<p>I thought that registering seemed a bit tacky until I grew up and actually started buying wedding presents for people. At that point, I was happy to know what china or silver pattern they had chosen together so that I could get them something they really liked that would help set them up to be able to live graciously. It really depends what kind of present you prefer to give. No one can predict someone else’s aesthetic choices.</p>
<p>When we married, I happened to already own a lot of nice china because I had been able to get it at things like Harrods sales when living in England, and I come from a family of china fanatics. The only thing we registered for was silver. Some older relatives gave us place settings. Some friends gave us a single fork or spoon. Some people gave us something else entirely. I had no showers. We were grateful for anything anyone chose to give us. And we only had about 45 guests (immediate family and friends) and paid for a lot of the wedding ourselves. I cooked most of the food. My sister and I bought flowers and arranged them. The total cost was about $3,000, mostly for a tent, dancefloor, tables and chairs, bouquets, and band.</p>
<p>I’m with UCdad. I don’t like either the idea of asking for money, or registries. (No young people I know are picking out patterns, for that matter.) I do give money sometimes, but I’d be insulted if it were outright asked for. </p>
<p>My wedding, like Thumper’s, was small. Only close relatives and friends. I do understand some cultures value the big parties–weddings, bar/bat mitzvahs, sweet sixteens, etc. It’s just not our thing.</p>
<p>I was floored the first time someone said to me that she gave presents according to the price of the wedding (“covering one’s dinner”.) but I understand that’s the norm for some. We in my family tend to DYI homegrown weddings, so folks who espouse that philosophy would sure get off lightly with us.</p>
<p>I don’t think there’s anything wrong with registering for cash. A friend of mine had already lived with her fiance for 7 years before their wedding, so it really would have been pointless to ask for all of the kitchen and household things they already had. They made a registry on myregistry.com where they set up a honeymoon fund and a home renovations fund and it was very tasteful and not tacky at all. I think people get so wrapped up in etiquette that they forget that registries are helpful for the guests because it guides them toward a useful present for the couple.</p>
The only thing we registered for was silver. Some older relatives gave us place settings. Some friends gave us a single fork or spoon. Some people gave us something else entirely. I had no showers. We were grateful for anything anyone chose to give us. And we only had about 45 guests (immediate family and friends) and paid for a lot of the wedding ourselves. I cooked most of the food. My sister and I bought flowers and arranged them. The total cost was about $3,000, mostly for a tent, dancefloor, tables and chairs, bouquets, and band.</p>