<p>IMO asking for cash or registering for a honeymoon is tacky. Agift registry is different because it offers people options. Plus, people can also choose not to get something from the registry. I’d second Chevda’s advice–if people ask, say you aren’t registered and that you have all you need for your household. Some folks will infer from your response that you prefer cash. Others will still buy you gifts no matter what you say. You really don’t have control over this.</p>
<p>idea:</p>
<p>register for stuff at a store like normal</p>
<p>then have a garage sale of all ur old stuff and make some $</p>
<p>OP- Good manners and etiquette is never outdated. However, the level of tolerance for boorish behavior gets higher. If the bride and groom want to turn a profit at their wedding then maybe you list the costs for best seating in the church and reception like at a concert. Price listing for menu choices. Extra for cake and size of slice, rice to toss also extra, $ to participate in the bouquet and garter toss. The guests can charge/Paypal for their choices when they RSVP. Just a few ideas.
Maybe this generation is on to something big…</p>
<p>O my, seems as if I have touched a nerve. I cannot believe some of the vicious responses here.</p>
<p>“Good manners and etiquette is never outdated.”</p>
<p>Etiquette is never outdated? Just about 50 years ago it was not okay for a married woman to work (tacky). If we go back further in time, etiquette would include a whole range of now considered absurd practices, such as certain modes of address, pace of courtship and rules of hospitality. </p>
<p>“We don’t know how old the OP is, but we do know they are in college. Why the rush to get married now, and not wait until you are graduated where you can afford a honeymoon?”</p>
<p>I am not sure where you got this info. I am closer to 30 than 20. So is my soon-to-be-husband. He graduated many years ago, and I am a grad student.</p>
<p>I’m with Cutieflutie08:
register for things you like, sell the old stuff. </p>
<p>If a garage sale is not to your liking, try eBay or Craig’s list.</p>
<p>OP, gift giving goes a lot further back than Emily Post… “Skip the elk steaks, please just bring wampum next time you visit our village”. It would have been tacky then, and it is tacky now. Many people want to give gifts that they can envision you using and enjoying. Personally, I like to give a nice breakfast in bed tray as a wedding gift. I think it promotes “coupledom”, and I also like to envision kids using it for Mother’s Day breakfasts and for taking care of anyone who is sick in the household. And it is something lots of people don’t own. I do try to include a gift receipt if possible, so the couple can return it if they want to. I think many people do that.</p>
<p>And I have wedding gifts (for example, a particularly beautiful cutting board) that I use every day. I think fondly of the person who gave it to me literally every day, even though I have rarely seen them in the intervening years. Give your guests the opportunity to do something memorable for you. I know we got cash, but I can’t say that I remember the name of a single person who gave it to us. </p>
<p>Don’t be bridezilla… live within your means, and don’t count on your guests to cover your expenses. If that means a wedding reception that is punch and cookies at the church after the wedding, then so be it. The most fun wedding I ever went to was in a small town. The reception was held in the firetruck barn across from the church with a pig roast and a dj playing polka music. Another great wedding was held in an aspen grove, with food homemade by the families and wine served by the dads and uncles of the couple. I bet the whole cost of the aspen grove wedding was under $2,000, and I will remember it for the rest of my life. The groom teared up while he was saying his vows. The “flower girls” blew bubbles as they walked up the aisle. A great wedding (or honeymoon) doesn’t have to be expensive. </p>
<p>By the way, tear up those darned bridal magazines. They would have you believe that you MUST have the perfect centerpiece or flowers on the pews or the $3,000 dress or… whatever. Do what you can afford, and stop expecting your guests to pay for it.</p>
<p>I always give money to people I don’t know too well. It’s easy and they could do what they want. I am in the NE, so it is pretty common for us to give money. I went to a colleague’s wedding a while back, everyone from the office all showed up with an envelope for the couple. As I remember the bride had a little pouche to put envelopes in. When my brother got married 20 years ago, he actually had to hire a body guard because amount of money they knew they would be getting at the wedding, but that’s a cultural thing.</p>
<p>No, I wouldn’t have been offended if the new couple were to tell me that they preferred money. Same to me, except it would save me some time. I usually give the cost of my attendance, but if it’s an inexpensive event I would give more.</p>
<p>Daenis, in some cultures and ethnic groups giving money is the norm. In others it is considered tacky. Marriage is an event that strikes to the heart of cultural norms, and most people will follow them whatever you do. People tend to be very touchy on the subject. Presumably you and your fiance have by this point had friends and family who married, so you must be familiar with what is expected amongst your acquaintance.</p>
<p>If you wanted to get money instead of silver or candlesticks, you should have become engaged to someone with an Italian, Jewish, or perhaps Lebanese background! 
