<p>Since Consolation managed to do so much herself, I think that she is Martha Stewart, or the equivalent. I wouldn’t think of trying to set things up myself, on the day of the wedding. For that, you need aunts, uncles, cousins, possibly brothers (if they are not members of the wedding party), other relatives, friends, or a wedding planner/organizer. You will have plenty to think about the day of the wedding without that (despite Consolation’s comment about the mani/pedicure).</p>
<p>Sorry for such a long post! I was waiting for comments on a document I had circulated at work and went a little overboard thinking about Julie’s wedding. See what happens to us parents after our child’s college applications are submitted – I have an excess of obsessive energy. :)</p>
<p>I have only read the past couple of pages so I am probably missing some details that were previously addressed. I agree with much of what nottelling wrote. If you could be sure of the capability of the wedding planner, I would try to find the money to hire one, but I sense that you don’t have any first hand knowledge of the local options. Would the museum have a suggestion? It will be incredibly stressful to try to do this yourself or even to rely on a good friend. </p>
<p>Re: flowers. Agree about hydrangeas in pots. If you have Costco near you, they take orders for cut flowers and they often have gorgeous hydrangeas, but in plastic pots, so you will need to cover. I don’t know where you are located, growing season-wise, but peonies are in full bloom on June 1st–in CT at least. If you had a friend or neighbor with access to lots of peony bushes, two or three blooms in a short glass vase would look lovely in ladies’ bathroom, on cake table, place card table, etc. (as accents).</p>
<p>If hydrangeas become too complicated, what about floating one large bloom (orchid maybe–something flat and open) in one of those flat, round bowl-vase things. </p>
<p>Linen rentals—call around and call far away, if the wedding is in a high-priced area. We rented linens from an hour up the shore for a fundraiser in Sept. We saved half the price, even when adding in shipping costs. Don’t forget linens for bars and serving tables (am sure you would not) and table toppers on diagonal can add splash of color on serving tables.</p>
<p>Someone mentioned in an earlier post about hiring college students by the hour. I think that will be great for set-up and take-down but you will still need an overseer. Having napkins & cutlery on tables makes room look more decorated as first guests arrive. We used wired ribbon tied around napkin/cutlery as napkin ring. I forget exact measurements—perhaps 18 inches to tie, knot, and leave ends hanging. Again to Costco for 50 yards of ribbon for $7.
Easy task to delegate to ‘hired’ help, and you can cut the ribbon weeks in advance. I think we alternated two colors of napkins, each with different ribbon. (It was a Blues & BBQ event but held at a yacht club, so we were trying to push the theme however we could.)</p>
<p>Task you can easily hand off to friend is the photo list. You probably have a list of ‘must have’ photos and it is best if a friend maintains that list to ensure that all groups are captured. </p>
<p>I don’t know what time of day this event will be held but if after dark, may want to buy up any remaining white Christmas lights while you can still find them. (If I read all the way back, I would learn what your decorating limitations are, but for now, I just thought of how we wrapped dozens of strands around columns in a loft I rented for a party in NYC many moons ago.)</p>
<p>I am now rambling, so will stop. Looking forward to hearing about this.</p>
<p>I would ask your contact person at the museum how other couples handle the setup and cleanup there. Right now, the details of table dressing or favors don’t matter. You will work all that out as the budget permits and it will be fine. You need to focus on logistics and come up with a timeline of what needs to be done to set up the room. You and your mother and bridal party will be too busy to be directly involved in the setup. From what you have described, I don’t think this is all beyond the abilities of a trusted friend to manage, with the assistance of muscle to set up the tables if the museum or rental company doesn’t do that for you. Don’t be discouraged, what you have planned is a pretty straightforward event and you will work it out.</p>
<p>Logistics: in my experience, four people can set up a venue in about an hour. Two strong people to set up tables and chairs, one person to do tablecloths and place settings, the last to do centerpieces. An overseer is not necessary if directions are very clear (diagrams of table placement are very useful) and the four are reasonably competent adults.</p>
<p>QuantMech, I think you misunderstood me. I am not recommending that Julie attempt to do every single thing herself. To the contrary. Did I not say that she has to ask for help from friends and relatives?</p>
<p>I would also point out that my wedding only had 50 people. Like Julie, I was on a budget. But yeah, since you are so offended by my comment about mani-pedis–and I should have added professional hair and makeup–having done almost everything myself, while working a full time job in another state, I really cannot figure out what people who have vendors doing everything for them have to do. Obsessing about ultimately unnecessary things, is my guess. Anxiety, quite understandably, expands to fill the time available. 
