Wedding etiquette

Parent Cafe
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<p>I held an engagement party for my brother four years ago. I was completely taken aback at how much beer & wine was consumed and how little hard alcohol. I think if we had mixed a speciality cocktail, then it would have been consumed, but I don’t know that its absence would have been noticed. Wine can easily cost more per serving than a mixed drink, but you can also waste a lot of money outfitting a hard bar. It depends on the number of guests. </p>

<p>Re: hiring college students. Is there a college nearby that holds its reunion? I know that mine is always around June 7th, and some students stay in the area to work at graduation and then a week later, to work at reunion. Of course, if wedding is same date as reunion, not a good idea.</p>

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<p>I assumed beer and wine would be cheaper than cocktails. There are some good inexpensive wines now. Could Julie purchase them herself and find a bartender?</p>

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<p>nottelling - I am kind of working out how much the coordinator would cost. One is offering $25 per hour, but she seems very inexperienced. The other is very experienced but her price for day-of coordinating starts at $800. </p>

<p>CT1417 - I’ll look into that. There are two colleges in the town proper and several within a reasonable radius. I know my original wedding date had to be pushed back a week because one of the schools was having their commencement on the same weekend and all hotels were booked solid. </p>

<p>Also, I may have figured out how I can trim the budget, though I’m a little unsure of the wording on the catering contract. So, I may be able to switch caterer from the current barbeque place to another that is less well known, but also delicious and cheaper. The question is whether I can get my deposit back from the first place. It says that they need two months notice in writing (not a problem) and are happy to refund if the event is cancelled? Does that suggest I can cancel their catering or is it kind of a sympathy if the wedding is off kind of scenario? It will only be worth my while if I can get the deposit back. (And then the differential in price can be used to hire the coordinator.)</p>

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<p>I just pulled up my notes from a fundraiser I did in Sept, trying to look up how much we paid for wine. (Wine was donated and we paid a corkage fee to the club.) I forgot that we had served keg beer. At a yacht club, served by waiters in full uniforms, but everyone was happy with keg beer. We had bottled beer as an option, but it wasn’t requested. </p>

<p>From my college days, I think a domestic keg is about the equivalent of seven cases of beer. May not be worth the hassle unless you have a large crowd of beer drinkers. Your local liquor store can deliver a keg, tub, tap and bags of ice along with the wine delivery.</p>

<p>How many guests will you have and what is the age distribution?</p>

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<p>bethievt - I didn’t see your response until just now. I was planning on just doing beer and wine. My father used to work at a different grocery store where he had an employee discount, so my brother used that to purchase the alcohol for his wedding. I was probably going to use the calculator someone linked to in order to determine the alcohol I was going to provide. We will be purchasing ourselves and hiring a bartender. I have a couple leads on bartenders but need to get in contact. </p>

<p>A keg might really be an option. We are having somewhere from 80-100 guests and many of them are beer drinkers. We also have a good number of people who would prefer wine. The age distribution is infancy to 80s. The vast majority of guests are of age, but a significant subset of those don’t drink or drink much. Those who don’t drink much are probably more than offset by those who drink heavily.</p>

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<p>I’ve never ordered a keg, but I’ve heard they are cost-efficient. Stay tuned here and you’ll get better opinions. I’ll say again that some of the more inexpensive wines seem to be really popular now. I know you’ll have a beautiful wedding. I come to the Cafe for everything. Some might think I’m nuts, but these are the people I trust. If you find a better site, go for it, but you can always hang out here. I doubt a wedding thread will ever be shut down.</p>

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<p>I totally agree. I’ve come here for advice on so many different topics, it’s mind-boggling. Perhaps I will consult the thread on good, cheap house wines. I know my mother is a huge fan of a dry white riesling that’s about $10 for a bottle. </p>