Oldfort, I was born and bred in CT, and I never in my life heard of people giving money at weddings until I saw The Godfather and had to ask what they were doing with those envelopes!</p>
<p>Personally, I do not believe in giving routine household stuff as a wedding present. I prefer to give the things that most people hesitate to buy for themselves, but that will make their lives more gracious: silver, nice china, things like that. There is nothing wrong with registering just for that kind of thing if you already have enough pots and pans. People don’t have to give you whole place settings, they can give you one fork or dinner plate. </p>
<p>I suggest that if you really have enough household stuff, you REFUSE to have any bridal showers. I didn’t have one for that reason. If your friends want to honor you or celebrate your engagement, they can simply give a coed or single-sex party for you. Showers are not obligatory.</p>
<p>I want to reverse my stance. I was wrong in my post above. My apologies to the bride.
On the RSVP card, the guest can pencil in the amount of cash they pledge to the couple, upon attending the wedding and reception.
The bride and groom can better determine how much square footage for their new flat or how many stars in their honeymoon hotel accommodations when they know how much cashola to expect from their event.
Etiquette IS absurd.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great suggestions. Some of you have been extremely helpful. Let me just make a couple of things very clear:</p>
<p>1) I never assumed guests would be paying for the wedding. I don’t want to “break even” or “cover expenses”. This is never going to happen anyway because a lot of our guests will be students and it sort of defeats the purpose of an open bar.</p>
<p>2) If people want to buy us a gift, or give nothing at all, that is perfectly fine. I am not a greedy and demanding person. I just let some people - those who have been asking about the registry - know that we would prefer cash. These are not my Mom’s co-workers. Why would I invite my Mom’s co-workers anyway? It’s just friends and family at our party (no reception, because we prefer to keep things informal and fun).</p>
<p>3) I am not having an expensive bridezilla wedding. I could never afford one and it’s really not me. My dress used to belong to my Mom and my bf is hiring his suit. I just want everyone I love to be here - which is more important to me than money or gifts.</p>
<p>I hope that satisfies all the traditionalists. I cannot quite believe how many assumptions are made about us!</p>
<p>“I want to reverse my stance. I was wrong in my post above. My apologies to the bride.
On the RSVP card, the guest can pencil in the amount of cash they pledge to the couple, upon attending the wedding and reception.
The bride and groom can better determine how much square footage for their new flat or how many stars in their honeymoon hotel accommodations when they know how much cashola to expect from their event.