</p>
<p>Oh, and I’ll take that Martha Stewart remark as a compliment. You’re right.</p>
<p>ElectronBlue, good idea about asking the venue people what others have done.</p>
<p>Regarding Costco, didn’t Julie say there wasn’t one around there?</p>
<p>Julie, something that you should consider is that a lot of people amp up the pressure on brides because it means they make more $$. MANY vendors–limo companies, for example–raise their prices as soon as they find out the rental is for a wedding. People tell brides that they MUST purchase this service or that, and actively discourage them from doing anything themselves. For that matter, constantly referring to the woman as a “bride” --as if that were her profession–is part of the hype. </p>
<p>In my business, I do the opposite. I charge brides wholesale, not retail, for the truffles, and I charge them exactly what I pay for the packaging with no markup. I add a modest amount for the time required to package the favors. It isn’t smart business, but it bothers me how people are lining up to rip off couples getting married. I can assure you that when favors are ordered by an event planner, they jack up the price and make more money on them than I do.</p>
<p>I really feel like a committee of CC moms needs to just make the trip and get things done.</p>
<p>Glad I eloped!</p>
<p>Perhaps the museum contact person could put you in touch with another bride who used the venue. You could ask about their setup and what they found successful and also what they would do differently given the chance.</p>
<p>zoosermom–you are correct! Where is the wedding? I haven’t been following this closely enough to recall the location.</p>
<p>Consolation—re: Costco. Yes, some of my suggestions are probably off-base since I have not been following the thread. Just popped in to add what are perhaps useless suggestions! </p>
<p>Will the wedding take place close to the home of a close family friend who has cutting gardens? Flowers are one thing that can be handed off to a friend as most of the work can safely be completed the day before, especially if oasis is used. Or, simple glass vases from the dollar store can also be wonderful as long as flowers are arranged properly.</p>
<p>I am digressing again to details when larger components still need to be addressed.</p>
<p>Sop14’s mom–while I agree that the set-up (and break down) could be handled by a small number of competent adults, I fear there are too many moving pieces that someone will need to coordinate during the event itself so that the bride is not besieged by questions.</p>
<p>Re, Consolation, #446–Sorry, I realize that you did recommend help. The Martha Stewart comment was intended as a compliment! You seem to me to be “Superwoman.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t really that I was offended by the comment about the manicure/pedicure. Actually, I have never had a manicure in my life and have the hands to prove it! Still, I felt that my wedding day was full enough with the few events in it ahead of the wedding itself. This might vary, depending on the time of day the wedding was scheduled. As mentioned above, we had a quite simple reception. But I would not have had the time to decorate the tables in the church’s fellowship hall ahead of the wedding! Just keeping my mother calm was time-consuming enough!</p>
<p>I don’t think you need a wedding planner, but I do agree with Consolation, don’t be afraid to ask for help. I got married in August having been engaged in May and had a wedding with 100 guests. Maybe expectations were lower in my day, and I’ll admit I had less to worry about regarding the catering since the food was cooked on the premises, but otherwise, we did the decorating, took care of the flowers, blew up all the balloons. We got married at 6 pm and I remember it being a pretty busy day, but we got it all done.</p>
<p>Ask for help, as earlier suggested. And have at one person in charge of the set for the reception. It will make things easier. Lots of willing hands are great…as long as there is someone to give them something to do. Your SIL (babysitter on site if needed), your brother or a trusted, capable friend. Diagrams are good. </p>
<p>I really like the idea of asking the museum how others handle set up. They may have an easy solution we haven’t thought of…or may have college/high school docents that are available for hire.</p>
<p>I was recently invited to a wedding that requested help with food, flowers, etc. in lieu of gifts. The couple has a friend coordinating and requests that, rather than bringing gifts, a call be put in to the coordinator with lists of food, flowers, etc. needed. Three friends are going in together for the cake for example. More friends are going in together to get a few flowers for the venue. It will be very simple but, knowing the people involved, will have a real sense of community.</p>
