Wedding etiquette

Parent Cafe
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<p>I agree with everyone about light green and teal as a great combination. I also agree that using some kind of fossil as a decorative element would be cool. I’m enthused about the tablescape with river rocks and one plant…since it will be in the evening, if you can get them to dim the lights a bit, you can add some candles here and there: either votives, or a few shortish pillars in differing heights. (And of course pillars are an opportunity to play with color again. :slight_smile: )The one thing I would stay away from that has been mentioned is tulle. Organza ribbon is much softer and drapes and trails beautifully. On the tablescapes: this is something you or your friends could have a lot of fun doing, but someone has to have time to DO it during the time you have the room available. Do you have anyone who would enjoy it who is not in the wedding party? Maybe if you agreed on a mock-up in advance, one or two people could execute it quickly. Otherwise, it may be wise to simplify, as enticing as the idea sounds.</p>

<p>I think that place cards are something you should definitely do, because you will need to put together a seating plan once you know who is coming. Honestly, at something like this, it is much more comfortable for the guests than to try to snag a seat on the fly. It becomes impossible to sit with the people you want to sit with, people can’t find enough seats together, people who don’t know other people are left adrift, etc. I think I mentioned that I went to a friend’s wedding where she was persuaded to go with “open seating,” and it was NOT pleasant. </p>

<p>And good for you on the “little black dress” idea. So much more thoughtful than forcing your friends to buy a prom dress that they will never wear again. :)</p>

<p>Some of us CC mothers would love to descend on your site and set it all up while you are at the church! :smiley: (Especially us mothers of sons only…)</p>

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<p>Everyone, I am really grateful for the continued feedback. As a direct result of your musings and advice, I think I have really revised my wedding vision in a way that is a lot more elegant and cohesive. </p>

<p>The idea is HOPEFULLY to have everything set up before the ceremony, which is onsite in a different location. Ideally the weather will be nice and we can have the ceremony outside, but if not there are a couple spaces in the museum that would probably have some seating for the older guests/immediate family, standing room for everyone else (my brother did something very similar). We’re planning a brief ceremony so we’re hoping this isn’t too bad - hopefully around 15-20 minutes or so. My fiance and I joked about the scene at the end of Robin Hood: Men in Tights with the Rabbi - “Do you?”</p>

<p>Consolation - I would have to admit I would have no objection to CC moms descend upon my wedding. I’d feel more than confident that you’d all do an amazing job. I also imagine you’d be very fun guests! Realistically, my mother has always had a pretty good design eye (other than one glaring exception where she decided to paint her room with the shades of pink and purple in the 1970s carpeting - that was a mistake). My little brother also has always had quite the knack for arranging things, too. </p>

<p>As for the seating arrangements, I was planning to have assigned tables, but was thinking of doing it how my brother and sister-in-law did. They had a nice printed chart with table numbers and a list of names under each table, instead of the place cards. </p>

<p>Either way, looks like I’ll need to be hitting up the craft stores! We have a Jo-Ann’s and two other craft chains here so I’m in a good location. </p>

<p>One sad thing - no Costco though!</p>

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<p>For some reason, I thought that the actual wedding was an hour away. Now I realize that that was just your home town. Makes me feel a lot better about tablescaping and setting out trays of veggies and dip–if you choose to have them.</p>

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<p>Check the Ribbon Station for ribbon, we were very happy with the price/service when we used them for a friends’s D’s wedding recently.</p>

<p>I like the rock/plant tablescape idea. And check cardpool.com for discount gift cards to craft stores. They are usually discounted about 15 to 20%, which can save some money. If you have a Micheal’s nearby sign up for their emails. Generally you get a 40 or 50% off coupon each week. We bought all the tea light candles (actually LEDs) with those coupons.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the moneysaving tips! We do have a Michael’s, actually!</p>

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<p>Mom2M – is the Ribbon Station a website? Tried googling and am not finding it…</p>

