Y’all go back and read the rest of my post #34. It’s been edited in between some of these posts…
But I still stand by the fact that a wedding IS a pageant/production number. And if you have a lot of money (or even not) into it then you have a certain right to production rights and your friends should be happy to give you what you want.
Groom’s brother (eventual best man) is 15. Bride’s brother is older. Never seen him, but I think he’s the scruffy type. He just eloped, btw.
Probably fine with mom, as pregnant brides aren’t so classy. Anyway, both of these guys might have needed a reminder to shave. . .
Wedding photos are fun to look back on decades later - and note the way styles have changed. For those of us married in the 80s - puffy sleeves and permed hair galore. And lots of mustaches on the groomsmen. I expect members of a bridal party to be neat and clean and dressed in their assigned attire - but dictating hair length or facial hair standards is a bit much - seems very childish. I recall hearing about one bride who was instructed her bridesmaids about their tans - no one could have a better tan than her. Weddings have become drama filled ordeals it seems.
Groom’s brother, maybe best man is 15? Remind him to brush his hair as well as “unscruff” on his way out the door. And set the alarm clock so he shows up! It’ll all be good.
That is NOT how all people view weddings. For some, it is a religious ceremony, for others a deeply meaningful commitment ceremony. I think most attendants do attempt to make the bride and groom happy by purchasing dresses, renting tuxedos, buying gifts, attending showers, paying for air travel, hotels, etc. Asking them to alter their bodies to play into some idea of perfection is apparently too much for some of them, particularly when the demands are not made at the front end but at the eleventh hour.
So are the groom and former best man still best friends or was that the end of the friendship?
Romani, I’m surprised you would ask someone to shave if their usual look is a beard. Trimmed? Sure. But not cut off. My H and his best friend were in each other’s weddings. I have never seen my H without a beard-he’s had a goatee since he was about 25, before I met him, and he does NOT look the same without it! It also take him almost a month or more to grow more than peach fuzz, so shaving would be a huge deal. Luckily his best friend, even for his formal wedding, did not ask his friends with beards to shave. What mattered to him more was that the people who were close to him were part of the ceremony, from his kids to his several siblings to his far-flung buddies. it was a great wedding, and what we all talk about has nothing to do with how anyone looked.
It would be a real shame for a long term friendship to end over something like this. But then, maybe it wasn’t really all that close in reality.
I bet you’re right, Nrdsb4. Real friends would sit down and work it out,even with the stress of a wedding.
My nephew had a big wedding party - at least 6 groomsmen. Each one of them had a different facial hair design. It was weird, it was fun, it was fine.
The ex-best man did not attend the wedding. I think that is the end of it. Who knows, maybe they’ll forgive each other? OTOH, if your friend can’t get along with your wife, guess who goes?
I think the bride was out of line. If I didn’t like tattoos, as a bride, I’d probably pick a style of dress that covered them, but I wouldn’t ask people to cover them with makeup. I think I’m okay with a bride asking the wedding party to leave the tongue and eyebrow piercings at home. I’m pretty sure our best man had a scruffy beard - I’ve thought for years my BIL would look better without it, but it’s absolutely his choice.
I also agree that the groom could have handled it better. So that best man didn’t get huffy.
Speaking of wedding attire. . . H and I were right out of Peace Corps and unemployed when we got married. H bought some dress shoes at a thrift shop. Unfortunately, he forgot to take the price sticker (pretty sure it was $1) off the bottom of the shoe–so when he knelt at the altar. . .
Oh Atomom, that is priceless.
I recall my friends wedding in grad school, at local park, then a pot luck meal. We all wore jeans and a dress shirt/blouse. 
I am having trouble believing that the best man chose to use those nasty words about the bride when speaking to the groom. Must be some history…
atomom, that’s hilarious. I hope someone took a picture.
As a guy, I have 2 reactions:
- Best man should have ignored the note and showed up with his beard. It was not the correct "guy thing" to involve his buddy in this. He should have made the decision on his own. So the whole thing is primarily his fault.
- Secondary fault is the groom. Dude: don't get involved. The correct "guy thing" to do is tell your friend, "Show up, please be neat and I'm going to deny I ever heard from you about this." The best man put the groom in a tight spot but the wrong "guy thing" to do was to involve the bride. He should have handled it.
I really don’t care what the bride said or did because the mistakes here were by the guys not understanding their role as guys in negotiating the many difficulties in male/female communication.
I just pulled out my little old wedding album to check–yes, there is one photo of us kneeling, and I really can see the sticker on H’s shoe! (Our anniversary was last weekend–we have the same anniversary as the “happy young couple” of this thread–H reminded me about the price sticker–funny anniversary memory.)
I said shaved or trimmed. My main concern is neat. My BILs have a tendency to let their beards get out of control and not think about them- it’s not their usual look, they’re just absent minded.
I would never ask someone to shave a beard that they usually have. I would ask it to be neatly trimmed, like the bride did.
I have a good friend who is in our wedding party that always has a full beard. Actually, in 4 years, I think I’ve seen him clean-shaven once (and it threw me off!). I would expect him to be neat about it- which he would be because he’s meticulous about it 
I was in a wedding once where the bridesmaids wore cocktail-length pale pink dresses with pale pink shoes. Yes, it was the mid 80s. Most of us (myself included) wore nude hose. One girl wore black lace hose that could be spotted 20 yards away. It DID look inappropriate and she was in the wrong, IMO.