<p>^^^ I do see a difference, though, between a philanthropic cause, such as an educational project like this one, and a showcase whose purpose is to launch a student’s career. Either way, if the email recipients were chosen correctly, there wouldn’t be awkwardness because they’d be close enough to the student to want to support their efforts.</p>
<p>I wonder if the instances where a kid has solicited money from family/friends is a consequence of kids soliciting money to go on ‘missions’. We have quite a few family members who did church affiliated mission trips to Africa, South America, etc. They had to raise money for their trip - it was all part of the experience. I was always taken aback when these kids (18 to 20 years old) with no language or medical skills asked for money so that they could ‘help’ these people. I know they were tremendous learning trips for the kids taking them, but I found the gall overwhelming - both in the thought that they were helping the less fortunate and that they were asking others to foot the bill. I’ve joked that we should pass the hat back to these family members when our kids went on travel or learning programs but would never DREAM of doing it. </p>
<p>I do wonder, though, if that aspect of passing the hat - for mission trips - has just leaked to the ‘secular’ world. And I don’t see a difference - I think they’re both nervey and I just wouldn’t respond.</p>
<p>I think this was out of line. Same with the anecdotes of people asking others to donate for their child’s summer program, etc. </p>
<p>Dmd, I have a kid in theater, and this is not the same as raising funds for a theater production. A showcase really is not the same thing. These kids should be raising the funds another way. My D has produced her own original shows (not a showcase) and has never asked friends to donate. She does ask friends to attend!</p>
<p>To me it sounds like poor judgment. Out-of-the-blue, they’re asking a circle of friends/acquaintances for a present. The present is a cash gift. She’s telling you she intends to use the cash for something that is somewhat productive, and that’s all it is. If you’d otherwise give that person’s child a cash gift, do so; otherwise, ignore without guilt or comment, IMHO. Buy tickets and enjoy the show, if it ever comes to be.</p>
<p>I heard a radio interview with Carol Burnett about how she launched her career. She lived with some other struggling young actors in NYC. They all had bit parts in various shows around town. Carol and the others wanted a professional agent, but these folks told the girls they needed to be in a showcase so they could witness and evaluate the talent.</p>
<p>Carol organized the other girls, wrote their show, rented space and produced it. This meant everyone refrained from taking small roles for the time it took to rehearse, so they all sacrificed financially even within their starving-ness at the time. The agents came, complimented the show and said, “yes but you need more experience; get into some small shows around town…” and walked away.</p>
<p>My son has worked 5 years acting in NYC and only after 3 years, after he became a member of an ambitious, well-organized, up-and-coming, for-profit theater group, did he allow that group to list us on their regular fund-raising mailing list. Before that, silence. And we’re his parents.</p>
<p>
No, beg close friends for money. Now that’s a horreur! :)</p>
<p>Okay, I confess. I sent out begging emails to parents of my child’s acquaintances. My kid belonged to an expensive club sport which required, in addition to several hundred dollars in dues, $400 of fund-raising. So each family had the choice of just paying the $400 or fund-raising all or part of the obligation. </p>
<p>We emailed a club form letter which explained what the money was used for and the tax-exempt status of the donation. Some years, when my H’s business was going well, we paid the $400. Other years, when business was not good, my daughter used her baby-sitting money for the dues and I sent out begging emails to family, close friends, distant acquaintances and my dentist. My daughter personally called each donor to thank them and sent them a personal thank-you note.</p>
<p>We also get requests from people we vaguely know. I have donated to a kid on my D’s soccer team who was going on a church mission in Guatemala (and I am an atheist!!). I have donated to a kid who needed money for a play production. And we have donated to kids who needed money for club sports.</p>
<p>I am not offended by these requests. If we can afford it, I donate. If we can’t, I don’t and I don’t worry about it. I don’t see these requests as less worthy than requests from the American Heart Association or PETA.</p>
<p>I think it’s kind of slippery slope. First, they solicit funds for a mission trip. Next, they solicit funds so the marching band can go New York for the Macy’s parade. This is just the next step. I think the thing to do is to respond that you’re not in a position to help right now, but you send your best wishes.</p>
<p>I am clearly a curmudgeon. I won’t even let my kids sell fundraising crapola to friends, family and neighbors. Instead, I write a check directly to the organization with a brief note along these lines: “Please accept my 100% cash donation, in lieu of my child’s participation in the fundraiser; which offers nominal commission for the sale of items I neither need nor desire.”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Tee-hee. You swing a good pen. Didn’t like that wrapping paper and chocolate, eh?</p>
<p>During high school, my d was involved in a competitive activity that at the higher levels involved travel overseas. When we couldn’t afford it, we didn’t go. When we could afford it, we went. I don’t believe in asking other people to fund my kids extra-curricular activities. These are the extras in life that you work to be able to have, not things that you ask other people to pay for.</p>
<p>Amen, blankmind. I grew up 7th of 8 kids in a family where my Dad could barely make ends meet. We did without a lot. My parents ingrained in all of us that we must work hard, sieze opportunities and take calculated risks … but it’s NOT okay to live beyong one’s means. My mother even frowned upon my bridesmaid throwing me a bridal shower… siting an old belief that I shouldn’t be entering into this new homelife, if my dh and I couldn’t afford to provide basic needs for ourselves.</p>
<p>I’ve gotten really good at saying no. Between various religious and non-religious charites, political, educational, music-arts- related, etc, we get a solicitation about once a week. </p>
<p>I think ignoring is the best response for email. (Who knows - perhaps the email address was wrong, or the message got caught by a spam filter?) Caller ID helps with others. When forced to respond, I generally explain that we live by a budget that we set up at the beginning of the year. If they would like to be included in next year’s budget, please send all necessary info and we’ll consider it along with all the other requests we receive, and will let them know if they make the cut.</p>
<p>We did once have a neighbor going door-to-door trying to raise funds to support his college education. He explained that his scholarship wasn’t enough, and his parents couldn’t afford the balance. This was at a time I had a kid at UPenn and a kid at Juilliard. It was all I could do to not laugh him off the front porch.</p>
<p>I don’t interpret this as dmd has. I don’t read anything in the Op that indicates this is an investment. The person asked for contributions to jump start their career.</p>
<p>I could see <em>pretending</em> that I thought it was an investment, and following dmd’s advice though, if I wanted to insult the kid and the family.