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<p>Y’all have come up with such cool ideas for decorations! Makes me want to ask for suggestions, too!</p>

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<p>Hey, maybe someone could start an event decorating thread. </p>

<p>Also, river rocks, pebbles, or a mixture? I’m finding both easily and they’re inexpensive.</p>

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<p>DD was maid of honor in a wedding last week and found lots of great decorating ideas on Pinterest. She and the bride decided that strung marshmallows on fishing line (spaced ~6" apart) would be good hanging from the ceiling as it would give the appearance of snow. They also decided that pom-pons made of white, silver and gold tissue paper would be pefect hanging from small white (painted) branches that would serve as center pieces. DD was able to work from her local corporate office near us (she usually works out of state) during Christmas so she could visit at home, so DH and I got roped in to helping with decorations, too. I don’t think I ever want to see another marshmallow. The wedding was out of state so DD sent us pictures to see the finished products in place and it was absolutely beautiful! She said the wedding photographer told her she should be an event planner.</p>

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<p>SplashMom - That’s wonderful that your daughter was such a helpful and involved maid of honor. The decorations sound beautiful. I love marshmallows, too!</p>

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<p>Dragonmom’s tablescape idea sounds beautiful. I also agree that light green and teal can work with the right shades/ hues, especially with the brown ink. </p>

<p>But before you start buying stuff, you should make sure understand the logistical limitations that you might face on the day. What time will you have access to the room? Who is setting up tables and chairs and putting tablecloths on? Who is setting up the ceremony area? Are you going to need to use the same chairs for the ceremony and the dinner? If so, who is going to transfer the chairs? Where are you getting dressed? Who do you want with you when you get dressed? Are you taking photographs before the ceremony (highly recommended!)? Who is going to be needed for the picture taking?</p>

<p>Once you figure all of that out, you may find that you (and the family and friends that you want around you as you prepare for the ceremony) won’t have time to create elaborate tablescapes. The rental company MIGHT set up tables and chairs and tablecloths, but you need to confirm with them. You definitely don’t want to be running around right before the ceremony setting up tables!</p>

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<p>Here’s some more advice, for what it’s worth: (I entertain frequently, and I try to do things economically, so I thought I’d share a few tricks I’ve learned).</p>

<ol>
<li><p>When you start buying your design supplies, just buy small quantities at first so you can play around. Don’t buy enough for the whole wedding until you’ve tested the concept with small samples. Take the small samples of supplies to the rental company showroom so you can test the colors and design on the actual linens you will be using. Don’t worry if the rental people seem irritated – they are used to it! </p></li>
<li><p>If you decide that you won’t have time for the tablescapes, don’t worry – you can do beautiful things very, very simply and at low cost. Probably the very easiest, lowest- cost option for centerpieces is to go with plants that you can buy at a Home Depo (or other similar shop). White/ light green hydrangeas in terra cotta pots make beautiful centerpieces and are super easy and inexpensive. I did this for a party I had recently. The hydrangeas were about $12 and the terra cotta pots were about $4. I just popped each hydrangea in its plastic pot into the terra cotta pot without re-planting or anything. They are the perfect sized centerpiece for a 60-inch round table. A plant with dramatic shaped leaves (perhaps with striations in different shades of light green) in would also pretty and appropriate to the venue (even without flowers). </p></li>
</ol>

<p>As you are working out your design concept, you could buy a couple of different plants you like as samples and take them to the rental place to test them next to your linens. (Home Depo might even allow you to return these samples; they have a very generous return policy). Or ask the rental place if you can rent one napkin in each of the colors you are thinking of and take them with you when you shop for plants. Make sure to confirm that the plants will be in stock at the time of year of your wedding. When I go this route for parties, I reserve them ahead of time and pick them up the day before so that I can pick the freshest/ prettiest ones.</p>

<p>As you go through this process, keep an open mind as to colors because you might find something you like in a color range you hadn’t considered.</p>