<p>Also, good news, that may solve many of my problems! I just found out that the museum will set up the tables and chairs for a $150 fee. That means if I can even get a couple of people to help, I can get the centerpieces and stuff put together without springing for the planner. We’ll have a floor plan in advance, and I will also make a mockup of the setup and take photos for reference for whoever is doing the decorating. Now that the heavy lifting is out of it, I’m sure my SIL, mother, his mother, and his sister will be able to handle this. </p>

<p>Thanks so much for all of the continued advice.</p>

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<p>That is excellent news about the table set-up!!! Will they break them down also? Finding help at the end of the night will not be the problem it is at set-up time and perhaps if you just toss your bouquet and depart in your ‘just married’ car, then your friends and relatives will work together.</p>

<p>I aslo think that the relatives will enjoy setting out the linens and flowers now that the heavy lifting is out of the way.</p>

<p>You can definitely serve wine that is $10/bottle. I would go further and say you can buy those 1.5 liters that sell for $14 or so. A regular 750ml bottle of wine pours five glasses as long as your bartender does not have a heavy hand. (My other brother was bartending at my brother’s engagement party and he poured HUGE glasses.) You are aiming for a five ounce pour so if you are ordering rental glasses (haven’t read back far enough), order the smallest you can find. The rental places want to rent you a one size water/red/white glass but if you can find a nine ounce, less wine will be wasted. </p>

<p>Dare I ask about the photos or was that all resolved earlier?</p>

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<p>I think if you pay the rental company to set up the room you will not need a coordinator. The rental company will do a floor plan for you and they can set it up in accordance with the floor plan. You are not going to find a better solution than that. When I suggested in my mega-post that you might need a coordinator, I was thinking that you’d have a bunch of friends standing around needing direction, and having to set up the room in an hour without a plan. The rental company’s availability seems to have solved that problem. Also, in saying that you might need a coordinator, I was thinking about the $25 per hour person. I seriously do not think you should pay $800 to a wedding coordinator given the scale of your wedding. You are almost done, and the logistics of the day are not that complicated now that you have a relatively inexpensive way to set up the room.</p>

<p>How much are you going to save by switching caterers? If you are familiar with the one you selected and know others that have used them, I wouldn’t start switching to another company without a VERY good reason. I think you said that the current caterer is charging $15 per person (plus tax and mandatory service). That is an excellent price and I think it would be a mistake to try to get that down much more. You will drive yourself crazy if you start re-thinking these sorts of decisions. Plus, people will appreciate good food more than details. </p>

<p>If you are going to shop around, shop around for rentals. Those are more fungible than the food. </p>

<p>How much do you need to cut out of the budget?</p>

<p>What is it that you are still worried about in terms of logistics? Could you perhaps barter with other couples who are holding weddings in the same space? Volunteer to help set up their space if they help on your wedding day? I’m not sure that the venue would share information about other couples with events scheduled, but if you could find that out, that might be a plan. </p>

<p>I think you said that you were planning on renting flatware, and that you were resistant to not having spoons. But by cutting out spoons, you will have almost paid for the rental company’s fees to set up the venue!</p>

<p>I think you should take a deep breath, make a list of what you’ve done and what remains to be done, write up your timeline, and STAY OFF PINTEREST.</p>

<p>Finally, have the invitations or Save the Date cards gone out? One way to deal with budget issues is to consider whether your guest list could be trimmed a bit. </p>

<p>EDIT: Posted this before I saw that the museum would do it for $150. Of course, go with the museum!!! And, in asking relatives to help, DON’T EXPECT THEM TO SAY YES; BE EXTREMELY GRATEFUL TO THOSE WHO WANT TO HELP BUT GRACIOUSLY ACCEPT THAT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT NOT WANT TO. I think this is an important thing to learn.<br>
You don’t have to respond to these questions; they are just things to think about as you move forward. </p>

<p>Good luck!!!</p>

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<p>If I can get the museum to set up according to the floor plan, and I can have photographs of the mockups, I think relatives outside of the bridal party SHOULD be able to handle the setup without me or the bridal party. If it’s not perfectly in line with my “vision” I won’t be upset or heartbroken. In fact, I trust the above people to do it better/more wisely than I would. I should add my little brother to that list. He used to rearrange my shelves when we were kids because when I did it they looked bad. Now he’s in school to be a civil engineer. :slight_smile: ← Proud big sister.</p>

