Was I really stupid for rejecting my travel opportunity for my friend?
We got to know each other in college in Chicago. We did not start hanging out really until after we graduated college. We have maintained casual relationship online and in person when we lived close to each other. We stopped seeing each other in-person after I moved to California for years except when I was back in Chicago to visit parents around holidays or summer break. I noticed after couple years that he is weird or that my relationship with him is weird.
It had been a long time that we haven’t seen each other until this Easter season when I was in Chicago to visit my family. I was so excited to finally meet him on Saturday in downtown to watch Blackhawks game and catch up on things. Once we sit down, I noticed a lack of enthusiasm either in me or in him. We did not hug, we just shook hands. We went to a quiet bar to watch Hawks. They lost but thats another story. We talked about usual stuff, games, travel, jobs, health, houses, etc. During near end of the game, I noticed he was swapping on app like Tinder or something a girl. But he did not share about his love interest, like real close straight friends would. Either he is shy to talk about girls or he thinks that I am gay and maybe it is too awkward for him to talk about them with me.
He indicated that he will do road trip to west coast visit me. He wasn’t sure of the dates. I told him the dates he indicated he would travel should be fine but would have to double check my work calendar to make sure they would not conflict with events.
Suddenly a nice but voluntary opportunity has come up for travel to Austin. I have been once there for pleasure and I loved it. I would go there for 1 week for business. I did not take it however, thinking may friend might be coming. But before I said no to travel, I asked my friend over txt message and email if he must come on dates he planned or if he has more flexibility. Later he stopped responding and due to lack of response, I decided to pass on travel.
However, now I regret this decision and feel resentment. I felt I was too open and honest. This travel could have been a great opportunity and I do not think it was worth throwing this away for a flaky friend.
you gotta take opportunities as they come. I would’ve definitely opted in to the travel experience. any friend worth keeping wouldn’t get hung up on you living your life vs seeing them. Maybe there will be some tension for a week or two BUT if they’ll stop being your friend over something like that then you shouldn’t think twice about them.
Generally I believe people will be there for you 20 years from now or they wont. If they are, your relationship with them is strong and nothing minor will change that. If they wont be then you would’ve lost them sooner or later anyways. sounds like the guy friend is the latter
VLgian, your response is very good and thoughtful. Here is what has happened since that time. He came up with an excuse that he had to do some necessary housework and attend party of his dying grandpa then finally wait until summer months because he heard there could be snow, blizzard conditions in Wyoming or Colorado.
Until now he has not come up with any plan. Then for labor day weekend, I decided to go somewhere. Not feeling in mood for solo travel again after having them multiple times, I decided to plan it with him. I was flexible about where we go. I invited him to come to San Francisco area which is my home. Originally I thought about going to Banff if I traveled on my own, but due to his preference decided to go to Colorado. Had in my mind plan to go to RMNP. He preferred Colorado Springs due because has been before as a kid and did not want to go to RMNP due to his concern about altitude sickness. I still wanted to go there but in attempt to make it work I planned for him to go first to Colorado Springs and then head out to RMNP for last day or so where I could go alone and he go home. Then I booked flight and confirmed with him my travel dates, my planned travel itinerary and told him I have 24 hours to cancel. Finally, after 24 hours have passed, the douche informed me he won’t go because he has second thoughts about elevation after I told him RMNP has about same elevation as Pikes Peak. He thought about going to the latter and told me he did not know it is as high there. Either this guy is a moron or he played. Regardless of him intentions, he did not come across like he cared what I wanted to get out from the travel I will pay from my own pocket. He said, he will go if I decide to go to Austin or Florida. Yeah right. I am not gonna fall for this again.
As for his concern about high altitude, I told him we would stay under 10,000 and stay first night at lower elevation. I shared with him travel ideas from my ex-roomate who used to live in Colorado. He also shared mountain sickness is real but it usually affects people who exert themselves on hike during hike elevation. He said he should be fine if he takes it slow, drinks plenty of water and use sunscreen. I forwarded his email advice to him (minus contact info). Later, by mistake when I tried to thank my ex-roomate, I replied to the “friend” I previously forwarded my ex-roomate’s email to who was not the intended recipient. I caught that after looking in sent folder but the email never bothered to tell me “hey man, you sent this email to the wrong person.” It did not have any sensitive private information but I still felt blushed.
At the end my “friend” advised me to plan my itinerary for him as maybe. But this time I am going to plan it for myself and I do not want that anchor to stop me.
Been there and checked in with him several times. Just recently did this year on holidays.
It sounded to me either he would like to travel but on his own terms or he is very paranoid. Lastly he couldn’t stay or travel beyond weekend that I am staying if he had to drive because his father who is his boss at his job wants him to be back after the holiday and won’t make exception since he had whole summer to plan vacation. It could be this factor that made him to change his mind but rather than be straight about this come up with something that sounds more legitimate and scary, that if he gets mountain sickness we or he could crash etc.
Colorado was my second choice of travel destination but chose it because of him but I will still enjoy travelling there on my own.
