OK, we just had a wedding in May for our daughter.
The groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. Not in a place I would pick, but like was said upthread, it was their deal. We paid for everything else, not including wedding party attire aside from her dress/veil.
I asked her once why they weren’t paying for anything else, like the bar bill or another chunk (they can absolutely afford it). She said she didn’t want anyone’s opinions, and her now-MIL would have opinions. Strong ones, and she has shown that in other areas. It honestly was easier that way.
In terms of the invite, it was not traditional wording. It was something like “you are invited to the wedding of X and X.” I wish it had been a bit more traditional, since that’s what it turned out to be, but it was not a hill I wanted to die on.
The guest list was small, by their choice, and many of our side didn’t make it. Not going to lie, it felt like I was putting on a party for people I didn’t know lol. But it was a beautiful night, and she was thrilled.
At one point she looked around and said “This is SO much fun!” That, my friends, was worth it.
Well this was 25+ years ago, times have changed since then. Mark’s parents are Boomers and were quite traditional.
I have two boys, and if / when they get married, I really don’t think I’ll care about their wedding invitation design. We would certainly be able to help fund a good portion of wedding expenses for both, but we’ll cross that bridge if and when we get there. They are both still in college, and long term girlfriends don’t seem to be high priority for either one.
I hope when this proposal/engagement happens that @maya54 will come back and report on how it was decided to handle the discussion with the fiancé’s parents as well as the outcome.
I most certainly will! My daughter doesn’t expect anything til next year after she finishes grad school (even though the ring is sitting in their house and she knows it). But FF has told us likely November/December
I personally would leave it up to the couple’s son to figure out with his parents what if anyting, they’d like to fund, what is important to them .They may say, for instance, that they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner. If so , they should be able to plan what they want, in consultation with the bride and groom.But that is just my opinion.
I’m finding hard to believe that an area can so super homogeneous that everyone does things the same way and will interpret things the same way.
I’m much more used to hearing stories of so many different ways my acquaintances have been having or attending weddings.
I’m also puzzled that some people have never been to a wedding in a fire hall? Or a “rustic” barn? I have been to both, and these were families with means who just chose those venues because they fit the vibe the kids wanted. And in one case, the rustic barn probably cost more than a country club venue would have. But no one was in formal dress, it was a lovely afternoon in more casual, comfortable dresses.
Been to many. And the American Legion hall, the ‘banquet’ rooms of bars (and worked some of those too), the country club, the Holiday Inn…
For my high school reunion next year, we are voting between the country club and the Holiday Inn (and the country club is a pretty nice place, but some people prefer the Holiday Inn, which is where our hs Prom was…)
I have not. The closest I came is one of my nieces weddings in a loft space. But yes. Every other wedding I have been to was at a country club/ hotel/ fancy restaurant / botanical garden/mansion/art museum. . I will be the first to admit that I live in a bubble. I have never been to a wedding where the bride or groom or their families cart in their own stuff ( signage…decor) or have to clean up. Nor one where children ( other than flower girl/ring bearer ) were there. I don’t there is anything wrong with a wedding like that. At all. It’s just not my experience.
It is next door to the high school, so many things were held there. Also, a fairly small town so limited venue choices. I’m surprised the country club is allowing non-members to have events there. When my BFF got married there, it was still ‘non-cash’ so if you wanted a drink before the bar officially opened at 5 pm, you had to hit up one of the members to put it on their tab (luckily, many friends still knew their parents’ charge numbers)
I have never been to a wedding where the bridal party wasn’t responsible for setup and tear down! It’s considered part of what they sign up for, and kind of a mark of the closeness of the relationships. (also, I will say that it is usually the most fun and how you meet the people from the other side of the aisle). Weddings that exclude children are subject to lots of judgy whispering.
DH’s mantra for weddings is always “Not what I’m used to, but still great”
I’ll go one step further … in my culture, madrinas and padrinos paid for things. Honored people sponsored the flowers or cake or luggage for the wedding. I didn’t do that, but I think it’s a sweet custom as the community takes a larger role in setting up the couple for success.
I know some people hate this, but I didn’t care. We had a dollar dance. You don’t like it, don’t participate, but to me it’s a fun way for everyone to get face time with the bride and/or groom.
I don’t have a lot of judgment around peoples’ weddings – cash bar, open bar, kids or no kids, receiving line, band vs DJ.
Our DDs wedding was in a ballroom at a banquet place. We still had things we brought in ourselves…parts to the table centerpieces, the seating sign pictures, some vases of flowers for the memorial table and the rest rooms, planters for the outdoor ceremony (we still have those, and plant new flowers every year), the seating place cards (which were cordial glasses). We also dropped off some charger plates we wanted used.
Our venue was great and the event planner was terrific, and worked with us to get all of this done!
I’ve been to weddings where families & loved ones help set up and take things apart. Have attended others where it’s all done by workers. I find it more relaxing as a guest when it’s all done by workers but whatever works is fine.
No one here I know even makes a decision to exclude children. It just never even crosses peoples minds to include them . No more than they would think to have children at any formal / black tie event. I didn’t even know until recently that there was a controversy over people inviting kids/not inviting kids to weddings in other areas.
Again I think whatever way is fine. Here ( in my bubble) people use wedding planners who bring in that sort of stuff. These are not planners who are tied to any specific venue. The planner I and the people I know have used work with those venue specific event staff and do all communication with them. And to the extent clean up is needed other than by catering staff, the wedding planners team does that.
At my daughter’s wedding, the groom’s four young nieces and nephews were there (from out of town), but I don’t recall if they stayed for the whole thing. No other kids were there. I don’t think there was a rule per se, but no others were invited. Also, at that point, I don’t think barely any of their friends had kids yet.
My children had TONS of kids at their weddings. Both sides have big families, my kids are close to the young cousins and couldn’t imagine their “big day” without the little ones, and it made the weddings very festive and celebratory to see the next generation.
But as long as both sides are on board- great. I wince at the stories I’ve heard of the brides family having a big multi-generational celebration with great-grandma dancing with the toddlers, and the grooms side glum because they were told “no kids under 14” or whatever.
I think if the bride and/or groom’s family wants kids there, that’s all that matters. In my daughter’s case, I don’t think the topic truly arose. Of course her husband’s little nieces and nephews would be there. I just don’t think they knew of any other guests or relatives who had minor children, so there were no others for that reason.
