We live far away from my dd's college and

<p>she has a boyfriend. The relationship started last year. I met him briefly once when I visited her, but they were not officially dating. So now, I feel i would like to know more about this bf, and i'm trying to figure out how? any ideas?
This summer is not going to happen. Bf is working and my dd is traveling a bit. I won't be able to go to parent's weekend since it's the busiest time at my work. Thanksgiving? i'm not sure. I'm guessing that maybe winter break. I'd like to know him and see how they interact with each other. I just feel that bf is such an important person in my dd's life, and I'd like to know him.</p>

<p>Why would you need to go for parents weekend. I usually like to visit D1 when it's not a parent's weekend. I would go up there in Oct to spend a weekend with your daughter and take them out to dinner.</p>

<p>Oldfort, good question. At least last year when dd was a freshman, she told me it was ok for me to visit on parents weekend. Dd didn't want me to visit when other parents wouldn't be there. Her field is very demanding so I think she doesn't want the burden to entertain me or keep me company.</p>

<p>The greatest thing about parent's weekend is that the school provides activities and the freedom to be on campus so you can entertain yourself to an extent greater than non parent weekend. And then have that nice dinner out, breakfast out, to bond with her. She has to eat, right?</p>

<p>When my fiance's mom got that urge she offered to visit him at school and take us out for dinner. She came on a non-parent weekend since parents weekend is complete mayhem, and only for dinner-- she didn't spend the whole day with us. I have to think that someone who can't make time for that probably doesn't have time for a boyfriend. Everybody stops to eat once in a while.</p>

<p>Gretlakesmom, this year I can't go on parents weekend. I'll be super busy at work. But I like it. They have a lot activities for parents and family too.</p>

<p>Emaheevu, ill ask my dd is she would be ok with me visiting on a non parent weekend. You and old fort mentioned it, so it may work.</p>

<p>I guess I didn't read very carefully to see that you live far away, coming up only for dinner then would be a pain, but I find it hard to believe she couldn't set aside at least a few hours for you. It's a pain to make time for things outside our normal schedule, but it usually can be managed as long as it's not a regular interruption.</p>

<p>There's no rule that says parents can only come on Parents weekend. Pick a weekend that works for you, tell your daughter you'd like to come visit her, see what she says.</p>

<p>"Emaheevu, ill ask my dd is she would be ok with me visiting on a non parent weekend."</p>

<p>^This is so unlike the way I would handle this. </p>

<p>I would say, "Your father and I are coming up for a visit on -----insert date----. Keep the date on your calendar so we can all go out to dinner. We would love to have --insert name of boyfriend---join us. Maybe we'll even take you on a shopping run to replenish your snacks and stuff."</p>

<p>nysmile, we use the same approach. As soon as DH informed DD, "I will be in town and I will take you shopping for winter boots per mom's instructions, and then I would like to treat you and you BF to a steak dinner", DD said, "Daddy, call me as soon as your plane lands" or something like that :D (They all ended up dining together several times - lobster, steaks and all that fancy stuff).</p>

<p>Nysmile, Well, it's not that easy. I need her agreement as I need to plan on the dates she doesn't have deadlines. Her projects are very demanding and time consuming. I
wouldn't want to be there during those peek times.</p>

<p>Lafalum, I know. I'll be talking to my dd about it. I'm sure she'll understand I want to get to know her bf.</p>

<p>Emaheevu, yes it's a long trip. I takes a whole day to get there. Flying is not as fast as I would like it to be. Anyhow, I'll have dinner or else with my dd and bf for several days since I want to be there for a couple of days.</p>

<p>MomOfaTeen, does your DD's college post a calendar with important dates, like midterms and confernces? We planned DH's visit so it would not fall during one of those weeks. Your visit is not going to be a major distraction to your DD if you do not make her feel like she has to spend every moment of her time with you. Just ask her to call you when she and her bf are ready to go out for dinner...</p>

<p>What you're asking for is not unreasonable. My fiance's mother is absolutely infuriated that I am not willing to stay the night for several days at their house, which is something she started asking him to bug me about when we were not nearly as serious. She lives 40 minutes drive from our colleges and we see her as often as she would like otherwise. I don't get it.</p>

