<p>Only “register” if you are having a bridal shower. Most people will give you a gift (not cash) for a shower gift and then you should register and get what you want or need.</p>
<p>Wedding gifts tend to be cash gifts. You do not have to ask for it!!!</p>
<p>Congrats!!!</p>
<p>crazed, did you even read anyone else’s posts? Clearly, you are conveying what is the norm in your social circle, but it is not the case for many others.</p>
<p>The only time I’ve been made aware of registries is on a shower invitation, which IS all about the gifts. Showers are given by others, not the bride or groom, so there is no sense of the couple asking for anything. If one cannot afford a shower gift, it’s easy to decline the invitation due to a “conflict,” and no one’s the wiser.</p>
<p>I have NEVER seen a wedding invitation (which IS sent at the behest of the couple and family) that made any mention at all of gifts. It’s supposed to be solely about the ceremony and reception-who, when , where.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s a regional type of cultural thing. I wouldn’t be “offended” if a couple asked for cash, but yep, I would think it was tacky. And the fact that the OP has gotten just that kind of feedback leads me to believe that in their region/social circle/cultural group, asking for cash is NOT viewed as acceptable.</p>
<p>Lots of facets with weddings are regional/cultural based. It is very common for my family and friends to give cash to the wedding couple, but it is considered extremely tacky and in poor taste to have a “money dance” at a wedding. I’ve never been to a wedding where there has been one. However, I have a lot of acquaintances tell me it is very common in weddings they attended. Both involve cash, one is hidden in an envelope, the other out in the open.</p>
<p>I had to google “money dance” as I had never seen or heard of such a thing. What a strange thing. I had not heard of squishing wedding cake into your spouse’s face until just recently when a friend who is planning a wedding with her daughter mentioned that odd thing…so who knows but it’s all interesting these different traditions.</p>
<p>crazed, I did not receive a single dollar as a gift at my wedding. WASPs don’t do money. :)</p>
<p>I have several friends who are WASP/Italian couples and believe me, the parents of the WASP bride or groom are always very happy that money is the preferred gift among Italian families.</p>
<p>I’m from suburban NYC. I never saw actual gifts at a wedding until I attended my first one in the midwest. Our area is cash…in fact some brides carry a pouch specifically to put the cards/checks in. In this area I’ve only seen gifts off a registry at bridal showers! And I’ve never seen a “money dance” in this area,no matter what the ethnic makeup of the couple.
In contrast, I’ve been to a number of midwest weddings now (family and friends).I’ve seen money dances, cash bars (!! another never in NY thing) and gift tables with things like ironing boards on them…imagine lugging that to a wedding!!.I’ve even seen a gift table in the brides parents house (at a brunch day after wedding) with the gifts displayed with little cards next to them announcing who the purchaser was. I thought that was pretty tacky…</p>
<p>I’m trying to picture the bride’s face if I showed up with an ironing board at her wedding. That really would be LOL.</p>
<p>*I have several friends who are WASP/Italian couples and believe me, the parents of the WASP bride or groom are always very happy that money is the preferred gift among Italian families. *</p>
<p>As an Italian myself, I know few who are WASPs (white anglo saxon protestants)</p>
<p>We had all of our gifts sent to my parents house (I did not live in my hometown, but went back for the wedding). I have to say, one of my most fun memories of the whole wedding week was unwrapping presents with just my mom & fiance. Some things we loved, and some we immediately decided to return. And a few that had no info on where it was purchased went in a “well, we will figure out what to do with that later” category. Very few, though. But we hooted with laughter at some of the gifts (the silver clamshell shaped serving dish and the square pool glasses come to mind…). In a private setting with no one watching, we unwrapped dozens and dozens of presents and got to give our “real” reactions to them. It was a blast! Don’t underestimate the fun of that activity. But if you can, open your gifts pretty much in private, cuz you can’t have as much fun if there are a lot of people around.</p>
<p>My mom did put all the presents on a table in her house, but no cards regarding who gave the gifts!</p>
<p>Cathy, count me as one of those brides. NJ does that too. Actually, it is kind of funny because you are expected to stop at every table and say hi, as you do, people do it in a very sly way as if they don’t want others to know they are giving you a check.</p>
<p>I also agree it is geographic locations that direct the wedding. In NJ, weddings for the most part are at a hotel, country club, banquet hall, and it is expected to have a cocktail hour, open bar and sit down dinner for 150-200 people. In rural NC, the reception is 300 people and held in the church’s hall. I use to love to read the Goldsboro News Argus engagement section because it always ended with one of two statements. Invitations will be mailed or Invitations would not be mailed. If it was the latter it stated the date, time and church.</p>
