<p>The guests who annoyed me were the ones who RSVP’d that they were coming, and then didn’t. We had to pay for their plates, anyway.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s not a regional custom so much as an socio-economic one??? Saying that with all due respect but that perhaps it’s more of a custom with a fairly elite crowd??? </p>
<p>Have to say it does make me curious how much an elite plate IS!!!</p>
<p>While I have heard of the cover your plate and I have covered my plate, I am no less annoyed by the concept. </p>
<p>Sometimes when you take into consideration how much it will cost you to attend the wedding, especially if it is OOT after factoring in the costs (clothes, travel, hotel and a gift) I wonder would it even be worth it to attend. </p>
<p>Yes, I have declined invitations due to the cost to attend the wedding, but I did send a gift.</p>
<p>Should one still have to “cover their plate” if they are registered?</p>
<p>Growing up and living in and near NYC, many brides do not want presents, they want ONLY money. You are expected to “cover the plate”. Vulgar and does not exactly convey the solemnity of the marriage ceremony in which you wish your guests to share. Certain people look down upon you if you do not have a sit down dinner, full cocktail party and open bar. Needles to say, we have declined a number of invitations. My DD has commented to me, “why do you want all of these drunk strangers at your wedding”?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Now THAT is inconsiderate.</p>
<p>As regards your no alcohol/no dancing wedding fears: luckily, (for your sons, anyway) it is the bride’s family that will be setting the tone. :)</p>
<p>At risk of offending, it is my observation that the “cover the plate” thing and the giving of money as a wedding gift seems to emanate from Jewish and Italian social groups. Giving money–or, in the older incarnation, gold–is also the tradition in some other Mediterranean and Eastern European cultures.</p>
<p>In my inlaws culture, registration applies to shower gifts, not wedding gifts.</p>
<p>
I don’t know any parent expecting a cut from wedding presents (cash). It is more a rule of thumb of how much to give for a wedding present for people who are not close to you, like an office colleague.</p>
<p>Wedding ettiquette: a wedding reception is the first social occasion for the couple to entertain their friends and family as a married couple.
The guests should never complain or critique or do anything but smile, smile, smile and enjoy themselves.
Period.
A wedding gift is given from the heart and it’s monetary worth should not even be guessed at. It’s a gift for the newly wed couple to use to begin their life together. Period. Thank you note required.</p>
<p>That is all you need to remember.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I guess you’ve never watched 4 weddings on TLC where brides are constantly hating on each other’s wedding.</p>
<p>I like looking at my wedding gifts and remembering who gave them to us 26 1/2 years ago. The size of the gift doesn’t matter at all. I love my little coffee canister given to me by my architecture prof, a man who was a WWII pilot and later the resident architect at Williamsburg for awhile.</p>
<p>Sybbie, those were all my niece’s friends!</p>
<p>I have heard of covering-the-plate, and my impression is that it is merely a guideline intended to help the giver decide what to give, not an expectation of the betrotheds. If you are going to be enjoying a $100 per plate dinner with entertainment, which you could have afforded to pay for yourself, it makes sense that you might feel that the hosts are deserving of something of similar value in return. The idea is not something people should become indignant about.</p>
<p>Yes zoosermom that is the only thing I can conclude - that it is cultural. H and I are odd ducks, though, in that we put at the bottom of our invitations to our wedding reception (the wedding was private) No gifts please. And we also put that on the invites to our sons’ high school graduation “parties.” I would feel worse about inviting someone to something where they would fret about “how much” and it would make me feel odd to invite someone to a party and expect something in return…of course some people always give something even when you tell them not to, but at least they do it because they want to not because they feel compelled to or they feel like they have to calculate or “guess” how much to give.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>A reason to be thankful for not having cable! :)</p>
<p>Weddings are so expensive. I would much rather a bride and groom save their hard-earned money (or that of their parents) for a down payment on a house. It seems to me there is a lot more stress in wedding planning these days. The whole idea of inviting people to a wedding should be for them to share in the joyous occasion, not keeping tabs on who “covered their plate”. >>>>>>>></p>
<p>I agree with you. It has become a huge moneymaking business and lots of hype with those crazy shows on TV. Like on “Say Yes to the Dress”…I love to watch it to see the gorgeous gowns…even they say the AVERAGE cost of a wedding dress is $800 in this country. Yet…on that show, bride after bride trot in and spend thousands for a dress they wear one time.
My middle son is getting married in October and believe me, it will NOT be one of these over the top weddings. We’re all keeping it as simple as possible as we aren’t rich people and they need their hard earned money for real things.</p>
<p>I just know that if you were to ask a group of people “How much would I be expected to give as a gift?” the majority would say “Enough so they aren’t out of pocket for having graciously included you in their wedding.”>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>No, no, no, a thousand times NO! You are wrong. Period. The answer to the question is “however much you desire to give from the heart”.</p>
<p>Vabluebird, some of us have to make the best of cultures that operate differently.</p>
<p>Some people, like me, like to buy wedding gifts, and like giving gifts that the couple wants from their registry. I am happy to spend enough to “cover the plate,” even though it is not obligatory, and I like it that the couple, like Mainelonghorn, may think of me for years as a result of my gift.</p>
<p>I think a lot of people have been invited to weddings that they wouldn’t know why they were invited in the first place. So how much would they desire to give from the heart?</p>
<p>By cover-the-plate logic, a young couple who needs everything, married in a church hall with a reception of cake and punch (the wedding of the longest-married friends of mine) would get little gifts, while a thirty-something professional couple who has wealthy parents and needs nothing, but celebrates with an expensive urban sit-down dinner and open bar, should get extravagant gifts. How does that make sense?</p>
<p>People should have the wedding they want and can afford. If someone is going to care more about the size of my gift than having me share their joy, that’s a wedding I don’t need to attend.</p>
<p>MaineLonghorn, I like looking at our wedding gifts, too, and most of my favorites were not expensive.</p>