<p>^^^ I would have said that as much as I would like to contribute, our company’s code of ethics prohibits it.</p>
<p>You do not have to donate any money, but there is no need to be taken aback by this. All she wants is some help on starting her career.</p>
<p>But I think that’s where we differ. I don’t understand the mentality of asking for a handout and I think it’s over-stepping the bounds of friendship to assume to ask for one. Yes, I could say no, but why should I be put in the awkward position of having to do that? I also think it’s wrong for the kids who are trying to go on school trips to stand on the street corner asking for donations. What ever happened to earning money (bake sales, car washes, etc.). Somehow I see this as an extension of that entitlement/handout mentality.</p>
<p>Lamere, I don’t even hit up the vendors, clients, or employees of my H with charitable requests. The type of work my H does, could make it too much of a conflict. If it is something that comes up in conversation and one of these folks asks for an invite or request, that is the only reason that I would give one, accompanied by a note mentioning that this is in response to their request.</p>
<p>What to do if you get one of those requests from an important client, associate, etc…? I’d feel obligated to contribute. Not worth wondering if that affected the business relationship. Would contribute the midline amount and chalk it up as the cost of business. Not worth getting upset about it. Only if it is a direct conflict, which it could be in some cases, would I not respond, and would somehow bring it up in conversation. You never know what can have an effect in these cases, and for our bread and butter, I feel we have to be pragmatic. We’ve never had that situation before, however. We did get an invite to an event where we really did not belong but felt we had to attend due to the business situation, but never a monetary appeal.</p>
<p>Cptofthehouse --I do as you describe in your first paragraph, and I know what you mean – I would be tempted to give and chalk it up also. </p>
<p>Now, however, with Sarbanes Oxley, things are more complicated, and one has to be careful. </p>
<p>BTW, I have a friend who used to joke that with all the talk about “Sarbanes Oxley” a few years ago it could be blamed for anything. “Oh, we’re remodeling our bathroom – we had to bc of Sarbanese Oxley.” “We can’t increase your allowance, D. Sarbanes Oxley prevents it.”</p>
<p>
Agreed. The biggest fundraising effort I was ever a part of was to raise funds for a girl scout trip to Europe. We worked out behinds off for 3 years including the girls and their families working numerous eight hour shifts as ticket collectors and bag checkers at college ball games and a nightmare weekend working concession stands at a large arena event (I have never been so physically exhausted in my life - that is a surprisingly stressful job when you have mobs of impatient people all descending on you at the same time). We also had other smaller fundraisers - bake sales, concessions at smaller events etc but the main fundraisers involved hard work. We raised enough to pay in full for the trip but never just expected something for nothing.</p>
<p>Soozievt – I totally agree with your statement:</p>
<p>It seems this thread is lumping together all fundraising…school groups, non-profits, etc. I have no problem with school groups and non-profit fundraising! However, that was not the nature of the OP’s anecdote. This was a young person asking others to just give money (no service or product in return) for her personal career growth project.</p>
<p>The OP’s predicament differed from the one described by EllenEast (which I commented on earlier). I have not yet commented on the OP’s question so I will here: Like the OP, I would have been “put off.” I think it was not outrageous but perhaps presumptuous, and I would have responded with something like, “Congratulations on your plans. As a mom, I know how exciting it can be to see one’s daughter make her way in the world. We are not able to offer a contribution, but we’ll be rooting for you every step of the way.”</p>
<p>If asked again, I would ignore the request. </p>
<p>And like the OP, I would have been more than tempted to mention gulf pelicans!</p>
<p>I would not send a donation just because you feel you have to. If you send her money you are encouraging her and may be asked again to donate at some point in the future.</p>
<p>I also have an issue with kids sending out high school graduation announcements. It’s like sending out a request for a gift. I will give a graduation gift to the kids I choose to - unless they have sent an announcement.</p>
<p>“It seems this thread is lumping together all fundraising”</p>
<p>Guilty as charged. The OP describes what I would consider a highly inappropriate request. Other things brought up here (myself included), although sometimes personally frustrating, are considered socially acceptable and we all make a decision how we respond. However it does not make the request wrong.</p>
<p>fwiw…</p>
<p>I had a close family member solicit funds from us (and many other family members - possibly friends as well) to help put on his off off off Broadway play. We declined to help, although I think DH was embarassed not to put up the cash for the family member.
When it was time to see the play, we declined also…the expense of a night in NYC plus ‘tickets’ for the play was just another blow.</p>
<p>And, of course, according the other family members who did put up $$ (including parents who don’t really have the $$) the play stunk. It was described as self-indulgent garbage.</p>
<p>This person also begged DH to introduce him to a very famous satiric comedian he knows, claiming ‘he just needs a break’ - wanted to try to be an intern or somehow have writing considered for the show. Based on this person’s track record, DH could not stomach it. Person is 40+, works minimally, hasn’t done the things serious writers should try to do, sponges off anyone/everyone.</p>
<p>Not sure what other family members think of us, but we just don’t feel like biting. I don’t believe this person has talent, or drive, or initiative. Of course his mom thinks he’s a wonderful, talented, lost soul.</p>
<p>But if a boy or girl scout shows up at my door…the moths fly out of the wallet.</p>