<p>Small and intimate weddings sound a lot better than they used to–especially after reading some of the stories on here! Lol.</p>
<p>Glad to hear that not everyone thinks you are rude if you don’t follow the “plus one” for single guests. I think it’s difficult enough as it is to trim the guest list, especially if you have a big family. </p>
<p>Still surprised at 75-100 people for a rehearsal dinner. I would never expect to be invited, but we haven’t had a family wedding for years.</p>
<p>Love the idea of the 18 minutes after the ceremony!</p>
<p>About the +1. How common does it seem to be these days? My son and his girlfriend are in DC. Of the weddings between them they have been to or are going to this year (2 each so far that I know of), none have included being able to bring a +1. They have been dating for over a year now but are not engaged. Wonder how different this is depending on location, customs.</p>
<p>sevmom, it probably has to do with the cost in various geographic locations. The DC Wedding Industrial Complex is horrendously expensive. They have learned well from the Military Industrial Complex here.</p>
<p>Oh no, I hate to hear that about DC, CountingDown. Not sure if they will marry, but if they did my guess is they would consider DC as opposed to either hometown. The stuff about the large rehearsal dinners surprises me too(and makes me a little nervous) as I would imagine we would want to host rehearsal dinners for both sons down the line.</p>
<p>We go to probably 4-5 weddings a year and I haven’t seen a receiving line in about 6-7 years. The last one I remember was such a fiasco, I’m happy that they seem to have disappeared. It snaked out the door of the reception venue across the parking lot and took close to an hour before we got inside the building. Crazy. This was one consideration when my Ds did their planning, and one reason they didn’t want a huge number of guests. They wanted to be able to actually spend time with each guest during the course of the reception, and with a smaller number, that wasn’t a problem.</p>
<p>emeraldkity, hugs to you. Having been through that type of loss three times, I know how awful it is.</p>
<p>+1’s can be very expensive. We also have had the problem of several serious +1’s being included in the big family picture and then never becoming family. We don’t allow this with generation getting married now. </p>
<p>In my family we always include out of town guests at rehearsal dinner and brunch the morning after wedding. </p>
<p>My niece had a destination wedding in Booth Bay, ME and her in-laws threw a lobster bake. They had to hire boats to take every one from the Inn where the wedding was being held to where the bake was. Had to be 200 people.</p>
<p>One tip, even if you are using a planner, is to ask for recent references from each of the vendors and go to see their work, if possible. Don’t go by name or reputation alone - this is an industry where people move around and today’s top chef, catering manager, lead singer or DJ might be gone tomorrow. Ask specific questions, for example, is there anything you would have done differently if you were throwing the affair now? Any surprises or glitches? How were they handled? How was the level of service, communication during the planning, attention to detail, timing? </p>
<p>Many places won’t advertise it, and some won’t do it, but if the quality of the food matters to you, you can request a tasting before signing the contract. Our places didn’t charge for this - not sure if there was a fee if we hadn’t followed through. It’s worth finding out how many tables there are per server. We would have added servers at one venue we considered - it makes a difference in terms of people getting served at the same time and the flow of the party. </p>
<p>Have an idea of numbers before you take a caterer or a location. Yes, the host (contrary to popular belief that is not necessarily the person who is paying the bill) can limit those numbers if necessary and allow a certain number of guests on each side. You don’t want to be floating in the room, but much worse is a room that is too crowded. There should be room to walk around tables easily and a large enough dance floor. I like tables of no more than 8-10 so that guests can interact. </p>
<p>Cash bars are a no-no. A social affair is different than anything commercial or corporate. It’s the same concept as if people were invited to your home for a dinner party. Serve what you want or can afford. You can serve wine or champagne to the tables, pass them around, close the open bar after cocktail hour etc. </p>
<p>Designers or florist: Check them out in person, if possible, not only at their workshops, but at an affair that is the about the same size and scope as yours. Often it’s possible to see a room as it’s being set up, just before the party. What you see in the glossy PR spreads or even at a party you attended a while back might not be representative of their current work. Yes, planners can be paid to know these things, but no substitute for seeing for yourself.</p>
<p>We only included +1s to those who were living together or engaged and those who socialized with the b&g regularly and became their friends.
On our response cards we included these wordings, We have reserved X seats in your honor.
If they respond online, only the invited guests’ names were listed.
