<p>The best wedding I ever went to was a relative who got married in a birch grove in the mountains outside the bride’s mom’s house. Relatives made the food, and the groom’s dad and uncles poured wine at the bar. The groom cried when he said his vows. 
I bet the whole thing cost $1,000. So… I assume we covered our plate. But I don’t think they cared about that at all. Which is as it should be.</p>
<p>Well Consolation, I don’t consider the people who have invited me to their weddings “peasants.” I don’t think they would have stopped speaking to me if I didn’t cover the plate. I just know that if you were to ask a group of people “How much would I be expected to give as a gift?” the majority would say “Enough so they aren’t out of pocket for having graciously included you in their wedding.”</p>
<p>But, while several of my cousins had cash bars at their weddings, I think they are tacky beyond belief. </p>
<p>All of this is cultural and regional.</p>
<p>How the heck is anyone going to know what will “cover the plate.” Agree…vulgar. </p>
<p>I have not encountered “wedding favors” among our crowd, but I’ve seen that on TV and movies. Favors could be done if the couple has the money and/or the inclination IMO. I always thought little boxes so people could bring home a piece of cake later would be a neat idea…i guess that is similar to a favor.</p>
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<p>I’ve never, ever heard this. Why would someone ever expect to earn back what they have spent to basically throw a party. That is so far beyond my comprehension.</p>
<p>I understand that some people feel that way, Jonri. But it really is foreign to me. I don’t expect to break even–we’re the ones holding the event; why wouldn’t we expect it will cost us??</p>
<p>I think I first heard “cover the plate” here on CC. It’s a bizarre notion, to say the least. What is even the point? It almost sounds as if someone (bridal couple, parents of the bride/groom) expects to be reimbursed for the cost of the reception. But that makes no sense. I’d like to think that the notion of covering the plate began with a misguided guest, as in “well, I suppose we should at least give them what they’re paying for us to attend.” I don’t think that’s appropriate either, but it’s better than the hosts or guests of honor expecting/encouraging it.
I’m descended from many generations of peasants, as is my husband. Most of the guests at our wedding were, too. But I would never have expected that, either. Besides, peasants are naturally generous! :)</p>
<p>I consider it vulgar. You throw a party you can afford. You invite guests with whom you’d like to celebrate a momentous occasion. If someone gives you a gift, you say thank you. The same response if a gift is large or small. Anything less is churlish. </p>
<p>Is one supposed to give cash these days rather than a carefully-chosen gift that fits within one’s budget?</p>
<p>A nice chocolate would be lovely. I’d rather have one than a piece of cake.</p>
<p>I come from Mob Wivesville and I’ve posted about this before. In the particular culture of my and my sister’s in laws one is expected to cover the plate. If the venue isn’t familiar to all, someone will make sure the plate cost is spread amongs the guests. I have only attended one wedding without a sit down dinner and never one without a full meal. Every bride either carries a money bag or something is built to hold envelopes or both.</p>
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<p>Not sure as every wedding I’ve attended, especially family weddings had a full sit-down dinner at a reception. </p>
<p>Locations ranged from both coasts and Hawaii. No one ever entertained the notion of “covering your plate”. </p>
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<p>I don’t think peasants deserve to be insulted, here. :(</p>
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<p>Exactly,Teri. It’s why this concept is ridiculous. Having had three Ds get married so far (two to go!), this cover the plate thing never occurred to us. People were invited because we and the b&g wanted them to share in the day, nothing to do with any anticipation of a gift. </p>
<p>Agree about cash bars. They’re tacky. Have what you can afford and if that’s not enough for your guests, too bad.</p>
<p>somemom, that calculator is such crap. I should have given $125 at the last wedding I went to? Uh no. I think I gave $40 because that’s what I could afford. </p>
<p>I’ve heard of the cover-the-plate thing in passing, but it’s definitely not expected or the norm. </p>
<p>hyper, just good luck with the wedding :)!</p>
<p>^^yup. We’re probably spending more on the open bar than the food (buffet dinner.) That’s just how we roll.</p>
<p>Zoos, your pm box is full. :)</p>
<p>I have never heard of this before until now. I don’t think I actually know anyone that would expect anything from us, let alone assume that we would “cover” our cost. I did however attend a Bar Mitzvah that we were expected to give a certain amount because well just because we were I had to intercept the card to put more $$ in it because he was my husbands co-worker’s son. Never went to a Bar Mitzvah again. Weddings should be a celebration with friends and family from all walks of life and there is enough to stress about then stressing about who gives what.</p>
<p>I also usually cover my plate with not so close people’s weddings, unless the wedding is over the top. With very close friends and family we give more. I have lived in the NE over 30+ years and I have heard of the concept often. I do think it is tacky to expect people to pay for anything at a wedding, which would include cash bar. For my family, any major event is always celebrated with food, so I get cranky when I am invited to a party and all I get is peanuts and cake.</p>
<p>Consolation I cleaned it out.</p>
<p>As for bars, the weddings I’ve been invited to were either open bar or dry depending on the religious observations* of the hosting family members/friends and/or budgetary considerations. </p>
<p>Only cash bar events I’ve been to were professional/academic conferences I’ve attended. </p>
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<li>Mostly evangelicals.</li>
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<p>The more I think about this the weirder it feels. You “have” a reception because you want to share that day with your friends…not because you want your friends to reimburse you for having a party? Maybe I’m an odd duck but we don’t bring anything to a wedding reception. When we get an invitation we tend to send something to the bride at her home usually a couple weeks before. If we know the bride well, we send something that we know they will like or hope they will like, if we only know the parents we send a gift card. Most of my friends do the same thing.</p>
<p>I’m trying not to think about planning my kids’ weddings, because my parents go to a strict church and do not believe you should dance or drink alcohol (the movie “Footloose” came out when I was in college and I could identify!). Argh! Maybe I can convince the three kids to elope.</p>
<p>Momofthreeboys, having a party with friends is incidental in some cultures. They want to (a) put on a show and (b) turn a profit. In that culture, sending a gift other than cash would open you to ridicule or anger. Bridal showers are in restaurants and gifts are $100 plus, but not cash. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are lavish, same with baby showers. Christening parties and first birthdays are similar to weddings.</p>
<p>I have lived most of my adult life in various western states and have attended many wedding celebrations, and perhaps 1/3 of them were sit-down dinners. And I never heard of the “cover the plate” concept until I read about it on a prior CC thread.</p>
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<p>How does that work? Seems to me that unless they sell the gift to recoup the money, they are still going to be “out of pocket.” That cash is gone and is not coming back, and the caterer will probably not accept a new toaster oven in lieu of cash to settle his bill.</p>
<p>Plus the people paying for the wedding (mostly the bride’s parents) are not the same people who will get the gifts (the newly married couple). So the parents are going to be out of pocket whether the gifts are sold off for cash or not.</p>