<p>So that would solve the photograph puzzle.</p>

<p>As for the caterer, what happened to me there was that I realized, going back over the contract, that they added an additional service fee to the tune of 2 dollars per plate that I wasn’t accounting for. There is no such fee for the other caterer. I have also attended a wedding that they catered and the food was fabulous. The only reason I went with the other place was because they were willing to re-rack the plates, but then that fee ended up being pretty ridiculous anyway. The other place had never encountered this though and was willing to work with me on it. I’m really kicking myself on this one. I would anticipate saving between five and seven hundred dollars by switching to the other caterer.</p>

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<p>One final comment: I am a big wine aficionado; I’ve traveled to Burgundy, Alsace and the Loire Valley on wine tasting trips, and when having intimate dinner parties with other wine lovers, I will happily share $50-$100 bottles with my friends. But when I’m having a big party, I look for a wine in the $7 per bottle range! $10 a bottle is way too much!!! Especially with BBQ!! Just IMHO.</p>

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<p>A little side bar for nottelling, please: I’d like to benefit from your expertise and ask what wines you would serve in the $7 to $10 range. I’m guessing it’s difficult for an aficionado to ‘settle’ for wine in that range, but thought I’d ask.</p>

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<p>I am not a wine expert by any means, but I think the Barefoot wines are good and are about $7 per bottle, sometimes on sale for less and I’m guessing if bought in bulk could be even cheaper. This is not a wine tasting event. Julie will want something pleasant for her guests, but most people won’t notice much what they are drinking. A number of blind taste test studies have found that most people prefer the taste of some of the less expensive wine anyway. I also think that a champagne toast does not need expensive champagne.</p>

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<p>Do you have a Trader Joe’s nearby? Really, it’s good enough, $3/bottle.</p>

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<p>I agree with Notelling on the wine issue: $10 per bottle is WAY too much to spend for an event like this.</p>

<p>I would point out that Consumer Reports recently did a thing on wines, and one of the best buys was Charles Shaw Merlot–ONLY the Merlot–from Trader Joe’s, aka “2 Buck Chuck.” I think that the actual price these days is about $2.59, but I would seriously think about going with that as your red. (To give you some idea, people I know who like red wine and normally drink bottles in the $12-16 range as everyday wines have been pleasantly surprised by this Merlot.) For white, I would go with one of the standards: Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc, and something along the lines of Barefoot would be fine. You should get a case discount from any purveyor, and most of them will allow returns and give you refunds for unopened bottles.</p>

<p>It is highly unlikely that there will be many wine experts among your guests, and they will not expect expensive wines at a wedding (especially with barbecue).</p>

<p>For a sparkling wine, don’t overlook the possibility of Prosecco</p>

<p>Re glasses: when I give a big party (50+), I always rent the same glasses. It’s a water glass with a short stem that can be used for beer, wine, water, and soft drinks with ice. Just make sure that your bartender knows how much to pour. I would consider placing water glasses at every place and pitchers of ice water on every table.</p>

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<p>nottelling - Of course I wouldn’t expect these people to say yes. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t be offended. These are just people I know to be likely helpers. In the case of my brother an sister in law, brother, my dad, and I all came the day before to set up their reception space. Some among that list have also already volunteered in this capacity. </p>

<p>We don’t have a Trader Joe’s around either. I’d say the only big discount store we have in the vicinity is Sam’s Club. I’ve heard about the two buck Chuck before. Any cheap dry white wines? I know that’s what my parents like. I personally hate wine and beer (though technically beer has not been given a fair shot because I haven’t tried any “nice” beers) so I have no clue where to start here. If I served what I liked everybody would be drinking Arnold Palmer lemonade ice tea. </p>