<ol>
<li> As for tables – rental companies often suggest the round tables for 10. Don’t get those!! They are way too big; people can’t talk to each other across the table and you will have huge, empy expanse of table. If you are using round tables, get the tables for 8 (the 60 inch rounds). (You can actually squeeze 9 around them).<br></li>
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<p>Or, even better, you might consider long rectangular tables – groupings of 2 or 3 eight foot rectangular tables put together end to end. I do this at my house a lot – two eight- foot tables end-to-end seats 20 to 22 people. I think this arrangement makes it easier for people to talk since the distance across the table is smaller. Also, the rectangular tables look better when you aren’t going to set the table with elaborate place settings and lots of glasswear, etc. </p>

<p>Smaller flowers/ plants – like the $10 orchids from Trader Joes – would work with the long table set up; they’d be too small on the round tables (unless you had several of them for each round table). Actually, the rectangular would be very nice with dragonmom’s / consolation’s idea (river rocks, organza ribbon, orchids, votive candles). (IKEA for votive candles!) </p>

<ol>
<li><p>If you want to get a bit more elaborate with linens, in my entertaining over the years I’ve figured out the perfect table topper – Indian saris! A sari is generally the exact width of the rectangular tables from the rental company and one sari is long enough to go across two eight foot tables placed end to end, and nearly down to the floor on each end. I live near a “Little India” neighborhood and the shops have thousands of choices, many for around $35 or less on sale. I buy the more subtle ones in a very thin polyester fabric that looks like silk. They have beautiful patterns in teals/ greens. They look great and are a nice way to add some pizzaz to the room. If you have Indian shopping areas near you, you might want to consider this idea! (You wouldn’t want to do this if you are going with the river rock idea).</p></li>
<li><p>If you do decide on placecards with images, I would just have a napkin folded in thirds at each place with the placecard placed on top. To make it easy for someone else to set them up, you can have a big envelope for each table with the placecards in order. That way someone else can set up the room quickly without having to consult a seating chart.</p></li>
<li><p>When you order the table cloths, make sure you tell the rental company you want them to go to the floor. Otherwise, they might give you short ones and then you’ll be able to see the ugly table legs. </p></li>
<li><p>Finally, I love the bamboo plates, but I think you should consider using real silverware (the rental company’s cheapest). The bamboo utensils might be difficult with your barbeque menu and might make things messy. Perhaps one of the bartenders can act as a waiter at the end of the meal and collect the silverware and store it out of sight. You can return it unwashed to the rental company. </p></li>
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<p>Hope these tips aren’t too obvious! Feel free to ask more questions! I agree with the person who said that you shouldn’t let the details get in the way of feeling of the event – it is being there with the folks you love that makes a wedding special. Just do the details that seem fun and affordable to you, and forget the rest.</p>

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<p>P.S. Just to clarify, if you use saris as table-toppers, you still need to rent linens because the saris are only as wide as the table top. They’d be placed on top of the regular table cloth.</p>

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<p>Those tips really helped a lot!</p>

<p>Actually, if I decide to go with banquet tables, it would save me a good amount of money. The venue has I believe 18 six foot banquet tables available for me to use. </p>

<p>For some reason I was convinced round tops would be better for talking, but you’re probably right that there will be less distance between people with banquet tables. Also, I definitely was planning on renting the silverware. I hate non-metal utensils, and I could definitely spare the expense to rent the silverware if I used the existing tables. </p>

<p>I was planning on using the facility’s chairs for the ceremony, and renting the chairs for the reception. That way I could be sure that they all matched. I figured we would have some standing for the ceremony because it will be short and there will be somewhat limited space, unless I want to do a room flip in the reception area.</p>

<p>Someone on another site made a suggestion that I thought sounded pretty. They suggested taking a container of some sort, using putty to attach some stick candles to the bottom, and filling in the space with the river rocks/pebbles. Maybe I could do a potted orchid or hydrangea in the center of a long table, with two candle setups evenly spaced on either side?</p>

