make it harder for them to fire you. But, also start looking for a different position. You might find something that fits your personality better. Its ok to quit as long you have another position lined up.

18

There’s no excuse for his bullying behavior. I’m sorry but I think some of you missed that he said hurtful things to @claudeshannon and that is what caused the reluctance to talk to him in the first place.

I want to know if there is any potential discrimination going on here too, because it sounds like there could be. Are there any witnesses to his bad behavior? I’m afraid you are going to be out of luck if he really has it in for you unless you have some allies on your side.

19

As an outside observer with precisely three data points about you, I will recommend one thing: read #10 and do exactly what it says. You’ll be much better served talking with a health care professional than us.

Just to reiterate, read post #10 again and take an action on your behalf.

20

I’m chiming in to agree with those recommending a therapist. You say you haven’t slept for several weeks, and weren’t thinking clearly. You also talk about having been bullied and having difficulty forming relationships. You describe spending hours in bed.

Whatever is or isn’t going on with the manager, it’s important for you to get some help with the anxiety, sleeping, trauma, and relationship issues. Please do check with your insurance carrier (via call or online) for a referral for a mental health professional near you.

We’re rooting for you.