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<p>No one would have known their expenditures had they not bragged about it. No one said anything about the proper “admissions fee.” But if you think people give based on their heart and ability,and the gift is appropriate, then you have a problem.</p>
<p>A few guests who came out of town gave no gifts. Their presence was enough. But these guests could not afford $495 green fees.</p>
<p>After reading this thread, I hope my DD elopes.</p>
<p>cbreeze, you didn’t originally say that they “bragged” about it. Although, frankly, I would not be surprised to hear that they simply remarked that they had golfed at course X, and someone did the math. Or even that they remarked–unwisely, obviously–that they were stunned that the greens fees were that high. Or maybe, perhaps most likely, they just are indeed ostentatious jerks. In which case they are well matched in the “heart” department with their account-keeping hosts, who are keenly aware whether guests gave “enough.”</p>
<p>This just reminded me of my sibling’s MIL. The woman inherited something on the order of $25million. When I got married, she chose to sent me some of the silver I registered for, and also managed to send along via familial back-channel the message that it was “expensive.” I registered for silver because I already had a lot of china that I had bought myself, as well as other household stuff. I didn’t expect people to buy place settings. A fork or a spoon would be nice. IF–and that’s a big if–they chose to buy any of it at all. I certainly didn’t expect it. I mostly registered because friends asked me to. I also had a very small wedding, did almost all of it myself, and didn’t invite this woman or send her or anyone else an announcement or anything that could have been construed as a gift extraction. Some people are just very weird around this whole thing.</p>
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<p>Jonri is right, your claws are out tonight. I guess you didn’t read about other guests who didn’t gift at all and no one cared.</p>
<p>Someone slap me but I think $100 is a very generous and very nice wedding gift regardless of your gross adjusted income. Am I living on the far side of the moon?</p>
<p>So why did you–or whoever it was–care so much about this particular duo? Why did you complain about their accepting invitations to wine-tastings and so forth but not giving enough? Sure, maybe this couple is cheap. But it is extremely unbecoming to make an issue of it.</p>
<p>It’s funny but every time there is a wedding-related thread, and there have been many in the several years I’ve been on CC, the discussion invariably becomes contentious. Kind of a shame when they should be such a joyous occasion.</p>
<p>I feel the same, alwaysamom. Funny to read all of the "d</p>
<p>Momofthreeboys…I think I’m your neighbor on the moon! Nice to meet you.
Signed,
Another Momofthreeboys</p>
<p>Firstly, thanks for the well-wishes!</p>
<p>momofthreeboys - I have a summer home on the moon. Don’t let that get around though. People might think I’m cheap when I come to their weddings!</p>
<p>I am always surprised about the contentiousness that surrounds weddings, as well, and while this thread was about gifts from guests, people seem equally enthusiastic about judging the weddings, too. Spend too much, you are terrible with money. Spend too little, you are cheap. Do something out of the box, it is tacky. Do nothing out of the ordinary, and it is boring and cookie-cutter. </p>
<p>I’m a people pleaser by nature and I’m coming to terms with the reality that I just can’t make everybody happy with my choices. No matter what I do somebody will find something to complain about it and I wish it wasn’t like that. I’m even guilty of it to a certain extent so I’m not saying it from my high horse, either (however I have only done so in response to one wedding where there was clearly no thought to making the guests comfortable, not that it makes it much better but that’s my excuse).</p>
<p>Julie, just make your wedding what you and your fiance want and don’t worry about anyone else. No one else matters … it’s all about you and your future hubby! The perfect wedding is the one upon which you and he decide. Best wishes!</p>
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Yes, alwaysamom, I agree. </p>
<p>oldfort - i like to choose something the couple will like (and use) and something I like. The brides and grooms I know have registered for a wide variety (and price range) of gifts. Sometimes I am even lucky enough to shop during a sale. :)</p>
<p>hyperJulie - Joy and happiness and a placesetting of china - my virtual gifts to you.</p>
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<p>Have a wonderful wedding. Echo those who say have the wedding you want and don’t mind those of us in the peanut gallery too much. :D</p>
<p>My daughter and her boyfriend want to be married but they don’t want to get married, if you see the distinction. So they’re going to the courthouse on Friday. No plates to cover. That’s who they are and they are happy.</p>
<p>One thing I find interesting about this thread is the assumption that people who are not close to the happy couple nevertheless want to attend the wedding. Why? If I don’t know them I don’t want to go.</p>
<p>Count me in the “cover the plate = atrocious” category. </p>
<p>Weddings are to celebrate the happy couple. The couple should have whatever reception they want and can afford. The idea is to have friends and family around them who love and appreciate them and share in their joy. The couple should invite only those guests whose presence is truly desired. It is the couple’s job to stay within their budget.</p>
<p>The guest is there to celebrate the couple. They should give whatever gift they can afford. Period. </p>
<p>The implication of “cover your plate” seems to be “we only want you if your present is good enough.” :/</p>
<p>Wellspring, my dd and her husband did the same thing. Later on, we had a party to celebrate the marriage and had a lot of fun. Lot less stress especially on the bride and groom who hate to be in the spotlight. And no worries about covering the plate!</p>
<p>Everyone has their own tastes and the wedding should be what the bride and groom want. We are not “big wedding” people. My daughter’s very casual beach wedding was a party of about 24 in total including the bride and groom (about 14 more than I had at my wedding). It was wonderful. My best friend’s daughter’s wedding is going to be huge - 300+ people some of whom she has never met. Would be my (and my daughter’s) idea of a total nightmare, but it is her dream wedding. To each their own.</p>
<p>S and DIL had a civil ceremony in August and will have a celebration party for ~70 this coming summer. I do not expect they will register anywhere (they are horrified at the idea and have threatened to create a UChicago Scav Hunt-style list instead) and do not care if their guests cannot bring gifts. They are footing the bill for a decent number of their friends/family to attend, plus the vast majority of the celebration expenses. </p>
<p>They are viewing this as a celebration they are hosting so they can share their happiness with the people who mean the most to them. Their emphasis has been on making sure folks have a good time vs. impressing people with a big, expensive shindig. </p>
<p>We still have a fair number of our wedding gifts, 29 years on. None of them were terribly expensive (no silver), but they are things we use often and we fondly remember the givers, some of whom are no longer with us. Used our crockpot from DH’s grandmother and great aunt last night, in fact! (and also noticed we only own four matching wine glasses…which were also a wedding gift, and tells you how often we drink!)</p>
<p>I find the idea of extending an invitation to someone with any expectations attached at all to be shocking. It’s a celebration. Now, as a guest, I would do my best, what I could afford.</p>
<p>I watched one of those wedding planning shows where a young couple was planning a large wedding but really couldn’t afford it. The girl’s thinking was that guests would hopefully “cover the plate” and the envelopes with cash would pay for the whole thing. It was like watching a train wreck.</p>