<p>Of course then you would read the wedding announcement, and you knew which one was the latter because it would say they had a pot luck reception for 300 people at the church.</p>
<p>What is also different because of geographic areas, is the amount of bridal showers. In NJ, it is typical to have an engagement party and one bridal shower. In rural NC, they have about 5 or 6 showers. The announcement is hilarious, the bride will have every shower imaginable…Bar theme (not going to one, but gifts of glassware, decanters, etc.), Lingerie theme, Cookery theme, Couples theme, the list goes on and on.</p>
<p>For my wedding, the only material gifts that I received were from guests who were unable to attend, thus, there were no gifts on the gift table.</p>
<p>intparent, I agree, do it in private, because some of the gifts you open, you will sit there in shock, asking yourself do they really know me. Going back to the NC showers, one that is popular and the most fun, if the bride has a sense of humor is the White Elephant Shower. This is where guests are asked to re-gift a present for the bride. I got rid of a 7 piece frosted wine set at one of these. It probably remains the top of my list for the best shower I ever attended. We spent the whole time crying at the gifts because we were laughing so hard…there was none of that typical OOOOH AAHHH. What you heard were people bragging because they felt they gave the worst gift.</p>
<p>My friend, 30 years ago, got married to her then graduate student husband in Ithaca. She got 20 fans for her wedding!!</p>
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<p>My folks were working-class immigrants who settled in a large, midwestern city–I got married (the first time) in a Catholic Church and the reception was at a local restaurant. I didn’t get any gifts–cash only. I think socio-economic status as well as region dictates much what goes on at weddings, including gifts.</p>
<p>I think it’s socioeconomic status, not region of the country. Upper middle class weddings in the midwest resemble upper middle class weddings on the East Coast far more than they resemble working class weddings in the midwest (and so forth). Really, the East Coast did not invent weddings at hotels / country clubs with sit-down dinners for 200 people. That’s standard fare for any upper middle class area anywhere in the country.</p>
<p>Wanted: Young lady, who’s looking for wedding gifts of any type. Have eligible DS who’s spending money on himself.</p>
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<p>I’ve been to plenty of upper middle class weddings, and VERY few of them had sit down dinners. Country clubs, yes, open bar, expensive bands, etc., but usually really nice finger food type of menu or buffets where you filled your plate, and wandered around to find a place to sit and eat.</p>
<p>That said, I have not been to a wedding in several years. As my generation begins to see their children get married, I suppose I will see more of what’s in vogue in my region nowadays.</p>
<p>I’m now the East Coast Mother of the Bride, planning a wedding in St Louis for May 2011.Things are just done differently, not saying its better or worse.
I must say, we arent dealing with a country club or hotel ballroom venue…not my D and future SIL’s style.We’re using a venue evocative of St Louis, but with what is considered a high style caterer (no choice, the caterer is in house for the venue)
We’re used to elaborate cocktail hours here but I can’t arrange that in St Louis, even with a high end caterer…they do "passed " appetizers and they will add some stationary displays for me. Choices for the dinner are buffet (most common) or plated dinner and the caterer thinks I’m crazy to want to offer a choice of entree for the plated. Music and dancing is after the entire dinner, not during courses as we’re used to here. I’m trying to arrange at least dessert/wedding cake after some dancing,we’ll see how successful I am!!
The Grooms parents (Mother and step father, Father and step mother) have lived all over the US except the East Coast…I wonder what type of weddings they’ve seen!</p>
<p>I can’t speak for other regions of the country, but I’ve lived in east coast cities my whole life and most of the weddings I’ve been to have had sit-down dinners. (And bands that are so loud, no one at the table can hear what the person next to them is saying!) </p>
<p>As far as cash gifts, it’s perfectly fine if people want to give you cash, but I do think it’s tacky to specifically ask for it.</p>
<p>WOW… I agree as an east coast girl who got married in the late 80’s and had 3 dinner choices (plated) I would go crazy too. Our DS loves beef our DD would never touch beef.
I had Beef, Chicken and Fish as choices. Have you asked them to do something like a surf and turf, filet and bass? Or maybe chicken and beef? That might give you the chance to have the best option.</p>
<p>Also, I agree, on the east coast it is common to have music for dancing playing non-stop from the minute the couple is introduced.</p>
<p>Have you thought of hiring a DJ to play when the band isn’t?</p>