<p>There should be someone at the museum who can give you the information you need on set up/clean up and anything else regarding their venue, Julie. If there isn’t, then that would be very surprising. They should also be able to put you in touch with previous brides who have used the facility. This is common with wedding venues. </p>
<p>Having gone through the weddings of three Ds, I have to admit that I would never attempt to do it without a planner. It was worth every penny, and more! Everything went off without even the slightest hitch, the day ran smoothly, and most importantly, everyone had a wonderful time enjoying the celebration. I wouldn’t want to impose on any of my friends or family to be responsible for any aspect of the festivities, if there was any way to avoid that.</p>
<p>“Mega post ahead!” - Haha, no kidding! </p>
<p>-They don’t have the exhibit planned already! Apparently it’s depending on what sort of funding they get. They said they won’t be able to get this to me until April.</p>
<p>-Already in contact with the rental companies. Because it would be off business hours, they would charge overtime for setup and I can’t remember how much they quoted me for but it was crazy. I think it was in excess of $70 per hour. I can ask about how other brides have handled the logistics, but my guess is going to be that the catering company was responsible, judging by the table setups in the pictures from other weddings. I can ask if they have some staff who might be willing to come in and be hired for this purpose. </p>
<p>-The caterer hasn’t done an event in this space before. We do know where the buffet table will be because there’s a space in the museum that historically has worked well for this purpose. There is also a convenient space for the bar, and places where place cards, presents, and favors can go. I don’t think hiring through the caterer is going to be my best bet, because their charge just to scrape and rerack plates was $300. To get china through them was $900, not including the service fee! They seem to avoid doing anything beyond showing up with and serving the food. </p>
<p>-I don’t think hiring a florist is a possibility. I can’t really spare the expense for one bouquet, let alone have all of the centerpieces taken care of. I know I have been advised otherwise, but having read a number of tutorials, I am tentatively planning to do a hand-tied bouquet for myself, boutonierres and single flowers for the bridal party. I found a wholesale flower site that has wonderful reviews in a number of places, including a big endorsement on a major wedding blog. This will keep these costs around $100, approximately. I’m planning on using a flower that is supposed to keep well overnight under refrigeration. </p>
<p>-I would say almost all of our very close friends are actually in the bridal party. I have two female best friends who are both bridesmaids, and all of his close friends are his groomsmen except for one, who will be traveling up from downstate for the wedding, if he can make it. Basically, the only friends whom I would feel comfortable asking this of are in the bridal party. </p>
<p>-The cake is not much of an issue. We have a wonderful vendor for this, a small local company, who is changing us an exceedingly reasonable price. They will deliver, I believe. Their buttercream is fabulous. </p>
<p>-I think we will be stuck with breaking down. My brother had a similar situation at the end of his wedding. There is a loading dock adjacent to the reception space where all of the stuff is stored, and they pick it up on Monday. They are very nice and only charge a day rental when they drop off Friday and pick up Monday. </p>
<p>-I am already using the cheapest chairs, the cheapest tables, and the cheapest linens available. I was not planning on having a dance floor. </p>
<p>And now see post 2 for responses to everybody else!</p>
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<p>LOL, QuantMech. Maybe it was a good thing that my mother locked herself in the bathroom! :D</p>
<p>Alwaysamom, it would appear that Julie can’t afford a wedding planner, so really it is a moot point. I would say, thought, that some people might indeed feel imposed upon to be asked to do something. Others would feel honored and happy to pitch in. It really depends who you are dealing with.</p>
