<p>having a party with friends is incidental in some cultures. They want to (a) put on a show and (b) turn a profit. In that culture, sending a gift other than cash would open you to ridicule or anger. Bridal showers are in restaurants and gifts are $100 plus, but not cash. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are lavish, same with baby showers. Christening parties and first birthdays are similar to weddings. >>>>>>>>>>>></p>
<p>Holy cow! I sure hope I don’t know any in that “culture”.</p>
<p>buenavista,
An expensive wedding gift “covers the plate” of an inexpensive wedding, too.</p>
<p>Well, we are only inviting people who know exactly why they are invited–because they know and love the couple and/or close family. </p>
<p>I think it’s a class-thing only in an imagined wannabe sense–I don’t really think that a thumbnail that tells you according to price what you give shows actual class at all, from either point of view.</p>
<p>Quote:</p>
<p>The guests should never complain or critique or do anything but smile, smile, smile and enjoy themselves. Period. </p>
<p>I guess you’ve never watched 4 weddings on TLC where brides are constantly hating on each other’s wedding. >>>>></p>
<p>yes, I’ve seen it and I cringe. I think it’s really bad form. LOL.</p>
<p>I think a lot of people have been invited to weddings that they wouldn’t know why they were invited in the first place. So how much would they desire to give from the heart? >>>>>></p>
<p>Well, call me silly,but if I had to wonder why I was invited, I would decline the invitation.</p>
<p>Exactly–among the people I know, weddings are a personal gathering, not a business endeavor.</p>
<p>Hm, garland I was thinking declasse unless it’s a specific cultural thing that everyone expects and then I can sort of “get it.” My godparents gave me a pair of sterling silver candlesticks when I got married and then a sterling baby cup and spoon for each boy. All have dings and bangs and I used the cups and still use the candlesticks and treasure them so much. Money would have been a distance and forgotten memory of some very special days.</p>
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<p>I would suggest that in that case you decline and send nothing.</p>
<p>If you are feeling benevolent for some reason, look at the online registry and pick something modest.</p>
<p>If people are referring to the “cover-the-plate” idea, I don’t think it is intended to help “classless” people appear classy. I think it is just a guide for inexperienced wedding-goers, to help them make an appropriate reciprocal decision. Don’t know how much to spend? Then spend at least as much as you would have paid for that nice experience, if you can afford it. Most people I know don’t expect others who are not financially able, to give extravagant gifts. I feel fortunate that I don’t (think I) have friends like that.</p>
<p>Bay,Thanks. You said it well.</p>
<p>The “cover the plate” rule is really just a guideline for wedding goers. It’s not something the bride and groom rely upon when inviting people.</p>
<p>After playing with the wedding calculator, it seems I should have contributed $115 towards my friend’s wedding in the summer of 2011. </p>
<p>Judging by my gift to the couple and the dubious pleasure of my company…looks like I covered my plate and then some, but who cares about counting among good friends. :)</p>
<p>The cover your plate idea is so new and alien to me. Probably influences from my extended family where the mere notion would strike us as declasse, mercenary in the most tacky sense, and extremely entitled on the part of the hosting families/couple.</p>
<p>Congratulations, hyperJulie! I wish you a wonderful wedding day and a happy marriage.</p>
<p>I love choosing wedding presents and always do so using the registry. I buy something they chose and that I also like. This is probably because I loved my wedding presents and still think about special people when I use the gift given 30+ years ago. I have never considered the ‘cover the plate’ idea. We only attend weddings of family and close friends, and I’m sure our gifts exceed the cost of our dinner/drinks, but I’ve never thought about it until now. If it is a business friend, I usually send my regrets and send a gift to the bride’s home.</p>
<p>How special is a gift from the registry? You are letting the couple know exactly how much you spent and you are picking out something they chose. So why not just give them cash? To me a special meaningful gift is something I spend time to choose. One can only choose a special gift when one knows someone very well.</p>
<p>If it’s good enough for Emily Post, it’s good enough for me. I couldn’t agree with her more.</p>
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<p>Consolation, I am Jewish and the “cover the plate” thing is entirely foreign to me and to my family, so I would argue that you are perhaps mistaken in that regard. It is true that my grandparents gave us money in addition to our silver, since we were graduate students, but other family members gave us gifts.</p>
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<p>Agreed. However, in an world where people are more open about not liking someone’s gift and returns it, this may serve as a good compromise. </p>
<p>Personally, it was a great help with my friend’s wedding in the summer of 2011 as I knew which gifts would be liked by BOTH members of the couple. And it worked judging by how much use the gift I gave them is getting from their FB postings/conversations. </p>
<p>Cash as a gift? </p>
<p>Seems like something only the wealthiest members of the eldest generations would do(friends’ weddings) and wouldn’t fly with my extended family(Too tacky and openly mercenary in their view).</p>
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<p>I guess this couple (groom’s mother’s friends) doesn’t have heart. They were out of town guests from Canada, spent much more on themselves, including 2 golf outings, one at a world famous golf course (green fees were $495pp plus cart), accepted a wine tasting outing, rehearsal dinner, wedding and after wedding brunch (all free for them) and gave the wedding couple $100.</p>
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<p>Some people are just plain cheap!!</p>
<p>oldfort, someone may choose to figure out how much you spent from a registry, but you are NOT “letting them know.”</p>
<p>The page linked by EPTR sums it up nicely, IMHO.</p>
<p>cbreeze, it sounds as if this particular couple decided to go to the wedding and combine it with a personal vacation. They probably didn’t realize that someone would be keeping a beady eye on their personal expenditures, and complaining that they accepted invitations to wine tastings and other events without coughing up an appropriate admissions fee.</p>
<p>Perhaps the bridal family should have simply billed their “guests.”</p>
<p>Giving money is a tradition in Greek and Turkish weddings but not for covering the plate so no minimum requirement.
Covering the plate is something I learned on cc and did see in evidence at a wedding I attended where bride and groom were investment banker/cpa. Their guests not only included family and friends but business colleagues of grooms parents. It was a large sit down wedding with wine and full bar (free). It seems to be more of a socio-economic thing rather than a geographic thing.</p>
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There is no figuring out here, the couple picked out those gifts, they knew how much each item cost. Of course we could have a complete different thread to discuss how some couples could choose gifts only cost over $xxx.</p>