My D is getting married next year and we are inviting friends. We want to share this milestone with them. All will be close friends except H office . it is small and he needs/wants to invite his partners.
There are a few comments that posters had so much fun, despite hardly knowing anyone. Or that it’s magical for kids. But respectfully, this is really first about the bride and groom, their families, and their wishes.
I don’t think I would have been swayed by one friend telling me another would be so disappointed. (In line with my feeling that this isn’t about what others want.) But if it makes YOU happy, and the B&G are good with it, that’s what matters.
Congrats!
@lookingforward, agreed. Had my S and fiance not questioned me about the “no friends” on my original list, I never would have imposed at this point. Like someone upthread mentioned, maybe its a location or cultural thing. I think of it more as a financial thing. Weddings are expensive, this one somewhat over the top with a night before welcome party, ocean front reception, and brunch the next day and all with open unlimited bar. The difference in upbringings is palpable, not just for S but for my family as well. Fiance comes from a very wealthy family while S was raised by myself in a low income household. With the different income levels definately comes different schools of thought. Not saying anything is good or bad, just different. My day to day existence relies on budgeting for everything. Fiance’s mother was very clear that there was no budget for this wedding but I guess I feel a bit uncomfortable embracing that, its just not in my nature. In all honesty, I think her parents want me to invite as many friends as I want, this is their dream day (maybe more than fiance lol), and they want to throw a fantastic party for everyone!
Here’s what I told my daughter, who got married this past August: You may not be close to our friends, but they are all part of the village that supported me as I raised you, so I want to honor them by inviting them to your wedding. It’s better to err on the side of generosity, when possible. I think weddings should be inclusive, not exclusive, as far as the budget allows.
Arrangements differ these days, but it used to be that the wedding ceremony was the couple’s event, while the reception was the bride’s parents’ party, as they were traditionally the hosts.
Last wedding I went to had a separate “kids” table off in a little side room so kid’s weren’t seated with adults. An adult was of course in charge of them. After dinner the coloring books and puzzles came out for their entertainment.
Wow, I can’t imagine not inviting friends of the parents. Many of my folks’ friends were at our wedding. I loved that!
I did the same thing as Massmomm. I told D that while she didn’t know my friends well, that they had heard all about her milestones while growing up and I wanted to honor them and show how much they meant to me by inviting them to the wedding. I liked Massmomm’s ‘part of the village’ comment.
I would invite them…oops I see you did! I’m glad!
Where I come down is that a wedding needs some kids. Who else is going to believe all that b.s. wholeheartedly?
We had a fair number of friends at both children’s weddings in the past year, and so did the parents of their respective spouses. Our friends were definitely part of the community in which our children grew up, and had seen our kids more than once a year, even in their 20s. Where there was some issue in one case (the smaller of the two weddings) was with inviting some of the adult children of those friends, people who were virtual cousins of our children growing up, but they have not been close in the past 7-8 years. We did invite them, but I might not if I did it again.
I think location matters. My D’s wedding was in the city where she, the groom, and the groom’s family live. At least halfway across the country for most of my and her dad’s friends. We invited a few very close friends, but most didn’t come, and I’m not surprised. If it had been in the city she grew up in, we’d have invited more.
Not everyone can throw an unlimted wedding. I personally asked for no infants (and DH’s 3 best friends had had babies in that calendar year, one had a toddler,) becuase of the distraction. I viewed it as solemn and joyous, but the service wasn’t a party. We wanted the focus on us and the commitment, not cute, bubbly kids. And I’d been to a couple of recent weddings interrupted by children.
If anyone is fine with it, I’m fine, for you.
@Massmomm that really put some clarity in the situation and certainly these friends of mine were there for me as a single parent as we babysat each others’ kids, went camping together and spent loads of summer days sitting on each others’ decks while the kids played in the yard. It did take a village and you are right, they were my village, I just didn’t see it like that now. Thanks so much!
These sound like great friends who would probably be thrilled to see your son marry! Glad you’ve reconsidered and will be inviting them. Hope the wedding is wonderful!
Agree with Massmom. My friends, even if they don’t see my kids all the time, are my village. We have gone to several weddings of friend’s kids and have not been invited to weddings of other kids of very close friends. For the non-invites, I did not know the kids or the weddings were quite small. I have a feeling I will not be able to invite all the friends I would like to when (hopefully!!) the time comes for a wedding. With aunts, uncles and kid’s cousins, it is already a lot of family along with the friends like family that my kids grew up with will likely max out our allotment. It could definitely lead to some hurt feelings. Plus, having my friends at the wedding would certainly make it more fun for me!!
As long as my sister and my cousin are at son’s wedding, I’m satisfied. Anyone else is a bonus. I’m planning a brunch at my house in late March The parents of son’s closest friends and my besties will be invited, as well as brides parents. Maybe 40? I’ve never had so many people in my house, so that is my fear. My house will look inferior, the servers not so good, etc. all silly. I am an adult. I can pull this off.
“We wanted the focus on us and the commitment, not cute, bubbly kids.”
Yeah, I guess the ring bearer and flower girl ritual really takes away from the bride and groom’s special day?
We didn’t have a ringbearer or a flower girl at our wedding…and neither did DD/SIL. That’s not a required thing either.
Some folks love having kids at their weddings and some don’t. Really it’s a family decision. There is no right or wrong. It’s just a matter of preference.
@thumper1 One of my fondest wedding memories was when I was 12 years old and my cousin invited my mom, sister and me to their wedding in Beverly Hills in 1981. The bride’s parents were in the film entertainment industry and had worked with Ronald Reagan back in the day when he was an actor and had invited him to the wedding. Since he was a first year POTUS he didn’t attend the wedding but did write a very long congratulatory letter that was read out load to all of the 500 guests. It was a special day for my immediate family and I am very grateful that we were able to share this experience with our extended family.
When I was young (3, 4, 5 years old) I used to go to the church weddings with my parents and then they’d take me home and go to the reception without children. Church weddings, at least in the Catholic church, are open to the public. Not many people who aren’t invited attend, but they can.
We didn’t have anyone under 18 at D1 wedding. There were guests who brought their young kids for the weekend, but they had arranged to have sitter for their kids. It was a grown up event for D1. No flower girl or ring bearer at the wedding either. Most parents thanked us for not including their children. They danced the night away.