Definitely invite them. One consideration is “friend groups” which is probably your dilemma. We have friends that run in very tight circles so it doesn’t matter what the occasion-- it’s an “all or none” for invites.
I am invited to all my friend’s kids wedding and many I haven’t seen in ages. Couldn’t imagine not being invited unless the wedding is small and/or the bride and groom are paying for it.
At my wedding more of my parents friends were there than my H and I invited. My father’s business partners and their spouses were also invited and some didn’t know me from Adam. H’s parents friends were all there, too.
I couldn’t have cared less, plus they all gave us very big checks. 
“but I wasn’t prepared for anyone to be truly upset or feel that they have been slighted”
Well, I’m with you–I wouldn’t be upset or feel slighted.
When I got married, we had a very small reception (100 people). I chose not to invite any parent’s friends or neighbors (neither mine or husbands). It didn’t go over well with my mother who complained about it for many years. However, it was our wedding, we paid for it ourselves, and it was our decision of whom to invite.
That being said, the first of my friend’s children is getting married next year. Yes, if invited I will be happy to attend. If not, I will just see her at the church and it will be fine.
I haven’t been to a wedding in 30 years (haven’t even been invited to one). My generation is all married and my child’s generation haven’t started yet. If I do get invited to this one next year, it will break a very long streak.
My daughter who is 24, has never been to a wedding. She has some friends who recently got engaged and is looking forward to going to her first wedding.
When my S got married last year we invited our closest friends who had all known him pretty much since he was born. Of course they’ve spent very little time with him lately, but they’ve all been privy to the important goings on in his life since leaving home for college and all were genuinely happy to celebrate with us and him at the wedding. We actually could have invited more (and the kids were happy to have them) but our family is so big that the number of friends had to be extremely limited. @NEPatsGirl, I do hear what you’re saying but i don’t think friends who have known him since he was small would consider it an imposition to be invited to his wedding if there is room to include them. I would invite them all and share your happiness!
I always think it is more fun for guests if they know someone at the wedding besides the couple and the couple’s immediate family (since those folks are quite busy that day). Since you have the money and space, maybe consider that. It is not at all uncommon to invite close friends of parents, as long as your kid at least knows who they are.
We didn’t have parents friends to D’s wedding because the venue had a hard cap of 100, and there was our relatives, plus separate sets for groom’s parents. Groom’s father had a big family, which took a big chunk. Groom’s mom let me know later she was disappointed she couldn’t invite her friends. Well, I didn’t either. It just wasn’t feasible.Sometimes you can’t keep everyone happy, but it sounds like in this case, you will be able to, since the bride’s side is thinking big. Congrats!
Everyone is different, and I think you need to do what makes you comfortable.
My niece was married this past spring. She had a destination wedding I guess, since everyone had to travel. Her parents didn’t approve all that much of the matter, so they opted not to go too lavish and capped the list around 100. It was ok, actually, as a more modest production but a lot of fun. It was a bit much that they didn’t invite D’s co-habitating BF of 5-1/2 years, but what can you do?
UPDATE: I called and spoke with bride to be, apologized for any additional drama it might cause and asked for 5 (yes that’s two couples and one single for someone who asked up thread) more invites. She was very happy to include them and said “the more the merrier”. We chatted a bit about wedding stuff and all that it entails and she knows I have her back with some of the stuff like no kids and a boundary about plus ones. Getting along with my future DIL is easy…its her mother that worries me but that’s another thread.
Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions. Its nice to come here and get advice to help sort things out sometimes.
@NEPatsGirl Thanks for the update, it looks like it all will work out.
Now as a separate issue you stated “I have her back with some of the stuff like no kids”. Can you elaborate on this one?
When I got married, we had no restrictions on kids because the way my wife and I looked at it was it is one of the few times in our lives that we throw a big party with family and friends, why would we choose to disregard the kids which are a big part of the family. When I was a kid, I fondly remember going to all of my immediate and extended family weddings, no matter my age. It was a wonderful time and experience…
@socaldad2002 I think it is safe to say that the kids or no kids question at wedding is a personal decision. We did not invite any kids to my wedding and have zero regrets.
I’m not OP but we also had the “no kids” rule at our wedding. It was a formal, evening wedding and we had no close family members under the age of 16. The only people who had young children were acquaintances of my parents and frankly I didn’t think it was an appropriate venue (or timing) for kids. As far as I can recall the only people who were offended was the wife of a work colleague of my father’s who had two little girls that were out of control and were exactly the type of kids I didn’t want.
It’s always the parents of the worst behaved kids who are upset at no kids at the wedding. I also had a no kids rule 25 years ago.
We invited no kids to our wedding…and only one small child was at Dds wedding and only for a very short time.
It was an evening event, and we felt that children just didn’t need to be there. Our opinion.
Family decision.
There were small kids at D’s wedding, but that’s definitely a personal decision.
I’ve encouraged my son to invite his little cousins. No one is under 10, and the parents will only attend if the kids are invited. Plus, a wedding is so special for young ones, so magical.
My oldest has had good friends since the age of five when we moved into our neighborhood. I have watched these guys grow up and he has been in 3 of their weddings and H and I were thankfully also invited to all of their weddings. My son at 31 is the last one of that close group and seems to be heading in the marriage direction. Very emotional to see them get married and we will invite the parents when our son gets married. Any wedding would likely be out of town, but we would still invite them. There can still be a bond , even if you see a child or their parents infrequently as the years go by. I can see also inviting a few close friends that have heard about your kid for years if there is room in the guest list. Congratulations on your son’s engagement!
If the wedding is in your town, it sounds reasonable to have some of your local friends. Have fun!
I’m in the midst of planning a meet and greet at my house late March. I don’t expect my friends or the parents of son’s friends growing up to come to a wedding in another city. I’ve gotten catering menus from an Italian place for a satukrday night event and a local deli for a brunch. So far, everyone wants a brunch.