After all that, we still had requests to bring extra persons. </p>
<p>Gifts-- not everyone sends one…even those who attended the wedding especially among the younger set. We didn’t care.</p>
<p>After wedding brunch—do it at a restaurant. We did it at home…H’s preference and it was too much work even though it was catered, I had to repaint the house, move furniture,re-landscape etc not worth the trouble. It is certainly not required to do a brunch, but we had a lot of out of town guests and very few had visited our home in a long time.</p>
<p>I remember hearing a MOB describe the limited guest list: the bride and groom want to know the names of every guest at the wedding. Makes sense to me!</p>
<p>EK, so sorry for your loss.</p>
<p>I got married out of state (on H’s turf). I knew that few people would make the trip up, so I only invited my friends from here who said they wanted to come. Those same friends said they would give us a “reception” here once we got back from the honeymoon. I thought that was great…then I could invite all the folks who didn’t make it to the wedding. Only the reception never happened…a couple of months after the wedding, my friends told me that they just couldn’t find a free date. So there were probably people who were a bit miffed that they didn’t get invited to anything, but I was certainly hurt by not being given the party!</p>
<p>Have you ever experienced that? It actually happened to me twice. My neighbor told me she was going to throw a shower and invite all the ladies in the neighborhood. Only she never did.</p>
<p>So, as if this rule of etiquette needed to be put in writing: don’t volunteer to throw someone a shower or party unless you actually plan to do it.</p>
<p>Haven’t read the thread so apologies if this is redundant, but DS and his live-in GF have accompanied each other to their respective friends weddings right and left. The +1 seems to be consistent even though they arent engaged or anything. Been dating for about a year and three quarters.</p>
<p>Gift Registries - On the subject of what people are doing nowadays regarding weddings, I don’t think anyone’s brought up the topic yet.</p>
<p>I hate the very idea of a gift registry and refuse to participate in them but again, I seem to be in a minority in this area. I view them as asking for particular gifts which takes away all of the surprise and creativity in gift giving. I realize some of the gift givers prefer the registry so they’ll know what the recipient ‘wants’ but again, I think that takes away from the whole idea of the gift even if it means more creative thought is needed on the part of the buyer. I know people can end up with 3 toasters otherwise but so what- they can always return 2 of them. </p>
<p>Some people can go overboard with the registries and only register at expensive places for relatively expensive items which at a minimum puts the giver somewhat on the spot in either having to pony up more money than they would have otherwise or going against the registry and perhaps feeling bad in either case (except for me - I do what I want and don’t feel bad about it).</p>
<p>I don’t mind the traditional registries, but…</p>
<p>It seems a lot of people who have lived together and thus have the household stuff are registering for items for their honeymoon or for causes.</p>
<p>My offspring seem to think cause registries are nice when everyone know the B&G have plenty of $ and plenty of stuff. But, frankly, I resent being told that I should give to some cause the B&G support. But I find the honeymoon registry even tackier…pay for our dinner and some Michelin star restaurant in our honeymoon city, the rental car fee, etc. You pick what you want to give them.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the condolences. It did put a huge shadow on the wedding for me & H, but we do have two healthy daughters and my youngest even was term!
But considering we had spent all we could afford for the wedding, we never did have a honeymoon. in my circle of friends back then people seemed to have fairly low key weddings but fabulous honeymoons.</p>
<p>Ill always remember my grandparents trip to Hawaii for their 50th anniv. which was a pretty big deal for a couple from Pattonsburg, Mo. They loved it so much!</p>
<p>I love gift registries! I know I’m buying what they want. I do hate it, however, when the B&G register for only expensive things. The least expensive thing on one bride’s registry was the Waterford crystal. I was invited to a shower and the wedding…brought crystal to the shower but I certainly didn’t buy a second gift for the wedding!</p>
<p>roshke makes some excellent points. The caterers that we used had a tasting evening for the b&g and parents, where they prepared all options that they offered, and we got to taste everything. Fun! As for flowers, the florist we used worked closely with my Ds and the planner, and once a color scheme and desired flowers were decided upon, she came up with sample centerpieces and bouquets, which we got to keep. She also makes a ‘throwing’ bouquet which the recipient can keep, so that the bride can keep her bouquet. I agree about the no cash bar. In my opinion, it’s tacky. Serve what you can afford. If people aren’t happy with that, too bad.</p>
<p>I think that registries have become more popular as the age of b&g has increased, and many/most have lived away from home/together so that they don’t need a lot of the traditional types of gifts. Registries are only a suggestion. Anyone who would prefer to choose their own gift is certainly still able to do so. I’ve never seen a couple who didn’t include a wide variety of price points in their registry choices. The biggest convenience I see with registry gifts is that you don’t have 100 or 400 people showing up at the wedding with gifts that then have to be transported home!</p>
<p>I use the registry for the shower gift and always give a check for a wedding gift. Whenever possible I try to go in with someone to get a more expensive gift. For instance, my SIL and I bought our niece, who is getting married next month, 8 plate settings of her china.</p>
That also seems strange to me - it’s so disconnected when the buyer buys the gift and it just gets shipped to the recipient’s house or something. There’s no personal wrapping of the gift, no wondering what’s in the various boxes, no ‘handing’ of a gift. It’s very impersonal and seems more about the loot than anything else - the recipients specified what they’re to receive as gifts and the givers dutifully fulfilled their ‘order’.</p>
in my circle of friends back then people seemed to have fairly low key weddings but fabulous honeymoons.</p>