<p>I am planning on going with just white linens, I think. I will do pops of color with the other items on the table (napkins, centerpieces, maybe colored candles). </p>

<p>Also, my fiance and I tentatively planning to do a sweetheart table in lieu of a head table. Any recommendations for what size/type of table would work for this? A cocktail table? What I’d REALLY like to do is have a table with parents but his parents are NOT amicably divorced so that’s not an option. </p>

<p>Also, with the linens on banquet tables pushed together, would you get one really long tablecloth, or would it sort of drape in between the two tables where they meet?</p>

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<p>Just chiming in to say how much I love hydrangeas. The pale green ones are especially pretty. I’ve only been to two weddings where hydrangeas were profusely used, one with fresh and one with all dried… and I just thought how beautiful they were. I could envision the pale green a’la Dragonmom’s idea.</p>

<p>Also love the sari idea…and I’m going to ‘steal’ that one…</p>

<p>Oh forgot to add, I was at a wedding reception last summer and the “mom” had purchased turquoise plasticware, but used the rental stainless. For the champagne toast she had all the friends of the groom passing turquoise plastic champagne glasses already filled. Against basic white tablecloths on round rental tables and pretty little centerpieces,plus clear glass for the other drinks it was really quite lovely. In this case the reception was around a pool so the “turquoise” stood out. I could envision bamboo in a museum…</p>

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<p>Ack! Wrote a long post and my computer ate it. </p>

<p>Lots of good tips from notelling. Re table cloths: when placing tables end to end you can either let the cloths drape between, or overlap them. I prefer the latter. I heartily endorse the idea of saving money by using their tables!</p>

<p>Re chairs: you can save a lot of money by using white plastic chairs rather than the wooden ones. The wooden ones are nice, but the plastic are acceptable and not noticeable one people are seated. We are talking a price difference of $2-4 per chair.</p>

<p>Re sweetheart tables and so forth: I prefer to seat people with their SOs. Head tables that leave SOs adrift among strangers are not very nice, IMHO. If you have only a few attendants, you can all sit together with their SOs. never seen the sweetheart table thing.</p>

<p>Heartily endorse renting real flatware. As I said upthread, I HATE plastic flatware. Our local rental place even has a “rattan” pattern that would look great with your plates. Something to consider: do you need spoons? When I hold a large party at my house, I usually use just knives and forks. (I’ve bought old silverplate lots of knives and forks at flea markets, and when combined with my sterling I can serve a lot of people. I have a LOT of china! :slight_smile: )</p>

<p>BTW, if you are combining a buffet with set seating, set the tables with plates rather than stacking them at the buffet. People can pick up their plate and come up to the buffet table. Looks nicer.</p>

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<p>I don’t suppose I would need spoons with any of the sides we’re getting. That being said, maybe I should get them just in case, because we are having a number of younger children at the wedding who may have an easier time eating certain things with a spoon. (My nephew was very enamored with his spoon at my cousin’s wedding this past summer.) </p>

<p>I was planning on going with the white plastic chairs. I think they look just fine and they’re about $2.50 each. Actually, I don’t like their “nicer” chair option. I think it looks kind of outdated and with cushions I would worry about finding stains. MUCH rather have a cheap looking chair than a dirty looking chair.</p>

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<p>It would be ideal to have one long tablecloth, but you won’t be able to find one. For three six foot tables pushed together, I would rent two “table drapes” in the size made for eight-foot tables. (The rental companies usually call the table cloths that go all the way to the floor “table drapes.”) I would overlap them on top of the pushed-together tables, so that there is the effect of a single table. There will be a “seam” on top of the tables where the tablecloths overlap but it won’t matter. </p>

<p>You’ll have to figure out the set up in the room before you order the table cloths. For two six foot tables pushed together, I think you’ll need two six foot table drapes, unless the rental company happens to have one for a twelve-foot table, which I doubt they will have. Hopefully, you will have space in the room for three rows of three tables, but if not you can use some groupings of two tables.</p>