<p>In lieu of a champagne toast, I was planning on doing sparkling grape juice. And telling everyone what it is too, because I noticed a relative who is a recovering alcoholic did not drink it at my brother’s wedding, and he did the same thing.</p>

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<p>I think a sparkling grape juice toast is a great idea. Even the kids could do it. The people who want to drink will have other opportunities.</p>

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<p>Hi Beil1958 – in response to your question about wines in the under $10 range, here’s a good place to start:</p>

<p>[K&L</a> Wine Merchants - Search Results](<a href=“K&L Wine Merchants - Search Results”>K&L Wine Merchants - Search Results)</p>

<p>EDIT: Oops, the link didn’t work correctly. On that site navigate to “under $10” and “top picks” and there are a bunch of interesting wines in the $7 to $10 range. </p>

<p>I like to try new things and I generally go to a wine shop I trust and ask for recommendations. There are almost always new and interesting things in stock in that range. (Just to reiterate, these are not suggestions for Julie’s wedding because they are too expensive. I agree with suggestions above.)</p>

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<p>Can I suggest Lindeman’s Bin #<em>. (It comes in different bin #s.) Right now, you can buy #65 for $6-8 a bottle. We had bin #63 at my kid’s wedding a few years ago. Many of bride & groom’s friends know a lot about wine and this is their “go to” wine for events. See
<a href=“Wine Store - The Wine Buyer”>Wine Store - The Wine Buyer; and <a href=“http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/r/products/lindemans-bin-65-chardonnay-2011?utm”>http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/r/products/lindemans-bin-65-chardonnay-2011?utm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;source=VersaFeed&utm&lt;em&gt;medium=WineFeed&lt;/em&gt;amazon&utm&lt;em&gt;content=2011+Lindemans+Bin+65+Chardonnay+750ml&utm&lt;/em&gt;campaign=product_ads&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Another inexpensive wine I like is Rawson’s. <a href=“http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/results?id=y79gMQWn[/url]”>http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/results?id=y79gMQWn&lt;/a&gt; I have a friend whose last name was Rawson. It was served at my friend’s memorial service. That crowd was also heavily wine drinkers and nobody complained. A lot of people actually thought the family had some connection to the winery. It doesn’t. </p>

<p>A third is Fat ■■■■■■■–<a href=“http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/results[/url]”>http://www.ultimatewineshop.com/results&lt;/a&gt;
That’s a bit more expensive though.</p>

<p>If the links don’t work,just type the name in the search box.</p>

<p>Since your parents like white wine, I’d suggest you have them try the first two, without telling them the price, and see if they like them. Remember that you’ll bring the price down by buying by the case.</p>

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<p>I’m reading the latest posts with interest. My niece is getting married in ~18 months (they want a house first) and the planning is starting.
When I was married, we had Jordan almonds in tulle and matchbooks. I never thought of them as favors, per se, just what everyone did here back in the 80s. </p>

<p>For my wedding and for those of 3 of my 4 sisters, they were do it ourselves affairs. We had friends help with set up/take down and hired some HS girls to do serving and cleanup. As long as the wedding is later in the day and you don’t have major hair/makeup/manicure appts, it can be done.</p>

<p>I’d love to have a nice chocolate as a favor (If Consolation is who I think she is, I have had her website bookmarked as a possibility for a future wedding treat for a few years now.)</p>

<p>The place my niece has booked charges $10/bottle corkage, so she is limited to their selection. Columbia Crest Two Vines bottlings are usually decent and run under $10. I wouldn’t go with the 2 buck chuck for the reason that it’s made of leftovers from various wineries and the quality changes constantly. What might be ok today is bound to be a completely different bottle in a couple of months. Chowhound wine board often has a thread on inexpensive wines for weddings/celebrations. Given your choice of bbq (love it!), there are probably some ideas there. A sparkling goes with everything (and Barefoot Bubbly is really pretty nice for the price).
A couple of local wineries have started to “bottle” in growlers and mini-kegs for weddings and so forth.</p>