<p>MomOfaTeen, It is that easy. Give her a few dates that are convenient for you to make the trip and let her choose the most convenient one. All college kids are busy with projects and academic work. However, if they know in advance that their parents are traveling to visit them, they can set aside some time to share a meal and a short shopping trip. If my kid gave me the excuse---"I'm too busy"--then I may follow-up with something like--"Well, I think I may be too busy to write out that tuition check for next semester." :) </p>

<p>Also, if her boyfriend truly respects her, he will make time to join you for dinner.</p>

<p>I usually go up in the beginning of semester because D1 is less busy. Until few months ago, we only lived 3-4 hours drive away, so I would get there Sat afternoon. If she was not busy she would spend the afternoon with me(spa afternoon for us sometimes), otherwise she would come see me just before dinner. We usually have a nice long dinner, finished by 9 or 10, and she is free to go out with her friends. On Sun we would have brunch and I am off. </p>

<p>Few times, during those visits I did meet her BF du jour. If they are not too serious then we would go out for drinks before dinner. If they have been dating for a while then we would go out to dinner. On one occassion, we met D1's BF parents for drinks. I usually ask D1 what she is comfortable with - a good gauge for me on how serious she is with BF too.</p>

<p>D1 is dating someone for the first one I have not met yet (6 months). I thought it was something casual, then she told me few weeks ago that she may invite him to visit us this fall, and we now live 5 hours away by plane.</p>

<p>Momofateen, you may do better if you position it as wanting to see D -- not that your objective is trying to meet the BF. But I don't see why you can't say that you'd like to come up and the options are weekends x, y and z; which works best for her? I don't see why you need your D's explicit permission to come on a non- parent weekend. </p>

<p>And so you have dinner with her and BF on Sat night and maybe a quick brunch Sun morning. Yes, she's undoubtedly busy, we all are, but you have to eat.</p>

<p>I'm squarely I'm the 'weekend a, b, or c' camp. Tell her to check her class schedule/due dates and you'll get back with her for the best weekend after the semester starts and she knows what will work best.
Telling a parent that you are too busy for dinner, 2hrs shopping, and brunch, one a weekend they choose is just rude and selfish on their part. Sorry, but that's my opinion. If you were showing up every few weeks demanding 'mommy & me' time that would be one thing. However, one visit during a semester is not unreasonable.</p>

<p>Thanks all for your posts. They helped me realized that I'm pretty reasonable. I think last year (her freshman yr) she thought I would be visiting her very often since I mentioned that to her. I think that's the reason she told me to visit during parent weekend only. a I'll talk to my dd to plan a weekend for me to visit her this coming fall semester. thank you all.</p>

<p>But i'm still thinking. If I go and spent a weekend over there, I'll be meeting the bf. But, would that be enough time to get a good pic of him?</p>

<p>I'm thinking about winter break. My dd told me that they were planning for him to visit her back home. But, the only issue is that the city where we live is really expensive. To make things more affordable, I thought about offering him a room in our house to stay. I wonder if that would be considered a little bit too much or would be a reasonable thing to do? I know they've been serious for the last 8 or 7months. Any words of wisdom?</p>

<p>I would think DD would be assuming that they would stay with you!!! (What college kid rents a hotel room to visit his girlfriend in her hometown????) Better decide now if they will be sharing a room... ;) In our home, if kids are serious enough about Significant Other to visit parents (us), they are serious enough about each other to share a room. Just sayin' how it goes around here. (hee-hee!) ;)</p>

<p>anxiousmom, exactly. I was thinking that even if I gave him a room for himself. He would end up in my dd's room (i'm guessing). So I should be open and say that he could share the room or he could have his own room. </p>

<p>Anyhow, I'm thinking what are the chances that they get married? very low since they are really young...so i'll be having God knows how many bf at my house for the next 10 years or so?</p>

<p>I'm new to my dd being a serious relationship. So do you parents allow Bf to stay at your home? yes/ no and why?</p>