However, I don’t think following up on an accidental insult with an intentional insult is the best course of action.</p>
<p>I think this is outrageous and a modern form of begging. If the group wants to put on a showcase, I assume they will sell tickets and bring in some money that way. Obviously, they need funds up front to rent a theater, etc., but why not then present it as a business proposition. I would be much more likely to donate money in a situation like this if it was presented as a “loan” that they would try to repay if the showcase turned out to be successful.</p>
<p>While I think this particular email fundraiser is a bit out of line, there are other times when we are asked via email and I do give money. We have a group from the high school and one local church (non-denominental) who have gone down to Mississippi every year since Katrina over Christmas break and work with Habitat for Humanity. It’s mostly the same core kids and they have gotten very good at it and I know many of the kids and the adults who run the whole program. They drive down, camp out, etc. so they do it as cheaply as possible but it’s still an expense. I think this is great and a child shouldn’t not be able to go because they can’t afford it.</p>
<p>On the other hand, we had a group from the high school who wanted to go somewhere, I forget where exactly, to do some sort of service work and I thought this was ridiculous; I wasn’t going to support an exotic vacation in the name of service. It was a one shot deal for these kids and reminded me of those programs that go to Costa Rica with high school kids so they can put that on their college applications saying they did international service. Someone suggested they don’t go down and just send the money they would have spent on the trip to the area instead!</p>
<p>I think helping to pay for the cost of a showcase is a bit out of line but I also think they will get money from many people to whom they sent emails. Are there better ways to raise funds? Absolutely. It might even be a good idea to put on a small show locally for much less money (high school, church stage, etc.). Not only would they raise funds through ticket sales but it would also be a live dress rehearsal to tweak their showcase performance. </p>
<p>But as others have said, there is no reason to feel pressured into donating.</p>
<p>" Until this year, I’d never heard of people having the nerve to ask friends to pay for activities/trips for their children. I wonder who is telling the kids that this is an appropriate way to finance things."</p>
<p>Around here, kids grow up thinking other people will finance every trip, sport, special event, etc… There is a local grocery store I no longer patronize because any time you go between Thursday evening and Sunday afternoon, some group is fundraising by bagging groceries. Some of these groups include high school kids, old enough to get part time jobs to finance their own activities.</p>
<p>I think the kid in the OP’s case needs some lessons in PR. She should have sold “special advance VIP tickets” to the showcase.</p>
<p>A whole bunch of stuff is being discussed on this thread. And I see differences between them. I don’t mind that groups like Boy Scouts, the school band, Little League, etc. hold fundraisers where they offer something…car wash, wreathes, raffle tickets, etc. to raise funds for their group. </p>
<p>That is not the same (to me) as an individual kid asking friends for MONEY (not offering anything in return) for their extracurricular activity such as a summer dance program, joining the club soccer team, an overseas trip, etc. I can’t imagine asking people for money (not offering a service or product) for personal activities. </p>
<p>Anyway, back to the showcase…these are events meant to jump start a career and are not regular theatrical productions with producers, etc. As an aside, I think these kids may have trouble getting the industry folks to attend their showcase. My D has been in some showcase events such as one put on by her college theater program for soon to be grads where the industry is invited. She got an agent through this showcase. She also auditioned for (and was selected) a showcase in a big event in NYC at a major theater where they auditioned recent grads from various college theater programs. She already had an agent by then but it was good exposure. She also auditioned for a cabaret type showcase which is an monthly event in NYC that has a following and was in that, but really just for exposure as she has an agent. But I’m not sure how many agents are going to go to the girl in the OP’s post’s showcase that they put on independently. Just saying. But again, this is not like raising funds for a theater production. It is asking people for money for them to do an event for their career step of trying to get an agent. I personally would not fork over money to a kid who just asked me for money for that. I would support the event by buying a ticket, however. Someone else here had a great suggestion that they put on a showcase in their home area outside of NYC to raise funds to put on the showcase in NYC.</p>
<p>I also think there was a better way to do it. I know kids who have held recitals after graduating from high school. They sometimes do charge a nominal sum to attend but it is usually only enough to cover the food or refreshments and hall rental so the kid is not out of pocket. Usually several go together to do it and they are actually talented kids so the recital is worth the ticket price. </p>
<p>Don’t get me started about the “mission” trips. A group from my mom’s church goes to the beach every summer on a “mission” trip and they ask the church members to pay the expenses. They give out pamphlets at Myrtle Beach, call it a “mission” and get a free vacation.</p>
<p>* do see a difference, though, between a philanthropic cause, such as an educational project like this one, and a showcase whose purpose is to launch a student’s career.*</p>
<p>Thats true- and other things that her high school does like send the jazz band to NYC every year for the Essentially Ellington festival , & not to mention participating in European jazz festivals last year which requires heavy duty fundraising- it helps when Starbucks has your back.</p>
<p>I understand if people don’t want to contribute- but considering that I am on a billion address books of local environmental charities because of my donations and volunteer work- I really don’t see how an email got people so hot and bothered.</p>
<p>Just delete it.</p>
<p>:confused:</p>