<p>CT1417 – Hopefully it won’t get too dark, too early. I would like to do some candles to add a little lighting, but I don’t have a great idea how dark the venue will be in the evening. In a perfect world, I would have uplighting but that is one of the many things that are not possible in the budget. I will look around to see if any of the white lights are still on sale anywhere. I can think of a couple of places where they might be nice. No Costco but we do have Home Depot and Lowes which usually sell pretty reasonably priced flowers when they’re in season, or so I’ve heard. The rentals are not in a high-priced area. Thanks for the tip about the peonies. I am looking for something that is white and will survive a day in my care. Other than that I’m totally flexible. </p>
<p>As for hiring college students, I’m not sure how possible that will be given that it is after school lets us. It is in a major college town so maybe I might be able to find a few people in the area who are either in apartments or there for summer internships or classes. Is there a good way to go about this? Craigslist? </p>
<p>Also the wedding is at a museum. At least one CCer has figured it out using details from the thread. If anybody is super curious, I’d be fine PMing it. </p>
<p>Also no cutting gardens. My dad used to do a vegetable garden, but woodchucks have ruined everything! Squirrels, too. My parents have a pear tree in the back yard and the squirrels ruin each and every pear. But I digress! </p>
<p>Consolation – I am very aware of the upcharge for brides, so whenever possible I have tried to make sure that I use vendors that publish their prices online. For instance, the catering company has their prices published so I know that I am not being charged more for being a bride (other than perhaps for their ridiculously priced extras which I have refused). No limo, basic DJ with no prom lighting. I’ve really cut back on all of the bells and whistles that they try to sell. No photobooth either!
mathmom – It’s really only the time crunch that is causing the problems. If I could go that morning and put it all together, I would, but the museum is open that day and we aren’t able to set up until two hours before the ceremony. </p>
<p>Mom2M – I do have a floorplan from a previous wedding. It seems like most brides do it pretty much the same way, with round tables in the open spaces, DJ in the far back, dance floor in front of the DJ, buffet table in the wide hallway entering the gallery, and maybe a few tables there too. </p>
<p>cartera45 – Not sure how to do this without breaching some rules of etiquette. In general, I think I know a few specific people who I will be asking specific favors of. Hadn’t thought about hiring a babysitter. That might free up a few people to help at a reasonable cost. Alternatively, I have some friends who might not be best for setup but are great with kids. I will ponder this some. </p>
<p>alwaysamom – I would totally pay for the planner if it was a possibility. I am in graduate school and planning a wedding at the same time, so it is doubly stressful. Generally it has been the venue’s answer that the caterer usually takes care of it. Our caterer doesn’t take care of it. So that’s where all of the trouble starts. </p>
<p>I never thought that having a simple wedding, for immediate family and close friends only, with simple centerpieces, barbeque, and a DJ would entail this much work and expense. I guess the joke’s on me. I was comparing to my brother’s wedding when planning this and didn’t account for the fact that in his case, his wife’s whole family was literally five people, and they had few close friends to invite. Half the guest list, half the angst.</p>
<p>The $70/hr charge from the rental company to set up seems worth spending. I can’t imagine that would take more than one hour. You can save money by going with the disposable plates previously discussed. Your flowers will be fine as described, that is the sort of thing you can diy the day before. The only reason you can’t diy the setup is that you have a very tight window of time between the museum closing and the start of your service. Favors, centerpieces and all that can be done ahead of time at whatever price point you need to stick with. Your food is casual and I think it’s prefectly fine to go with disposable products rather than spend $1200 on renting and scraping plates. Are the linen rentals expensive? Maybe think about plastic table covers? I know that may offend some but you really have to prioritize where your money is spent. I can’t remember, are you having alcohol? That’s another place that money can be saved by going with just beer and wine rather than liquor, or none at all which really saves money.</p>
<p>I strongly agree that the $70 /hr fee for having the rental company set up the tables and chairs is WELL worth it. It solves your biggest problem and is a reasonable amount to pay for the two workers required for the task. A wedding coordinator would not actually set up the tables; she would hire someone to do it at your expense.</p>