Etiquette IS absurd.”</p>
<p>Wow. What a jerk you are.</p>
<p>Let’s cool the emotions off a bit.</p>
<p>I have not used this service and have no idea how reliable it is, but it allows you to create a multi-store registry with a cash gift option (apparently, handled by PayPal):</p>
<p>[MyRegistry.com:</a> Cash Gift Service - Honeymoon, Bridal, Baby Shower Fund](<a href=“http://www.myregistry.com/CashGifts.aspx]MyRegistry.com:”>Cash Registry Website - Weddings, Honeymoon Funds, College & More)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>"I just let some people - those who have been asking about the registry - know that we would prefer cash. "</p>
<p>Early in this thread, you received a preferable response that you could give for future requests. It’s a response that would be more acceptable to some offended by the request for money. </p>
<p>" ‘We’re not.’ If they ask what you want, say, ‘We have everything we need for our household.’ Period. </p>
<p>Those who know and like you and your spouse-to-be, will give money when they get the "not registered’ response. Others might give you nothing, or try to find something they’re sure you’ll need. Accept all graciously.</p>
<p>Ok, I should correct myself, I am from the NYC area where it’s normal to have a 100k wedding and it’s not unusual to give money. At my daughtters’ sweet 16 they got enough money to cover their events, but of course I didn’t get to keep it. WASP do not like to talk about money.</p>
<p>When husband and I got married we just threw a party at our house that night and had sent out regular party invitations instead of saying it was a reception. We didn’t really need anything either since we both had our separate places before marrying.</p>
<p>To the OP: Don’t take the comments personally. This is one of several threads on this topic. You might want to search for the old ones, so you’ll see that it’s nothing to do with you personally.</p>
<p>Do remember one thing–no matter what you do for a wedding, you will be criticized. I don’t know what it is about weddings, but all sorts of folks think that they are entitled to opine as to what is “done” and “not done.” So, the trick is to make yourself happy and accommodate others to the extent you can–but not worry too much about what others think. </p>
<p>When I receive an invitation which says “no gifts please,” as one poster suggested, I take that literally. It doesn’t mean “give money.” It DOES mean “give nothing at all.” So if you actually want money, don’t do this. </p>
<p>There are plenty of folks who think registering for a gift registry at all is tacky. They want to give their own “unique” gift. They “always” give a picture frame or a set of china or some other item …and nothing you do will prevent them from doing it. </p>
<p>There are others who think it’s pefectly okay to register for china and silver, but not okay to register for a honeymoon or a home. Some people think the latter is equally acceptable. </p>
<p>So, I would suggest the following. Register only a few items. Think of registering things you’d like to have which are non-traditional. My own kid and now spouse registered with a wine shop. They like wine. They will drink wine whether or not someone else pays for it. So, in one sense, it was crass. In another sense though, it was good because people could buy them a $25 bottle of wine–a bit more than they would usually spend themselves–and feel good that there was a specific thing that would be thought of as being from that particular guest. Wealthier friends could buy a case or chip in with a group of friends to buy it. </p>
<p>Some of my young neighbors have registered for specific honeymoon expenses–one day car rental; a meal at an upscale restaurant in the honeymoon locale, a sightseeing tour, a couple’s visit at a spa, etc. Reactions to this have been mixed. </p>
<p>If you’re interested in buying a home, think of registering at Home Depot. Put things you could use for it on your list. </p>
<p>And above all, rejoice in your love of each other. May God bless you and your fiance…and help you get through all the nonsense!</p>
<p>Isn’t there someone in the family who might be asked what the bride and groom could use? Maybe the mothers of the couple? They could quietly suggest money if asked. Probably still tacky but that is how our family would do it.</p>
<p>shyanne I think it’s ok for relatives to suggest that the couple needs money, but not the couple themselves. </p>
<p>Here’s from a wedding web site that covers most of the territory that the original poster asked about, and makes eminent sense:</p>
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</p>
<p>jonri, You are so right about people feeling free to criticize weddings. And, I’m kind of surprised at the vehement reactions of some here. As if the OP were attacking the sacred institution of marriage or something. Daenis, I personally would not be the least bit offended if a bride and groom asked for cash instead of gifts. Partly because I have an adult son and I know he would want the same thing (he works hard but he’s broke), and partly because it’s really easy for me, the guest, to write a check, rather than try to pick out something from some exhaustive list that fits my budget. Also, I really hate buying stuff just to show up with something.</p>
<p>Here’s an idea: if you plan to have children, maybe you could start a future college fund?</p>
<p>In most cultures, registering for gifts are considered bad manners because you are dictating what should be given. However, I think it is acceptable in the US because of its practicality.</p>
<p>However, gifting of money at weddings is considered the traditional norm in many cultures because consumer goods were not readily available for purchase by guests. Now, it is perceived as practical.</p>
<p>To the OP, I think you can put the word out through your parents that cash is preferred since you are a young couple. It’s perfectly acceptable and I am a cash giver.</p>