<p>The rental fees for the table drapes are outrageous. If the museum had tablecloths to go with their tables, you’d really be saving a bundle. Do they? </p>

<p>You are still going to need more tables. The 18 six-foot tables arranged into three long tables will seat about 60 to 66 (depending on how wide the chairs are). So you will need more tables for seating. Obviously, you will also need tables for serving, and possibly for the bar area, for table assignment cards (if you go that route), and the cake (if you having one). Hopefully, the caterer will bring their own white tablecloths for the serving tables.</p>

<p>If necessary for space, you can mix and match the long tables with a couple of round tables of 8. Everything doesn’t have to match. Just use bigger versions of the plants for round tables.</p>

<p>I’m not sure of the size for the sweetheart table, but the rental company will be able to tell you.</p>

<p>On the 18’ long tables, for centerpieces, you’ll want to have more than just one plant. They can be small, but you’ll probably want at least four (maybe even six . . . ). But seriously, small ones. The $12 hydrangea I was talking about worked well for a 60" round table, but for the long narrow one you would want to use even smaller ones. For candles, I think groupings of the small glass votive candles would be just as pretty (maybe even prettier) than the more elaborate idea you mentioned, but I tend to like things simple. Others may disagree. IMHO, you wouldn’t want the candles in the same size container as the plants, because you need more variation in height. As I mentioned, the votive candles are very cheap at IKEA (way cheaper than renting them). Or your friends may have the holders. </p>

<p>Or, mix and match funky stuff you already have around the house. Everything doesn’t have to match! </p>

<p>On the chairs, the only ones I don’t like are the Samonsite metal folding chairs. They are not very attractive, and the chairs have a pretty big visual impact in the room. It is worth shopping around to avoid those, if possible. But that’s just one opinion, of course! </p>

<p>[Wrote this before I saw Consolation’s post!]</p>

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<p>Looking at the photographs from previous weddings on the site, it looks as though they have varying numbers of tables put together. The room has sort of a taper to it so the farther back you go, the fewer tables you can fit end to end. </p>

<p>Given the nature of the larger, more family sized tables, would you just assign table numbers or assign seating? We have some awkward situations such as family who can’t be seated together, and then there are some other places where I think certain people who don’t know each other would enjoy each other’s company. My fiance’s aunt and her daughter, for instance, are very educated and love to talk academia and I thought that it might be good to put them near to my graduate mentor and former undergraduate mentor. Versus having my uncle sit there who will probably talk about his ex wife and how all of his step children are addicted to crack (not kidding, this man has NO filter). </p>

<p>It’s pretty crazy because the guests run the gamut from wealthy academics to aforementioned uncle with a drinking problem and 9 teeth. Maybe people can gain something from mingling? I don’t know.</p>

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<p>DEFINITELY assign seating. This is very important. I cannot stress this enough. People get very weird when there is anxiety about having to stake out a seat early on. </p>

<p>I would definitely think of people who might like to meet each other and seat them together, like your fiance’s niece and your advisor.</p>

<p>People will mingle just fine so long as they know they have an assigned seat to go to! Part of the fun of weddings is meeting people you ordinarily wouldn’t be hanging out with. You may be surprised by how well the academics get along with your uncle during the more casual mingling parts of the evening. </p>

<p>Usually, people mingle during cocktails, and then after dinner during dancing (if you are having dancing) and/or dessert and coffee. So the assigned seats would only be during dinner. To encourage people to move around after dinner, you’ll want to have someone clearing the plates from the tables. I’d encourage your friends/ attendants to go to different areas of the room after dinner with their cake/ dessert to encourage mixing things up. </p>

<p>I forgot to mention – to save money, forget about the favors. You don’t need them, and it is just an added expense that is nice if you have extra cash to throw around but otherwise an unnecessary extravagance.</p>