Go back Mon. Don’t tell your boss that you just walked out. Tell him/her that you didn’t feel well and you are sorry for not informing him/her.
Without knowing exactly what this manager is saying about you, I don’t want to jump to conclusion that he is acting inappropriately. For all I know, you could be too sensitive or interpreting what he is saying incorrectly.
Nevertheless, you maybe better off sitting further away and not hearing what he is saying.
I would be careful about going to HR or your manager to accuse the other manager without anything too concrete. Once you utter the phrase, "hostile working environment, " the HR would have no choice but to do a full investigation, and there is a very strict guideline on what constitutes a hostile working environment. If you work at a public company, this type of accusation would need to be reported to the board.
I agree with other posters about going to see a therapist or a career coach (or both). I have found career coach to be extremely helpful with office conflicts and how to manage up/down/sideways. I would tell my coach about a problem at work, he would then help me think it through on coming up with a resolution. He would always asked me what’s the outcome I am looking for, not necessary “what’s the right thing to do.” Sometimes he would help me see my interpretation of a a situation is not always correct.
I am not sure if I would go to my company’s referral service to get professional help. I am always worried if my information would be shared with HR.
Please find a therapist. If you do not want to use your Employee Assistance Program, call your physician for a referral. There are too many red flags in your original post to unpack here; lack of sleep, inability to form relationships, a lifetime of being bullied, etc. Please, please, please find a therapist. There is no shame in asking for help, and you will feel better for taking this step.
As someone who worked in HR for over 30 years, in the area of employee benefits, I was usually the person who dealt with the EAP. They absolutely, positively never shared anything about any individual. The counselors are all licensed professionals, who are prohibited by their licensing from sharing anything.
@claudeshannon: Please come back and tell us how you are.
OP it is in your best interest to go back simply bc if you don’t, you might feel like you had let yourself down, or “bailed.” In the long run walking out does not matter to your workplace as much as it does to YOU. It sounds like an awful environment so I can understand why you did it. But the fact that you are on here, asking for advice means you don’t want to leave it at that.
I would think about it like, what will this mean for me in six months’ time? From that point of view, probably better to plan for a change rather than leave it like this.
It would be better for you to start getting your thoughts together on making some changes in your life…but generally speaking, doing so with an income coming in and with a less abrupt exit. Maybe look at this as an opportunity to seek out help for making some career decisions.
.“Saying hi, good morning or good night won’t negatively impact your ability to get work done. Sorry, I’m a super introvert but there’s no excuse for ignoring basic niceties.”
Yes, this really stuck out to me. You are ignoring your manager even when he says hello or goodbye? That is going to do nothing but enrage him. Is that the behavior you want him to have? Ignoring him might change things, but not for the better. Even if he said something that hurt your feelings, to think that this is an appropriate reaction, is very odd.
No, the other manager doesn’t say good morning or anything like that. If he does, I will respond That one time where I thought he might have said “hi” - I wasn’t even sure it was for me that’s why I didn’t respond. It’s really not an in environment where people exchange pleasantries to people they are not close with, especially interacting with other team - so my behavior is not inappropriate.
I really wasn’t sure if my lack of basic courtesy to him is what enrage him and causes him to bully me. If it does, then he is being SELECTIVE because other people seating around me are just focus on their work as well.
Several times, I wanted to confront him , and I wish I did, earlier before it escalated to this level.
I haven’t called EAP yet. I don’t even know the number. I still have to look for that brochure.
I don’t really know if I could go back tomorrow — I need time to think about what is going on in my life.
I am working on something prior to re-entering the workforce - and I didn’t give my best to that work coz I wasn’t happy that I am unemployed. Now that I am, I don’t think I am welcome anywhere. Maybe I am one of those people who are meant to live alone, and work for themselves.
I don’t know what to do with my new car though, I won’t be able to afford the payments months from now.
I still need a job right now… I can’t let my dad shoulder the burden of paying for things I acquired.
My dad said that he prefers I quit , and start over again… I hate that I keep disappointing him… What hurts the most is looking at my parents eyes - and knowing that they are in pain… that they are worried about me… I just can’t seem to hold a job or do anything with my life…
I strongly suggest contacting a therapist as there seems to be more issues at play other than an undesirable job. Until those issues are adequately addressed , history is doomed to repeat itself. If you do not return and at least attempt to work out a notice, your future employment opportunities may be compromised.
Like the other poster said, if you don’t go in, call in sick. And don’t quit until you have something else lined up. If it is that bad they will fire you and then at least you can get unemployment. If you quit, you can’t.
I agree with everyone telling you to see a therapist on here, but a physician to give you a medical exam may be more critical. You said you have not slept in several weeks, and I’m not sure what you mean by that. Do you mean you have not slept well, not had a full night of sleep, or what? I think you would be dead, actually, if you had not slept in several weeks. That is not possible. If you are in massive sleep deprivation, you may be incapable of working competently. You may be reading the situation entirely wrong, and your feelings could be completely exaggerated.
You say he is talking about you constantly behind your back, and saying hurtful things, but apparently this is only happening to you. Sleep is everything, and you may be unable to function at your job, and be massively exaggerating the personal stuff because you are sleep deprived. It seems the most important thing is to get some sleep, then the rest of it might make more sense.
When there’s any sort of issue at work, you can’t look at the others and say, eg, “I don’t see them smiling or saying hello.” You don’t know what other interactions occur.
Learn to smile and greet people. I always say, you have two jobs: to do the work, best you can, etc, and to build your rep or the way people feel they can interact with you and trust you on the team.
Very few people get to just “do the work.”
After you learn to smile and greet, you can work on the right eye contact. Good luck. Most of us had to learn something or other to fit our jobs and the ‘work culture’ around us.
I agree with @busdriver11 This is an issue where a visit to a physician, as well as a psychologist, would be helpful. I believe you can learn to function in the work place and eventually prosper but trying harder will not do it. You stated that your supervisor (higher level) called to see if you are OK. Confide in him and get the help. You may be able to take an unpaid leave of absence to get initial help. That may not be necessary. A psychologist is best equipped to evaluate that.
Hang in there and let us know. I do agree to go to work tomorrow. Avoidance will not help any aspect of the issue.
I called EAP, and gave me 2 numbers to call for counseling- both operates only on business days and hours.
My dad seems okay with me quitting, but my mom is really not happy with my decision. I know she is really hurt that I will give up on the job I’m so excited about at first. I already want to quit last week because of the bullying situation, and my mom kept asking me to just go in - which I did… and now, I don’t know if I still have that strength.
My mom is probably the sole reason for me going to school, finishing classes or going to interviews… When I feel like quitting, she tells me to try one more time, and that she will pray for me… “everything will be fine, just go”
I know, I should have worn those earplugs at work and just listen to music - I mean, we are actually allowed to do that…
Be sure that the counselor refers you to a good psychiatrist. If you have a mood disorder there may be a relatively easy fix for the sleep problems, anxiety, and racing thoughts. But do not just go to a therapist or counselor without following through with the doctor.
I’m very glad you called!! One step at a time. This will benefit you.
Frankly, on this one, I’m with your mom. If you don’t go into work tomorrow, you’re done with this job; that’s it; finito. If you do go in, there are more possibilities.
During a particular terrible job I had, working for an absolutely crazy person, I just kept breathing regularly and reminding myself that that wasn’t my real life. Perhaps that will help you too.