I practically could have written this. My husband had a beard before we married. We married young (he was 22; I was 20 and this was over 37 years ago). The wedding was in my hometown, and not where he and I had lived. I hadn’t seen him as much prior to the wedding. When he got to the synagogue before the ceremony with his family for a formal photo shoot, I hardly recognized him. He had shaved off his beard. I surely never asked him to. I think his parents must have asked him to. Then, he grew it back and so the only time I ever saw him without a beard was our wedding day.
^^^^This.
nm. edited. this actually happened. believe it or not
Yeah, and that’s quite different than if you had said “one girl had long hair and the rest of the bridesmaids had short hair. She should have cut her hair to blend in/not stand out.”
Ah, Romani, I thought that when you said you were “with the bride” on the matter, that you meant her “clean shaven” edict. I misunderstood.
My 23 year old son occasionally goes for the scruffy look. In fact, his photo that he submitted for grad school has very definite 5 o’clock (or maybe later!) shadow. It was a great head shot for a film school and appropriate. He does know that it is not appropriate not to shave for other somewhat formal occasions, like being a best man in a wedding–unless the rest of the wedding party are also theater/film types and he would not stand out. Not knowing the people involved, I might excuse the bride for asking that the groomsmen shave if she thought some might go for that scruffy, 5 o’clock shadow look, especially if she had to deal with her own controlling mother who could raise a fuss. I agree with those who said the men involved should have worked it out between themselves.
^^^the “five o’clock shadow” look seems to be really popular lately.
I have the strong feeling that the best man had issues with the bride–or perhaps her mere existence–that predated the wedding. 
^^^^and possibly vice versa as well.
He’s mine!
No, he’s mine!
Mine!
Mine!
People are more important than how photogenic they are.
Consolation–I think you may be right. To generalize, from what little I know about these folks, the groom changed careers to be with bride, and I think the best man wishes he and his friend were still co-workers-- perhaps he feels “abandoned.” I suspect the best man thought the groom was making a mistake and could have been looking for negative things about the bride to confirm that feeling. (See–she is a crazy bridezilla control freak, gonna control you for the rest of your life–but she ain’t gonna control ME!)
Yes, it does seem like this. FWIW… I do have to hand it to brides these days who opt for their bridesmaids to choose any dress of a particular color, as opposed to all wearing the same dress. To me that says, “Your presence is more important to me than how our pictures look.” Now, some of these weddings I’ve attended like this have attendants who don’t have the money to drop on a $250+ wear-one-time bridesmaid dress, and if not given the option to shop on their own (even from their or someone else’s closet), would not be able to be in the wedding. And I’ve yet to see a picture of one of these weddings, where they aren’t just as lovely as the other kind. On the other hand, I’ve seen pictures where the bride tried to pick one dress that looks good on everyone, and failed miserably.
So for all the bridezillas out there, there are some who are really focusing and prioritizing on the relationships they have formed in the past and hope to continue in the future - and those are the people they want standing up with them on the most important day of their lives.
Haven’t read the entire thread but yes I think that bride was terrible. But I do want to stand up for people who have big lovely weddings or medium sized lovely weddings or small lovely weddings. Most brides are not bridezillas, even ones who get excited by the details of the design and even those who can afford to and do throw lavish parties. I love weddings with thoughtful, pretty details. (That’s different from curating your friends’ grooming).0
Ah, that makes far more sense, ato. One of my fiance’s best men (he has 2) does not like me and never has. He resents me for taking away his best friend and believes that I am the reason he never moved back to their home town (which is probably true, but he’s allowed to move away- my man of honor and I live well over 1,000 miles away from each other!). I would NOT be the one reaching out to him if he needed to do something. My fiance would be the one doing the reaching out. Everyone else would be fine with whatever (I’m so close to the vast majority of his party that we had a hard time deciding who would go in the bride’s party and which in the groom’s).
And lest anyone think I’m some kind of control freak, I am one of those who simply gave a color and relative length (no full length as it’s on a beach) and let our party do whatever- I even think one bridesmaid is wearing pants. I have friends with hair colors all over the rainbow, facial piercings, large tattoos, etc. Not a word- I love these aspects of them. I simply want them to be neat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, sorry. It’s equivalent to me asking a woman to make sure her hair is brushed IMO.
I think the look of having girls pick out their own dresses (with a common color) looks charming and I wish it had been around in my day. Signed, mid 80s mauve with ruffles down the back …
Went with D, her MOH and 4 bridesmaids to pick dresses last week. D had already gotten information as to what the girls’ budgets were and other than that went in with no expectations/requirements. ALL of the girls wanted long dresses, they liked the same style and the same color. This was a big surprise to both D and me as the 5 are quite different in body shapes, coloring, etc. But that’s what they chose.
I had it easy - one matron of honor and one flower girl. DH had a best person. All could pick their own dresses. The best person asked if she should wear the same dress as the matron of honor. I told her she could match, contrast, whatever she felt would look best. I showed her a picture of my sister’s dress and she immediately realized that was not for her. She held a “dress” party where she modeled several possibilities and our friends picked her dress. I have to say, everyone looked happy and comfortable wearing their attire - that was my aim.
Personally, I cannot wait for the strapless fad to pass. Most people do not look good in it. I’ve seen lots of bridal party pictures recently where the majority of the young women could have used some kind of sleeve.